by Sean Michael
"You have a life that has nothing to do with me. It's working for you."
Is that what Luke thought? Affton guessed that meant he pretty much had everyone buying his perfect life image. "There's never been anyone else." How could there have been? Luke was the love of his life.
"Me either."
"I thought I'd gotten over you." He really had--or at least gotten over the hurt, over the way he ached. Then he'd seen Luke again.
"You need to. I don't think I'm lover material anymore and you're an executive. You need arm candy."
"Arm candy." Was that what Luke thought he'd been to Affton. "You realize you were never arm candy to me, right? You were my lover, my partner."
Luke nodded. "I thought I was. I thought a lot of things."
"I wish you'd talked to me." For four years he'd thought... He hadn't known what to think. He hadn't known what he'd done to drive Luke away.
"I couldn't."
"You could have." He would have protected Luke, gone after the assholes who'd done this.
Luke shook his head. "I was scared, ashamed. Sick." Luke pushed the Danish away. "I need to go."
"No, please. Not without promising me you'll let me take you out to dinner." He couldn't let Luke just walk away again, not without trying to... Hell, he didn't know. Make it up to the man? Something. "Anywhere you want, ba-- Luke. Anywhere."
"I don't know if I can."
Affton noted that Luke didn't get up, didn't leave.
"Of course you can." He wasn't taking no as an answer.
"What do you want? An apology? I had to leave."
"I want to see you again." He did.
"Why?"
"Because I still have feelings for you." Big, huge feelings that it turned out hadn't gone away, but had been deeply buried.
"You can't. It's been four years. You hate me."
"Are you trying to convince me or you?" He'd been hurt, confused, but he'd never hated Luke.
"I don't know." Luke looked almost bruised and Affton just wanted to hold the man, cradle him and protect him. "I don't hate you, baby. I don't." He stroked his fingers over Luke's knuckles. He could feel the man's bones, like a little bird's, under his skin. "Did you stop eating altogether?"
"What?" There was a hint of that energy, that curiosity that he'd fallen in love with.
"Skin and bones, baby. There's nothing to you."
"I've never been big." No. No, but Luke had been substantial.
"You were more than just skin and bones, though." He let his fingers slide up higher.
"It's been a hard few years and I needed to rebuild things."
"I'd like to have built things with you."
Luke pulled away. "Your friends raped me, Affie. Your work buddies took me into the basement and touched me, told me you'd brought me to them as a present. Did you even look for me that night?"
Pain went through him at hearing it laid out flat like that and his breath caught in his throat. "You sent me a text telling me you'd gone home. And then you ran away--you never gave me a chance to know what happened, to beat them to a pulp for you."
Luke shrugged, wouldn't meet his eyes. "All I could hear that night was their voices. Them laughing."
"I still can't believe you thought I'd do that to you." He wouldn't even do that to an enemy, let alone his lover.
"You don't understand. It was huge."
"Of course it was huge--I do get that. But we were supposed to be there for each other." He didn't want to berate Luke, because his hurt was nothing compared to Luke's, but he couldn't seem to stop himself.
"These were people you worked with. Friends of yours. You never wondered what happened? Did you ask them?"
"Did I ask them what? I didn't know there was a problem!"
"You knew that I didn't do well at parties. You knew them!" Luke stared at him. "How do you know someone and not know they're evil?"
He shook his head. "I don't know."
"I don't either."
He squeezed Luke's hand. "Can we start over?"
"How? How do you start over from this?"
"I still love you." He was not going to just let go. He wasn't.
"You don't still know me."
"Which is why we should go out to dinner."
Luke chuckled softly. "We have a pastry here."
"I suppose it's a start."
"Dessert first, huh?" They'd spent a hundred evenings together in bed, sharing a decadent dessert, saying that.
He felt his smile coming from deep inside.
Luke cut the pastry in half, offered him the bigger side.
"See? You do still care for me." He gave Luke a wink.
Luke pinked, shrugged. "They're good here."
He took a bite of the sticky bun, the sweet filling his mouth with doughy goodness. Crunchy, sweet, cinnamony. Yummy. He held Luke's gaze as he took another bite. Luke managed a gentle, soft smile.
They stared at each other for a long moment and then he nodded at the treat in Luke's hand. "Eat, baby."
Luke nibbled, picking the raisins out and eating them separately. He chuckled. He used to do that, feed Luke all the raisins in any dessert they shared.
"What? I like the raisins best."
"I know." He picked one of out of his half and offered it over.
"Thank you." Luke ate it, seeming to actually relax a little bit.
He offered over another one, holding this one right up to Luke's lips. Luke opened for him, the action natural, easy. He slipped the raisin in, his finger lingering on Luke's lower lip. Luke stopped breathing, stared at him.
He licked his own lips, finger sliding in along Luke's tongue. Luke's lips closed around his finger, the barest suction making him shiver. He couldn't have stopped his low groan if he'd tried.
Luke leaned back, his finger popping free.
"I do love the way you eat dessert, baby." His voice had gone all husky.
"I can't get it up anymore. I don't. You should know that."
His heart broke for Luke. "Because of what happened?"
"Yeah. Yeah. I just. You should know. I'm not like, lover material."
"Stop trying to scare me off, Luke. I still want to take you to dinner." He wasn't giving up, wasn't going to walk away from Luke, no matter how much the man pushed him to.
"Can we have Italian?"
He made a show of rolling his eyes, but agreed readily enough. Luke adored Italian beyond what was reasonable. "We can."
"Then we can have dinner."
"You have a place you like or that you've always wanted to try?" He wanted to make things up to Luke. And he wanted to see if the love he was feeling was real.
"There's a tiny little place around the corner. Mario's. They have a butternut squash ravioli..."
"I'd like to watch you eat that." While he could take or leave Italian, he'd always loved watching Luke eat it.
"It's good. They have a nice steak for you."
"Maybe I'm a vegetarian now," he teased.
"Then they have a nice eggplant parm."
He couldn't keep from making a gag face. Eggplant sucked. Luke's laugh rang out, and everything in him melted. The man should always look and sound like that. Always.
Luke ate a bite of icing. "Did the image work for your client?"
"Yeah, he was thrilled." He raised his hands to ward off any comments. "All your protests were right, but they had their minds made up when they came in on this campaign."
"Yeah, whatever. I do animation."
"You're good at it, too. I'm not surprised Fillian hired you." He wasn't just blowing smoke up Luke's ass, either.
"Daniel hired me. He's a good guy."
"I don't know him well, but I'm glad our paths crossed again." So unbelievably grateful it had happened.
"He promised me we wouldn't cross paths. I would see you sometimes, though."
"He shouldn't have promised you that--he has no control over my movements."
"I work from home a lot."
&nbs
p; "And the one day you didn't, I walked in to the graphics department for the first time ever... Destiny?"
"Fate? I don't know. God has an evil sense of humor."
"Or maybe destiny is giving us a second chance." Nobody from the office had been at that last party he and Luke had attended, from what Affton could remember, which was good--he'd lose his job for kicking a fellow employee's ass. Because he was going to do exactly that when he found out who.
"Maybe. You don't have a partner?"
Affton shook his head. "I've been pretty focused on my career." Once burned and twice shy certainly fit his feelings on the matter.
"You've done well for yourself." Luke reached for him, fingers on his wrist.
He turned his hand so their fingers could slide together. "It was easier to simply focus on work."
"I'm sorry. I was...an idiot."
He shook his head. "Not an idiot, baby. I just wish you'd trusted me enough to know they'd lied about my involvement. Or that you'd confronted me about it."
"I couldn't. I was scared."
He squeezed Luke's hand. "I'm so sorry, baby."
"I'm okay now. I just... I'm careful." Luke took a deep breath. "Do you want another coffee?"
"Sure." Anything to keep Luke around a little longer.
"Me, too. My treat." Luke stood, the tiny body swimming in the too-huge clothes.
He remembered what Luke's ass looked like in a tight pair of jeans and it made him lick his lips. He could remember Luke dancing, long hair loose and down, body swaying for him. He closed his eyes and took a breath, trying to control his libido, which was threatening to take off on him.
Luke had been clear--the man wasn't ready for even the mention of that. They needed to learn about each other again. He thought about someone hurting Luke and his prick went back down right away.
Luke was dear--a little nutty, a little eccentric, a lot hard to live with--but dear. And God knew, he'd loved the man hard, was still in love.
The two cups were carefully carried over, Luke so...particular.
"Thanks, baby. You remembered how I take it?"
"Caramel latte half syrup, no foam."
It warmed him, that Luke remembered. "Thanks."
"You remembered mine, yesterday."
He nodded. "I did. It says something, doesn't it?"
Luke winked, sipped his coffee. "We're stuck in our ways?"
That had him chuckling. "Glass half full, baby, we remember because we care." They had done this endlessly--one taking a side, the other playing devil's advocate.
"Or we remember because we're lost in the past."
They went back and forth for better than half an hour, finishing the pastry and their second coffees, laughing together. It almost felt like the last four years hadn't been, that they'd woken up together this morning and met at the coffee shop after work.
It wasn't, but Affton had something he hadn't had before. Hope. For now, it was more than enough.
Chapter 3
Affie called him every other day. Sometimes Affie asked him to have coffee, sometimes to have supper. Sometimes the calls were just about a file or business. It was dear and sweet and a little wonderful. Also, totally unlike the businessman he knew.
Tonight he'd been invited to Affie's place to cook dinner together and watch movies. He'd said yes, but now that he was in the metro, heading over to a much swankier part of town, he was worried. His cell phone rang and the number was Affie's.
He answered. "Hey. Hey there."
"Hey, Luke. How's it going? You on your way?" Affie'd volunteered to pick him up, but he'd refused.
"I am. My stop is two away."
"You want me to meet you? Walk you here?"
"Oh, that would..." Okay, stop it. He'd managed for eons on his own.
"I'll head out now and meet you at the west end stairs."
"Okay. Are you sure? Is it started raining yet?"
"I'm sure and not yet, but I'll bring an umbrella." He could hear amusement in Affie's voice.
"Okay. I have my raincoat on." He had on longjohns, jeans, a T-shirt, a button-up shirt, his hoodie, his raincoat. His armor.
"See you in a few minutes then, baby."
"Okay. Okay, thanks." The train stopped, then started again, and when it stopped again he slipped out.
He went out and took the stairs and there was Affie, waiting at the top of them.
"I... Hi. Good evening." God, his lover was beautiful.
And had a great smile. "Hi, baby. I'm so glad you're here."
Thunder crashed and the lightning ripped across the sky. "Affie!" He laughed, bouncing.
Affie slid an arm around his shoulders and pulled him up against that warm body. "I'll keep you safe."
"I'm not scared." God, Affie felt good.
"Good. It's easier to share the umbrella this way, though." Affie held it over both of them.
They didn't have a long walk, not at all, and by the time the storm was raging, they were heading up. Affie let him into a beautiful apartment with hardwood floors and huge windows that looked out over the city.
"Oh, wow." It was stunning. Utterly stunning.
"I knew you'd like it." Affie put the umbrella in a closet and helped him take off his raincoat.
"It's amazing."
Then Affie eased his hoodie off.
"Oh."
"I've got the heating on." Affie hung both raincoat and hoodie in the closet.
"Okay." He went to the window, fingers sliding on the glass, watching the rainstorm down.
He could see Affie coming up behind him in the glass. "You want a drink, baby?"
"Can I have tea?" He didn't drink alcohol anymore. At all.
"Sure. I'm not sure what I have aside from Sleepytime..."
"I don't drink wine or anything. Water is fine."
"I know I have juice." Affie went to the little kitchen that was separated from the room by a bar counter and looked in the cupboards. "You're in luck, I have peppermint tea."
"Oh, that works." He followed Affie. "What are we cooking?"
"Steak and frites." Affie pulled out the tea, a cup, and put on the kettle. "And salad."
"Oh, yum." He was all over that. He loved Affie's steaks. "I would know this is your home, anywhere."
The simplicity, the warmth, the scent--it was all Affie.
"Yeah?" Affie leaned against the counter, smiled at him.
"Yes. It's you. It's so nice." His place was smaller, but safe, filled with computer equipment everywhere.
"Thanks, baby. I'm really glad you like it." Affie reached out and took his hand, squeezed it.
"How long have you been here again?"
"Just over a year. I bought it when I got the promotion." Affie's hand was so warm around his.
"Can I have the tour?" He wanted to see everything. He wanted to explore.
"Of course." Affie spread out his free arm. "This is the kitchen."
"It's tiny, but I love how you have everything." The stainless steel looked expensive, classy.
"Thanks, baby. Now, you've seen the main room and dining room, so we'll go down the hall and end up back there again." Affie kept his hand as they moved.
"I love the couches. Where's your TV hidden?" He knew Affie had one. A big one.
"What makes you think I have a TV?" Affie was grinning.
"I know you. You have a TV, an Xbox, DVDs. You love media. It's your job."
Affie chuckled and they turned into the first door on the right. It was a den, a huge comfy looking easy chair sat in front of a huge TV with a complete complement of electronics attached. A computer sat on a desk in the corner.
"Busted," Affie gave him a wink.
"Oh, wow." This was where Affie lived. He walked in, fingers on the chair. "There's not room for two."
"I live alone, baby."
"I know. I know." Still, it was a little sad and it sort of reminded him he didn't belong here.
"Of course the two of us would fit in it just fine." Af
fie moved over to the chair and tugged him down, not into Affie's lap, but into the space next to Affton and he did fit.
"Hey." He looked up, then pushed in and offered the man a hug.
Affie's arms wrapped around him and he fit there, too. "Hey," murmured Affie softly.
"Is this okay?"
"You kidding? This is great." Affie smiled, looking so...happy.
"Cool." They sat for a long time, together. He could feel Affie's heart beating.
Affie's head came down to rest on the top of his. Luke thought he could just hang out there forever.
"You wanna watch a movie or something?" Affie asked.
"I could just listen to you breathe forever." He felt safe here.
"You might get hungry."
"Probably. You might get bored."
Affie shrugged. "I don't know--I can watch movies and hold you at the same time. Same with the gaming."
"Yeah. Of course, at some point, we'll have to make coffee and someone will need to pee."
"And it would be a shame for those steaks to go to waste," Affie added.
"Yeah. And you said frites. I'd hate for them to go to waste, too." Besides, Affie knew he loved crispy thin French fries.
"I did. I have a little deep fryer and everything. And the frites are cut nice and thin, sitting in water in the fridge."
Oh man, Affie had gone all out.
"That sounds amazing." It sounded perfect.
"Then we should get up and get it ready. This chair isn't going anywhere. And neither am I."
He nodded and sighed, but let Affie go. He knew that this couldn't be forever. He knew that.
Affie held his hand again as they went back to the kitchen. "Sit on the stool there and you can watch me work my magic on meat and potatoes."
The kettle had turned itself off already, so Luke turned it back on, making himself a cup. "What would you like to drink?"
"If you don't mind, I'll have a beer."
"I don't. I'm not anti-alcohol. I just... I can't." He'd never be vulnerable like that again.
"Okay. You know you'd be safe having a beer here, yeah? Nothing would happen to you." Affie started pulling stuff out of the fridge, tuning on the fryer.
Luke shook his head. He'd never be safe again. Not really.
Affie took a pull of his beer and then salt, peppered, and spiced the steak, letting them sit on the counter while he put together a salad. It was like a dance, the way Affie moved. Luke sipped his tea, watched. It hurt, deep in his chest, how good Affie looked, how easy in his skin.