Maybe This Time

by Annabelle Jacobs

  “This looks delicious, as always. Thank you for letting me intrude.” Josh flashed her a smile, and she beamed at him.

  “You’re always welcome here.” She took a sip of her water and glanced out of the window. “And it’s the least I could do after all the hard work you boys have put in. I didn’t realise how much I’d let things go, but it looks lovely now.” Her expression turned wistful, and Ryan made a mental note to ask her about getting a gardener back in to help keep it nice. Later though, not now. He hurried to change the direction of her thoughts.

  “Yeah, we got more done than I was expecting. The back bit’s all ready for you to plant. So have a think what you want to put in it.”

  “Oh, I will.” She smiled at him, her mood visibly lifting, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

  The rest of dinner they filled with idle chatter until everyone’s plates were clean and Ryan couldn’t possibly eat another thing. He sat back and patted his belly. “I’m going to have to start doing some exercise again.”

  From beside him, Josh piped up with, “Maybe you could start running.”

  Ryan shot him a quick glare, but an image of Matt—all hot and sweaty—popped into his head and he shifted in his seat. “I was thinking of maybe joining the gym or starting up swimming again. Now the leisure centre’s only a five minute-drive from work, I could go at lunch.”

  His mum was halfway through stacking their plates, and she paused to look at him. “How is work?”

  Ryan shrugged and tried hard not to show how he really felt. While he actually liked the job he did, the people he worked with were another matter altogether. Some of them, anyway. “Good. Well, you know, it’s work, but yeah. Not too bad.”

  Josh raised an eyebrow, but Ryan shook his head.

  After helping his mum clean up, they said their goodbyes and headed out to the car.

  Once safely inside and on their way, Josh turned the radio down and shifted to face him. “So, work’s still shit, I take it?”

  “Yep.” Ryan tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

  “Why don’t you look for another job?”

  They’d had this same discussion a lot over the last few weeks. “It took me ages to get this one. Besides, I’ve had a look online. There’s not much about at the minute.” They came to a stop at the traffic lights, and he spared Josh a glance. “And I’d feel bad about going after only being there for a little over a year and a half.” His mum’s friend’s daughter was head of HR. When his dad fell ill, he’d wanted to move closer to home. She hadn’t exactly got him the job, but she’d forwarded him the details before it was advertised and helped him prepare for the interview. She’d probably put a good word in too, and he’d feel shitty leaving after all the training they’d given him. But still….

  “Can you not have a word with someone? Put in a complaint?”

  “I really don’t want to be ‘that guy.’”

  “But your boss is a wanker.”

  Ryan laughed. “True. But I can’t really walk into HR with that as my complaint. He hasn’t actually done anything specific to me. He’s a wanker to everyone.”

  “What about what’s his face, though? Derek, Dave—”

  “Dominic?”

  “Yeah, him. Is he still giving you grief? Can’t you report him for sexual harassment or something?”

  “No.” Ryan laughed at Josh’s disgruntled expression. “He asked me out a few times.” He pulled a face. “Nearly every Friday, come to think of it, but still, that’s hardly cause for reporting him. Even if he is a bit of a dick. The rest of them aren’t too bad.” In fact, he got on great with a few of them. “It’s fine, really.”

  “I still think you should move. If not a new job, then another department, at least. It’s a big company, there’s got to be somewhere else you’d like to work?”

  “Yeah maybe.”

  After dropping Josh off at his house, Ryan drove home still thinking about it all. He could have a look on the company website at work tomorrow. Didn’t hurt to investigate his options.

  Chapter Eight

  As soon as Matt sat in the chair at the barbers, Sam put his hands on his shoulders and met his gaze in the mirror. “So?”

  “So what?”

  “How did Saturday night go?”

  Matt rolled his eyes. “I already told you it was fine.” He waved a hand at his head. “Start cutting already, I’d like to get some lunch too.”

  Sam ran his fingers through Matt’s hair, eyebrows drawn together as he considered it. But that didn’t stop him from talking. “When I asked you how it went, your text just said, ‘Good. He stayed the night.’” He reached for his clippers and tilted Matt’s head forward slightly to get at the back.

  Matt let himself be positioned without complaint. He’d long since given up having any input into his hair. Sam was excellent at his job, and Matt had yet to be disappointed with his hair cut. He sighed, gaze focused on his lap. “That’s because it was good, and he did stay the night. What else do you want to know?”

  “Oh, I don’t know… maybe, was the sex hot? Or who did what to whom? Did you get that awkward morning after you were so sure of? And although I think I already know the answer to this one, are you seeing him again?” The shop was empty for once, so Sam had no qualms about questioning Matt on his sex life.

  Matt had taken an early lunch specifically to miss the rush but was now starting to regret it.

  He closed his eyes as Sam worked. “Yes, the sex was hot. No, I’m not giving you details.”

  “Spoilsport. You know I’m going through a dry spell. I have to live vicariously through you at the minute.”

  Matt laughed. “You’re only going through a dry spell because you’ve become ridiculously picky all of a sudden.”

  The hum of the clippers stopped, and Matt opened his eyes to find Sam watching him. “And you’re not?”

  “I’m not the one complaining.”

  Sam shrugged and swapped the clippers for scissors. “I suppose you’ve got a point.” He continued to tilt Matt’s head this way and that as he talked. “At least tell me if it was awkward in the morning. What time did you kick him out?”

  Matt resisted rolling his eyes again. “I didn’t kick him out, I’m not rude.”

  Sam made a non-committal noise. Matt ignored him.

  “He left on his own accord after we’d had round two. About nine-ish, I think. And no, surprisingly it wasn’t awkward at all.”

  Sam paused with his scissors a couple of inches above Matt’s head. “And?”

  “No. I’m not seeing him again.”

  “Any particular reason why not?” He resumed his snipping. “Sounds like you both had a good time, and he lives handily close by.”

  Matt rubbed at his eyes, tired of this conversation already. “I’m not looking for anything long-term, and it’s easier to keep things simple. A one off is just that. Anything more and feelings start to become involved.”

  Sam laughed loudly, and this time he was the one to roll his eyes. “God forbid there should be feelings.”

  “Fuck off. You know what I mean.”

  “Hmm.”

  Thankfully he let the subject drop and cut the rest of Matt’s hair whilst complaining about the crap weather forecast for the weekend.

  His words stuck with Matt, though, and he found himself mulling them over on his way back to work.

  When he was younger, before he came out to everyone, he never had a girlfriend at family get-togethers and consequently, all he’d get from extended family members was, “Oh, Matt, when you’re older you’ll want to settle down with a nice girl and have a family of your own. You wait.” They’d meant well, he could appreciate that now, but at the time it used to irritate the hell out of him.

  All these years later, the mention of a family get-together still made him cringe a little. He shuddered as he thought about it, almost tripping over the kerb in the process.

  Of course now when they met up, there was no need for
his mum to run interference. Back then only his mum, dad, and sister knew he was gay, and despite his mum’s efforts to steer others away from the topic, Matt always found himself repeatedly insisting that he was never getting married and never having kids. That wasn’t a life he wanted.

  When he finally told everyone he liked boys, he’d thought all that talk would stop, but it just changed to “find a nice boy and settle down.” Which was great, and he was thankful they were all so supportive, but he still found it annoying that everyone presumed that’s what he wanted out of life. So he’d kept on insisting that he had no interest in any of it.

  He’d been saying the same thing for so long now, it came out automatically whenever anyone asked. He’d never considered another alternative. Was that how he still felt? He didn’t want kids, that hadn’t changed, but a long-term partner? His sister was happily married, so were his parents, even after all these years. Did he want that at some point?

  It felt weird even entertaining the thought, and he was more than a little relieved when he arrived back at the office and got caught up in work.

  The rest of the week passed quickly enough, but Friday nights were always a relief when they arrived. It was Sam’s turn to work late this week, so Matt went straight home instead of to the pub. His phone rang as he pulled into the car park behind his building, his mum’s mobile number flashing on the screen.

  “Hello. Everything all right?” His parents were creatures of habit and six o’clock was in the middle of dinner time; something must be wrong for his mum to be calling him now.

  “Oh, Matt. You’re not driving, are you?” She made it sound as though he was the one who’d called her.

  He sighed and slumped back in his seat. “No, I’ve just got back home. What’s wrong?”

  The sound of a door closing caught his attention. She didn’t normally need privacy unless it was about his dad. “Nothing’s wrong, exactly. I wanted to warn you before you come round tomorrow.”

  “Warn me about what?” He ran a hand across his forehead, trying not to imagine all the worst-case scenarios.

  “Your dad took a bit of a tumble.”

  “Where? Is he all right?”

  She huffed on the other end. “Well, I was getting to that if you’d let me finish.”

  “Sorry.”

  “He was trying to get outside for a bit of fresh air, and you know how he rushes things. Apart from a cut on his hand and a bump on his head where he hit the wall—” Oh Jesus. “—he’s fine.”

  Matt bit his lip in an effort not to shout, but how many times had he told them they needed grab rails on the outside of the house? Instead he said, “You’re sure he’s okay?”

  “Yes dear. We’re about to eat, but I wanted to phone you and let you know because I’ve dressed his hand, and I don’t want you to make a fuss tomorrow.” Because his dad hated being reminded that he needed help.

  Which Matt understood, he did. Getting old sucked sometimes. His dad’s pride had taken a big hit when he realised he couldn’t drive anymore and had to rely on everyone else. Matt and Liz just wanted to help make their parents’ lives easier after the operation, but they were proving far more stubborn than he’d expected. He needed to talk to his sister and come up with a way to help without making them feel too dependent.

  “It’s fine, Mum. I won’t make a big deal out of it, but how badly did he hit his head? If he starts to feel ill or sleepy—”

  “I might get a little more anxious these days, but I’m old, not stupid. I know what a concussion looks like, Matthew.”

  He winced, guilt creeping in, but her no-nonsense tone made him smile. “Sorry, I know you do.”

  Too often he forgot she used to be a nurse before giving up work to look after her kids. She might have stopped working over thirty years ago, but there were some things you probably never forgot. These flashes of her old self were comforting.

  “Well, I’d better go feed your father before he gets grumpy. I’ll see you tomorrow. What time are you coming?”

  “About ten.”

  “All right. Good night, dear.”

  “Night, Mum.”

  Before he forgot, he sent a quick text to his sister.

  Dad fell over outside, but Mum says he’s fine. Really think we should try again with the grab rails. Call you tomorrow morning to discuss an action plan.

  Thank God they got on so well now. During his early twenties, Matt was the first to admit he was an arse to Liz, sick of hearing about his sister’s perfect life from well-meaning family. Took him a couple of years to realise it wasn’t perfect, she just worked damn hard at it. Now he was proud of her instead of angry-jealous.

  Liz replied as he was locking his car.

  FFS! Yes, def need those bloody rails. Ttyt xx

  Grinning as he read it, he wasn’t looking where he was going and bumped into someone coming out of the front entrance. “Shit! Sorry.” Matt looked up to find Ryan grinning back at him.

  “At least it wasn’t my fault this time. And neither of us has coffee.”

  Ryan had black jeans on and a light grey, long-sleeved T-shirt that clung to his shoulders nicely. His smile was contagious, and Matt found himself returning it. “True. I’d rather not repeat that experience if at all possible.” He smoothed down the front of his work shirt, his smile widening when Ryan’s gaze followed the movement. Ryan had his car keys in one hand and his wallet in the other—obviously on his way out somewhere, but Matt didn’t want to let their conversation end yet. He nodded at Ryan's keys. “You’re starting early tonight.”

  “What?” Ryan glanced down, then shook his head. “Oh no, I’m just on my way to pick up dinner.”

  “Ahh. Spending Friday night in?” Matt asked, wondering why he was suddenly interested in chatting with his neighbours when he had never been before. But then I’ve never had sex with them before, either. I knew it was a bad idea.

  Ryan ran a hand through his short, dark hair. The gesture made Matt suspect he was used to wearing it longer. “I was supposed to be having Josh round for a beer, takeaway, and PS4 night. He’s bought this new game, so I said he could bring that and the beer, and I’d get the food. But then he had to cancel and—” He stopped midsentence, a blush covering his cheeks. “Not that you need to know any of that, sorry. I tend to talk too much when I get….” He waved a hand about as though that explained it.

  Something about Ryan made Matt want to tease him a little, make him blush some more. “Do I make you nervous?” He met Ryan's gaze and raised an eyebrow.

  “Um….” Ryan’s blush darkened, and a curl of satisfaction settled in Matt’s chest. “Not nervous so much as….”

  “As what?”

  Ryan glanced up at the sky, muttered something, then looked back at Matt. “It doesn’t matter.” He smiled and gestured towards the car park. “I really need to go pick up this food that is now way too much for one person….” When his expression turned hopeful, Matt had a feeling what was coming. “I don’t suppose….” He hesitated, searching Matt’s gaze for something, then glanced away. “Nah, doesn’t matter. Bye, Matt, was nice bumping into you.”

  Disappointment washed over Matt; he’d wanted Ryan to ask him, damn it. Before he had a chance to second guess his actions, he caught hold of Ryan’s arm as he walked past. “Ask me.”

  Ryan stopped and half turned, his gaze wary. He took a breath, seemed to straighten his shoulders, and looked Matt in the eye. “I have far too much Chinese takeaway for one person to eat. Do you want to join me for dinner?” Matt opened his mouth to answer, but Ryan held up a hand. “You said last Saturday was a one-time only thing, so is this a friends thing or are you changing the rules?”

  Good question. I have no idea what I’m doing.

  “Why don’t you fetch the food, I’ll get beer, and then meet me back at mine. We can take it from there. Okay?”

  Ryan’s smile slowly widened. “Okay.” He started towards the car park again, then stopped and looked back over his shoulder
. “You’ve got a PS4, right? Or an Xbox? Because if we aren’t gonna—” he waved a hand between them “—you know, then we should have something to do.”

  “Yes, Ryan. I have a PS4.” Matt grinned. He really does talk a lot. “Go get the food.”

  Ryan returned his smile. “See you in a bit.”

  Matt stood and watched him walk all the way to his car. With the way those jeans hugged his arse and thighs, the view from the back would hold anyone’s attention. Ryan turned and waved when he got to his car, and Matt sighed.

  What am I doing, exactly?

  Not that he hadn’t been in a relationship before. He had, several. But none of them had any long-term prospects and both parties knew that going in. And he’d made that clear with Ryan, but… ah, fuck it. He was making far more out of this than the situation warranted. It was one night. Food, beer, and video games—it had been a while since he’d spent a night in like that.

  They didn’t even have to have sex.

  Two hours later and Matt had changed his mind. On one thing at least.

  They absolutely did have to have sex.

  Ryan was currently on all fours as he reached over to swap out GTA for CoD. Those damn jeans pulled tight across his arse and thighs, and three beers in, it was all Matt could focus on. Would Ryan let me fuck him? Take him on all fours, just like he is now?

  “…beer, Matt?”

  Matt’s head snapped up at the sound of his name, to see Ryan glancing back over his shoulder, smirking at him. Busted. “Sorry, what did you say?”

  Ryan turned around and sat down. “I asked if you wanted to fetch us another beer while this loads.”

  “Oh.” Matt picked up his bottle—almost empty. A glance at Ryan’s showed it was the same. “Yeah, okay.” He stood, collected both bottles, and headed into the kitchen. Ryan followed him, and Matt turned around as he set the bottles on the draining board. “I thought I was getting them?” He leant against the worktop and watched as Ryan walked towards him.