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“Do you have a card, Alexa? When you get down to the beach, we can meet, and I can introduce you to condo life on Sofi.” I just nod my head. I’m shaking a little as I reach into my purse and pull a card out. Our fingers touch when he takes the card from my hand, and as usual I feel the touch everywhere. By the look in Julian’s eyes, he does too. That is why he didn’t shake my hand earlier. It’s such a giveaway. I’m glad he’s taken my card. I didn’t want to have to be the one to make the next move.
“I don’t know if I like that idea, Julian. You wouldn’t be trying to take her away from us, would you?” Andrea is totally joking and has no idea there’s a hidden meaning in Julian’s response.
“I don’t think you need to worry, Andrea. Something about Alexa tells me she doesn’t do anything that she doesn’t want to.” Everyone laughs, and I see a little smirk on Julian’s face that he isn’t even trying to hide. Really? What a smartass. I just smile and don’t say much else. The rest of them wrap up their conversation, and Julian and Danny say good-bye and apologize for interrupting our lunch. Julian doesn’t make eye contact with me as he starts to leave. He’s deliberately messing with me, and I question what his next move will be.
Fortunately, I only have to wait a few hours before that question is answered. I just get back from a very promising showing and check my phone to see if I have any missed calls. I’m hoping there’s one from Julian now that he finally has my number. There are no calls, but there’s a text from an unknown number. I’m excited to see a text but would’ve rather heard his voice. I read the text, and my heart melts.
Julian: It’s Julian. You can explain now.
The first thing I do is program his name into my contact list. Then I reread his text. I understand its meaning immediately. One of the last things I told him on Saturday was that I wanted to explain my actions. He wasn’t ready to hear anything from me then, and that’s a reaction I can relate to. Unfortunately, now I’m not sure I can say the words. All of my reasons and justifications for running away from his condo seem immature and overly dramatic. I’m not sure what I want to say. I know I better say something though. Because he texted instead of called, I feel it’s appropriate to write my feelings down instead of saying them. I know I can’t send everything I want to say via text, so I open my computer and start to compose an e-mail. I write down how I was feeling that night and what was going on in my head. After I write a few lines down, I realize none of the words are coming out right. I’m having a really hard time articulating the reality that what happened between us invoked the most intense emotional response I’ve ever had to anybody. I want to tell him I’m afraid I’m already falling for him and scared he could never possibly feel that way about someone like me. But, that sounds way too revealing to me as I read the words back to myself. It also sounds a little desperate, crazy, and pathetic. Shit. What the hell am I going to say?
I sit and stare at my blank screen for about ten minutes before I finally decide I’ll just send him the lyrics from a song that sums up my feelings perfectly. I know if I do this I’m allowing myself to be extremely vulnerable, but I feel like I have no other options. I’m getting a second chance here, and I don’t want to blow it. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Julian, and I really need to see if I can salvage whatever was happening between us. This is a huge step for me. I reply to his text first.
Alexa: Are you sure?
Julian: Claro que sí.
Of course he does. He wouldn’t have asked, right?
Alexa: Check your email in a few minutes. Too much to text.
I get his e-mail address off of his card and cut and paste the lyrics to “Again” by Needtobreathe and highlight the words that mean the most. I hear Ellen’s voice in my head, “Just trust yourself, Alexa,” and I hit send.
To: Julian Bauer—JPB@BWproperties.com
From: Alexa Reed—AReed@W&Minvestmentgroup.com
Subject: Sometimes I have a hard time saying the words … This says it perfectly for me.
I don’t want to stay, I don’t want to fall.
I don’t want to take; I don’t want to lose it all.
Maybe I’m a fake, maybe you’re a lie.
Maybe our last chance died with last night.
Alexa
About ten minutes pass before he responds by text. I know because I’m watching the clock.
Julian: Got it. We need to talk.
Julian: Or should I respond in kind?
Alexa: Sure.
Julian: Check your email.
I’m dying to see what he sends, and I’m freaking out because the lyrics to “Again” were pretty serious. As I’m thinking about all the songs he could send that deal with a crazy chick, an e-mail from Julian pops up.
To: Alexa Reed—AReed@W&Minvestmentgroup.com
From: Julian Bauer—JPB@BWproperties.com
Subj: My Deep Thoughts
When I walk in the spot, this is what I see
Everybody stops and they’re staring at me,
I got passion in my pants, And I ain’t afraid to show it
(show it, show it, show it)
I’m sexy and I know it …
Julian
I can’t believe he just sent me lyrics to the song “I’m Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO. I have to admit it’s pretty funny, but I’m disappointed because I was being totally open and serious, and clearly he thinks this is a joke. I pick up my phone to text him back. There’s no way I’m going to let him know I’m upset by his response. Obviously he wants to keep this conversation light.
Alexa: you’re sexy. Glad you know it.
Julian: Not funny? Thought it would make you laugh.
Alexa: It was funny.
Julian: But?
Alexa: But nothing. It was funny.
Julian: You sound disappointed.
Alexa: I’m texting. How do I “sound” any way at all?
Julian: Maybe I want you to be disappointed.
What the hell is Julian doing? I’m not sure where he’s trying to steer this conversation, but if he wants to keep it light, I’m going to do the same. I’ve already played my vulnerability card, and I’m no longer in a sharing kind of mood.
Alexa: Why would I be? it’s a good thing to have a healthy self-esteem.
Julian: ?
Alexa: You think you’re sexy …
Julian: You don’t?
Alexa: Think you’re sexy? Yes Julian, I already conceded that point. Read text above.
Julian: you’re trying to change the subject.
Alexa: What subject?
Julian: last Sat.
Alexa: You changed subject with song choice.
Julian: Guess I did. Tried to lighten the mood. You don’t do “feelings” well.
Ouch. That kind of hurts. It’s true, but I’m not sure how I feel about him calling me out on it.
Alexa: Mission accomplished.
Julian: Mad?
Alexa: No.
I’m not giving into him. I’m an idiot. Why did I send that damn song? I need to send another to counteract the damage I just did to my pride.
Alexa: Glad we got that all cleared up. Gotta get back to work. Nice to see you today.
Julian: Cleared up? I’m more confused than before. We’re not finished here yet.
Julian: Sorry I didn’t respond the way you wanted me to.
Now I’m getting mad. Does he really need to make me feel more stupid?
Alexa: Really? And you think you know what I want?
Julian: I had no problem figuring out what you wanted last Sat.
Ugh. I don’t know how to respond to that, so I don’t. I’m not feeling witty at the moment, and this isn’t going the sexual route. A minute or so passes before he responds.
Julian: Hello?
Alexa: Yes.r />
Julian: The song you sent was great. Didn’t respond in kind.
Julian: I have no problem telling you how I feel in my own words. Do you want to hear it?
My heart starts to beat rapidly, and I swear my palms start to sweat. Do I?
Alexa: I guess.
Julian: Stop freaking out. It’s all good, baby. Let’s talk. Tonight. Face to Face.
Julian: I actually hate texting. You say where.
How does he know I’m freaking out? Damn. I can’t even hide my feelings from him over a text.
Alexa: My place. 8. Need address again?
Julian: 7? Dinner? No to address.
Alexa: Can’t…Have plans. 8
Julian: Plans? Date?
It is obvious Julian doesn’t like to be told no. I’m sure he’s used to getting his way, and I’m sure women have no problem changing their plans for him all the time. I’m not going to. As much as I’m dying to see Julian, I don’t want to seem too anxious, and I also really need to talk to Luke.
Alexa: Plans. See you at 8…my house
The fact he’s so anxious to see me has me feeling so much better. He’s also being rather bossy.
Julian: Cancel plans.
Alexa: Bossy much?
I’m not going to tell him I’m meeting with Luke for a quick drink. Julian has no clue what happened between us, and I’m not going to tell him either. I’ve never kept Luke separate from other men in my life, but something deep inside of me tells me I need to now.
Julian: Yes. Used to calling the shots. You know that. Plans must be important.
I do know that about him, and I find it incredibly hot. I want to tell him that nothing feels as important as seeing him, but I do also want to see Luke, and I already made plans. But, I don’t say any of that. When I don’t respond right away to his last text, Julian must get the message that I’m not going to give him any additional information about my plans.
Julian: See you at 8 then.
Alexa: Hasta luego, Julian
Julian: Hasta luego, corazón.
Well that went pretty well. Now I just have to figure out how not to freak out for the next four and a half hours. I get back to work, but to be honest, I don’t get anything done. I can’t stop thinking about Julian coming over tonight. I told him to come to my place because I want to feel like I have some control if things go badly again. Translation: if I freak out.
I text Luke to tell him I’ll see him at Callahan’s at six thirty and also send a group text to Marissa and Shannon to let them know I’m meeting Luke for a drink and then Julian at our house after. I’m so caught up in my man drama I forget to even tell them about my promotion.
Shannon: Busy girl. Sure you can keep all your men straight?
Shannon: Have fun, cya later. btw at C’s tonight.
Marissa: K. I’m going out too. Be home late.
Alexa: Crap. I’m going to be alone with him?
Shannon: You will be ok. Relax.
Marissa: Have fun!
It looks like Julian and I will have the house to ourselves. I can’t decide if that’s a bad or a good thing. All I know is that I have massive butterflies in my stomach.
The afternoon flies by, and soon it’s six o’clock and time to go. I’ve been waiting for an e-mail from a client, so I check my messages one last time before I go. I see a new message from Julian in my inbox, and I can’t click on it fast enough. He sent me the lyrics for the whole song, and like me, highlighted the most meaningful ones.
To: Alexa Reed—AReed@W&Minvestmentgroup.com
From: Julian Bauer—JPB@BWproperties.com
Subj: Until I get to say my own words
When I first saw you standing there,
You know, was a little hard not to stare.
So nervous when I drove you home,
I know, being apart’s a little hard to bear.
“All or Nothing”—Theory of A Deadman
BTW, you looked hot today. Love the shoes. See you soon.
Julian
I can’t keep the huge smile off of my face. Could this really be possible? Julian seems to really just get me. He took the time to find a song that would help me see how he’s feeling. I can’t ask for anything better. Before I shut my computer down, I reply so he knows I saw this.
To: Julian Bauer—JPB@BWproperties.com
From: Alexa Reed—AReed@W&Minvestmentgroup.com
Subj: 100%
Perfect . . .
BTW you always look hot. Curious what the P stands for? Tell me at 8.
Alexa
I shut everything off, lock up, and head out the door. I text Luke on my way to my car.
Alexa: Just left, be there in 25.
Luke: K. Just got here.
Chapter Sixteen
Callahan’s is a restaurant and bar located in between our houses. Luke lives in Coral Gables, and we’re in Coconut Grove. We found this place a year ago and hang out here regularly. The bartenders and staff all know us, and the food is pretty good. On my way there, I realize how hungry I am. My stomach was so nervous after seeing Julian that I didn’t finish my lunch. I see Luke’s car when I pull into the parking lot. I also see Lauren’s. I can’t believe he invited her here tonight. He obviously doesn’t want to talk about what happened the other night even though we really need to. He did apologize for being such an ass, but there’s definitely still tension between us. He’s using Lauren as a buffer, and I’m kind of pissed now. Not only is there tension between Luke and me, but this thing with Lauren is making me not feel so warm and fuzzy toward her. We’re pretty good friends and coworkers, and we really need to get along. Well, at least for another month until I move locations. That’s another thing. I wanted to talk to Luke about this promotion, but I’m not ready to share it with Lauren. She’s great at her job, but she may not be as excited about my new opportunity as I am. I push all those thoughts aside, put on my happy face, and head into the restaurant. This has been a great day so far, and I don’t want anybody or anything ruining it.
It is pretty quiet for a Thursday evening, and I see Luke and Lauren at a table near the bar right away. They have their backs turned and can’t see me. They’re sitting very close to each other, and their body language tells me they have crossed over the “just friends” line. All of a sudden, I feel like an intruder and like I’ll be interrupting them if I walk over. I’m struck by how unfamiliar these feelings are. I’ve never felt uncomfortable around Luke and any of his girls, ever. I duck into the bathroom before they see me and try to decide if I’m going to stay or send a text, sneak out, and cancel the plans. I choose the latter and walk quickly to my car. I pull out of the parking lot and around the corner before I send the text.
Alexa: Change of plans. Something came up. Sorry. See you this weekend?
Luke: Really? What?
I’m not surprised that he’s questioning me. I know my behavior toward him isn’t the norm either. What surprises me is how easily I’m lying to him. I feel justified though. He chose to change our plans when he knows we need to talk. I try to think of a quick, believable response. I can’t say it has anything to do with work because Lauren might figure that out. I don’t want to say I don’t feel well either because I was fine a half hour ago. I go with the next thing that pops in my mind.
Alexa: Marissa just texted. Needs me to bring something to her parents’ house for her.
Luke: Um ok. Can’t wait until after? I have to be at work by 9:00. Can’t stay long.
I’m not sure why he’s making a big deal out of this, unless he wants me to see him with Lauren. He clearly was not interested in any kind of alone time with me. I decide I’m probably right, but I can’t let him know I know she was there.
Alexa: Nope. Sorry. Going now. ttyl
Luke: Ok.
That’s it. Just oka
y? He never responded to me asking about hanging out this weekend. Oh. Whatever.
My next text is to Julian.
Alexa: Plans cancelled. I’m heading home. Come by earlier if you want.
His reply comes right away.
Julian: Glad you realized I’m more important. I’m nearby. Have you eaten?
Alexa: haha. No, haven’t eaten. Starving too.
Julian: I’ll feed you. Cuban ok?
Alexa: I love Cuban (s)
I can’t help myself and threw that in there.
Julian: hmm … Sounds promising. What do you want?
Alexa: Ropa Vieja and a café con leche. Por favor.
Julian: Got it. See you in a few.
I have no idea what Julian is doing so close by, but he pulls up less than a half hour after I told him to come over. With food. It’s only seven fifteen, and I haven’t even had a chance to change out of my work clothes yet. I’m sifting through my mail when I hear the doorbell ring. My heart starts to beat rapidly, and I start feeling anxious, as if I’m meeting a blind date. I open the door and see Julian standing there with a few bags in his hands. He has a huge smile on his face. He has changed into a cerulean-blue T-shirt, loose-fitting khaki shorts, and Reef flip-flops. He looks so young and relaxed, and I love seeing him like this. It immediately puts me at ease. I almost forget that we’re planning on having a serious conversation tonight.
“Come in. Food smells great.” I step to the side and let him enter. He leans down and kisses me on the forehead as he walks by. It’s a friendly kiss and not exactly the contact I’m craving. I guess we have some stuff to work out first. I lead him toward the kitchen, and he puts the bags down on the counter.
Julian starts to take the food out of the bags and turns his head toward me. “Paul.”
“Paul?” I have no idea what he’s talking about.
“You asked me what the P stood for. Paul.”
I smile brightly at him. “Sorry, I forgot. I was distracted by the food.” And by his hotness I might add.
“Just the food?” Julian is acting so relaxed and playful and already looks at home in my kitchen. I stop for a moment and let the warm feeling settle in. I’m going to try my very best to enjoy his company. I raise my eyebrows at him and shrug my shoulders. He knows he’s a huge distraction to me.