by Tiece
“No, I’m good right here where I’m at.” Ms. Summers responded as she leaned back on her new sofa like she wasn’t going anywhere.
“Ma, you have got to know that it’s something better out there. You don’t have to settle for living in the projects all your life.”
“Rayne, I don’t wanna spoil your dreams of me moving in with you, but I’m comfortable right here. I don’t work. I get my social security which pays all of my bills and my food stamps have always kept us fed. I’m not going to complain about what I don’t have. I’m just grateful for what I do.”
“But, aren’t there times when you’ve wanted more?”
Ms. Summers sighed. Rayne was always the passionate one about everything. Having these types of conversations were actually often. “Rayne, it’s not like that, but when you’ve gone through as much as someone like me then you must know that at some age you just take things for what they are and pay bills until you die.”
You have a fucked up way of thinking about things, Rayne thought as she irritably shook her head. Who wants to live to just pay bills and die?
It was always something about her grandma that confused her. She was definitely nurturing and loving, but she didn’t have much of an encouraging bone in her body. When they graduated, their grandmother felt it was time for them to get a job at a nearby factory. They only made a measly three hundred dollars a week, if they met production. To them, this was their life. They had their own money. It was nothing between the three of them to split the dirt cheap bills there in the apartment and it gave them a little more freedom. However, in getting out more, seeing new things and experiencing what life was all about, Rayne could see herself having more. Thankfully, she’d been encouraged by teachers and other’s that would tell her that she had a gift in singing. This was something that she always believed in whether anyone else believed in her or not.
“Ma, I wish you’d be more optimistic about things. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a better person and living a healthier life.”
“I never said that it was, but I’m not big on good things lasting always.”
“Why you say that?” Rayne questioned in a concerned tone. “I don’t like hearing you talk like this.”
“Sweetie, it’s the truth. Don’t ever think that I don’t support your dreams, because I do. I’ve just been really disappointed in the past with a lot of things that gave me a different outlook on life.”
“Talk to me, Ma. Like what things?” she pondered in a high pitched tone.
“I’m sure that your sister never mentioned this,” she said quickly thinking that had she known they would’ve been had this conversation. “And, the only reason why I’ve never talked to you about it is, because I never knew how to tell you. For one, your mom never wanted you to know anything about your dad.” She took in a deep breath with a disappointed shake of the head. “I can’t too much blame her.” She added. “However, because I’m starting to see some of the same patterns, in a sense, then I need to come clean with you about some things.”
Rayne stared in her grandmother’s loving face. Ms. Summers had bright, round eyes that favored those of Viola Davis, an actress on The Help. She softly smiled at her granddaughter feeling like this conversation was long over do. “About twenty-four years ago your mom was on the same path as you.”
“I knew it!” Rayne excitedly said. “I’ve heard those stories as I was growing up, but she never confirmed it and you never talked about it. I’ve always wondered why she didn’t pursue her dreams. I can tell that if she would’ve followed her heart that she would’ve made it.”
“Well,” Ms. Summers started. “Your mom did pursue her dreams, but following her heart is what destroyed them.”
Rayne frowned. “I’ve got to hear this.” She mumbled with curiosity written all over her face.
“Your mom was a singer just like you. She had lungs that could hold a note forever. There wasn’t anyone around that didn’t feel that one day your mom would be a superstar.”
“What happened to her? If she had such a promising career then why’d she turn into this smart mouth, unapologetic, heartless alcoholic?”
“She made the wrong decisions, Rayne. “Your choices can lead you to a point of no return if you don’t catch yourself.” Ms. Summers said while thinking that maybe her granddaughter was headed down the same road of destruction.
Rayne frowned. Apparently, their mom’s decisions had to be seriously fucked up the way she turned out. Rayne blinked her befuddled eyes as curiosity took over. “What kind of choices did she make, Ma?”
“Ever since your mom was little she’d been singing. When she turned sixteen she went in full force wanting to be this big time, celebrity singer by the time she turned twenty one. Unfortunately, by the time she was nineteen, she was already pregnant and had fallen in love with a married man. He was her music producer. The man that had promised her a great singing career. A career that she believed in wholeheartedly.”
My God, here we go. Rayne thought.
“This man put her in a nice house, bought her nice cars and spoiled her rotten. I even quit my job that I’d been on for fifteen years to help manage her and make sure that no one would took advantage of her. However, it was already some shady things going on right under my nose. I didn’t even realize that she was sleeping with this man until after she’d gotten pregnant. Mind you, he already was at least six years older than her. I thought he was a good guy; someone that would have her best interest at heart, but that all changed when she got pregnant. He told her that if she went through with the pregnancy that her career would be over. Unfortunately for her, she was already too far along to have an abortion.”
“Why was that unfortunate?”
“Because, he was married and that was the last thing that he wanted to get out. A part of him felt that she was trying to trap him since she was so far along in the pregnancy, but she claimed she didn’t. Till this day I say she did, too.” She bluntly spoke. “Anyway, he had her sign some paperwork which stated that she’d never say anything about him being the father of her children, and from behind the scenes he’d still help her in her career. However, it all went downhill when she called the man’s wife to tell her that she was pregnant by her husband.”
Rayne frowned. “Wow, why would she do that?”
“He basically started over looking her for other talent and told her that, because she was having the babies that he couldn’t work closely with her anymore. He did tell her that he’d point her in the direction of someone that would still work with her. He just could never be a part of her life anymore. Needless to say that this infuriated your mom. She thought that having you and Winter would change his mind. She really thought that what he felt for her was real, only to see that all he wanted was to get rid of her. So, feeling vulnerable one night and out of her mind, she called his wife and told her the truth. It was one of the biggest mistakes she’d ever made. Your father figured he’d teach her a lesson for fucking up his happy home; so, he blackballed her in the music industry. This made it hard for her to find anyone that would genuinely work with her.”
“Wow, he was a cold man.” Rayne said almost feeling choked up. It was no wonder her mom turned into an alcoholic. He had really damaged her career and her soul.
“He was a cold man and your mom was never able to bounce back from his treachery. She wanted her music career more than she wanted children, and that’s how I got y’all. She traveled as many places as she could, performing here and there in hopes of getting recognized, but it just never worked out for her. As beautiful as her voice was, they overlooked her once they found out that she wasn’t the one to work with due to the pull that your father had in the industry. It was the strangest twist of fate. She was put out of the house he bought her, her cars were taken, and she was left all alone. She started drinking to drown her sorrows, and what you see now when you see her is the outcome of her poor decisions.”
“That’s craaaazy,”
Rayne whispered thinking that it must’ve been hard on their mom. No one could’ve understood her pain, but her.
“You can say that I never bounced back, either.” She said looking around the confined apartment that she’d been living in, it seemed forever. “I ended up raising two babies. I’d already quit my job and they weren’t taking me back. It became hard to find decent employment. Next thing I know, I’m dragging y’all from one project to another, trying to keep that government assistance that kept us afloat.”
Rayne shook her head. “No wonder you act the way you do about moving out.”
“I just don’t want things to turn out the way they did with your mom.”
“Well, first of all, Chase isn’t married. And, I wholeheartedly believe that he has my best interest at heart. My situation and hers are totally different, Ma. He would never do me that way.”
“He probably won’t, but don’t be naïve baby girl. He has put you in that nice place, and is buying you things. I already know that since your car put you down, that he’ll eventually get you a new car. He even brought me new furniture.” She said looking around at the new living room set that Chase had sent over as a gift from Rayne. “Sometimes things can be too good to be true.”
“Ma, I hate to think on that level. I don’t wanna think that I can never be happy with somebody just because y’all ran into some bad luck. If my thoughts are stuck on that then I’ll forever be in a sad space. What you think and speak is what manifest’s. I’m always thinking and speaking positively.”
“I know,” Ms. Summers said. “Just like someone else I used to know.” She said speaking of her daughter that was once vibrant, energetic, and hopeful. “I just don’t want you to end up with a broken heart. I can see the love in your eyes that you have for this man, but don’t sleep with him in hopes of looking for something deeper. Be respectful of your body. You don’t want to be known as a groupie with a beautiful voice that no one takes seriously, because all she wants to do is fuck.” She bluntly said.
“Ma, that’s not how I roll.”
“I know, but I just have to tell you these things. I do care about what happens with your career. I may not show you as much as I should, but I believe in you. I just have a hard time believing in some of these men that claim to have your back during this journey.”
“Stop worrying,” Rayne said. “I can honestly take care of myself. Chase is not the type of guy that would put me out of my condo or even trip if I got pregnant.” She said feeling like she knew him very well. “So, you have nothing to be concerned about.”
Ms. Summers smiled as she shook her head. She knew about Chase having a woman and that they also had a little boy together. She’d already done a background check on him by questioning Winter to see what all she could learn of him. “Okaaaaaay, I hope I’m wrong about him.”
“You are. We’ve not even slept together if you must know.” Rayne informed her just as the front door flew open and Winter walked in.
“Look who I found,” she said as their mother followed her inside of the apartment.”
Rayne’s eyes lit up. Drunk or not, she was always very happy to see their mom. “Hey Charlotte,” she spoke. They never called their mom anything, but her government name. It wasn’t out of spite, but just out of not feeling comfortable enough to call her mom.
“Hey Ma and Rayne,” Charlotte spoke as she walked inside the house and went straight to the refrigerator. “Ma, what’d you cook?” she called out.
Ms. Summers shook her head. “I didn’t cook anything today. Rayne ordered Chinese.”
“Oh, good Rayne.” She called out. They could hear her grabbing a plate out of the cabinet while humming a cheerful tune out loud.
“Has she been drinking already?” Rayne whispered as she looked over at Winter.
“Yep, I could smell it on her when she got in the car.”
“Where’d you find her?” Rayne questioned.
“She was over to Luther’s house. She said that she’d gotten dropped off, because she didn’t have any gas money to put gas in her car.”
Ms. Summers shook her head. “I’ll be glad when they shut down that illegal bootleg shop he got.”
“Now why would you say a thing like that?” Charlotte questioned from the kitchen. “That man ain’t did nothing to you.”
“Yeah, but his liquor is killing you,” Ms. Summers bluntly stated.
“And, that ain’t got nothing to do with you, either.” She teased as she made her way into the living room sitting down on the loner lounge chair across from Rayne and Ms. Summers. She started eating the food like she hadn’t eaten in days. “This Chinese food is delish.” She said with an unnerving smile as they all watched her with strange looks on their faces.
“Charlotte, what have you been doing? It’s been like five months since I last seen you.” Rayne said with a slight smile on her face.
“I’ve been just here and there,” she said not really having just one spot where she laid her head. She’d lost her apartment about two months prior and was too proud to ask for a handout.
“I stopped by your place a few times, but it looks deserted.” Ms. Summers said while sternly staring at her daughter. “Are you still living there?”
“Yes Ma,” Charlotte said while biting into a Chinese chicken wing. “I’m just never home.”
“Charlotte, you should let us take care of you. Luther told somebody that you’d been sleeping over to his house a lot.” Rayne said.
“Luther didn’t tell nobody that,” she said thinking that it was just somebody snooping in her business. “Plus, I’m grown. I can sleep wherever the hell I wanna sleep at. Y’all act like I look bad or something. I always look good.”
“We never said that you didn’t, but just because you look good doesn’t mean that you don’t need us. You’ve had a drinking problem for years. Just acknowledge that so we can find you the help you need and move on.” Rayne said. Charlotte’s appearance wasn’t bad at all, because even as a drunk she looked decent. That was one thing she didn’t play about. Plus, it helped cover up her alcoholism.
“I keep my hair done and my nails done once a week. I still dress good and I don’t call and ask none of y’all for nothing.” She said like she was making a point. “People with drinking addictions wouldn’t be able to do that.” True enough her hair was pinned up in a neat bun and her fingernails were long and freshly done. Charlotte frowned as she looked from Winter to Rayne, and then over to her mom. “I don’t need y’all aggravating me. I know how to take care of myself.”
“If you say so,” Rayne uttered. She was always the peacemaker and the one that wanted so desperately to be in Charlotte’s life. Winter really didn’t give a damn since she always felt like their mom was the reason why her feelings were so numb. “I think you should reconsider. Come move in with me since I can’t get Ma or Winter to come.”
Charlotte looked over at Rayne and laughed out loud. “How long do you even plan on being there? Or, do you even know? Don’t let these men fool you with dreams that will actually never ever come true.”
Rayne felt offended and taken back. “Just because that happened to you, doesn’t mean that it’ll happen to me.” Rayne shot at her. Charlotte looked over at her mother and rolled her eyes. She knew that from the befuddled expression on Ms. Summers face that she’d been talking about her behind her back.
“So, I guess she finally told you about your no good, selfish daddy.” She said wishing that she could’ve erased any thought of him that she ever had.
“Why didn’t you tell me what happened? I would’ve understood why you didn’t want me to know him.” Rayne said out of concern.
Charlotte smacked her lips. “I don’t wanna discuss this stupid mess. It’s better things in the world to talk about.” She said while waving the Chinese chicken wing in her hand. “Like, who’s gonna run me back over to Luther’s? I have two more drinks on the house.”
Winter shook her head with disgust. She loved Charlott
e, but she hated her, too. It always amazed her how Charlotte could come around them like she never gave them birth. Each time she’d be even drunker. But, she was so cool and nonchalant that a person on the outside wouldn’t even know it unless they smelled it on her.
“Charlotte, I feel bad for the way our father treated you. I’m glad that I never knew him.” Rayne said feeling pissed that her father would ruin their mother’s life like she was nothing. He didn’t even care for his unborn daughters. If their mother’s life was fucked up then where would that leave room for them? “Charlotte,” Rayne called out since she continued eating while ignoring her.
“Rayne,” Ms. Summers cut in with a swift shake of the head. “Don’t push,” she whispered. For some reason, bringing up Charlotte’s past pertaining to anything dealing with her babies daddy always put her in a foul mood.
Rayne wanted answers and apparently Winter knew them, because she’d never seen her as quiet as she was. She was just sitting there like she was zoned out. “Winter,” she called out. “Are you gonna help me here?”
Winter glanced over at her, and then turned her head. Rayne knew better than bringing up their father like she’d even be remotely interested.
Rayne’s head fell back on the sofa. “Am I the only one that thinks this family is sometimes fucked up?” She blurted out.
Ms. Summers glanced over at her granddaughter with the side eye. She’d never heard Rayne come out the mouth with anything like that before. “Watch your mouth.” She told her.
Charlotte laughed. “I’ve always said that Rayne was a fireball. She may not seem like it, because of her unusually reserved demeanor, but she is every spit of me.”
Rayne stood up with an unpleasant expression on her face. “Say what now?” She questioned Charlotte.