by Lei Mi
Fang Mu knew it was Meng Fanzhe's dorm room and that the guy cursing in the hallway was Wang Changbin, Meng Fanzhe's roommate. Which meant that the person throwing all the stuff out of the room had to be Meng Fanzhe.
What was going on? Fang Mu wondered. Meng Fanzhe was normally a decent, well-behaved guy. What had made him flip out like this?
If it went on much longer, Fang Mu was pretty sure it would come to blows.
He ducked back into the bathroom and after quickly spitting out his toothpaste, grabbed his toiletries and hurried over to Meng Fanzhe's dorm room.
A bunch of people were already there, watching what was going on. Wang Changbin was no longer swearing, now just standing there with his hands on his hips, angrily watching Meng Fanzhe throw item after item out of the room. At this point he looked more helpless than enraged.
Just as Fang Mu walked to the front of the crowd, Meng Fanzhe threw what seemed to be Wang Changbin's final possession out of the room and then slammed the door in Fang Mu's face.
Looking at all the stuff on the floor, Fang Mu asked Wang Changbin:
"What's going on? How did this happen?"
"That SOB is crazy!" said Wang Changbin gloomily.
Zou Tuanjie and several other guys crowded around and helped Wang Changbin pick up his stuff
"Why don't you crash in my room for the night?" Fang Mu offered to Wang Changbin. "Du Yu's not coming back until tomorrow."
"No need," said Wang Changbin, firmly refusing. He pointed at Zou Tuanjie. "I'm staying in his room, Liu Jianjun's not around either."
Fang Mu nodded and then turned back to the door. When he tried to open it, he found it was locked.
He knocked lightly. There was no response.
He tried again, a little louder this time. "Meng Fanzhe," he said, "it's me. Why don't you open the door?"
Something shattered against the door and then fell to the ground. It sounded like a glass cup.
Fang Mu jumped back in surprise.
Now other people were getting angry. Zou Tuanjie held Fang Mu back. "Just leave him alone. He's out of control."
Unable to do anything else, Fang Mu crouched down and helped Wang Changbin organize his things.
After everyone had helped Wang Changbin move into Zou Tuanjie's room and put his stuff away, Wang Changbin took out a pack of cigarettes and handed them out. While they all smoked, someone asked him what exactly had happened.
"Man, don't even ask," he said."You know that cat Meng Fanzhe's been raising? Normally he treats it like it was his own son. But the thing is just so goddamn annoying. Not only has it shit on my bed who knows how many times, once it even pissed on one of my textbooks. The smell was so bad that when I brought the book to class the next day, everyone around me was covering their noses."
Several people laughed. Interrupting them, Zou Tuanjie said, "You guys normally get along pretty well. Why didn't you say something to him?"
"We do normally get along well, and if that's all that had happened I actually wouldn't be this mad," said Wang Changbin, pulling at his hair impatiently, "but you guys don't understand. For some reason this guy has recently changed a hell of a lot. Every day he's either sitting in the room staring into space or off missing somewhere, and he never goes to class. I've tried talking to him several times, but he just ignores me. Then late one night I woke up to go to the bathroom, and when I opened my eyes he was sitting straight up in his chair mumbling something to himself. At first I was puzzled. If he was memorizing something why didn't he turn on the light? But then when I listened closer I heard what he was saying. Can any of you guess what it was?"
Wang Changbin paused for effect and looked around the room. Seeing that everyone was staring at him with bated breath, he looked satisfied and said, "He was saying his own name! Meng Fanzhe, Meng Fanzhe, Meng Fanzhe – the same words over and over again. This scared me wide awake, and although I wondered whether he was maybe talking in his sleep, I was too scared to say anything."
"Then what happened?" someone asked.
"After he said his name a while longer, he suddenly began pulling his hair and smashing his head against the wall so hard that he cried out. By then I was scared stiff, and I didn't move an inch until he fell asleep. I stayed like that until dawn." There was a slight quiver in Wang Changbin's voice as he spoke. It was obvious that the events of that night were still frightening for him. "Living with this guy is too much. Like today, for instance. I told him how the teacher had read his name again and again and when he wasn't there had gotten really angry. Then without even saying a word, the psycho just started throwing all my stuff out into the hallway. I yelled at him, but it was like he didn't even hear."
This story unsettled everyone. When it was over, they all said a few vaguely reassuring words and then went their separate ways.
After returning to his dorm room, Fang Mu turned off his computer, lay on his bed and shut his eyes. But he was unable to sleep.
Meng Fanzhe had been chanting his name in the middle of the night like he was reciting a spell. Thinking about this, Fang Mu knew it had to be somehow related to his fear of roll call. But that fear had already disappeared – not only had Meng Fanzhe said as much, but Fang Mu had also seen him say "Here" with his own eyes. And yet his recent behavior was extremely abnormal, so what exactly was going on?
As Fang Mu understood him, Meng Fanzhe had a weak personality, and Fang Mu doubted that he could have overcome his roll call phobia all by himself. He must have undergone psychotherapy with a professional. So given the sudden change in Meng Fanzhe's behavior, Fang Mu had to wonder: Had something gone wrong with the therapy?
Fang Mu turned the matter over and over in his head but didn't get anywhere. At last he decided to find an opportunity to talk to Meng Fanzhe the next day.
That night the nightmares arrived on schedule.
The burning dorm. The dead classmates. Wu Han's distorted face before him.
Actually, you and I are the same.
When Fang Mu struggled awake, his first reaction was to grab for the knife under his pillow. As his breathing slowly calmed, he realized that his clothes were soaked with perspiration.
Sweat was dripping down his head and sticking uncomfortably to the back of his neck. With difficulty, he climbed to his feet, grabbed his towel and a bar of soap, and headed to the bathroom to wash his face.
Only one light was on in the hall, its beam very dim. Still, Fang Mu immediately noticed several dark red stains on the floor.
Crouching down, he wiped his finger across one of the stains. Its surface had already dried, but some of it still came off on his finger He rubbed his fingers together. It still felt a little wet. He brought his finger to his nose and sniffed. The smell was sickly sweet.
It was blood.
The hair on the back of his neck immediately stood up.
He looked around in a panic. The hallway was empty. There was no one in sight, only tightly shut doors.
He looked back down. Several more spots of blood had dripped onto the floor. They seemed to lead into the bathroom.
Fang Mu slowly stood up and tiptoed toward the bathroom.
Was someone hurt?
Or maybe it was merely a nosebleed?
As the pitch-black entrance to the bathroom drew closer and closer, Fang Mu's heartbeat sped up, until it seemed as if the sound was echoing off the walls of the hallway. He couldn't help but feel that if someone was in the bathroom, they would hear it beating.
At last he reached the entrance.
He looked inside.
The bathroom was as dark as a cave and smelled strongly of blood. Someone was standing by the sink tearing something apart. All Fang Mu could see was the movement of the person's head and shoulders. A wet, squishing noise was coming from his mouth. He seemed to be chewing.
Fang Mu quietly reached for the light switch and turned it on.
In an instant, the fluorescent light buzzed to life and the bathroom was bright as day. Having grown accus
tomed to the darkness, Fang Mu's vision blurred and he felt dizzy. He quickly grabbed for the door frame to keep from falling over.
The person at the sink was also startled, and he abruptly spun around.
It was Meng Fanzhe.
In the intense fluorescent light, the rims of Meng Fanzhe's eyes looked green and his eyeballs pure black. Their whites were nowhere to be seen.
The area around his lips was bright red and thick, red liquid dribbled from the corners of his mouth. Looking closer, Fang Mu could see that several black and yellow hairs were stuck to his lips.
He was so shocked that for several seconds he and Meng Fanzhe just stared at one another, neither of them saying a word.
At last, in a faltering voice, Fang Mu asked, "Meng Fanzhe, what are you doing?"
For an instant, he was certain he saw a murderous look pass through Meng Fanzhe's eyes, but then it disappeared and they were filled with only helplessness and despair.
"I…" He suddenly smiled, but almost at once the smile vanished, his gaze fell, the corners of his mouth drooped, and with a voice that sounded like he was on the verge of tears, he said, "I don't know…"
Fang Mu noticed that Meng Fanzhe was holding something in his hand. He focused closer on it. It was the furry, blood-soaked leg of an animal. From the looks of things, it appeared to belong to a cat.
He looked past Meng Fanzhe. The sink behind him was a horrible sight. Bloody flesh, internal organs, fur, and skin lay everywhere. Some of it still seemed to be steaming.
Walking past Meng Fanzhe, Fang Mu cautiously drew closer.
It was just as he thought. The animal whose parts were scattered in and around the sink was none other than Meng Fanzhe's cat – Tom.
Fang Mu looked around. He didn't see a knife or any other sharp object.
Meng Fanzhe had torn Tom apart by hand while the cat was still alive.
Fang Mu turned around and looked at Meng Fanzhe. He hadn't moved an inch and was still staring at the entrance, as if none of the carnage had anything to do with him at all.
Fang Mu tugged on his sleeve and then pulled the cat leg from his hand and threw it in the sink.
As if in a daze, Meng Fanzhe did nothing to stop him; in fact he made no resistance at all.
Fang Mu stood in front of Meng Fanzhe and looked into his eyes. "Fanzhe," he said slowly, "can you hear me?"
After a long time, Meng Fanzhe's eyeballs slowly rotated toward Fang Mu, and he nodded slightly.
"Can you tell me what happened?"
The corners of Meng Fanzhe's mouth moved. Then, as if he had suffered a stroke, half of his body slowly turned and he pointed at the cat in the sink.
"Tom… They all hate him…so I can't…rely on him…any longer…"
Looking into Meng Fanzhe's dull eyes, Fang Mu did his best to understand what he had just said.
"What do you mean, 'rely on him'?" He shook Meng Fanzhe's shoulders. "Come on, speak!"
Fang Mu's actions caused Meng Fanzhe's body to sway violently, and he seemed to become much more lucid.
"I don't know, I don't know!" he cried, roughly wiping his mouth. When he saw that his hand was covered in blood and cat hair, he grew so frightened that he immediately tried to rub his face clean, but all he did was smear himself with blood.
"What exactly is going on?" asked Fang Mu in a low voice. He caught Meng Fanzhe's hand and held it tightly.
Only then did Meng Fanzhe seem to realize that it was Fang Mu standing before him. "Is that you, Fang Mu?" His body went limp at once. Tears streamed from his eyes and mucus dripped from his nose. "Help me, help me, please. I don't know what I've done; it's like I was dreaming…"
Fang Mu put his hands under Meng Fanzhe's armpits for support and did his best to hold him up.
"I will, I will help you. Now tell me, what is going on?"
Meng Fanzhe's gaze went to the sink. At once his senses seemed to return. Shaking with fear, he pointed at Tom's remains. "I didn't do it, I didn't do it…it wasn't intentional…"
He leapt at Fang Mu and grabbed at his collar, his eyes full of fear and desperation. "Don't tell anyone," he entreated. "Please don't tell anyone. I'm not crazy... I didn't mean to do it. I didn't mean to. I'm not crazy…"
He pushed Fang Mu away, shot toward the sink and picked up the bloody flesh and fur. He looked all around, his mouth still moving nonstop. "Gotta take care of this now. Can't let anyone else see…gotta take care of this now, now, now!" He spun around in place, looking wildly for somewhere to put his cat's remains.
Fang Mu was so disturbed by all this that for a moment he had no idea what to do. At last he picked up the big plastic trash can from the doorway – normally used for throwing out leftover food – and signaled for Meng Fanzhe to put the remains in there.
Meng Fanzhe forced Tom's skeleton into the dirty water at the bottom of the trash can. He then ran into one of the stalls, grabbed the wastepaper bucket and dumped its contents in on top. Next he hurried to the sink, turned on the tap, and let the water wash away the bloodstains. When it wasn't rinsing fast enough, he used his bare hands to scrub the sink clean.
After the last cat hair disappeared down the drain, Meng Fanzhe grabbed a mop from behind the door and vigorously scrubbed the blood from the bathroom floor.
At a loss, Fang Mu could only watch as Meng Fanzhe rushed to clean every inch of the bathroom. A million thoughts were going through his mind at once.
At last Meng Fanzhe stopped and leaned exhaustedly against the wall, panting heavily.
Cautiously, Fang Mu asked, "What happened? Can you tell me?"
Meng Fanzhe shook his head weakly. "I don't know. But recently I've been feeling so strange. I'm constantly forgetting what I've been doing, and there are all these things in my room that I don't remember having brought there."
Fang Mu thought for a moment. "Do you want to go see a doctor?"
Meng Fanzhe shook his head repeatedly. "No, no, no, that's not necessary." Then as if thinking aloud, he said, "I will get better, yes, I will definitely get better. I don't need to rely on anyone else…"
He muttered this over and over again, as if he had no faith in himself.
Fang Mu watched him silently. He had no idea what he should say.
Suddenly Meng Fanzhe stood up straight. Forcing a smile, he looked at Fang Mu and said, "I…I'm gonna go back to my room. Will you…" he dropped his eyes, "keep this a secret for me?"
"All right. However, I still recommend that you see a doctor."
"Okay, I understand. If I think it's necessary, I'll go. See you later." Then he walked unsteadily out of the bathroom and back down the hall toward his room.
The bathroom was quiet once more. The only sounds were the gurgle of water rushing through the pipes and the hum of the fluorescent light overhead. For a long time Fang Mu just stood there, barely moving a muscle. He looked at the spotless sink, and then at the trash can. What the hell was going on with Meng Fanzhe tonight? His behavior made no sense at all, was just utterly strange.
Even stranger than that first day in class.
CHAPTER
21
3+1+3
Early the next morning, Fang Mu knocked on Meng Fanzhe's door. There was no answer. He knocked again and again, almost 20 times, but there was still no response. He looked through the small window in the door. No lights seemed to be on inside. He didn't know whether Meng Fanzhe had already gone out or just didn't want to answer.
All that day Fang Mu could think of nothing but Meng Fanzhe. The fellow student's pale face and cavernous eyes seemed to always be hovering in front of him.
A behavioral scientist for the FBI once proposed a related theory. If an individual manifested at least two distinct traits while young, the likelihood of him committing crimes later in life would be fairly high. Among those traits were continuing to wet the bed past a certain age, starting fires, and torturing animals or smaller children. These types of behaviors were caused by weak self-control coupled with strong anti-social
impulses. And, from the perspective of behavioral science, the need to torture animals often came from anxiety caused by feelings of powerlessness and loss of control in daily life.
So what was making Meng Fanzhe feel powerless and out of control?
And the other important question: What would he do next?
Meng Fanzhe had a weak personality, but he was kind and sweet-natured. Tearing a living cat apart and then eating it was not something a person like him would do. And it had been obvious to Fang Mu that last night, while Meng Fanzhe was mutilating Tom, he was in a very confused state.
What had caused Meng Fanzhe to begin acting this way?
"Tom… They all hate him…so I can't…rely on him…any longer…"
Rely on him?
If Meng Fanzhe had been relying on Tom, what had the cat been protecting him from?
Rats?
Fang Mu knew Meng Fanzhe was afraid of roll call. Perhaps he was scared of rats as well.
Keeping a cat would give him a subconscious feeling of protection and would cause his fear of rats to disappear, at least to a certain extent.
The problem was that this would make him reliant on this source of protection, and should it ever go away, not only would his fear of rats resurface, it would probably be even stronger than before.
If Fang Mu was right, then by killing his treasured Tom – whom he most likely saw as his protector – Meng Fanzhe was essentially burning all his bridges, or rather, destroying the basket in which all his eggs had been placed.
A person who could do something like that was dangerous.
Fang Mu was just as lost in thought that night while studying for class.
After being ignored by him for half the evening, Deng Linyue finally spoke. "What's on your mind?"
"Oh, nothing really." Realizing that he had been acting a little cold, he turned to her and smiled apologetically.
She didn't smile back, just looked down and continued reading. After a while, she said quietly:
"Are you thinking about a certain someone?"
"Who are you talking about?" For a moment he didn't know how to react. He had no idea when she could have met Meng Fanzhe.