Always His

by James, J. P.

  I shouldn’t be concerned with his age, but now my mind is racing with thoughts. Whatever the case may be, if he’s not legally an adult yet, then he’s still off limits. I turn back to Elena.

  “I’m sure you’ll find someone to keep you company on those lonely nights,” I say while watering my garden.

  She giggles.

  “Well in case I don’t, at least I know you’ll be right next door,” she replies as she strokes my arm once again. Oh god. No. The woman can’t take a hint. I don’t want to be rude to her, but this is going overboard.

  “Um, excuse me Elena. I have to run inside and use the bathroom,” I say, still trying my hardest to be polite. I don’t really have to go, but at this point I’ll say anything to get away from her.

  “Oh sure!” she twitters. “I should probably go check on Jake.”

  I roll my eyes when my back is turned. Her son has managed to put up with her his entire life, so I doubt he needs to be checked on. What she really needs to do is take a shower and get at least four more hours of sleep. Those bags underneath her eyes are looking like Jabba the Hut’s ass. She looks ten years older than what she really is, and the heavy makeup just makes it worse. God only knows how she looks without it. I’d hate to be the guy waking up beside her in the morning.

  “Have a good day, Elena,” I say jovially, throwing her one last wave. She titters again.

  “You too, Vance.”

  Quickly, I head around to the back door. I’ve got to get away from her as soon as possible. Turning the knob, I push the door open and place my tools on the doorstep before slamming the door behind me, relieved to finally be out of her sights. Man, next time I’m going to have to beat her off with a stick. It might be the only way to get this brazen hussy off my back.

  Heading over to the sink, I blast the water but the lustful look in Elena’s eyes has left me feeling filthy all over. No matter how much I scrub, I just can’t seem to feel clean. Fuck. Grabbing a towel, I dry off my hands and decide to check and see if I’ve gotten any new messages from NeighborBoy. I hate to admit it, but it’s kind of the best part of my life right now.

  I just hope NeighborBoy is eighteen. They wouldn’t let him on the site if he wasn’t, right? For now, I pray that ChatAttack has done its work. But so far, it’s okay because technically I haven’t done anything wrong. Sure, we’ve been corresponding, but that’s all it’s been. We haven’t exchanged phone numbers, or any explicit photos over the app. All we’ve been doing is getting to know one another.

  Plus, there’s the possibility that we may never even meet in person. Neither of us has mentioned anything about meeting face to face, although part of me really wants to. He seems like a genuinely nice guy and I’d love to take him out on a date, but that might be too risky, especially around here. I mean, it would look weird, right? Older, hardened man with a young boy on his arm?

  But for now, I don’t have to worry about that. We’re just two guys developing a friendship. The conversation between us has been flowing naturally, and he’s easily becoming one of my favorite people to talk to. Is that weird given that we’ve never actually met?

  Shrugging off my negative thoughts, I log into the app. I messaged NeighborBoy earlier this morning, but he wasn’t online then. But now, I see he’s replied. Not only that, but there’s a green light next to his username, which means he’s online now. Full of excitement, my heart beats like a drum inside of my chest. Cool it Vance. Don’t get your hopes up over this guy. I’m starting to realize that it doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself that. Clearly, NeighborBoy has worked his way into my awareness. With trembling fingers, I open his message.

  NeighborBoy: Good morning. I hope you slept well too. To be honest, I didn’t get a wink of sleep, but that’s because I stayed up all night thinking about you.

  Oh shit. My body goes warm all over as I smile from ear to ear. This boy has me blushing, and that’s insane because I can’t remember the last time my cheeks turned red. But truth be told, he was on my mind all night too. If only I could have woken up with him in my arms. I doubt we would’ve left my bed. Not because we’d be boning from sunup to sundown, but because we’d probably lay in each other’s arms talking for hours. If you ask me, that’s the perfect way to spend a Sunday.

  I try to calm down a bit before I send a reply. I don’t want him to sense how eager I am to talk to him because that would be weird. After a moment, my heart races as my fingers begin to type.

  HotandHung: I’m both sorry and flattered to hear that I’m the reason you couldn’t get any sleep last night lol. You’ve been on my mind a lot too. As a matter of fact, I kind of can’t stop thinking about you.

  Am I being too desperate by sending this as a reply? It’s the truth, but should I tell him that? I never thought I’d be the kind of guy who spills his guts to someone over the internet, but then again, I never thought I’d try online dating either. What the hell, I’ve got nothing to lose. Our conversation isn’t explicit or sexual, so it’s not like I’m doing anything wrong. I tap send and anxiously wait for a response.

  A bubble pops up on the screen indicating that he’s typing. Damn, my heart’s beating faster than before as I stare intensely at the screen. God, I’m so pathetic. Finally, his reply pops up.

  NeighborBoy: I’m glad I’m not the only one lol. A few days ago I regretted creating a profile on this app, but you’ve made it worth my while. I have to admit though: I kind of wish we met at a coffee shop, or a bookstore, instead of online.

  With my eyes glued to the screen, I walk into the living room and take a seat on the couch. More than likely my ass will be planted here until one of us logs off. I don’t have any more vegetables to tend to today, so my free schedule makes it easy to chat with him all day long.

  Tilting my head to the side, I try to come up with a clever response. The good thing about chatting behind a keyboard is that you get to take your time and find the perfect words to say how you feel. Clicking into the tiny white rectangle, I being to type.

  HotandHung: I know exactly what you mean. Most of the guys on this app are shallow, but I can tell that you’re different. It’s only been a few days, but I feel a connection with you. It’s okay that we met online. Everyone does these days lol. Plus, it gives us a chance to get to know each other’s personalities without letting the physical world get in the way. I may not know what you look like, but I know you’re one of the sweetest men I know.

  As I press send, I can feel myself letting my guard down. My body relaxes and a warm glow settles in my chest. It probably shouldn’t be happening, but I can’t help it because NeighborBoy makes me feel comfortable, like I don’t have to hide from him. Of course, I’m not ready to tell him that I’m an ex-con yet, but I’ll get there eventually. That’s definitely a conversation we need to have in person though because it wouldn’t feel right telling him that over the internet. Suddenly, the phone vibrates in the palm of my hand. It’s another message from NeighborBoy.

  NeighborBoy: I feel the same way about you. I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but I get excited every time my phone lights up and I see your name on the screen. It gives me butterflies lol. I hope you don’t hate me for saying that haha.

  How could I hate him for that? I had my fair share of men before I went to prison, and it was impossible to find one to settle down with. A large part of that was due to the fact that the guys I dated in the past were only good for one thing – making the mattress squeak. Outside of the bedroom, they didn’t have much to offer. They couldn’t cook, clean, or hold a decent conversation. But with my new guy, it’s different. It might sound crazy, but is NeighborBoy the one? I begin typing again.

  HotandHung: Of course I don’t hate you for getting excited. In fact, I’m glad you told me. Now I don’t feel like a loser for smiling whenever you send me a message lol. I’m glad to see we’re on the same page.

  As I hit send, my heart pumps. I said I wouldn’t get my hopes up, but it’s too late for that. So
mehow, I’ve gotten sucked into this on-line thing, and now there’s no way out. I’m desperately interested in my new paramour, but is he okay to meet? And more importantly, I have to make sure he’s eighteen. After all, I learned my lesson the hard way, and I’m not going to jail again. Not even for love.

  7

  Jake

  “You’ve been smiling a lot lately,” my mother says from my bedroom door.

  Startled, I close the conversation with HotandHung and whip around towards her. Holy shit! How long has she been standing there? Has she been looking over my shoulder this entire time? God, I hope not because if she has, then it means she’s seen my message exchange. I know I said I wanted to meet someone inappropriate to piss off my mom, but now I actually like this guy, and don’t want her to know.

  My heart pounds inside of my chest as I stare into Elena’s shrewd blue eyes. She’s got that look that all mothers get when they know their kid is up to something.

  “What do you mean?” I stammer.

  She raises an eyebrow while shooting me another sharp look. Damnit. I haven’t been able to wipe the smile off my face ever since HotandHung and I met online. It feels weird that some guy I’ve never met makes me happy, but it’s true. So sue me.

  But Elena’s on a rampage.

  “I mean,” she says as she walks into my bedroom. “You’ve been smiling more than usual and I want to know why.”

  Oh fuck, she’s going to pry. My mother is the last person I want to share details with about my online romance. She doesn’t even know I’m gay, for crying out loud! I wish we had the kind of relationship where I could be open with her, but we don’t. I just don’t feel comfortable sharing intimate details about my life. Especially when I know she’s going to be all judgmental and everything.

  I shrug with what I hope is a casual manner.

  “I’ve just been doing really well at school. There’s a chance I’ll get a scholarship for college,” I say, hoping she believes me.

  Her eyebrows practically fly off her head.

  “Is that all?” she asks while taking a seat next to me on the bed. Damnit, she knows I’m lying. What do I say now? I nod, but Elena clearly knows that there’s more to the story. “So tell me Jake: who have you been texting, may I ask?”

  I can hear my pounding heart. It’s practically like a drumbeat in my ears. I wrack through my brain for another lie to tell, but nothing comes up. Instead, I stare at my mom while biting my lip. What do I do? If I tell her about HotandHung, she’ll laugh hysterically and then demand that I delete my profile at once. I can’t let that happen.

  “Um, it’s just a girl from school,” I say without thinking.

  Elena eyes grow wide as a smile spreads across her face. Oh crap, why did I say that? This is like her dream come true. Oh shit, oh shit.

  Of course, Elena jumps up with excitement.

  “Honey, that’s so great! What’s her name? What does she look like? Does she have blonde hair, or is she a brunette? Wait. I’ve got it! She’s a redhead, isn’t she? Oh honey, I’m so happy for you,” she squeals while giving me a bear hug. “Tell me all about her!”

  Fuck. So much for not blowing things out of proportion. I’ll bet Elena’s already planning my wedding to this imaginary girl in her head. How the hell am I going to get out of this one? My mom’s eyes are sparkling with excitement as she waits to hear every last detail, and quickly, I think of the first girl who pops into my mind, Sarah Roberts. Most of the guys at school thinks she’s hot, and I guess if I were into chicks, I’d think so too. She’s a blonde cheerleader type and one of the most popular girls in school.

  “Her name is Sarah,” I say hesitantly.

  Elena nods.

  “Well, what’s Sarah like?” she asks, demanding more info. I decide to change a few of the details around to make my story more believable. After all, I doubt I can convince my mom that I’m dating a cheerleader. A little over a week ago she was begging me to get out of the house. A guy like me doesn’t just snag a cheerleader his first try.

  “You’re right, she is a redhead,” I start off.

  “I knew it!” Elena crows.

  I nod.

  “And she has green eyes that remind me of … um, grass.” Oh fuck. Why did I say that? Why didn’t I say emeralds or something? Goddamit.

  But Elena doesn’t notice. My mom merely nods eagerly. “She sounds really pretty. When am I going to meet her?”

  Shit. I didn’t think about that part. Why do they have to meet, anyways? Why can’t they just stay in different spheres of my life? This lie is spiraling out of control, and I have no idea what to do. I can’t just hire someone to pretend to be my girlfriend. That’s ridiculous. Damnit. I should’ve thought this plan through more. My heart begins to race again as I try to wiggle out of the situation.

  “It’s too soon for you to meet her, Mom. We’re really still just friends,” I say, hoping to buy myself some time.

  Elena shakes her head in warning.

  “Well make a move on her already. Pull her in for a kiss the next time you two hang out. You know how pretty girls are. They’re gone in a snap!” she says emphatically.

  I smile wanly. Leave it to my mom, and imaginary Sarah will be pregnant by the end of senior year. I wish I’d never lied to begin with, but it’s too late now, and there’s no choice but to continue with my fib. Fuck.

  But before I can get another word out, my cell phone vibrates. It can only be one person. Unfortunately, my mom hears it and her eyes light up as well because she probably thinks it’s Sarah.

  “Um, can I have a little privacy, Mom?” I ask politely.

  Elena nods.

  “Okay, but I want to meet this girl soon,” she says while standing up and walking over to the door.

  “Um, sure no problem,” I reply, but deep down I know she’ll never meet Sarah because Sarah doesn’t exist.

  Elena closes the door behind her as she leave out. Thank god! Now I can finally talk to my cyber hunk. That interlude with my mom is over, and I can get back to what matters.

  Finally alone, I open ChatAttack to check the new message.

  HotandHung: I opened my own gardening business a couple months ago. It’s a lot of work, but it pays well, so I don’t mind doing it. Plus, I really love using my hands to nurture plants and trees. How about you? What do you do for a living?

  Oh shit. I haven’t told him yet that I’m a high school senior. Sure, my age is on my profile, but it sounds different when you say, “high school.” I don’t know. I wish I had a job of some sort, but of course, I’m just a student. With dread in my heart, I begin to type.

  NeighborBoy: So there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I’m not sure about how you’re going to take it. I’m eighteen, but I’m still in high school. I graduate in June, which isn’t that far away. I hope this doesn’t change things between us.

  Reluctantly, I press send. HotandHung’s online, so I’m sure he’s already reading my message. I try to calm down. Technically, I haven’t been lying to him because he’s never asked. Plus, it’s not a crime to be in high school. It just is what it is.

  My stomach turns as I wait to read his response. God, I hope he isn’t upset with me. As the message appears on the screen, my heart flutters.

  HotandHung: Don’t worry, this doesn’t change anything between us. I’m glad you’re being honest with me. You must be excited about graduation. What are your plans after you graduate?

  I let out a sigh of relief. I’m glad that he’s okay with the fact that I’m still in high school, but now I feel anxious because actually, I have no idea what I’m going to do after graduation. Man, I sound like a slacker kid, which is not how I want to come off.

  NeighborBoy: To be honest, I’m not sure what comes next. I’ve got the grades to get into just about any school of my choice, but my family doesn’t really have the money. It’s just me and my mom, and we don’t get any help from my dad. So yeah, college is expensive, and I don’t see it bei
ng in our budget at this time.

  I’ll probably just get a job that doesn’t require a college degree, like at a warehouse or something. Besides, I’m going to have to get a job eventually one day anyway, so why not skip school altogether and start working? Plus, I don’t exactly have marketable skills. Reading Shakespeare and Dostoyevsky isn’t going to land me a high paying career lol.

  Despite the laughing emoji, I feel a huge pressure lift off my chest. That felt really good to get out there, and HotandHung is the first person to ever ask what I want. All my teachers have been pushing me to go to college, and I don’t blame them. With grades like mine it’d almost be a shame if I didn’t go. The only problem is, that’s not what I want. At least right now it’s not.

  It feels as if a weight has just been lifted off my shoulders. Being honest is so refreshing, and makes me feel even closer to this anonymous stranger. I don’t have to hide who I am from him. I’m not sure if the man’s going to judge me for being indecisive, but at least I’m finally able to talk about how I’ve been feeling inside. He replies quickly.

  HotandHung: Yeah, that’s understandable. This is a crucial time in your life. Choosing whether or not to go to college can be tough, especially when factoring in the cost. I didn’t go to school after I graduated, and part of me always regretted it. I’m not saying that you will too, but there’s a possibility that you might.

  Besides, college isn’t for everybody, and there are plenty of successful people in the world who have never taken a single upper level course. You just have to do whatever feels right for you.

  I’m a bit shocked by his open minded and gentle reply, especially since his moniker is so overt and sexual. His sensitivity has taken me by surprise. Instead of just telling me what path to pursue, he’s left it open for me to make the decision for myself. Suddenly, he types again.