Blue

by H. J. Bellus

  With a full tummy and relaxed muscles with the slightest numbing sensation, I watch as the three boys fool around with the football.

  “Ruger has a game tomorrow that he’s dying for Tuck to go to.”

  “I can’t wait.”

  “He wanted you to cheer for him in that skirt Tuck told him about, but I told him you were hurt.”

  I giggle at the thought of Tuck actually telling his family things about me. Mabie is trying to chew on her big toe without tipping over on the grass, and I laugh even harder at the sight.

  “Thank you for all of this, Joe.”

  She places her hand on mine. “You are so welcome, and I know it’s none of my business, but you should really tell your parents and file that report.”

  “I know. The thing is, my dad is a plastic surgeon and my mother a worrywart. I’m their only child and shit will hit the fan. I just want to pretend it never happened.”

  “Shit like this doesn’t just disappear. You need a support team.”

  “She has me and needs nothing else.” Tuck’s deep voice breaks into our conversation. “Enough, Joe.”

  “It’s fine.” I shrug. “I think I need to lie down now.”

  Standing up, I give Joe a hug and thank her once again.

  “Oh, hey, when do I get to meet you guys’ parents? Do they live around here?”

  As soon as the words are spoken, I know I never should’ve asked. I see the painful look blanketing Joe’s face, and then my gaze focuses in on Tuck’s clenched jaw.

  “They passed away several years ago,” Joe finally says.

  My hands fly to my chest. “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

  Joes waves me off, and in typical Tuck fashion, he scoops me up from the picnic bench and carries me to the house. I’ve lost the fun, carefree Tuck.

  “I’m so sorry, Tuck.” I place my hand on his chest. “You know I can walk.”

  “It’s a good workout.” The stairs creak below his feet as he takes them one by one. “It’s fine, Blue. I should’ve told you. It’s just a hard topic.”

  “You can tell me anything, Tuck, and I do mean anything. Well, besides to leave.” My finger traces a swirl pattern on his chest through his shirt.

  Tuck lays me in the bed and gently slides down my shorts, and then undoes my bra. I wait for his playful fingers to try some funny business, but they don’t. He nestle me up in his blankets, and his scent captivates me. I’ve never been so immersed in Tuck. My eyelids win the war as I fall instantly asleep wrapped in his musk.

  Chapter 21

  Watching Tuck pace back and forth at Ruger’s game is comical and bordering on the edge of panty melting. He’s clearly a hometown hero. This morning when I woke up, it dawned on me that I had no idea where we were, and Tuck’s response was small town, Arizona.

  He was up and out of bed before I had the chance to cuddle with him. He’d already hit the gym and made the whole family breakfast. Seeing him sweaty and in his workout clothes made me sad, and I instantly longed for the gym, and then remembered everything that had happened. The face of the man who attacked is still muddy in my memory, but pieces of it haunt me when I sleep. More and more of the attack is coming back to me, like hearing Tuck’s voice on the phone and then fighting to get to my pepper spray. I even remember ripping off the man’s ski mask.

  A chill runs up the length of my spine, and I focus back on the game and the peace surrounding me. Just like his uncle, Ruger is the running back, among other positions. He constantly keeps looking over to Tuck for his approval.

  “Here.” Joe hands me Mabie. “Can you hold her while I grab the snacks for the team?”

  “Yeah.” The pads of my fingers brush over her sweet little cheeks.

  “Are you sure that doesn’t hurt you?”

  “Not at all. Whatever is in that one pill has really helped my side.”

  “It’s a strong-ass ibuprofen and probably helped relieve some pain.”

  “Go, we are fine.” I wave her off.

  Mabie does cause a tiny bit of pain to my side, but it’s well worth holding the perfect little girl who is decked out in a pink cheerleading outfit with her chubby legs sticking out. She’s very intrigued with my baseball cap and aviators, trying to pull both of them off. I really didn’t want to go out in public looking like I’d just had my ass kicked, but Tuck left me no choice.

  He’s been overprotective since the attack, and I know deep down he stills feel guilty. It’s a good thing I’m quite the pro with working miracles with make-up. The long, nasty bruise lining my jaw is barely visible. Even though it’s tank-top weather, my arms are covered in a long sleeve t-shirt and my legs with a pair of blue jeans to hide scrapes and bruises.

  “Here, sissy.” Tuck pulls the baby from my hands and props her on his hip.

  She’s immediately content with him as she lays her head on his broad shoulder.

  “Come here. There are some people I want you to meet.” He holds his other hand out to me, and I’ve never seen anything that looks and feels more like home to me. “What’s that grin for, Blue?”

  Looking up to him through my aviators, I clutch his hand with confidence, and simply say, “Because I’m happy.”

  I snuggle into his side as we walk, and he leans over and kisses me on the top of the head. “I am too. For now.”

  And there’s the reluctant Tuck.

  We spend the next hour talking to his old teachers and coaches, and it’s even more evident how everyone in his hometown adores him. I don’t miss the stares of concern when eyes float my way and know they are only worried about me breaking Tuck’s heart. If only they knew the truth of the situation and how this man could crush me in a matter of seconds.

  “Tuck, go with them.” I wrap my arms around his waist, laying my head on his chest.

  “Nah, I’ll go home with you guys.”

  “Take Ruger and go have lunch with your friends. I need a nap anyway and will ride home with Joe.”

  His large palms cover my cheeks, forcing me to look up at him. “Are you sure, Blue?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Have I ever told you that you are gorgeous?”

  “Stop.”

  His lips lightly graze mine.

  “I’m serious, Blue, like you’re more than I deserve.”

  “Stop.” I pound on his chest. “Not that slippery slope.”

  He kisses me again, and it’s light and quick. We both know anything else leads to nothing but trouble and overheated actions.

  “Go, Tuck.” It takes all my willpower to shove down my pent-up horniness and walk away from him. I send him a quick wave over my shoulder as I head toward Joe’s minivan.

  “I’m impressed,” Joe says with raised eyebrows as I shut the door behind me.

  “What?” I flip down the visor to check out my bruise.

  “That you got him peeled away from you.”

  “I’m not going to lie, me too.” A light laugh escapes me.

  “He’s so in love with you.”

  I whip my gaze in her direction, and I expect to see a joking expression covering her face, but I don’t find it.

  “It’s no joke, Blue. That boy is head over heels for you.”

  “Joe.” I pause to readjust myself in the seat to face her. “He won’t open up to me. I mean, he’s practically treated me like I was nothing until this. I knew he wanted me, but he kept pushing me away.”

  “Tuck has issues.”

  “I’m scared, Joe.” Mabie’s bottle flies into the front seat, startling me. Leaning over, I pick it up and hand it back to her. “I’m afraid when we get back to campus and I’m healed up that he’ll put his walls back up around him.”

  “Like I said, Blue, he has his issues and I’ve encouraged him to tell you, but he is Tuck, and Tuck has always been a stubborn ass.”

  “He is that.” I run my fingers up and down the tan interior of the door. “I just hope he takes a chance on me.”

  Mabie decides to throw her bottle
again and serenade us with her screams. The girl is clearly over football and the car ride home. Quickly, I unbuckle my seatbelt and climb into the back.

  “Ow, ow, ow,” I howl as I contort into a small enough ball to get over the console.

  By the time I’m settled next to her, she’s quit crying and stares up at me in shock. I do my best to keep her calm and love on her to soothe her cries for the remainder of the drive.

  “Thank you, Blue.” Joe glides open the van door, and Mabie squeals when she sees her face. “You need something to eat and take your meds.”

  “Okay.”

  My phone dings in my pocket.

  Tuck: You okay?

  Me: Yep, just got home.

  Tuck: The boys want to go hang out at Coach’s house.

  Me: Go for it. I’m so tired and want to lay down.

  Tuck: Okay. Dream of me.

  Me: Seems I’ve been doing that the past few months.

  Tuck: Sweet dreams, Blue.

  Joe whips up a couple sandwiches for us, and I inhale one and then have pills shoved in my direction.

  “You’re the best, Joe.”

  “Get your ass to bed and let that gorgeous body of yours heal up.”

  “Thank you.” I wrap my arms around her and pull her into a tight hug. “For everything.”

  She slaps my ass, and I laugh at her. “Get to bed.”

  “Yes, Momma Joe.”

  The house is extremely quiet with the boys gone, making the creaking of Tuck’s door deafening as I shut it behind me. His room is filled with his scent, and I become drunk on it, allowing it to overtake my senses. My pants slide to the ground, as does my shirt. I glide between his sheets and love the feel of my skin on his bedding.

  I decide to send one final text before dozing off, but this time it’s a picture text with some extra body parts in it to ensure Tuck knows I’m safely snuggled into bed. I’m not sure if it’s the effect of the medicine or sheer exhaustion, but I fall deeply asleep before I get the chance to see how he responds…or if he responds.

  Chapter 22

  My eyes are open, but darkness fills the room instead of sunshine. I search for my phone in the sheets as I force myself to wake up. Holy shit, it’s past seven o’clock at night. I’ve been asleep for over five hours. Tuck did end up texting me back hours ago.

  Tuck: Damn

  I giggle at his simple response. It takes a few moments for me to crawl from the bed and gain my bearings. I stretch lightly from side to side, and then crack my neck. A loud ruckus roars in the living room, and it’s a sure fire sign the boys are back. Using the flashlight on my cellphone, I locate my clothes and pull them on.

  As soon as I open his door, a strong aroma of fresh tomato sauce fills my senses and my belly growls. I walk across the small hall to the bathroom and freshen up before going out to see everyone. And when I look in the mirror, I’m thankful I did. My hair is plastered to the side of my face, along with wrinkles from being pressed into the sheets. It’s obvious I didn’t move a muscle while sleeping.

  The hallway is dimly lit with the kitchen light shining brightly ahead, and I spot Joe cleaning up the kitchen.

  “Hey.” My hand glides along the dark mahogany dining table.

  “You’re up.”

  “Man, I was out.”

  “How do you feel?”

  “Good, actually. Really good.”

  “Hungry?” Joe holds up a plate piled with pasta, green salad, and a fresh breadstick.

  “You sure know the way to a girl’s ass.” I grab the fork and dig in, taking a few quick bites. “I want to go say hi to the boys.”

  “Careful, I think its WrestleMania in there.”

  “I can only imagine.” I snag the ice-cold glass of milk in front of me and down it.

  When I round the corner, she was right. It’s like all hell has rained down on the poor living room with bodies intermingled and all sorts of elbow drops falling down. Ruger soars off the couch, landing on Tuck’s back, and then does his best to wrap him up in a headlock. Mabie squeals and claps from the couch as she sits on her daddy’s lap. Austin is more interested in what’s on television than the wrestling match while he swigs on a beer.

  A holler from Ruger catches my attention, and I look back to the wrestling match on the floor. He stands with his arms flexed and hollering in victory. He has Tuck’s shirt pulled up and over his head like they do in hockey, exposing all of Tuck’s back. A loud gasp bursts from my lungs, but is drowned out by all of the other ruckus filling the small living room. The scars cover the entire surface of his skin, and they aren’t just scars—his skin is marred and barely recognizable.

  I cover my mouth as I fight to hold back the tears. Joe comes up behind me and places her hand on the small of my back. When I look down at her, she just offers me a feeble smile.

  “I don’t think you have to worry about him running. It’s you he’s afraid will run after you see all of him.”

  Thought after thought races through my mind, making me dizzy and nauseated. Here for months I thought I wasn’t good enough for him, he was a manwhore, an asshole, and so many other off the wall theories to answer why he was being so reserved and running from me.

  “Blue, watch me kick Tuck’s trash.”

  Ruger waltzes up and lands a kick right on Tuck’s ass. The tension in Tuck’s back is visible when Ruger speaks, and I watch as he slowly raises up on his knees and pulls down his shirt.

  “Play time over, buddy, I need to go make a call.”

  Tuck doesn’t make eye contact as he storms out the back door.

  “Tuck.” My voice is weak and barely audible to my own ears.

  He doesn’t stop, and I’m in motion before I realize it. My feet move quicker than my brain.

  “Tuck,” I holler.

  His hunched silhouette shines in a sliver of moonlight on the picnic table, and I walk closer without thinking about any of the consequences and grab his clutched hands from his lap. I make sure each knuckle brushes over my lips, and then I drop them back down into his lap and make the boldest move of my life and grab the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head. It’s as if he’s lifeless, allowing me to expose him. The front of his chest mirrors the back, with burnt flesh covering every surface. Some spots are deeper than others, and when he flexes back down on his knees, resting his elbows there, I spot the scars running down his arms.

  “Tuck,” I whisper.

  He refuses to look up or answer me back, so I place my hands on his back and feel my palms collide with the ridges and waves of his skin. He shudders at my touch, and then I hear him sob. I refuse to let go of this. I begin exploring every part of his skin until he’s breathing out of control and ready to explode. My lips brush along the tortured skin and place delicate kisses on him.

  “Look at me, Tuck. You told me I could have all of you. Did you lie?”

  He remains silent, and I put my lips on his skin and feel his shame on them. I don’t back down and push him even harder.

  “Talk to me.” This time my voice comes out as a desperate plea.

  He raises his head slowly, glaring at me. “You wanted all of me, so here it is.”

  Tuck raises his arms to the heaven, exposing all of his scars covering every single part of him. A long incision line runs from one of his armpits down his entire ribcage, dipping into his pants.

  “You lied, Blue, you so fucking lied.”

  My brain tries to keep up, processing all the pain this man had to have once suffered, and it’s also trying to figure out why he’s calling me a liar. Before I have the chance to ask, he is up on his feet and glaring down at me.

  “I saw the horror in your face when you saw my back. The disappointment and disgust was written all over your face.”

  “Fuck you, Tuck.” Without thought I shove hard into his chest. “I’ve done nothing but worship the ground you walk on since meeting you. I fell in love with you, and you’ve been nothing but a dickhead to me.”

  �
��You are just like everyone else. All the doctors and surgeons who want to fix me or make me halfway human looking,” he interrupts.

  I land my palm across his cheek as hard as I can, and it’s the best sting I’ve ever felt. “I love you, Tuck. I want all of you, and if you can’t accept that, then that’s your issue. I’m done. I’ve given everything to you.”

  When I spin away from him, he catches my wrist and tugs me back to him.

  “Kissing your back was the sweetest thing I’ve ever done.”

  With a hard jerk, I pull away from him. He lets go, and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s given up the fight or if my words stun him. Even though I’m barefoot, I head for the gate and walk down the sidewalk. I have no clue where I’m going, I just need to be away from the asshole. I hear his footsteps behind me, but ignore each one as it pounds the pavement. I’d give anything to be able to run away from him. Open up in a sprint and get as far away as possible.

  If only I had my shoes, purse, and phone, then I’d walk to the nearest motel and book a flight for tomorrow. Strong hands wrap around my waist, and it startles me even though I know it’s Tuck. I thought it was him the other night tugging on my shoulder.

  “Blue.” I’m spun around in his arms, looking up into his face. “When I was younger, there was a house fire. Killed my parents, and I made it out alive. Joe was already at college. She came home and raised me.”

  He drops his forehead to mine. “I’m trying here, Blue.”

  “I don’t think you’re disgusting.” I cup his cheeks and force him to look at me. “But I do think you’re an asshole.”

  “Uncle Tuck.”

  We both look back to Joe’s house to see Ruger hollering from the lit porch. Tuck clasps both of my hands in his.

  “Please come back with me, Blue.”

  “Don’t ever push me away again. I won’t come back, Tuck.”

  “I’m a fucking mess, Blue, I can’t promise anything.”

  “Push me away one time—just one more fucking time—and I’m gone. I can promise that.”

  I follow the tug of his hand as he pulls me back toward Joe’s, and we walk in silence.