The Full Experience

by Dawn Doyle

  “Your classes are important, Raven. You need to attend each one. You never know what you might miss.”

  “So you can cut classes, but I can’t? Pfft.” She blew out.

  “I’ve never cut class,” he said, his eyebrows creasing together.

  “Wow. A liar too,” she shook her head.

  “I’m not. I haven’t missed a single fucking class, Raven. Do you think my education is a joke to me?”

  “No, and that’s why I don’t understand you. Your stupid list…”

  “Which is exactly that; stupid. It was just a game,” he cut in, dipping his head; his mouth dangerously close to her ear.

  “A game you still play,” she hit back.

  “Do I? Are you sure about that Raven?”

  Raven gasped when she felt Beck’s hand on her arm, pulling it away from her body. He turned it and placed a couple of pieces of paper in her hand.

  “Make sure you read all of that.”

  Beck walked away, as usual, and Raven looked down to see what he’d given her.

  It was a copy of the notes from the class she’d missed.

  “I can’t believe he helped you,” Ava said when they were out of Beck’s earshot.

  “He can be nice sometimes,” Raven replied. She hadn’t told Ava about the notes he’d given her the last time, so she was unaware of how Beck could be so generous.

  “Let’s get these books out, before my arms fall off.”

  Raven took some of the books from Ava and helped carry them to the desk for check out. Looking round the library as the clerk stamped the books, Raven saw a lot of Beck’s Statistics classmates huddled round a table studying together.

  Beck had been studying alone.

  He didn’t need the input of the others, but to see the rest in a group, and Beck by himself, it looked as though he’d been excluded.

  Her heart ached for him.

  *****

  The girls got back to their dorm and set their things on their desks to study.

  Raven smoothed out the paper Beck had given to her and looked down at his writing. It was neat and unhurried. It was as though he’d taken his time to make it legible for her. The last time she’d gotten the notes, she could tell they’d been written in class because she’d seen how fast he’d written previous notes when they used to sit on different sides of the room.

  “That was nice of Beck to do that for you.” Ava didn’t look up from her desk as she spoke.

  “Yeah. We needed the same thing so…” Raven shrugged a shoulder as if it were nothing.

  “Don’t you think it a little convenient that he had that book ready, and a set of notes?”

  “He’d just finished his assignment, so he didn’t need them any more,” Raven explained. She didn’t know what Ava was getting at.

  “I didn’t see any other assignments on the table, just papers with a bunch of charts and numbers on them.”

  Ava turned in her seat to look at Raven.

  “He could’ve put his assignment away.” Raven looked down, her cheeks warming.

  “And still had the book and notes? Come on Ray, you’ve got to admit…that looks like a setup.”

  She didn’t want to admit it, but Raven thought that it did indeed look as though Beck already had the book and notes prepared for her. But, how would he have known she would be going there that day? How would he have known she needed to finish up her own assignment?

  “I don’t know, Ay. I don’t understand him most of the time so I’m not going to give myself a headache in trying to figure out why he’s nice sometimes and a foul mouthed sleaze-ball the next.”

  “Uh huh,” was all Ava replied. Her tone indicated she was contemplating his motives.

  Raven didn’t look up. She knew her friend would be assessing her reaction. In truth, Raven was thinking the same thing.

  “Starving!” Ava called out suddenly, and Raven jumped.

  “Ay, you scared me half to death!” she squealed.

  “Sorry Ray, but my stomach has been growling for the past hour, and I need to fill it.”

  Immediately, Raven thought of an innuendo that could go with Ava’s statement.

  ‘I’ve got something you can fill it with.’

  Beck was not only under her skin, but he was invading her own thoughts.

  “You’re blushing, what’s the matter?” Ava looked concerned with her eyebrows pinched together.

  “Nothing. I just thought of something, that’s all.”

  “Something dirty?” Ava’s face relaxed, and she pumped her eyebrows instead.

  Raven reddened even more.

  “You don’t blush like that if it’s clean, come on,” Ava prodded her with her finger. “Tell me.”

  “Don’t repeat this,” Raven held up her finger in warning, and Ava shook her head. “It was something Beck would say.”

  “About?”

  Raven told Ava the thought she had with what she said. Ava laughed…hard.

  “It’s not funny, Ay. I don’t think like that.”

  “Well it proves that you do…now,” Ava continued to laugh.

  “Let’s just go,” Raven groaned and headed out of the door.

  Raven walked through the door to her Environmental Studies class and took her seat. Lunch had gone by smoothly, and Beck hadn’t said anything or done anything. He hadn’t even looked in her direction.

  She wasn’t relieved either; she was disappointed, which surprised her.

  “Raven, are you listening?” the professor asked, bringing her out of her thoughts.

  “Oh, sorry. Yes I’m listening.”

  Raven shifted in her seat, sitting up straight, and focused her attention on the professor’s lecture. It proved difficult when she remembered the naughty comeback from earlier.

  She smiled.

  Beck would’ve liked that.

  She frowned.

  She was in trouble.

  Raven took notes as the professor spoke, but there was a noise distracting her from writing. Turning in the direction it was coming from; she saw two girls in her class whispering and looking over to her.

  She glared at them, and they put their heads down. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she had a feeling it was something to do with a certain someone. That someone she was trying not to think about.

  She didn’t let it get to her.

  Instead, she carried on with her work and put Beck to the back of her mind.

  Other students were wandering about going from class to class, and Raven wove between the bodies as she walked through the hallways. Her mind was preoccupied, and she didn’t notice the person beginning to walk along side her.

  “Hi Raven,” the male voice said, and Raven snapped her eyes to her right when she heard it.

  “Oh, hi Kato,” she replied, turning her eyes forwards again as she continued to walk outside.

  Kato was one of her Economics classmates.

  “A few of us are going to the Green Bridge later,” he said nervously.

  The Green Bridge was a small student bar near the water bridge. It was for the older juniors and seniors; strictly over twenty-one only.

  “That’s nice.” Raven didn’t want to seem as though she was trying to get away from him, but she wasn’t too fond of Kato anyway. He was one of the students who’d accused Beck of cheating, and he also thought he was something special because his cousin worked in the college administration department.

  “Do you want to come with us? I mean, you could come with me and we could go together?” he asked, looking hopeful.

  “I’ve got a lot of stuff to do, Kato, but thanks anyway,” she smiled.

  “What do you need to do? I could help you.”

  Kato wasn’t giving up easily. He’d dropped hints about them going out, in the past, but Raven wasn’t interested in him in the slightest.

  “I have to call my mother and discuss family matters, I have to finish up the last of my assignments and I have a huge chocolate bar and tub o
f ice-cream to devour. A girl on her period needs these things.”

  She wasn’t, but she needed the excuse to put him off.

  “I can help with your assignment,” he said eagerly.

  “It’s for E-studies,” she lied. “You’re not in my class.”

  “Oh, well, when your done…”

  “Look, Kato,” she stopped and turned to him. “I’m flattered that you want me to go to the bridge with you, but here’s the thing; I don’t want to.”

  “Maybe tomorrow…”

  “I’m really trying to turn you down nicely,” she rubbed her temple, “but seeing as though you’re not getting the message, I’m going to have to be blunt. I’m not interested; sorry.”

  Raven walked away from Kato feeling terrible that she had to do that to him.

  She got out her phone to send a text to Ava. She needed her friend’s advice.

  R: Hey. Kato just asked me out to the Green Bridge. :o

  A: What did you say? Are you going? :P

  R: No. I tried to turn him down gently but he didn’t take the hint. :(

  A: What happened?

  R: I snapped…a little. I feel terrible!

  Raven placed her hand on her stomach. It was rolling so much she felt sick.

  A: Don’t. If he can’t see that you’re not interested, then a more direct approach is needed.

  R: I think I hurt his feelings.

  A: I’m sure he’ll be fine. :D

  R: I’m on my way back to our dorm. Are you there?

  A: Not yet. I’m just catching a few more minutes of study. Won’t be long. X

  Raven put her phone back in her pocket and walked towards the dorms.

  She’d walked a few feet when she heard a low whistle. She paid no attention until she heard it again, only louder. She looked in the direction it was coming from, and the air left her lungs as though she’d been squeezed tightly.

  Beck was leaning against the wall, his eyes fixed on her, and he was grinning widely.

  The gray long sleeved V-neck tee showed just how muscular he was. He wasn’t showing off, though. No, it just fitted him in all the right places and the way he was looking at her, looking at him, he knew it too.

  The dark blue denim jeans were hugging his thighs as one leg crossed the other at the ankle -even his white flats looked great on him- and even from the distance between them, she could see the bulge that was hidden behind the zipper.

  Her lungs burned, and then she remembered she needed to breathe.

  Beck winked, sending her heart into a fluttering frenzy, then he looked at something else, then back to her. He looked amused as he looked back to the other point again.

  Paranoid, Raven turned to look too.

  He was looking at Kato.

  Kato was looking at her.

  Beck knew he’d asked her out.

  Oh shit.

  Raven knew he would have to say something. He hadn't spoken with her since the library incident, and it was past time for him to do something.

  Ava made Raven feel better about turning down Kato’s offer. It wouldn’t be right to accept to go with him if she didn’t like him that way. Raven didn’t want to tell Ava the complete truth about what Kato had done because she didn’t want Ava thinking there was more to her feelings for Beck than she already knew.

  That he got her hot and bothered.

  And that she was. He hadn’t even said a word! All he needed to do was flash his smile, and she melted.

  God I’m such a mess!

  “So, you don’t want to go out tonight at all?” Ava asked, putting her things away after finishing up.

  “It’ll look bad if I go, Ay. I said I was busy, and then I turn up? That’s not nice.”

  “Yeah, but you also told him that you were trying to turn him down gently, which means you were available; just not for him.”

  “That’s true, but I still feel bad.”

  “Ok, say we go…and he looks all puppy eyed. Just apologize and say you didn’t want to give him the wrong impression that you would be with him when you weren’t interested.”

  That sounded familiar. Raven knew all too well what Beck’s rules were for. He never wanted girls to expect anything from him. He didn’t give them any reason to think they would.

  She’d done the same to Kato, but in the old fashioned way. She’d just said no.

  “Ok so we’ll go tomorrow then,” Ava shrugged. “It’s no biggie. That just means more Ray-Ray Ay-Ay time!”

  *****

  Raven walked into class on shaky legs.

  Her stomach lurched into her throat when she saw Beck already sat down, his arm hung lazily around the back of her chair as he lounged in his own. His long legs stuck out the bottom of the desk with his ankles crossed over.

  His other arm was extended, and eyes cast down at the piece of paper he was writing on.

  Without moving, he looked up to her, amusement in his eyes but no other expression on his -so handsome it hurts- face.

  Raven quickly broke the eye contact and moved to her seat. She looked down to Beck’s hand, waiting for him to move it off her chair.

  He didn’t.

  She waited.

  He still didn’t move.

  “Beck,” she whispered. “Can you take you hand off my chair?”

  Beck slowly blinked his eyes and turned his head in her direction, looking up at her.

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “No.”

  His mouth twitched with a smile he was trying to hold back.

  So he wants to play? I’m going to play too.

  Raven took hold of the side of the chair and pulled it out enough so she could sit down. She could feel Beck’s eyes on her. She didn’t move an inch. Not because she didn’t want to, but she was afraid any movement would cause him to either say something to her, or she would have to turn to look at him.

  “Good morning, Raven,” he breathed. Even being a foot apart, Raven felt the warm air on her neck.

  She shivered.

  “Hey,” she rasped.

  “The green hornet’s driver is a green eyed monster,” he chuckled. “Does he like you? Does he want to sit next to you, does he want to…rock your world?”

  That got Raven’s full attention, and she snapped her eyes to his. He was grinning like a madman.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” she asked as though he didn’t already know.

  “You know what,” he glanced to Kato and then back to her. “Bruce Lee asked you out.”

  Beck wasn’t being nasty. Kato’s name was, in fact, Bruce Lee. Kato was his nickname because of the TV series. He wasn’t even Chinese. He had almost white blonde hair, turquoise eyes, and was originally from Toronto in Canada.

  Raven flushed, as usual around Beck, and turned back to the front.

  “He’s looking over,” he continued. “He doesn’t like that my arm is on your chair.”

  “So that’s why you did that? To piss him off?”

  It made sense. Beck had his arm on her chair before she’d even gotten to class. It would look as though he were being territorial.

  “Not really,” he smiled again. “Ok, maybe a little, but I like seeing you flustered.”

  “Don’t you ever turn it off, Beck? Just once?”

  “I only like to turn you on.”

  “Wow, just…wow,” she flung her hands up in exasperation.

  “That’s right, babe.”

  “I’m not your babe,” she growled.

  “No… you’re not.”

  Beck dropped his hand from her chair and straightened himself up. He leant his arms on the desk, and resumed his scribbling. The movement caused a gush of his smell to hit her in the face, and she tried her hardest not to gulp down the air. Instead, she held her breath and counted to twenty before she needed to breathe again.

  She didn’t know what had happened, but Beck’s mood had changed. It was at that point where he would just walk away, but they were in class; he
couldn’t.

  Beck said nothing as the lecture went on. The only sound coming from him was the sound of his ball point pen rolling across the paper.

  Raven was writing notes as the professor spoke. It was difficult to multitask listening, taking notes, and keeping her lady parts from catching fire. Every time Beck shifted, she shifted. Every time he sighed, she thought about his breath on her skin. It was becoming unbearable. She needed to stop herself from getting carried away, but the more she was around him, which seemed to be a hell of a lot more than previous years, her body screamed out for him.

  She rubbed her hand across her forehead and continued taking notes, when Beck leaned towards her.

  She sat back as his hand reached across her paper and crossed out some of her writing. She was about to ask what he was doing, when he wrote the correct notes in their place.

  “Pay attention,” he muttered, going back to his own work.

  Raven looked at the changes he’d made and saw that what she’d written had made no sense at all with the rest of her work. What else didn’t make sense was how Beck had known she’d made a mistake. He must have been checking on her.

  That was sweet.

  Really sweet.

  “So now we come to the conclusion…” the professor said as she turned to the board she’d been writing on, and began to wipe it clean.

  Raven listened as Beck lounged back in his seat. She could see him in her peripheral vision, and he had folded his arms across his chest.

  Don’t turn to look at his chest! Don’t!

  She listened to her mind, but her eyes didn’t understand the reasoning. She blinked rapidly to stop them from veering to her right and landing on his chest, and other areas.