Dollface

by Renée Rosen

  She said that so many times, over and over again, as if she were in a trance. The sound of her voice was pulling me in, too. What had we done?

  It was almost ten in the morning by the time we’d finished and I left Evelyn. I had called Dora earlier and asked if she could keep Hannah for a few more hours. I couldn’t face my child right then. All I wanted was to go home, strip off my clothes, take a bath, as hot as I could stand it, and sleep until I’d be able to convince myself that it had all been a bad dream.

  When I made it up the front steps of the house, the door was unlocked. I thought maybe in my haste I’d left it that way the night before. But I should have known better.

  I stepped inside and ten months later, there he was. Home again.

  “Hello, Dollface.”

  THE HOMECOMING

  “Well, don’t just stand there.” Shep held his arms open but I hesitated. How could I go to him knowing I had his best friend’s blood on me?

  I covered my eyes with my hands and began to cry. “You’re home? Oh, Shep, you’re really home? Why didn’t Drucci tell me?”

  “I didn’t want to get your hopes up in case things fell through.” He walked over to me and as he came closer, his expression changed. Reaching for my blood-speckled sleeve, he looked at me. “What happened here?”

  “Oh.” I closed my eyes and shook my head, sending my mind spinning. “Just some trouble down at the slaughterhouse. I’ve been down there all morning. I’m just going to run upstairs and bathe and—”

  “Hold on. Wait a minute.” Reaching around my waist, he pulled me toward him. “Come here first. Let me hold you.” He kissed me and held me tight.

  I squirmed in his arms like a girl on a bad first date. “I’m a mess. I stink.”

  “I don’t care.” He kissed me again. “Don’t you know how much I’ve missed you, Dollface.”

  With my palms plastered to his shoulders, I pried myself out of his embrace. “Just let me freshen up first, okay? I’ll only be a minute.” Before he could protest I scurried away, stopping at the top of the stairs to look back. Shep didn’t resemble the man I’d seen in prison. He was dressed in a beautiful double-breasted suit, clean-shaven, hair slicked back, exposing his widow’s peak. Aside from being a bit thinner, he looked the same, as if he’d never gone away. “I’ve missed you too, Shep.”

  I drew the bath, scalding hot, and submerged myself. My mind was racing, spinning with what-ifs. Izzy had a habit of staying out all night, so it wasn’t unusual for Evelyn to call around looking for him. . . . But still, I knew it was only a matter of time before the others noticed him missing, too. . . . I could hear the clock ticking out in the bedroom. With each passing second, I grew more anxious.

  As soon as the water covered my shoulders, I sank down in the tub until my entire face was underwater. At first I held my breath, my eyes wide open, staring at the ripples along the ceiling. But then I thought about what was left of Izzy, lying on the bottom of Bubbly Creek, and I bolted up, sitting in the tub, shivering as I began to gag.

  • • •

  Later that day, with Shep home and in my bed, I felt him curl his body around my backside, his lips grazing my shoulder and the back of my neck. I was glad he was out of jail, yet I couldn’t say I was relieved to have him home. I’d always thought that once Shep was here with me again I would relax, let my shoulders drop, that I would be the Vera I was before he went away. But with him home, I felt more tense than ever. I was hiding so many things. So much had changed while he was away. Including me. I wanted to put everything back the way it was before he went away, but it was too late for that.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked finally, clutching his fingers.

  “It’s over,” he murmured. “The past is in the past.”

  “Was it awful?” I guess I was the one who wanted to talk about it.

  “It wasn’t so bad. I’m just glad to be home.”

  “That was the longest ten months of my life,” I said. “Hannah and I were so lost without you here. The guys tried to help us out, but after Hymie was killed . . .”

  “I know. Vinny told me he did the best he could, but I know it wasn’t enough. It was killing me to think about you and Hannah having to go without. How did you manage?”

  “I cut back wherever I could. I put Hannah in secondhand clothes. Had to let the housekeeper go. Had to let a lot of things go. . . .”

  “I’m going to make it up to you. Just let me get back on my feet and I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

  “You don’t need to make it up to me. I’m just glad you’re home.” There was a long pause. “Did you get my letters?”

  He kissed my shoulder.

  “I wrote to you. Almost every day. Why didn’t you ever write me back?”

  “They only let us write once a week.”

  “And?” I turned and looked at him.

  He closed his eyes. “C’mon, you know I’m no good at writing.”

  “I wasn’t looking for poetry.”

  “I just . . . I couldn’t do it, okay?”

  “Shep, don’t get upset.”

  “Don’t you think I feel guilty enough as it is?”

  “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I was lonely. I was worried about you. I wanted to hear from you because I missed you, that’s all.”

  He got up, lit a cigarette and walked over to the windows. It was only then that I could see his ribs and just how much weight he’d lost in prison.

  I closed my eyes and lay back. My mind drifted; glimpses of that severed head came rushing back to me. Sometimes I saw Izzy’s face clear as day; other times the face I saw belonged to my father. My God, could I ever get myself past this? Would I go to hell for it? Had I gone too far to protect Evelyn? I could go to jail. I was guilty. I had no defense.

  “New drapes, huh?” he said.

  “What?” I opened my eyes and propped myself up on one elbow.

  “I see you got some new drapes in here for the bedroom.”

  “The other ones were never really the right shade. . . .”

  He reached over and ran his fingers along the fabric. “They’re nice. . . .” He continued to study the draperies. “Things must not have been all that tight while I was away.” He took another drag off his cigarette and fingered the drapes while streams of smoke curled past his shoulder. “I noticed you had some new dresses in the closet. You hired the housekeeper back, too. How’d all that happen?”

  I didn’t say anything. I wanted so badly to come clean, to tell him everything and be rid of my guilt. The bootlegging was minor compared to everything else. How could I begin to tell Shep that I’d been an accomplice in his best friend’s murder, that I’d brought in a rival gang member to help dispose of the body, a rival who also happened to be a man I was having an affair with. Even if Shep could have gotten past all that, was it fair to heap that much on him when he’d just gotten out of prison? I couldn’t ask Shep to be my confessor and absolve me of my sins. I couldn’t expect him to forgive me when I couldn’t forgive myself.

  “You were broke,” he said, a little louder this time. “How were you able to do all that and make ends meet?”

  “I did what I had to do.”

  “And what was that?”

  “Nothing you would have approved of.”

  I saw the muscles along his shoulders flex. “Is there someone else?” He turned and looked at me. “Has someone else been taking care of you?”

  A wave of guilt blasted me. I got out of bed and went to him, looping my arms about his waist. “I’d never want to betray you. Don’t you know that? And you’re home now. You’re back home, and that’s all that matters.”

  “If there’s something I should know, you need to tell me.”

  I shook my head and squeezed him tighter. I loved Shep. What good was the truth? It wouldn’t change a thing. It could only crush him. “You have to trust me, Shep.”

  “I want to trust you, but it doesn’t wash, Vera. Someone
had to be helping you out.”

  “It was hard while you were gone but no one helped me out.” That was the truth. I’d made every cent on my own. “I swear. No one helped me.” I kissed his shoulder. “I don’t want to fight about this. Or anything. Can’t we just have this time together?” I felt his arms circle around me and I closed my eyes. “I love you, Shep. You don’t ever have to question that. Not ever.”

  • • •

  After Dora brought Hannah back to the house that afternoon, Shep couldn’t get over how much his daughter had changed. She was talking in full sentences now. And running and going up and down the stairs, too. He crouched down for her, like a catcher waiting for a fastball, but instead Hannah ran to me. I wasn’t surprised. Why would she go to him? Despite all the pictures I’d shown her, all the stories I’d told her, she didn’t know this man in her living room. She’d no sooner warm to him than she would a total stranger.

  “Just give her some time,” I said, looking at Shep’s wounded expression, remembering how I’d felt the day Hannah had run to Dora instead of me.

  After ten months of his being away, Hannah may not have known her father, but when I saw the two of them together, side by side, their dark hair and eyes, the shape of their mouths, there was no doubt in my mind who her father was.

  “Here,” I said, handing him an oversize picture book. “Why don’t you read her a story? She loves it when you read to her. This one’s your favorite, isn’t it?” I said to Hannah as I scooped her up in my arms and placed her in Shep’s lap.

  Shep hesitated and then opened the book. Hannah broke into a smile, her fingers pointing to the pictures. According to the grandfather clock in the corner, it was almost three. Enough time had passed. Someone was bound to notice Izzy missing. Any second now I expected the phone to ring—someone looking for him.

  Hannah giggled, clapping her hands while Shep thumbed through a few pages before he closed the book and set it on the table. “You don’t want to hear this same story again. How about I tell you a story instead?”

  Hannah’s eyes were locked on the book, her tiny hands groping for it, her face scrunching up as her lungs gathered steam for a crying bout.

  I picked up the book and handed it back to her, and that seemed to pacify her for the moment.

  “I told you it’s her favorite. . . .” I leaned over and kissed the top of his head. “Daddy’s tired, honey. Mama will read to you later.”

  I spent the rest of the day reminding myself that Shep was back home. I had grown so accustomed to managing without him. It didn’t occur to me to ask for his help when I was on my tiptoes, reaching for a bowl on the top shelf, or straining to open a jar.

  While I was in the kitchen cooking, Hannah began warming up to Shep. Soon the two of them were in the drawing room and she was showing him her toys while I made Shep’s favorite dinner, a standing rib roast and scalloped potatoes. My family was reunited. I’d waited so long for this and yet I couldn’t take it in. I was a wreck inside.

  The next day, Shep attempted to get his life back to normal. He put a call in for Izzy and I froze, praying that Evelyn was convincing on the other end. He didn’t seem fazed when he hung up and said he was going to stop by the cemetery to visit his mother’s grave and then he’d be back.

  “Aren’t you going to stop by Schofield’s?” I asked.

  He paused and gave me a curious look. “You trying to get rid of me already?”

  “Don’t be silly.”

  “I’ve been away for a long time. Schofield’s can wait.” He kissed me on the cheek. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

  As soon as he was gone, I got busy trying to clean up the mess I’d made while he was away. After our exchange in the bedroom, Shep hadn’t pressed me again about how I’d managed while he was away. It was clear that part of him didn’t want to know. Evelyn and I were supposed to make a liquor run that day, but given the Izzy situation and Shep’s being back home, there was no way we could do it.

  When I telephoned Warren Steel, his voice was tight, polite but with an edge.

  “What do you mean, your circumstances have changed?”

  “I’m afraid I won’t be doing any more selling for you.”

  His tone turned cold and brittle. “You realize that you had me order another two hundred cases for you.”

  “I know, but you see—”

  “Listen to me, Miss Abramowitz, I don’t care if you sell those cases or not—that’s your business—but either way, you owe me five thousand dollars.”

  I was shaking when I hung up the phone.

  The next call with Felix Marvin didn’t go much better.

  “And this news you tell me over the telephone? I’m sorry to hear this. This upsets me. But you should know that I’ve already committed to my people. They’re expecting a delivery. I need at least a hundred cases. I would hope that a nice girl like you wouldn’t leave me high and dry.”

  I was already doing the math in my head. Even if Evelyn and I managed one last run, that would have satisfied Felix, but it still left Warren with a hundred cases to move, and us twenty-five hundred dollars short. I had about half that stashed away, but with Izzy dead, Evelyn was going to need every penny she’d earned the past few months. And realistically there was no way we could make that last run. Shep didn’t have the Meridian anymore and that meant he’d be home all the time—at least for the time being.

  It had never occurred to me that getting out of the liquor trade would be harder than getting into it.

  • • •

  The next day I told Shep I had to run an errand and went straight to Tony’s hotel room. I was barely inside his room before he kissed me, told me he’d been going crazy thinking about me. He kissed me again and started to unbutton my dress.

  “Wait—I can’t.” I twisted myself away from him. “I have to get back home.”

  “What? You just got here.” He stood back and jangled some coins in his front pocket.

  “Oh, Tony.” I swallowed hard. “We have to talk.”

  “What’s the problem?”

  “Shep’s back. He’s home.”

  He studied my face for a moment and shoved a matchstick in the corner of his mouth, his jaw twitching back and forth. “Well, we knew he was coming back sooner or later.”

  I glanced at my hands. My wedding ring was glaring at me.

  “We just have to be careful, that’s all.”

  I shook my head. “He’s my husband, Tony. I can’t. I can’t do this anymore.”

  “Yeah, well, he was your husband while he was away, too. That didn’t stop you.” He pulled the matchstick from his mouth and pitched it onto the bureau.

  “That was different and you know it.” It sounded like the right thing to say, but it was still a betrayal.

  We both grew silent, and Tony turned his back to me. “So he’s in and I’m out. Is that it? You expect me to just walk away. Bow out?”

  I didn’t say anything.

  With one step he was at my side. He grabbed me, pulled me close, and kissed me.

  “Tony, no! I mean it!” I twisted out of his arms.

  “So you’re just gonna throw it all away.” Tony slammed his fist to the wall. “You really love to jerk me around, don’t you.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “You’ve been doing it to me from the very start. ‘I can’t see you anymore, Tony. Go away—I’m scared we’ll get caught. Come back to me, Tony—I miss you. I love you.’”

  He wasn’t wrong about that. I never saw it from his point of view before, but he was right. I pushed him away and pulled him to me, only to push him away again.

  “Make up your goddamn mind, Vera. Or better yet, you know what—just do me a favor and leave. Go on. Just get the hell out of here. And the next time you have a body to get rid of, tell your husband to take care of it. Not me.”

  I let myself out of his room. He never even said good-bye.

  I was too upset to go home and face Shep so I drifted al
ong the sidewalks, past the shops and street vendors. I never meant to hurt Tony. I never meant to hurt anyone. Eventually I made my way up to Grant Park. The sunlight was blinding, and I found a shaded bench beneath a giant oak tree, where I sat and cried, ignoring the passersby who stopped and stared, asking if I was okay. . . .

  I cried for Tony. For Shep. I cried for myself and even for Evelyn and Izzy. Everything was coming to a head and I was responsible for so much pain, so much damage. If it weren’t for Hannah, I would have given anything to turn back the clock, to be in my mother’s house again with a chance to start over. Maybe I could have persuaded Shep to get out of the rackets, to become a legitimate businessman. Maybe I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him in the first place. All I knew was that I’d wasted my time chasing after all the wrong things. I had money now and a big house, I had more fancy clothes than I knew what to do with and none of it meant a thing.

  I dried my eyes, blew my nose and took out my compact to retouch my makeup.

  When I came through the front door that afternoon, Shep was working in his study. I stepped inside without knocking and when he looked up, he leaned back in his chair and smiled.

  I sat in his lap and wrapped my arms around him. Despite it all, I wasn’t sorry I’d fallen in love with him. “Let’s start over, you and me, huh? Let’s forget about the time you were away and let’s just start fresh again. Can we do that?” I kissed him and rested my head on his shoulder. We’d both come back home now.

  MORE SECRETS TO KEEP

  It had been three days. Three days since Shep had come home. Three days past due for Warren Steel and Felix Marvin. And three days since anyone had heard from or seen Izzy—though I thought I’d seen him plenty of times. If a man with dark hair was seated in a café, or walked across the street, or went by on the trolley and the sunlight hit him just right, my heart would stop and I’d do a double take. I’d need ten minutes after that for my pulse to stop jumping.

  In the days that followed, just as Tony had hoped, the members of the North Side Gang were convinced that Capone was responsible for whatever had happened to Izzy. No one suspected Evelyn. The girls and even the men all rallied around her. Evelyn turned out to be quite the actress, impressively shedding tears at just the mention of Izzy’s name. Only I knew what fueled her outbursts.