Blue

by H. J. Bellus

  I’m jerked by the elbow, not giving me much time to analyze the problem or scan any further.

  “Blue, stop.”

  “Stop what?” I ask in disgust.

  “Stop looking for him. I told you to stay away. Lane’s a good judge of character and told me Tuck has his fair share of problems.”

  The automatic eye roll, bite of the tongue, and I want to puke on Sophie and tell her how ridiculous she is, first off for saying Lane is a good judge of character when she’s been humping him since the day they met, and then secondly I want to scream in her face that I don’t give a flying fuck what she thinks.

  “You really need to stop, Sophie. I don’t care. And the man can barely look at me, let alone talk to me, so there’s no worry there.”

  “I’m just worried that you have so little social life.”

  And this is when I can’t manage to tamp back the wealth of anger pooling inside of me. I could throw some really mean words in Sophie’s direction, and I fight to keep them back.

  “I do have a social life, Sophie. It may not be what you equate to one, but I came here to cheer—nothing else.”

  I don’t leave room for another comment, and she takes the hint. We settle into a table with a good mix of athletes. I’d guess there were a few soccer players, cross country runners, and of course football players and cheerleaders seated with us.

  It only takes me minutes to notice an extremely large group of football players at one table, and I’d bet my left tit Tuck is hidden away in them. I’m not sure if the group looks large because of the number of people huddled around the table, or if it’s because of the sheer size of the men. Some of them are practically giants.

  Our table falls into an easy conversation between athletes. Noah took the seat by me, but has been a perfect gentleman, keeping his hands to himself. He cracks me up with all his southern phrases and sayings. Every time I raise an eyebrow at him, he stops and explains the phrase.

  Coach Lindsey’s voice rings out through the dining hall, demanding everyone’s attention on her small frame up on stage.

  “At this time, I need all cheerleaders to meet me in the back. Again, all cheerleaders in the back.”

  The woman is all business as she sets the mic back on the stand, hops from the stage, and jogs to the back. I waste no time in hustling my ass. Sophie lip locks Lane, which reminds me I should do something to Noah. I pat him on the back and give him a wink. As I walk away, I shake my head at my swoony move. It was more like a coach sending a player into the game. I’ll be lucky if I don’t send the poor guy running toward the hills.

  My long legs close the distance, and I’m one of the first cheerleaders to make it to the back of the room.

  “Good hell, did you steal those from Coach’s closet?”

  Trainer Jay is glaring at my pants, and I let out a giggle and then give him my best running man with a sassy little head swivel to finish it off.

  “You win.” He throws his hands up in surrender. “You have the moves, so you’re allowed to strut them.”

  We form a quick circle with Coach in the middle of it.

  “Surprise, girls.” She pauses and we stare around at each other with raised eyebrows and some head scratches. “Tonight is your first performance. Get your asses to the locker room and change. There’s a pinned up list of who is performing what, and which outfits you are wearing.” Forcefully, she places her hands on her hips and puts on her no bullshit face. “Don’t mess up. I’ll be announcing squads and leaders as you go on. No pressure, girls.”

  We break fast, almost racing to find something that resembles a locker room. Once we find a tiny bathroom, we push and shove around the one list posted on the wall. My eyes scan over three or four times before I locate my name. My heart is pounding so loudly I can’t concentrate on reading.

  I’m in a group with sophomores and juniors, and we are doing a dance to Without Me by Eminem. I recognize the song immediately, since the other day at practice we were assigned songs and the chore of choreographing moves to them. I don’t spend a ton of time analyzing my group, but I do see Stephie’s name and some other really talented teammates.

  Tears instantly prick and threaten to overflow. My one single goal was to make squad leader, and that just flew out the friggin’ door. I knew it was unrealistic, but I worked my ass off and stepped up as a leader time and time again at practices. My brain knew it was unattainable, but I never convinced my heart of that simple fact.

  When I find the box with our outfits in it, I shrug and lose all sorts of enthusiasm, but dig deep and muster up school spirit, still willing to give it my all. The sequined outfits are sexy and will showcase my legs. Silver and black. I hold my tears back and focus on what my dad would be telling me in this moment, and of course it would be something ridiculous to get me to giggle.

  Looking around the tiny space and at the different outfits, I can tell this is a type of celebration, rite of passage, initiation, something of that sort, and it’s clear that upperclassmen knew it was coming. I’m impressed not one of them leaked this fact, but then again I’ve kept my head down and worked my ass off. When my sight lands on Sophie, her giggling and positive attitude finally makes me crack a grin. The girl is simply content with life, and I know it’s because she doesn’t hold herself to super high expectations. But I’m starting to wonder if she has the right idea. I should be humping Noah and taking cheer as it comes…but the sad fact is I’m not wired that way.

  “Let’s go, girls,” Sophie squeals and leads her group out as if she’s already been titled.

  I tug down on the shiny bikini top and adjust the girls. I guess the one good thing is that this is my song. It’s the one I connected with and made most of the moves to during practice. Coach Lindsey picked an array of songs, and we were expected to know and learn each of the routines and work together as a team. At the time, I thought the objective of the lesson was teamwork, so I guess this is the final test.

  Stephie leads us to the back of the stage, and it’s only a few short steps until the red velvet curtain hides us. Coach Lindsey calls out all the group names, and I’m relieved to know we don’t perform first. We are the third squad out of five.

  “It’ll be okay, Blue.”

  I feel a hand pat my shoulder. I turn my head to see Trainer Jay standing next to me, and it’s as if he can read the disappointment on my face. I know I really need to suck it up and put on my game face. Sophie’s group goes first and is dressed in a similar outfit as my group’s, except the colors are gold and white. She dances her ass off with her squad to a Sean Paul song. Even though she wasn’t titled leader, her genuine enthusiasm does warm my competitive soul a bit.

  The next group performs to another upbeat song by Outkast. The sound blares from the speakers with the deep bass heightening the school spirit in the hall, but even through all the joyous celebration I don’t miss the fact that another upperclassman was given the title of leader. The song trails off and the girls make their way from the stage, some carried off by other athletes and others simply taking a leap into the crowd.

  My skin pricks and my mind has never been so rattled. All mental toughness just flew right out the fucking window. I want to turn and run back home to Colorado and go to a community college, forget Tuck and his smells, and my goals and dreams. I don’t have long to plan my escape route as I’m pushed from behind. I’m second to last in line and realize Coach has already started announcing our group.

  “Here we have our third group of Preston cheerleaders.” She pauses a moment until we are all lined up on stage in our ready position. “This squad group will be cheering on the east side of the field at football games, entertaining our rowdy student section.”

  Well, that makes my smile glow a little brighter with thoughts of cheering at Tuck’s games…and Noah’s, that is.

  Coach demands attention again as she begins speaking in the microphone. I wait for any second to have my heart shattered. “Trainer Jay and some of our guest ju
dges had a hard time with this group, as the talent is deep and beyond anything I’ve ever seen in my years of coaching. I have no doubt the leader will take the entire team to new levels, including all the squads.”

  Stephie literally has the motherfucking audacity to inch forward a bit as if to presume the title is all hers. My eyes quickly scan our line-up and I pick out several other talented upperclassmen who could beat her out and pray like I’ve never prayed before to any god who exists that Stephie wouldn’t be the leader. Anyone but that snake.

  Coach goes on and on about the strength and amazing qualities of her whole team, and I just want her to cut my pain short and name the leader, let us dance, and then I’ll make my escape back to the dorms to wallow. Not even the threat of the recent crimes on women all over the campus could hold me back from running to my room.

  “It’s with great honor that I announce Blue Williams as the squad leader for the school year, and all I have to say is what a feat, young lady.” Coach’s eyes stare me down and send chills up my spine.

  I hear each word and I think processed them correctly. I catch sight of Sophie standing on a table and screaming, and even catch a quick glance of Tuck with something that resembles a smile on his face. Yet, I don’t move.

  “Blue.” Coach nods at me, and that’s when it hits me.

  My body jumps into action, and I don’t let the fact that I just overcame the impossible skew my judgment right now. I send a quick nod to the girls, and we line up for the dance and wait for the music to start. Once it does, I’ve never danced with so much pride, honor, and conviction in my life.

  Once the song started, the lights were dimmed, so it is difficult to make out faces in the crowd. Especially ones who like to wear a dark hoodie or beanie at all times. But when I spot Tuck, I never break eye contact with him.

  Our few minutes finish on stage, and I stride off with most of the girls, while others bounce off the front or are grabbed by other athletes.

  Someone calls my name, and I see Noah standing with his hand once again stretched up to me with that smile covering his face. Several other football players also surround him.

  “What?”

  “Jump. We got you.”

  I shoot him a raised eyebrow, but don’t have time to ask too many questions before Coach announces the next group, so I jump down into their arms and they carry me above their heads, chanting Blue all the way back to our table. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t the most awesome thing that has ever happened to me. As they gently set me down, my eyes do the scan thing they are so used to doing, but don’t find the person they want to see.

  “Thanks, guys,” I squeak out and then take my seat, my heart still thundering.

  Sophie bolts into the middle of my lap within seconds, squealing, hugging, and kissing all over my face.

  “I’m so proud of you, Blue. I knew you’d get it.”

  I squeeze her back just as tightly, and still can’t believe what just happened. It takes everything inside of me to watch and cheer on the next two groups. All I want to do is bolt from this chair and sprint straight outside to call my mom. No, a call won’t do for this, but a quick FaceTime will.

  Once the final group is finished and my cheeks are beginning to prickle from my perma-grin, I excuse myself from the table.

  “You okay?” Noah asks with concern lacing his voice.

  “Never been greater. Just going to use the restroom real quick.” I place a peck on his forehead, and my actions shock me. I know it’s from the pure and undeniable adrenaline coursing through my blood, but in no way do I have any intentions of leading him on.

  “Okay.” He sends me a little wink.

  It makes me cringe, and I mentally note to never send any mixed signals again. Noah’s too sweet to use or break.

  My ass finally finds a perfect curb to plop down on out in the night air. California’s evenings are amazingly warm and welcoming. I know my whole table would kick my ass if they knew I was out in the dark all alone with the monster the news and our coaches keep warning us about, so they’d triple shit their pants if they knew I ran in the dark every single night.

  My fingers strum the edge of the cement as I wait for my parents to answer the FaceTime. I know they’re spending a relaxing evening at home tonight.

  Mom’s face is the first to beam back at me, but it’s Dad’s voice I hear first.

  “Baby Blue.”

  I shake my head and giggle a little bit at one of his many nicknames for me. But it’s that one I always scold him for using. All I can manage to do is give a squeal scream combo back into the phone. My mom immediately picks up on it and smiles back at me and begins screaming nonsense right back in my direction. Dad finally appears in the background and can’t help but smile.

  He’s been around the two of us and knows our idiotic squeals of delight only mean one thing.

  “I got it.”

  Something catches my attention, and I turn to see Tuck leaning against the brick wall with his arms crossed over his chest. He only nods at me, and not taking time to analyze it any further, I turn back to my parents.

  “Holy hell, is Preston having serious cutbacks?” my dad asks.

  Titling my head, I ask, “What?”

  “I mean, my hell, I’d hope they could afford a bit more fabric for you.”

  I peer down at my outfit and know exactly what he’s talking about.

  “I’ll be on the phone with the athletic department first thing Monday making a donation to the cheer squad for clothes.”

  The low rumble of a chuckle fills the night air, and I know it’s Tuck admiring my dad’s antics. It doesn’t even bother me that he’s listening to the conversation. I give my mom a blow-by-blow replay of the whole thing, and tell her even Stephie was in my group, and this was all sprung upon the freshman. I don’t miss the worry that flashes across her face, and I know she’s nervous about me being able to handle the job.

  “I got this, Mom.”

  “I know you do, Blue. I’ve never doubted you for a second.”

  My dad’s attention has been lost, and I see him reading a golfing magazine.

  “Well, I better go. I just had to see your faces.” My dad pulls down the magazine and grins back at me.

  “I love you, baby girl. Be good, and if the b-ball team comes after you, take it, please.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “I love you too, Dad. Thanks for everything, Mom, and I love you. Bye.”

  I literally have to force my finger to push the red circle to end the session, and when I finally do, I feel that homesickness that long ago left wander right back in.

  I push it all down and try to focus on the positive of the whole situation. Standing up, I brush off my sequined ass and shake some loose twigs from my legs and begin to walk up the stairs.

  “Don’t ever go out in the dark without me.”

  I freeze at his words and pierce him with a glare. “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me, Blue.”

  “Tuck, you won’t even talk to me, or fucking look at me most of the time. How the hell do you know when I go out in the dark?”

  “I run with you every night. It’s no coincidence I pass you.”

  I roll my eyes and don’t let him creep into my happiness right now. Walking the rest of the way up the stairs, I just hear a growl from the man.

  Chapter 8

  “I’m not sure we should be doing this, Sophie.” I nervously fiddle with the hem of my tank top.

  “Everyone,” she drags the word out, “is going. The whole team. It’s tradition.”

  I climb into the back of Lane’s truck, filled with reservations about going to a party. Noah was nabbed by some of his teammates and I nodded to him to go ahead. I clutch my sleek iPhone and debate updating my Facebook status, but in the end decide against it. Everyone in my hometown would just chalk it up to my parents buying me the spot once again, because seriously, I could never work hard at anything. Insert sarcasm. I guess it was the thing to do when je
alousy took over…make up lies.

  “You could’ve ridden with Noah.” Sophie turns back to me.

  I look to the empty spot in the back seat and wonder why in the hell I’m back here. Surprising Sophie and causing Lane to swerve across the road, I catapult myself into the front seat.

  “Nah, he’s nice and all. Will be a great friend, but no spark.”

  “He’s a good guy, Blue.” Lane’s deep voice fills the cab of the truck.

  “He is.”

  We pull up to an extremely large house—or castle—that’s already bumping and grinding with activity.

  “What is this?” I ask.

  “Brett, he’s a senior and a local. This is his house, the party pad.”

  “Holy shit,” Sophie mutters as her eyes take in the scene before us.

  The full moon and streetlights illuminate the perfectly manicured lawn adorned with a pearly white picket fence. The house is framed with a gigantic front porch where several bodies are congregated. The music from the house is easy to hear. Lane jumps from the truck while Sophie and I follow him with deer in the headlights looks.

  Finding some comfort, I stuff my hands in my pockets of my ever so comfortable pants. Sophie is still dressed in her cheer outfit. I neatly folded mine and stowed it on the back seat of the truck with plans of having it framed in a shadow box. Thanks, Mother, for making me neurotic like you. I shake my head at my thoughts, but still plan on shadow boxing that bitch.

  We wind through an endless sea of bodies, some with drinks in hand, while others just chat away the night. We finally make it to the center of a large area where people are dancing. I’m startled by a booming voice.

  “She’s here.”

  The music instantly cuts off and a voice fills the air, and I notice a makeshift DJ standing in the corner of the room.