The Seven Steps to Closure

by Donna Joy Usher

  Even as I thought it I realised it was true. So I might not have a husband anymore. So the man I thought I loved had just married someone else. I had friends and a loving family, and a good job. I looked sadly at Matt, mentally saying good-bye, preparing myself for a future without him.

  I fought back the tears threatening to spill down my face knowing if I started crying I wouldn’t be able to stop. And then I probably wouldn’t be able to breathe. I would choke to death on my own tongue right there in front of Jake and Matt.

  I breathed deeply, snorting air through my nose while I wondered if Matt could perform an emergency laryngotomy.

  Matt put his phone in his pocket and stalked over to Jake. ‘Nice work numnuts,’ he said.

  ‘How do you know my wife?’ I heard Jake ask rudely.

  ‘I don’t know your wife.’

  ‘But you know her name.’

  ‘Oh, you mean your ex-wife,’ said Matt, emphasising the ex.

  ‘Yes, I mean my ex-wife of course.’

  ‘I don’t see how that’s any of your business,’ Matt said smugly.

  ‘What do you mean it’s none of my business?’ Jake was not pretty when he was angry.

  ‘I’m sorry. What part of none of your business don’t you understand?’ asked Matt.

  ‘I just want to know how you and Tara know each other,’ Jake said through clenched teeth.

  ‘Well I want to know what the hell you were doing hitting that golf ball?’ retorted Matt.

  The two of them were faced off across from each other like a pair of roosters. If I hadn’t been in such pain from my leg and my tongue I would have been quite chuffed.

  ‘I’m here with Golfing Australia,’ said Jake.

  ‘Yes I know. As I understood it, it was a photo shoot and not an action video you were doing,’ Matt said sarcastically.

  ‘It’s a little hard to do a photo shoot for a golfing magazine and not hit a ball,’ Jake said sullenly.

  ‘No balls were to be hit. Those were the rules.’

  ‘Don’t you tell me what to do.’

  ‘She wouldn’t be in this predicament if it wasn’t for you and your ego,’ Matt said, gesturing at me.

  They looked to be getting to the shoving part of the argument. I could see the media hoard frantically taking notes. Thankfully, at that moment, the ambulance appeared in the distance, and the two of them backed away from each other.

  ‘How are you?’ Matt asked, kneeling down next to me.

  ‘Itty ood,’ I said as clearly as I could, smiling with false bravado. It was so wonderful just to be near him, to see his face again. I tried to forget I had just witnessed him marry someone else.

  The ambulance officer approached the crowd and said, ‘So what’s this about a bee stinging someone on the tongue?’ The crowd opened up a little and someone pointed at me. He took one look and burst out laughing. ‘Charlie,’ he called to his partner. ‘Quick. You gotta check this out. We thought they were joking when we got the call,’ he confided in me.

  I tried to be pleased for him but as it was my tongue now protruding out of my mouth, and my face which was starting to swell up like a balloon, I was finding it hard to share his delight.

  ‘Eeelllp,’ I managed to squeak.

  ‘Get the ice and some Phenergan,’ he called out again.

  ‘Ohh,’ I heard someone in the crowd say, ‘she sounds just like a little mouse.’

  ‘Will she be all right?’ asked Matt.

  God bless him, he seemed really concerned. I couldn’t believe he was married.

  ‘Don’t you worry mate, she’ll be as right as rain.’

  That made me feel a little better.

  ‘Come on let’s get you to the ambulance.’ He pulled me to my feet at which point I let out a primordial moan and collapsed back to the ground.

  ‘What’s wrong with her?’ he asked in confusion.

  ‘She got hit in the leg by a golf ball,’ Matt explained.

  ‘Blimey,’ said the Ambo. ‘You’ve had a nasty day haven’t you?’

  I nodded my head sadly as a tear slipped down one cheek. Matt reached out and brushed it away. He looked really upset.

  I could see Jake hovering and wondered what the hell he was still doing there. I thought about telling him to piss off but knew I couldn’t manage it. ‘Iff off,’ probably just would have had them all in stitches.

  Charlie came back from the cab with a stretcher and he and Steve – the first ambulance officer whose name I had spied embroidered on his uniform, helped me onto the stretcher.

  Matt was standing next to the ambulance as they loaded me into the back.

  ‘Don’t worry gov,’ Charlie said, in a thick English accent, ‘we’ll take real good care of her.’

  ‘I’m going with her,’ I heard Jake say.

  ‘Fwark oaff,’ I said in alarm. The last thing I wanted was Jake’s company. I wanted to be left alone with my misery to examine my life and work out where I had gone wrong. I mean given today’s events I must have taken a wrong turn at some important fork in my life. As it was probably the first day that I met him, I really didn’t want him anywhere near me during my trip down memory lane.

  ‘No,’ said Matt. ‘I’m going with her.’

  ‘Don’t you think you should be with your new bride?’ Jake said and then sniggered.

  Matt looked over his shoulder at the crowd that waited his return. He sighed and shook his head and then leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I was wondering if he would have kissed me on the lips if they weren’t so grossly swollen when he whispered in my ear, ‘You know none of this was real?’

  What? Did he mean I was still asleep in bed and this was all a very bad dream? That would make a hell of a lot of sense.

  He looked into my eyes and seeing my confusion said quietly, ‘Tara. It’s just a radio stunt. It’s not a real wedding.’ Then he was gone, leaving me staring after him, too stunned to be relieved.

  Charlie pushed me back into the ambulance and Jake clambered in after me.

  ‘Cancel all my afternoon appointments, I’ll ring you when I’m finished,’ he said to his aide.

  ‘You owe me ten bucks,’ I heard the aide say to the caddy.

  ‘No I don’t.’

  ‘Well she’s not dead is she?’

  ‘Not dead yet, you never know what will happen when she gets to the hospital – if they get to the hospital.’

  Thankfully at that point the ambulance door was shut, blocking out the rest of the conversation.

  I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. I couldn’t stand the thought of Jake being that close to me, so instead I thought about Matt. I held onto the feel of the brush of his lips on my cheek and his last words.

  Quite quickly, I was wheeled into the emergency ward where I probably would have had to wait forever – even though I was starting to resemble a puffer fish, if it wasn’t for the presence of my dear ex-husband.

  ‘Oh Lord Mayor,’ I heard a nurse simper, ‘come straight through.’

  The doctor was on speed dial as well and no sooner had the nurse left but he arrived and Steve and Charlie finished the hand over.

  The doctor ordered some ice packs, gave me another couple of shots of something, one which he said would help me sleep for a while, and then started up a conversation with Jake about the state of Sydney’s emergency departments. I remembered feeling slightly smug that not everybody was Jake’s biggest fan, and then I was sound asleep.

  When I woke, I lay still for a few seconds, getting my bearings, before reaching up to gingerly feel my face. I heard Jake say, ‘The swelling’s gone down.’

  Ahh, fuck. The stupid bastard was still there. And I was hoping he would have gotten bored with not being adored and wandered off. I opened my eyes and looked at him. Why hadn’t I ever noticed how cold his eyes were?

  He stood up and looked outside the little curtained area I was stationed in. Oh goody, maybe he was going. But no, he came back and, pulling his seat even closer, leant to
wards me. I found myself wiggling over to get as far from him as possible.

  Ouch. My leg still hurt. I bet it had a nasty bruise. I was dying to check it out, but there was no way I was pulling down my pants in front of him.

  ‘Tara,’ he said softly.

  I ignored him.

  ‘Tara,’ he said loudly enough that I had to acknowledge him.

  ‘What?’ I asked annoyed.

  He lowered his voice again and whispered, ‘I’ve missed you.’

  I looked at him, stunned. That was not at all what I had been expecting. ‘Bullshit.’

  ‘I have.’

  ‘I guess that’s why you never called me,’ I said coldly.

  ‘I couldn’t?’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘You have to understand.’ The tone of his voice was reminiscent of other fights we had had.

  ‘Stop,’ I said firmly. ‘I don’t have to understand anything except the fact you were screwing my cousin.’

  ‘It wasn’t like that,’ he said.

  I laughed in disbelief. I was going to ask what it was like but I stopped when I realised that I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear his bullshit, make believe, poor Jake story. Not now. I realised that I didn’t care anymore – that I was free, and I started to laugh. I was finally free. It felt so good. I stretched my emotional wings, flexing them in all directions. Yep, they were healed.

  ‘What are you laughing at?’ he asked, clearly annoyed.

  ‘You.’

  ‘You have to believe me,’ he said pathetically.

  I looked at him. How ironic, I was finally hearing the words I had longed to hear, but now I didn’t want them.

  He continued, somewhat bolstered by my silence. ‘You look fantastic.’

  I snorted in disbelief. I looked like someone with a very fat face. I wondered how much of this had to do with the fact that Matt and I obviously had some sort of connection?

  ‘Maybe we could meet up for a drink sometime.’ I felt my eyebrows shoot up beyond my fringe. This was obviously a case of not wanting someone else to play with his toy. ‘For old time’s sake,’ he continued.

  And then I heard a pager beeping. It took me a few seconds to realise that it was the one in my handbag. I looked around frantically for my bag, finally spying it on the back of Jake’s seat.

  ‘My handbag please,’ I said, holding out my hand.

  ‘It’s been making that noise for a while now,’ he informed me.

  ‘Shit. Why didn’t you wake me?’

  ‘You looked so peaceful.’

  ‘Yeah, I was dreaming of Matt,’ I longed to say, but didn’t feel like getting into an argument at the moment.

  I found my pager and checked it. In Birthing Suite, room 23. It was Lil. Thankfully I had ended up in the same hospital.

  I swung myself off the bed, wincing as I stood up.

  ‘Where are you going?’ Jake asked.

  ‘Lil’s in labour.’ I headed off to the elevators. After 6 births I knew my way to the birthing rooms from every part of the hospital. I could hear Jake following me as I hobbled along the corridor.

  ‘Tara,’ he called, ‘wait.’

  ‘What the hell for?’ I asked over my shoulder.

  ‘We need to talk.’

  ‘No. We don’t. We stopped needing to talk when our divorce came through.’ I hit the up button on the elevator and miraculously the doors on one of them popped immediately open.

  ‘I haven’t finished yet,’ Jake said in an angry voice as he following me into the elevator.

  I could see a very pregnant lady in a wheelchair being pushed towards us. Jake leant over and hit the close door button. I smacked his hand away and pushed the doors open button. The doors, which had started to close, sprung back.

  ‘Thank you so much,’ panted the lady.

  ‘Look honey,’ said her husband, ‘it’s the Lord Mayor.’

  ‘Oh, thank you so much Sir,’ she amended.

  ‘No problem always eager to help,’ said Jake.

  I rolled my eyes but managed to bite my tongue, which given the fact it was still a little swollen wasn’t that hard.

  We arrived on the maternity floor and Jake magnanimously let the other couple off first. I gingerly stepped off after them towards Lil’s room.

  ‘Tara, wait,’ he said imperiously.

  ‘Jake, Lil’s in labour I have to go.’

  ‘Tara, I still love you,’ he said softly.

  I froze and pivoted to look at him.

  ‘Things haven’t been the same since you left,’ he continued.

  I shook my head in disbelief, snorted, and continued down the corridor.

  ‘Promise you’ll at least meet me for a drink,’ he said.

  ‘I will do no such thing,’ I said in horror.

  It’s hard to make a dignified exit when you’re limping. It’s also hard to make a dignified exit when the person you are exiting from follows you. He grabbed my arm and said, ‘Well what about dinner? You could come round one night while Tash is away.’

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was this how it had started between him and Tash? I shook him off my arm in disgust and kept going.

  It was as we drew even with the nurse’s station that everything crystallised for me and finally, I understood.

  ‘Oh Lord Mayor,’ said one of the nurses, ‘so good to see you again.’

  Another one standing up to get his attention called out, ‘Congratulations on your wife’s pregnancy, Sir.’

  Tash was pregnant?

  I swung instinctively as fast as I could – felt my arm whipping around and then the stunning impact of my open hand slapping his cheek as hard as I could. I saw him stagger slightly from the force of the blow, a hurt look on his face; a look that once would have made me feel miserable and sorry.

  I turned to the stunned nurses, giggling a little madly as I remembered the closure exercise I had once done. Wiping my hands together I smiled brightly at them and said, ‘And that, my friends is closure.’

  Looking back at Jake I put on my best Arnold Schwarzenegger voice and said, ‘Asta la vista baby.’ I started laughing, so overcome by the humour of the situation that I only just managed to utter, ‘Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn.’

  Jake was slowly backing away from me, a look of bewilderment on his face. Turning back to the nurses, who were looking concerned, I coolly informed them, ‘Tomorrow is another day.’

  And then I looked at Jake, letting my full contempt for him show on my face. I could feel my lip curling scornfully as I said, ‘Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.’ And then turning my back on him for the last time I stalked off to find Lil.

  It was all in all, I decided as I opened the door to her room, a pretty good ending to a rather shitty day.

  * * *

  Lil was sitting on the bed flicking through a magazine when I arrived. ‘Wow,’ she said, ‘you made excellent time.’

  ‘I was in the emergency ward. Sorry, I would have been here earlier but I was asleep and I didn’t hear the pager.’

  ‘Emergency Ward? What happened?’

  I put my bag on the little table in the room and then moved over and sat next to her on the bed.

  ‘What happened to your face?’ she asked.

  ‘Bee stung me on the tongue,’ I informed her.

  ‘Why are you limping?’

  ‘Golf ball hit me in the leg.’

  ‘Hence the emergency ward,’ she said, shaking her head in disbelief.

  ‘Yep.’

  She opened her mouth to speak and then paused as a pained expression came over her face. When her contraction had finished, she smiled and continued flicking through the magazine.

  ‘Who’s got the girls?’ I asked her.

  ‘Martin’s parents.’

  ‘Martin?’

  ‘In bloody Japan can you believe it?’ she said. ‘I think he does it on purpose. Ever since the first birth I’m sure he’s bid to be away for the rest.’
<
br />   ‘You did give him a pretty hard time during the first birth,’ I said, smiling at the memory.

  ‘Yes, well, that one really hurt.’

  ‘And of course there was the fact that he passed out at the end,’ I added.

  ‘And totally stole the attention of all the midwives so I had to deliver alone,’ Lil said in mock rage.

  ‘And then they had to stitch him up,’ I reminded her.

  ‘You’d think he was the one that had just given birth by the way he was behaving.’

  ‘I think it was the happy gas they gave him.’

  ‘And then he wouldn’t give it up, so I had to be stitched up without it.’

  We both laughed at the memory.

  ‘Thank God you were there,’ she said.

  ‘Yeah, so I could hold Martin’s hand. How far apart are the contractions?’

  ‘Ten minutes,’ she said calmly.

  ‘Why didn’t you page me earlier?’

  ‘Well what with the radio comp and everything I thought you might be otherwise preoccupied?’

  ‘I was,’ I said.

  ‘Well that explains the golf ball in the leg, but the bee on the tongue?’

  ‘I ate the bee as I fell to the ground after the ball hit me in the leg.’

  ‘Interesting twist on the usual boring golfing stories,’ she said in amusement.

  ‘You know I like to be different. And,’ I added, my voice as neutral as possible for maximum effect, ‘guess who hit the golf ball that got me?’

  ‘Ummm. Come on give me a hint. Not Matt?’

  ‘Think Sydney Royalty.’

  ‘Nooooooo. Not Jake,’ she said.

  ‘The one and only.’ I held my nails out to look at them and then buffed them on the front of my shirt. ‘And guess who insisted on riding in the ambulance to the hospital with me?’

  ‘Jake?’ she said.

  ‘Uhuh and guess who just told me that he still loved me?’

  ‘Jake?’ Her voice went up an octave in her excitement. She put her hand up to halt me while she had another contraction and then nodded for me to continue.

  ‘And guess whose wife is expecting a baby?’

  ‘Noooooo,’ she said in a low scandalised voice.

  ‘And guess whose face I just had the pleasure of slapping?’

  She squealed in excitement. ‘Aw. While I’ve been here having contractions you’ve been out there having all the fun.’