Meet Me at Willow Hall

by Carla Burgess

  ‘Oh, yes! They’re great!’ Elena pressed her nose to the newly glazed window of the first cottage while I stood looking around. The stables looked very grand and I wondered how often they were used when Anthony and Julian were children. Anthony had never mentioned a love of horses or anything like that. But even with the stable doors removed and replaced with windows and proper wooden doors, you could see this had once been an impressive stable block. I imagined all the staff that would have been employed here; the grooms preparing the horses to be ridden by the lady of the manor. The amount of history in this place blew my mind.

  ‘Did you have horses when you were growing up?’ I asked.

  ‘No. Just a couple of fat Shetlands when we were small, but they weren’t kept in here. It’s been used for storage for years.’ Anthony stood with his hands on his hips, his blue shirt pulling tight at his shoulders. ‘This is the bit I’ve enjoyed. Renovating buildings that have been doing nothing for years.’

  ‘Overseeing it, you mean.’ Julian laughed. ‘It’s not like you did any of the work yourself.’

  ‘Well, no. But I was involved in the planning.’ He turned, his foot scraping on the gravel, and I retrieved my sunglasses from my bag and put them on. Despite the tall surrounding trees, the courtyard was a real suntrap and I had to squint in the bright sunshine. Elena put her head back, tipping her face up to the sun.

  ‘It’s so lovely here. I think I could stay for ever.’

  Julian laughed. ‘It’s the obvious choice for your wedding then, isn’t it? Come on, you know you want to.’

  Elena smiled. ‘I know I want to, but it’s not just about what I want. I’ll check with Daniel and let you know.’

  ‘Okay.’ Julian shrugged. ‘Well, I’ve done my best. You can vouch for me, can’t you, Anthony? That means I won’t get in trouble with my wife.’

  Elena laughed. ‘When will you need to know by?’

  Julian shrugged. ‘As soon as possible really. How about you, Rachel? Do you think you’d be able to convince Jayjay to get married here this year?’

  ‘Err, no, I don’t think so.’

  ‘Oh, really?’ Julian’s face dropped. ‘Don’t you like it?’

  ‘Of course I like it! It’s beautiful. But…’ I glanced at Elena and she shook her head slightly. ‘It’s complicated.’

  ‘Okay. Well, take a business card each and just give us a call if you change your minds. Perhaps you could bring Daniel for a visit, Elena? Just give me a call and let me know when you’d like to come.’

  He took a small pile of business cards from his breast pocket and handed one to me and one to Elena. Willow Hall was embossed in gold script across the top and, underneath, both Anthony and Julian’s mobile telephone numbers were included. I stared at Anthony’s number for a second before putting it in my handbag.

  ‘Great! Thanks! Well, I guess we’d better get going then.’ Elena checked her watch. ‘Thank you for showing us round. It’s been wonderful.’

  ‘It’s our pleasure. Lovely to meet you, Elena. And to see you again, Rachel.’ Julian smiled. ‘Right, I suppose I’d better get back to the pavilion and see if anyone wants to book a wedding!’

  Anthony nodded. ‘I’ll be along in a minute. I’ll walk Rachel and Elena back to their car.’

  ‘Great! Bye, ladies.’ Julian kissed us both before walking off with a wave. We watched him go before turning back towards the shady path. Anthony walked between us, looking thoughtfully at the floor.

  ‘Julian’s very enthusiastic, isn’t he?’ Elena said. ‘He’s a natural born salesman.’

  ‘I don’t know about that. He’s a solicitor, really.’ Anthony laughed. ‘He’s determined to make this work, though. We both are. He’s just better at it than I am.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know. You did all right.’ Elena smiled at him. ‘How are you, anyway? Are you fully recovered from the car crash?’

  ‘Yes. I’m fine now, thank you.’

  ‘Back at work? Busy being a detective.’

  He nodded. ‘Yes. I went back after Christmas.’

  ‘Only after Christmas? Wow! That’s a long time off.’

  ‘Yes. I’m okay now, though.’ He shrugged. ‘I had lots of physio to get me walking again. I still limp if I get tired but I’m lucky really.’

  ‘Are you back driving?’

  ‘Oh, yes. I work in Manchester so I have to.’

  ‘Still? Can’t you get transferred somewhere closer?’

  ‘It’s okay. You get used to it. Ah, here’s the car park,’ he said as the path grew lighter. ‘Well, it’s lovely to see you both again.’ He stopped walking and looked at us both. ‘I hope we’ll see you again soon, but if not, good luck with your weddings.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  He bent to kiss Elena before turning to me. It was the briefest of kisses. A faint brush of his lips against my cheek, a warm hand on my arm, and it was over. For one fleeting moment, our eyes caught and my heart jolted as though an electric current had passed through me. But I was already turning to go, saying goodbye, thanking him for his time. I didn’t even look back over my shoulder as I walked over to Elena’s car, my jaw rigid.

  ‘Well, that was nice,’ Elena said as she opened up the car. The warm air inside seemed to warp and pulsate as I lowered myself into the passenger seat.

  ‘Blimey, it’s hot in here!’ I fanned myself with my hand and blew a strand of hair from in front of my face. ‘I don’t want to close the door.’

  ‘I know, it’s boiling. I’ll get the air con going. That should sort it.’ She closed her door and started the engine. ‘Are you all right? That must have been a bit of a shock for you.’

  ‘You could say that,’ I said, wrapping the seatbelt around me. ‘That will teach me to go snooping around ex-boyfriends’ stately homes.’

  Elena laughed. ‘He didn’t seem to mind, though. I think he was quite pleased to see you. Look, he’s still watching.’

  ‘Hmm.’ It hadn’t escaped my notice that Anthony was still standing where we’d left him, watching us go. He raised a hand as the car moved off and Elena and I waved back. Even at this distance, his eyes seemed to rest on mine. Goose bumps sprang up on my arms and the blood fizzed in my veins.

  ‘I can’t believe how beautiful Willow Hall is,’ Elena said as we drove out of the car park and down the drive. ‘Ohhhh, I’d love to get married there.’

  ‘Do you think Daniel would go for it, though?’ I said, doubtfully. ‘I mean, you’ve got everything organised already. Wouldn’t it be stressful to change everything?’

  Elena shrugged. ‘I don’t think it would be a huge problem in terms of organising everything, but I’ll have to discuss it with Daniel and our parents. How do you feel about it? Would you mind if I got married there?’

  ‘I don’t mind at all. Why should I? You know I’ll be there, whatever, and we’ll sort getting the flowers here somehow. It shouldn’t be a problem.’

  ‘Yes, but what about the Anthony situation?’

  ‘What about it? I’ve seen him now. The worst part is over.’ I looked out of the window, trying to pretend I was unaffected by the afternoon.

  ‘How did you feel seeing him again? I mean, I know it was a shock when you first saw him, but how did you feel walking round the house with him? Did it feel awkward?’

  ‘Errr… well… Not awkward, exactly. It was more surreal than anything else.’

  ‘I kept thinking maybe I should tell him off for treating you so badly, but he was so pleasant today it was hard to summon up any negative feelings towards him at all. Especially with Julian there too.’

  ‘Of course.’ I shrugged. ‘It wasn’t like he treated me badly when we were together. I was just hurt when he didn’t want to be with me any more, but that’s his right. And like you say, he was perfectly polite and civil today. It wouldn’t have been right to be rude to him. I mean, a whole year has passed since then. What’s done is done. There’s no point dwelling on the past, is there?’

  ‘No, of
course not. Especially as you’re engaged now.’ She looked over at me with a sly smile. I rolled my eyes at her.

  ‘I wish you hadn’t said that, Elena,’ I said indignantly. ‘Or rather, I wish I hadn’t gone along with it! I feel bad for lying. Especially about Bobbi’s boyfriend.’

  Elena laughed wickedly. ‘Don’t be daft. He’s never going to know, is he?’

  It was like a slap. The thought of Anthony never finding out I wasn’t engaged depressed me immeasurably, but Elena was right; he probably never would know I’d lied. ‘Oh. Well, I suppose not.’ I stared out of the window at the passing fields, my throat aching with the effort of not crying.

  ‘What?’ Elena looked across at me in surprise. ‘What’s wrong? Have I upset you?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘What then? Surely you want him to think you’ve moved on and are happy with someone else? You don’t want him to think you’re pining for him, do you?’

  ‘Of course not, but… I don’t know. I suppose the fact that he won’t ever find out means I won’t see him again. It just underlines the fact that I’m not part of his life and he’s not part of mine.’

  Elena blinked at me before looking back at the road. ‘But he hasn’t been part of your life for the past year.’

  I sniffed and rummaged in my bag for a tissue. ‘I know. I’m just being silly. Ignore me.’

  ‘Do you still have feelings for Anthony?’

  ‘Of course I still have feelings for Anthony. Wasn’t it blatantly obvious?’

  ‘Oh, Rachel, not at all! You held it together beautifully.’

  ‘Really? I was a bag of nerves.’

  ‘Well, it didn’t show. You were composed and gracious. The perfect lady, in fact. He’s mad to have finished with you. I bet he realised that too. I bet he’s kicking himself right now, if he wasn’t already. What was he talking to you about on the way to the stable yard?’

  ‘Nothing much. He just apologised for being so shocked when he first saw me, that’s all.’

  Elena laughed. ‘It must have been a surprise. Especially with you in a bridal gown.’

  ‘I know.’ I smiled and played with my tissue, stretching the fragile soft paper over my fingertip.

  ‘So, would it make it better or worse if we moved the wedding to Willow Hall?’

  ‘Either is fine. Honestly, it makes no difference either way. It’s over. I know it’s over and I just need to get over him. Who knows, maybe it will be easier now I’ve seen him. I know where he is, I know what he’s doing, I know that he’s well…’

  Elena laughed. ‘That sounds like a line from some stalker thriller… I know where he is…’

  ‘You know what I mean,’ I chuckled. ‘He’s doing okay. I just need to move on and leave him behind.’

  Elena nodded but didn’t look convinced. I wasn’t convinced myself. The further we got from Willow Hall, the more I wanted to go back. The hollow feeling in my stomach seemed to grow and grow until I felt sick. Everything felt wrong and out of place and, beneath it all, I had a renewed conviction that I really did belong with Anthony.

  The problem was, he thought he didn’t belong with me.

  Anthony,

  I came to the hospital today but they wouldn’t let me see you. Do you know how humiliating it is to be turned away from a hospital ward when you’ve driven an hour to get there? I know what you said in your letter, but I couldn’t believe it was true. I have no words to express how hurt and angry I am right now. I needed to see you, Anthony, because I love you and I want to know you’re all right. I want to be there for you, to support you during your recovery. You must know you need as much support as possible at this time. Why would you push me away when you know I want to be with you? I can’t stand the thought of you lying in that hospital bed, so many miles away from me. I would stay with you every minute of every day if I could. I can’t stand not seeing you and not knowing what’s going on.

  Please, I’m begging you, don’t shut me out. I need you and I know you need me too.

  I love you.

  Rachel

  Chapter Three

  We never said I love you, Anthony and I. The only time I said it was in that final letter to him and I’d regretted it ever since. Maybe if I hadn’t told him that, maybe if I hadn’t sounded so desperate, then maybe he would have replied with more than just a curt: it’s over.

  Maybe.

  But why shouldn’t I have said it? It was true. I was in love with him. Head over heels, full-on obsessed, completely in love with everything about him. I loved him so much I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. But I knew how panicky he felt about the whole serious relationship thing. He hated the thought of being tied down. He didn’t want a long-term relationship, and I was at pains to keep things casual and fun so as not to frighten him off.

  When I received that terrible phone call saying he’d had a car accident and been taken to hospital, my mask slipped and I could no longer hide how I felt. He’d seen it and panicked. Shut me out. I don’t know why I thought expressing my love for him in a letter was a good thing to do. I suppose I was too angry and sad and shocked to think clearly at the time, but there wasn’t a moment that went by that I didn’t wish I hadn’t said all those things and sent it to him.

  It had been just over a week since Elena and I visited Willow Hall, and I’d thought of nothing but Anthony ever since. I was haunted by his voice and kept replaying everything he’d said over and over in my mind, analysing every moment, every look, every move. I was driving myself mad. Even though Anthony hadn’t been far from my thoughts all year, I’d learned to live without him. He was a constant niggle I couldn’t quite shake off, but I’d managed to function well enough. Now, though, that niggle was a full-on itch that dominated everything. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I was distracted at work.

  I didn’t know what to do. It felt pathetic to be yearning for him a year after he’d dumped me, but I couldn’t help it. It was like I’d peeled off a bandage, thinking the wound beneath had almost healed, only to find a huge, gaping gash pumping out blood.

  It wasn’t even like I was going to be seeing him again. Elena hadn’t managed to convince Daniel to move the wedding to Willow Hall after all. I hadn’t let her see how disappointed I was; I’d just agreed it was a big thing to rearrange everything at this stage and said I didn’t blame them. But I’d cried when I put the phone down. Which was stupid, because I didn’t want to see Anthony again if I felt like this afterwards. It was better all round.

  Even so, I was plagued with irrational thoughts and madcap ideas about how I could get back to Willow Hall. Who did I know that was getting married and might choose it as their wedding venue? Could I convince my parents to renew their vows? Maybe I could carry on pretending I was getting married and go back for a second look. Hmm, no… too dishonest and much too desperate.

  Sighing heavily, I filled a jug of water and started topping up the vases of flowers around the shop. I felt so tired and hopeless that even the cheery spring blooms couldn’t perk me up. The shelves of our florist shop, The Birdcage, were filled with beautiful multicoloured tulips, jaunty yellow daffodils, pink fluffy peonies, purple irises and white calla lilies. We had roses of every colour, gerberas, lilies, lisianthus and anemones. Potted primroses and hyacinths, which filled the shop with their own sweet scent. Usually just the sight of the flowers in our lovely shop cheered me up, but today, for some reason, I only felt like going home. But what would I do there? Just mope?

  The water I was pouring into a vase of yellow roses overflowed and puddled on the shelf before dripping on to the floor. Groaning, I set my jug down and went to get a paper towel to mop up the spillage. It was only water, but at that moment it felt like the end of the world. Tears pricked my eyes and I couldn’t help thinking everything would be better if Anthony were here. The water wouldn’t have spilled, the flowers would smell sweeter, the shop would look prettier, and I wouldn’t feel so bloody wretched.

  I sighed again as I looke
d round at the flower-filled vintage birdcages hanging from the ceiling; the shabby chic dresser displaying scented candles; the twinkling white fairy lights I kept on all year round. It was just the same as it had been last year when Anthony had been around. It was depressing to realise that virtually nothing had changed in that time, including my feelings for him. Where would I be this time next year? Still standing here in the same spot, looking at the same shop and pining for him? I couldn’t see anything changing any time soon.

  The bell above the shop door tinkled and someone stepped into the shop behind me.

  ‘Hello, Rachel.’

  I froze at the sound of his voice before slowly turning my head to look over my shoulder. Anthony smiled awkwardly and shut the shop door with a clunk.

  ‘I’m sorry to call in so unexpectedly,’ he said, clearing his throat. ‘I just wondered if I could have Elena’s phone number.’

  I couldn’t speak for a moment. I just stared at him, disbelieving my own eyes. Anthony raised both eyebrows and I suddenly realised I had to say something.

  ‘Oh.’ I turned towards him then retreated to the other side of the shop, putting the counter between us. I didn’t trust myself to stand so close to him and not do something desperate and humiliating. It wasn’t fair of him to show up today of all days, when I was feeling so weak and emotionally raw. ‘Why?’

  He shrugged. ‘We’d like to know if she’s thought any more about having her wedding at Willow Hall.’

  ‘She has but she hasn’t been able to convince Daniel, I’m afraid.’

  ‘Oh, really? That is disappointing.’ He walked slowly across the shop towards me, his boots clicking on the stone quarry tiles. He was more casually dressed today. Dark jeans and a navy rugby shirt, white T-shirt showing beneath. ‘Any idea why?’