by Lei Mi
"You know…the girl who's always on your mind."
He stared blankly for a moment, and then shook his head helplessly. "I'm not. Don't get so carried away."
She looked searchingly into his eyes, obviously not believing him. "Will you tell me about her?"
"No!" He stopped the conversation in its tracks.
Deng Linyue didn't say another word to Fang Mu for the rest of their time together. When he walked her back to her dorm, she didn't ask him for a hug or a kiss like usual. She just said, "I'll see you later," and walked to the door, leaving him alone on the sidewalk.
With no other choice, Fang Mu turned to go. After walking only a few dozen feet, he turned and looked back. Deng Linyue was still standing in the doorway of the women's dormitory, looking in his direction.
He started to walk towards her, but before he had gone more than a few steps, she spun and hurried upstairs.
He hesitated for a moment and then walked over to the dorm. He waited for fifteen minutes before deciding that Deng Linyue wasn't coming back out. He shook his head, turned, and left.
Is this what love looks like?
After returning to his dorm, Fang Mu first went to Meng Fanzhe's room. Even though he could see from the doorway window that no lights were on, he knocked anyway.
No response, just as he had expected.
He had already talked to Zou Tuanjie, who said that Meng Fanzhe still hadn't come to class that day, and no one had seen him all day.
Where had he gone?
When Fang Mu returned to his room Du Yu was already there, but much to his surprise, he wasn't playing Counter-Strike. Instead he was sitting at his desk with a serious look on his face.
"What are you doing?" asked Fang Mu. Having grown accustomed to Du Yu always having a smile on his face, Fang Mu found his current expression to be a little amusing.
"Do you have a moment?" Du Yu asked, turning an unhappy look on him. "I wanted to talk to you."
"About what?" Fang Mu couldn't help but feel a little baffled.
"About you and Deng Linyue."
He stared at Du Yu for several seconds. "Are you just curious? Or is it something else?"
"It's not that." Du Yu paused for a moment. "I just wanted to talk to you as a friend."
Fang Mu pulled his chair over and sat down, and lit a cigarette. "What do you want to know?"
"Are you and Deng Linyue…really a couple?"
Fang Mu hesitated for a moment. "I…suppose we are."
"What do you mean 'you suppose?'" Du Yu brought his chair closer to Fang Mu. "Do you love her?"
For a moment Fang Mu was silent. He took several drags from his cigarette. "To be honest, I don't know."
He really didn't know. Several days ago, the name Deng Linyue had meant only victim to him. Now, however, she was his girlfriend. The whole process had been like an unrealistic dream that he had fallen into without realizing it.
It wasn't the first time this problem had occurred to Fang Mu. In fact, he had been trying to avoid thinking about it for the past several days.
He had avoided it because he had grown accustomed to his new life.
Accustomed to a girl's warm eyes looking at him adoringly.
Accustomed to someone caring deeply about his daily life.
Accustomed to having a soft, sweet-scented body beside him.
And accustomed to those hugs and kisses that made him tremble inside.
Du Yu was watching him, waiting for more of Fang Mu's reply. He sighed. "Actually," he said, speaking slowly, "as your friend I really support you and Deng Linyue being together. And Yaoyao and I both feel that you two are very good for each other. It's just that you became a couple so fast that, especially right now, it really surprised everyone." He paused. "You know what everyone's saying about it, right?"
Fang Mu suddenly realized exactly why Du Yu had been so serious about wanting to discuss the subject with him. It was because of Liu Jianjun.
Seeing that Fang Mu wasn't going to say anything, Du Yu answered the question himself. "They're saying that you took advantage of Liu Jianjun's injury to steal his girlfriend."
Fang Mu laughed hollowly. This was hardly the first time others had misunderstood him. Wasn't he called a freak all the way back to the beginning of school? Well, he still didn't give a damn.
"Is that what you think, too?" Fang Mu asked at last.
"Of course not! I know you too well to think that." Du Yu paused, and then quickly added, "However, I'm still not totally clear about what exactly happened."
Fang Mu had no desire whatsoever to keep discussing this topic with Du Yu, but when he saw the firm and trusting look in his roommate's eyes, he thought for a moment longer and then told him everything that Deng Linyue had said about her relationship with Liu Jianjun.
After listening, Du Yu was quiet for some time. But when Fang Mu lit his fifth cigarette, Du Yu suddenly seemed to come to some internal conclusion and jumped up and placed his hand firmly on Fang Mu's shoulder.
"I support you, brother," he said rather loudly. "You did nothing wrong, and neither did Deng Linyue. Next time I hear someone criticize you, I'll tell them what really happened!"
Fang Mu was about to tell him he really didn't need to do anything like that, but when he saw the self-sacrificing look on Du Yu's face, he just laughed and nodded.
With this weight lifted from his mind, Du Yu slept soundly that night. Fang Mu, however, couldn't get to sleep. To his roommate, his explanation had probably seemed perfectly reasonable, but it did nothing to relieve Fang Mu's self-doubts.
Do I really love Deng Linyue?
He had always known that he had the power to see into other people's hearts, and there was no doubt in his mind that Deng Linyue loved him. But could he say the same?
It is difficult for a doctor to treat himself.
At that moment, Fang Mu understood what the old saying meant. He felt like a flashlight – able to illuminate the darkest corners, but unable to shine a light on himself.
Perhaps this was how it had to be.
Everyone had a road they must walk. Some were smooth, others bumpy.
Mine, thought Fang Mu, is covered in thorns and beset by danger on all sides. There will be blood and monsters and regret and sadness, and my only company will be nightmares and the spirits of the dead.
I've already walked so far. And I'm so tired
His thoughts drifting, Fang Mu gradually fell asleep. His doubts had not been answered, but he had already begun to wonder whether that even mattered.
All he knew was that when Deng Linyue held him, he felt so warm.
The next day Tai Wei came to see him.
As soon as he walked inside, he tilted his head and looked at Fang Mu. He chuckled. "Well, you're looking pretty good."
He knew Tai Wei was trying to make fun of him about Deng Linyue. He ignored him.
Tai Wei had grown a lot thinner lately and looked a little green around the eyes. He appeared not to have slept well in some time. "Why didn't you go with Ms. Deng to the study room today?"
"Her parents came to visit her today and took her out to dinner." In fact, all day she had been hinting that Fang Mu should go with them, saying she really wanted her parents to meet him, but he never agreed to go. Perhaps it was because he still had such a bad impression of her mother from that day in the hospital. Also, he knew that if he did go, it would give the unmistakable impression of a future son-in-law paying his respects to his girlfriend's parents – and that was something he didn't want to do at all.
"So how's it going?" he asked Tai Wei. "Any discoveries?"
"None. We haven't made any progress whatsoever." Then without asking for permission, Tai Wei flopped onto Fang Mu's bed. "Right now all we can do is wait around helplessly. Fuck, man, when is all this going to end?"
The previous afternoon Tai Wei had returned to the city bureau to report to the director. Just as he had walked into the office he happened to pass the deputy mayor and the Jiangbin
City American consul coming out. The director hadn't looked too pleased, but he had held his temper and listened to Tai Wei give his report. When Tai Wei finished, the director didn't give any specific comments, just told him to stay vigilant and crack the case as soon as possible. Tai Wei knew that after the fat American was killed, the bureau had been under an enormous amount of pressure. He decided not to wait around and returned directly to Jiangbin City University.
The past few days Fang Mu had been mainly thinking about Deng Linyue and Meng Fanzhe, and hadn't paid much attention to the case. But now that he saw how exhausted Tai Wei looked, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Taking out a pack of Hibiscus King cigarettes, he handed one to Tai Wei and then made him a cup of strong tea.
"How about on your end? Anything strange been going on?" Looking like a dignified old man, Tai Wei sipped his tea, his cigarette still hanging from the corner of his mouth. "Of course, besides that time Deng Linyue got pissed at you outside her dorm."
Jeez... thought Fang Mu, glaring at Tai Wei and shaking his head.
Tai Wei chuckled and continued to smoke his cigarette and drink his tea. After a moment of silence, he suddenly asked: "Fang Mu, what kind of person do you think this guy is?"
Fang Mu was taken aback. "Didn't I already tell you in detail about his probable physical and psychological characteristics?"
"You did," Tai Wei said, nodding. "There's something else, though, and I don't quite know how to put it." He gave Fang Mu a scrutinizing look. "For a while I've felt that this guy…is very similar to you."
Fang Mu said nothing. Actually, he had been thinking the same thing himself. The killer had designed each of his murders to challenge Fang Mu, which meant that he had to possess a deep of understanding of criminology, or at least think he did, and at Jiangbin City University, Fang Mu only knew of one other criminal profiler.
Fang Mu's heart fell.
Could it really be Professor Qiao?
Impossible. He immediately rejected this idea. From his professional integrity to his personal morality, Professor Qiao was exemplary. Besides, Fang Mu knew his skills were nothing compared to Professor Qiao's. There was no need for the professor to compete against him. Also, not only did these crimes require technique, they also demanded strength, and that was something that the old professor no longer possessed.
Almost 20 days had passed since the last crime and the killer had done nothing. The waiting was really akin to torture.
A gloomy atmosphere gradually fell over the room, spreading like the smoke from their cigarettes. Soon Tai Wei and Fang Mu could barely discern the other.
And, as if to mirror the haze, neither could see the man they were seeking. After a while, Tai Wei rose to his feet, sluggishly extended his arm and looked at his watch. "It's almost nine. I'm going to swing by several of the observation points to check things out. You want to come?"
Fang Mu thought about it. Having nothing else to do, he decided to go.
The police were still focusing most of their attention on the women's dormitories and areas relating to the number six. Although the observation points were all different, the policemen standing watch were all exhausted and irritable.
The nonstop battle had been going day and night for over a month. Anyone in their position would feel just as bad.
Fang Mu and Tai Wei visited several observation points, one after another, and each reported that "everything was normal." The sight of his comrades continuing to man their stations despite their obvious exhaustion was too much for Tai Wei, so he and Fang Mu went to one of the little restaurants outside the school gates and ordered several boxes of take-out food. Tai Wei even went so far as specifically asking the owner to put in a little extra meat and vegetables in the orders to back to the officers. Seeing the few sad-looking bills in Tai Wei's wallet, Fang Mu stopped at the supermarket on the way back and bought two cartons of cigarettes. He was going to buy alcohol, too, but Tai Wei stopped him. When they got back with the food, the officers were delighted. After each took a box, they leaned against the walls or crouched on the floor and immediately dug in. The male cops ate crudely, stuffing huge amounts of food that had already gone a little cold into their mouths, chewing roughly before swallowing it down. Every now and then one of them would bite into a bit of sand or small stone from the unwashed vegetables, but then just swallowed that, too. The female cops ate in a group, quietly commenting on the food and exchanging pieces back and forth – a chunk of meat for you, a bit of ribbonfish for me – that sort of thing. And when they had finished, the women still remembered to hand out tissues to all their male comrades who were about to wipe their faces on their sleeves.
But even while they ate, the cops continued to carefully scrutinize everyone who walked past. Even those who were chatting still had their ears perked, listening for any suspicious sounds.
Watching them, Fang Mu couldn't help but be filled with admiration. They were haggard and exhausted and yet still just as alert as a hunter in the forest. While passing out the cigarettes, he made sure to give two extra packs to the officer he and Deng Linyue had tricked. The man obviously didn't hold any hard feelings, giving Fang Mu a grateful smile as he took the packs.
Observing all the officers devour their food, Fang Mu felt a little hungry himself, so he and Tai Wei decided to share a box. He was astonished at how good it tasted. Even though he was eating it while leaning against a cold wall, even though the rice was far from fresh and a chilly wind was blowing all the while, Fang Mu still felt it was the most delicious meal he'd had in days.
After they ate, Tai Wei brought Fang Mu back through all the observation points once more. By the time they finished it was almost eleven that night and the campus was empty. Dormitory lights were blinking out one by one. After a long, noisy day the only sound left on campus was the cold wind.
Fang Mu and Tai Wei hurried down the empty street towards Fang Mu's dorm. Just as they arrived, Tai Wei suddenly stopped and looked behind them.
"What is it?" Fang Mu asked. He looked back. Not far away stood a lonely streetlight, illuminating the patch of street underneath. Everything else was shrouded in darkness and the campus was silent.
"Nothing," said Tai Wei. Frowning, he looked around. "I must be hearing things."
They walked single file into the dorm. When they passed the first floor bathroom, Tai Wei suddenly stopped and held his stomach. "You go on ahead," he said. "That ribbonfish wasn't fresh. I think I'm going to be sick."
Fang Mu nodded. "I've got some herbal meds in my room. You should come get some when you're done." He headed on upstairs.
The stairwell was eerily quiet. Every now and then he could hear the faint sound of water running through the pipes. He had been walking all night and now his legs ached a little, so he climbed the stairs slowly, listening to his footsteps echo throughout the stairwell.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps that didn't belong to him.
The steps were coming from somewhere nearby. They were moving neither fast nor slow, and sounded almost careless.
When Fang Mu reached the second floor landing, he stopped and listened closely.
At once the sound of footsteps vanished, as if they had never been there.
Fang Mu held his breath and listened. After a few seconds, he stepped forward and began again slowly climbing the stairs.
Sure enough, the other footsteps started up again as well.
As Fang Mu climbed, he held onto the handrail and glanced down. He could see a long, thin shadow swaying on the stairs between the first and second floor, moving slowly higher.
Fang Mu felt all the hairs on his body stand up. There was no time to think. He bolted up the stairs as fast as he could and into the third floor hallway. When he reached the door to Room 313, his room, he hesitated for a moment, and then ran past it to the far end of the hall. There was a low wall next to Room 320 that was big enough to hide behind. When he passed Room 318, he saw a large shattered mirror leaning against the wall beside the
door. The broken mirror had been left outside for the cleaning people to deal with, as was customary. Fang Mu leaned down and grabbed a decent-sized piece and then kept going. When he reached the low wall, he placed the mirror across the hall beside the door to Room 321 and angled it so it reflected the other end of the hallway. Positioned this way, when he crouched down behind the wall he could see what was happening in the rest of hall without revealing his location.
After a few seconds, a vague figure appeared in the mirror.
He was walking at a steady pace and appeared to be about 5'9" and very thin. He kept one hand inside his pocket while the other swung freely back and forth at his side.
For some reason, Fang Mu suddenly felt that the figure looked extremely familiar.
All the while the figure continued to walk closer and closer. Then, without any warning, he stopped. Judging from his position, Fang Mu guessed that he was standing outside Room 313.
The person stood there for several seconds, and then suddenly extended one arm and began moving it across the door.
Fang Mu frowned, wondering what was the man was doing.
Looking into the blurry mirror, he did his best to determine what was going on, but he still couldn't make it out. Taking advantage of the fact that the person was still facing the door, Fang Mu quickly popped his head out.
It was Meng Fanzhe.
Fang Mu sighed with relief and came out of his hiding place.
"Hey, it's you."
Meng Fanzhe snapped his head around and stared blankly at Fang Mu approaching.
Fang Mu was taken aback. It had only been a few days, but Meng Fanzhe already looked a lot more haggard than the last time he'd seen him. His face was deathly pale, the skin around his eyes dark, and his cheeks sunken. His hair, which looked like it hadn't been washed in a long time, stood up in tufts all over his head.
Fang Mu's eyes fell to the hand that Meng Fanzhe had just been moving across the door. In his long, thin fingers he held a felt marker.