A Paper Trail

by Magan Vernon

  He shook his head, his eyes still locked on my stomach. "I didn't know it could happen with just one time."

  I glared at him, becoming more annoyed with each second passing. "Well, it did. I have to make a gynecologist appointment next week for an ultrasound. You can come with me or you can't. Either way, I'll figure it out. I always do."

  "Libby. I don't really know what to say right now. What do you want me to say? I'm kind of in shock."

  I felt the tears prick my eyes but I blinked them away. "Obviously you don't need to say anything. You're the first person I told. Now you should probably go so I can call my parents and tell them how I'm even more of a fuck up."

  "Libby..."

  "JUST GO!" I pointed at the door, the tears now fully streaming from my face.

  "Okay." He nodded and his eyes stayed on the ground. "If that's what you want. I'll leave."

  I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want to be alone, but I was such an emotional basket case that I wasn't sure if I could take it back. By the time I thought about yelling for him to take me in his arms, he was already gone, his truck pulling out of the gravel path.

  I was alone. Utterly alone.

  Except for the person that was growing inside of me.

  I patted my stomach and looked down at it. "I don't know what I'm supposed to tell you or if you'll even hear me. That was just your daddy that left. He's a real good man, but I think he's scared. Scared like I am. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I can tell you this, I will do everything I can for you. No matter what. We're in this together."

  Chapter 5

  It was another hour before I finally got the courage to call my parents.

  I didn't know what the hell I was supposed to say to them and when I called my mom, her voicemail kicked in.

  It wasn't something that a daughter should leave on a voicemail so I just hung up.

  That left talking to my dad.

  I thought maybe I could talk to Aunt Dee or even Britt first, but deep down, I knew I had to tell him. Even if I felt like it may kill me to do so.

  The phone rang three times and I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking it would go to voicemail and I'd have some time to think about what I was going to say. But on the fourth ring¸ he answered.

  "Hey, Libby. How's it going?"

  Shit. I didn't even know what I was supposed to say, so I blurted out the first thing I could think of. "How old are you going to be on your next birthday?"

  "Hmmm...Well. It's in May and I think last year was my sixty-first, so coming up on my sixty-second. Why? Are you and Beth planning on making a cake?"

  "Wow, that seems young to be a grandpa, don't you think?"

  He laughed. "Well, I do have two grown daughters and Beth and Brian seem pretty happy."

  "I meant a grandchild from me," I whispered.

  "What was that?" he asked, a voice coming in somewhere in the background but he shushed it.

  I took a deep breath and felt a tear slide down my cheek. "I'm pregnant, Dad. About six weeks."

  The other end of the line was silent and I thought he'd hung up until I heard him breathing and his voice lowered. "You're joking."

  I shook my head, even though I knew he couldn't see it. "No. I wish. I wish this was all a bad dream and I didn't mess up, again. I went to the doctor today and she gave me a pregnancy test and said I was positive. I go to a gynecologist next week."

  "Have you told your mother?"

  "No. Her phone went straight to voicemail."

  He let out a deep breath. "I don't know what you want me to say, Libby. This is quite a shock, as you can imagine."

  "I know. It is for me too. I don't want you to hate me or disown me, Dad. I didn't mean for this to happen," I cried.

  "Well, there's no going back on it now. It may not be perfect. It may not be everything you thought it was, but it's happening. And we're having another grandchild. I have an afternoon appointment but I'll tell your mother to call you as soon as I see her."

  His words were so final, as if he was just giving me a diagnosis like I was one of his dental patients. I sniffled, trying to grasp at what to say but I couldn't come up with anything.

  "Okay, Dad. I'll wait for her call."

  "Okay, Libby. And should I say congratulations?"

  I thought on that one. I didn't know if I even felt like it was something worth congratulating or celebrating. "Sure. You can."

  "Okay, honey. Well congratulations. I'll have your mother call."

  "Bye, Dad."

  "Bye, Libby."

  And with that, he was off the phone. Like the whole thing had been some weird dream.

  It wasn't long after that Britt came home from school. I wished it was just her, but since she wasn't getting her license for another few months, her friend Sarah was driving her around. And of course, Sarah had to come inside as well.

  I was sitting at the kitchen table, figuring since I was eating for two now, it wouldn't kill me to eat some of Aunt Dee's pie that was in the fridge. So I was finishing up the last half.

  "Whoa, Libby, take it you're feeling better," Britt said and dropped her book bag on the couch.

  My little cousin lacked a fashion sense, but since she started hanging out with my gay friend Sawyer's hot, jock brother she started caring a little bit more about her appearance and wearing some lip gloss. She also exchanged her gym shorts and t-shirts in for jeans and started actually styling her pixie cut.

  "Yeah. I'm eating for two, so at least I don't have to feel like shit when I eat this whole pie."

  Libby and Sarah stopped and stared at me wide eyed.

  Sarah took a step closer, her perfume and hair spray so thick that I thought I might puke from the smell. "Did you just say you're eating for two?"

  I took the last bite of the pie, then licked the plate. "Yep. You're looking at the future first baby mama to Blaine Crabtree."

  Britt shook her head. "Libby. That's not funny. It's a little early for April fool's jokes."

  I laughed but there was no humor in it. "I wish it was an April fool's joke."

  Britt took a tentative step forward. "Does Blaine know? Your parents? Grandma?"

  "Ha. Yeah, Blaine was the first to know and he didn't stay long. He was more in shock than anything. My dad knows, but he didn't say too much. That just leaves my mom and Aunt Dee."

  Sarah put a cold hand on my wrist. "Are you okay, honey? You seem a little...off..."

  I laughed. "Yeah. I'm pregnant with my commitmaphobic boyfriend's baby, living in Louisiana with at least two years of school left, and, oh yeah, I'm sure my parents are discussing right now what my next form of punishment will be."

  "Libby, they aren't going to punish you. A lot of people have kids before they're married and Blaine loves you. You'll both do the right thing, "Britt said.

  "Yeah. Like I know what the right thing is," I muttered.

  "You're not getting rid of it, are you?" Sarah gasped.

  I shook my head. "No. I couldn't even if my crazy Catholic beliefs allowed it. For better or for worse, this little Crabtree is a part of me. Forever."

  ***

  Sarah left and Aunt Dee came home a few hours later.

  She had some grocery bags in her hands and set them on the counter. "Hi, Libby, what did the doctor say?"

  I leaned against the counter, letting out a deep breath. "Well, it's not the flu."

  "That's good. At least we don't have to worry about all of us catching it," Aunt Dee smiled and put some milk and cheese in the fridge.

  "No, you can't catch this...I'm pregnant."

  Aunt Dee stared into the open fridge, blinking once then twice before closing it. "Did I hear you right, honey?"

  I bit my bottom lip, fighting back tears. God, I'd been crying too much. "Yes. I am."

  "Oh, honey." She took me in her arms and held me as I cried. I didn't know if they were happy tears or if they were tears of sheer panic. Either way I was happy to have someone hold me and rub my hair, telling
me it was going to be okay, even though I wasn't sure it was.

  Aunt Dee let go of me but kept her hands on my shoulders. "Do you feel like eating? I have stuff for pecan pie."

  Aunt Dee's answer for anything was always food. Food was usually my enemy, but I thought it couldn't hurt. I nodded and wiped my cheeks. "Yeah. That sounds great."

  After I ate another half of a pie, my phone rang. I didn't know who I was expecting it to be, but when I looked down and saw my mom's name scroll across my screen, my heart dropped in my chest.

  "I'm going to take this in my bedroom," I said, not waiting for an answer as I stood from the table and walked down the small hallway.

  Once I was in my room I shut the door and swiped my phone to answer.

  "Hey, Mom."

  "Hey, Libby. Your dad told me I was supposed to call you and that you had something important to tell me?" She was breathless as if she just ran a few miles. She may have since she was getting into fitness now. Or she could have just been busy from running around the courtroom all day.

  "Are you sitting down?"

  "No, I'm standing in the kitchen, getting ready to order Chinese. What's up?"

  I shook my head. "You should sit down."

  "Okay. I'm sitting. What is it?"

  I took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant. It's Blaine's. I know I'm not married and that this is the last thing you wanted to happen when I came down here. But it did. And I love him and I already love this thing in my stomach that is making me throw up all the time and I'm going to keep it. I don't know if Blaine will stick around and if he doesn't, oh well. I've grown a lot this past year and I know I can handle whatever life throws at me."

  I didn't know where half of those words came from, but they all just spilled out of me.

  Mom was silent for what seemed like forever before she finally spoke. "Wow. That wasn't what I was expecting, but I guess part of me knew this was going to happen eventually."

  "Because I'm a screw up?" I tried to hold back the tears welling in my eyes.

  "No, dear. Because you're in love. And sometimes these things happen when you're in love. I wish you two could have been married before this happened, but I understand it and I'm still going to love you and your baby and Blaine no matter what happens."

  "Even if he leaves me? Even if I just end up some housewife with five kids and never live up to your expectations?"

  "Libby, as long as you're happy and feel like you've succeeded, then that's all I can ask for you. When we first sent you down south it was a form of punishment, but as I watched you grow this past year, I knew it was more than that. And if this is where you're supposed to be and what you want, then I'm happy for you."

  "But what if it isn't what I want?" I sniffled.

  "Then you tell me what you want to do."

  "I want to keep the baby, but I also want to finish school and to do all the things I've been planning on with my life for forever."

  "Then what's stopping you?"

  I thought on it for a moment. There were so many things swirling through my head that I didn't have an answer.

  "I don't know."

  "Well, then you can do them all. And if you need any help, we're here for you. Okay?"

  I nodded. "Okay, Mom."

  She asked a few more questions and I gave her the only details I knew. She didn't ask much about Blaine's involvement and I was happy not to talk about it.

  "Okay. Now you should probably call your sister and then call me again after your next doctor's appointment."

  "I will, Mom. I love you."

  "I love you, too, Libby. Goodbye."

  I hung up the phone and looked out my window. I didn't know when the day had turned into night, but there was a bright set of headlights coming in from the driveway.

  Who would be visiting this late?

  I really hoped that Aunt Dee didn't throw together some kind of impromptu "you're expecting" party and now her entire bridge club was coming over.

  I sucked in a deep breath and headed out to the living room. Britt was at the kitchen table doing homework and Aunt Dee was putting up dishes.

  "Are you expecting someone?" I asked, to both of them but it was more pointed at Aunt Dee.

  Britt just shook her head but Aunt Dee came into the living room, looking out the front window. "Now who would be calling on us at this time of night?"

  The front door of the car opened and I could barely make out the silhouette. It wasn't until he was at the front door that I recognized the blond head and bright blue eyes.

  Blaine was back.

  He rang the doorbell, even though I was pretty sure he could see me standing there near the front window.

  "Who is it, honey?" Aunt Dee asked.

  I sighed. "It's Blaine."

  "Oh...Come on Britt. Let's head to the back for a bit. Give them some privacy," Aunt Dee said.

  "Why? They won't even pay attention to us and I have to finish this worksheet."

  "You can finish it later, just trust me."

  Britt groaned but reluctantly followed. It wasn't until I heard the back door shut that I let out a big puff of air and opened the front door.

  Blaine stood there looking every bit as disheveled as I felt with his hair spiking up all over the place. But his eyes. Oh his eyes. They still shone.

  "Hey," he said.

  "Hi."

  "Mind if I come in?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

  "Yeah. Sure." I stepped back and let him walk into the house, shutting the door behind him.

  He rubbed the back of his head, taking slow methodical steps until he was on the other side of me. "Sorry about earlier. I think I was kind of in shock."

  "Uh, yeah, tell me about it." I walked past him and took a seat on the couch.

  He followed and sat next to me, leaving a few inches of space between us. "It wasn't something I was expecting to hear. I mean, I thought someday it might happen, but we'd always been careful."

  "Yeah, except the night of Britt's Cotillion," I scoffed.

  "Right." He nodded.

  It stayed silent for another few moments before I nodded my head out the window. "So when you left here, you decided to get a new car?"

  He stared into space for what seemed like forever before he finally spoke. "Something like that."

  "Gee, that makes me feel real good about our future. We fight and you go and buy a new car."

  He shook his head. "I figured we'd need something that would be better for a family, so I traded my truck in for the Blazer."

  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box, setting it down on the coffee table. "And I used the rest of the money for this."

  I eyed the box on the table before I picked it up, carefully examining it before opening it to reveal a white gold band with a round diamond sparkling from on top of it.

  Blaine's hands were on my thighs as he got down on his knees in front of me. "I called your dad earlier today and asked his permission. I don't think he was happy about the whole situation, but I told him that I loved you and I knew this was going to happen someday, so it might as well be today. The day I ask you to be my wife and make our family whole."

  I shook my head slowly, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Blaine, you don't have to do this just because I'm pregnant."

  He let out a deep breath and put a hand under my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his. "You having my baby may have moved things along a lot quicker than we both would have liked, but that's not the only reason I'm down on my knees for you. I love you, baby. More than I've ever loved anything or anyone. Now please say you'll be my wife."

  I bit my lip, chewing on it so hard I thought I was going to bleed. This wasn't what I was expecting, but looking into the vast blue of Blaine's eyes and thinking about the way he looked at me, I knew that it was where I was supposed to be. With him. Forever.

  I smiled. "Of course."

  Chapter 6

  "PREGNANT WITH BLAINE'S KID?" Dina's eyes practically bugged out
of her head.

  "Shhh!" I put my finger to my lips. "There are customers."

  Okay, there was only one guy milling around the shop, but she didn't have to yell it.

  "Yes. It's going to be a shotgun wedding, I guess," I said, twirling the ends of my hair.

  "What did your parents say?"

  I shrugged. "Not too much. It's not like they were happy about me being pregnant."

  Dina raised her eyebrows. "I mean about getting married. They aren't arguing that y'all are too young and you don't need to jump into anything just because you're pregnant?"

  I shook my head. "Are you trying to tell me that?"

  She waved her hands in front of her. "No, I'm not saying that at all, just something to think about. You know there are a lot of single mothers out there that are doing just fine and you do have a support system."

  "I'm marrying Blaine. I love him. This would have happened sooner or later and I guess it's happening sooner," I snapped, harsher than I intended to.

  Dina blew a breath of air out of her teeth. "No reason to be defensive with me, girl. When Jackson and I got serious, my daddy said all the same things. When we moved in together, he kept asking if I thought we were doing it too soon and if we were too young. I'm almost twenty-five years old."

  She sighed. "But, you know, that's how parents think. They forget what it was like when they were younger, or they made stupid mistakes themselves and don't want to see us repeat them."

  I bit my lip. "My parents didn't get married until they were out of law school and dental school, even though they had dated since they were eighteen."

  Dina shrugged. "Well, that's what they did. It doesn't mean that's what you have to do."

  I nodded. "Yeah, that's definitely not what we're doing."

  Dina shook her head. "I never thought I'd see the day that Blaine Crabtree got hitched, let alone became a daddy."

  "Well, you're going to see it because you're also going to be a bridesmaid and Jackson's going to be the best man."