A Mended Heart

by Jenn Leigh

  Just as he finished talking, Natalie and Josh walked in, and Natalie was two sheets to the wind. At least she was a happy drunk, but we had to keep her quiet so she didn’t wake up Cassie.

  Once Josh put Natalie to bed, he came back down and stood with Daniel and me in the kitchen.

  “How bad is it?” Daniel asked, referring to Cassie’s situation. I had already filled them in at the party that Nilka had gotten her to talk when they saw my reaction to the text.

  “Bad.” I rubbed my hands through my hair. “She was raped and abused in one of her foster homes. She opened up to Nilka. It sounds like it happened more than once. She was sodomized, too. She was eight, for fuck’s sake.”

  I had started to raise my voice, only to have Josh put his hand on my shoulder. I took a deep breath to gather my wits then turned to Josh and Daniel.

  They both looked at me with the same look of disbelief and disgust that someone would do that to a child. I was positive I wouldn’t have to ask them to help me put those fuckers in the ground. We were all thinking the same thing and obviously silently plotting their demise when Cassie started screaming again.

  Josh and Daniel were startled, but I simply shook my head.

  “She has been doing this all night. This is the third time in about four hours. I really wish I could help her. They are going to take her into foster care again, but at least this time she’ll stay in this town, and we can work with her and maybe get her some help.”

  Josh, Daniel, and I went to Cassie’s room where I picked her up and repeated the process again until she fell asleep.

  “I’ve heard of night terrors; do you think this is those? I know it happens with kids lots,” Daniel asked.

  “I’m not sure, but I hope they go away soon. We aren’t getting much rest at this rate,” I replied as I put Cassie back in bed.

  “Maybe you should lie down with her,” Josh offered. “It might help keep her calm. She must subconsciously feel unsafe.”

  “I’m going to have to do something; otherwise, it’ll be a really long night for all of us.” I crawled into bed with Cassie.

  “Leave the hall light on,” I said as they headed out of her room.

  Josh nodded and left with Daniel.

  ***

  When I was awoken to soft cries, I opened my eyes to find Cassie in the corner of the room. I looked over to the clock and found it to be nine o’clock in the morning. At least we got some sleep. I looked back over to where she was rocking in the corner.

  “What’s the matter, Cassie?” I asked softly, sitting up.

  “You’re going to hate me. Then you’re going to hit me.” She sobbed.

  I was shocked.

  “Why would I do that?” I asked, worried.

  She shook her head and rocked faster. I was at a loss as to what to do as I watched her.

  “I promise I would never hurt you, Cassie. You are scaring me, and I’m a big guy. How ‘bout we start with you coming out of the corner? You don’t ever have to go to the corner with me.” I held out my hand.

  She stopped rocking, obviously contemplating my offer, before she unfolded herself and stood up, slowly making her way over to me. She stopped just short of where I could reach her with her head down and her hands shaking.

  “Did you have a bad dream or something?” I pried.

  She shook her head.

  “Did you hurt yourself?” I tried again.

  She shook her head again.

  “You’re going to have to help me out, Cassie. I cross my heart I won’t be mad or even yell. You have to meet me halfway, though,” I pleaded with her.

  She took a deep breath then whispered, “I wet the bed.”

  I looked at her for a minute and then got out of bed. She was frozen in fear.

  I knelt down so I was eye level with her. “That’s okay, Cassie. Lots of people do that. It’s nothing to worry about. I’ll change the sheets, and the bed will be as good as new.” I tried to sound as upbeat as possible.

  She never looked at me the whole time I was talking, only nodded her head in agreement.

  “Cassie, look at me.”

  She lifted her tear-streaked face to mine.

  I smiled at her and pulled her in for a hug. “The way you were treated before isn’t normal. This is how most people deal with situations—in a gentle manner. I promise it will never be that way again. I won’t let it,” I promised as I hugged her.

  She nodded and relaxed slightly.

  “Why don’t you get cleaned up then head into the kitchen, and as soon as I change the sheets, I’ll make you some breakfast.” I smiled at her again.

  She smiled back then grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom.

  After she was out of the room, I shook my head and took a deep breath as I changed the sheets. This was going to be a long road.

  I walked into the kitchen to find Daniel making pancakes with Cassie sitting across the island, watching him curiously. Daniel was chatting up a storm about nothing in particular, trying to make Cassie comfortable.

  I watched their interaction for a few moments before I came in. Cassie looked over to me, almost with a helpless look.

  Daniel turned around at the same time.

  “I think I’m scarring her.” Daniel made a funny face at Cassie to lighten the mood.

  Cassie giggled, and it made my heart mend just a bit.

  Just then, Nilka walked in, and my heart rose in my chest, hopeful that she remembered what had happened last night.

  She looked at me warily, but the look was more about Cassie than herself. I nodded back to say we were fine last night. Somewhat tired, but fine.

  I was more worried about the conversation between Nilka and me. I didn’t like the tension that came into the room when it was just us. I knew she could feel it, too, but until we talked, it would always be there.

  Chapter 6

  Nilka

  To everyone’s relief, we learned today that Cassie will be staying with Mr. and Mrs. Bennett, two retired school teachers here in the town who are very good people. Of course, we would be able to see her every day and as long as we wanted.

  Mrs. Bennett was a godsend because she could assess Cassie’s educational needs, and hopefully, she would be able to go to school within the next year. Fingers crossed.

  She was so frightened when Mark took her to Mrs. Bennett’s that he had to stay there for longer than originally thought to make sure she came out of her shell before he left.

  We pitched in together and bought her a cheap cell phone then put both of our numbers in so we could stay in contact with each other during the day. This seemed to appease her slightly, and she relaxed a bit until the time came for Mark to leave her.

  I waited in the truck for him, (as I was the one to drop them off), not wanting to make this any harder than it already was. My frazzled nerves couldn’t take her breaking down.

  While I sat there, I thought over my past, reliving my pregnancy and how, even though my parents had made me feel ashamed, it was one of the best times in my life. Getting to feel your baby kick and knowing you created life out of love was an incredible feeling. To have it then all crash down around you was heartbreaking. I couldn’t do it again with Cassie.

  Mark came to the truck and flopped in the passenger seat, and I watched his reaction to gauge how it had gone inside. He gave me the answer when he started beating his hands on the dash.

  “Whoa, baby, calm down,” I said as I tried rubbing his arm with my hand.

  His body was shaking with anger as he looked over at me, causing me to swallow. Not because I was afraid, but because I felt the exact same way—anguished.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “Cassie threw herself at me, told me everyone leaves her, and that I was doing the same. I explained that I would be back tomorrow, and that seemed to calm her down, but fuck, Nil, it broke my heart.” He took a shuddering breath then folded his arms across his chest in what I could only assume was an effort to
keep them from lashing out again.

  He was still taking deep breaths when we pulled up to his house. I parked his truck next to my car then put my hand on the latch of the door, preparing to open it, but Mark cleared his throat, and I turned to find his face inches from mine.

  I breathed in a gasp, and he took advantage of it, grabbing my face and kissing me like he used to. His tongue played with mine, and I moaned in the back of my throat at the unexpected pleasure he brought me. His thumbs swept my cheeks as we kissed, making me melt. It was such a touching gesture, one of love, and it made me reel back from his sinful mouth.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.” My eyes wildly searched his face for his reaction.

  “Why are you sorry? I’m the one who couldn’t stay away,” he said huskily. “I just needed to calm down, and I wasn’t thinking straight. It’s me who should be sorry. Although, I am curious as to why you were crying while we were kissing. I was pretty sure my kissing skills had improved over the years,” he jested to lighten the mood.

  I lifted my hands up to my cheeks, and sure enough, my cheeks were wet with tears.

  I kept my hands over my cheeks in embarrassment. “Oh, my gosh. I don’t know what came over me,” I lied.

  What I didn’t want to tell him was that I was going to break his heart with my news, and that was probably the last kiss I would ever get from him. And I didn’t want to give up this moment for anything.

  “You’re thinking too hard, Nil. I can hear the wheels turning. Don’t do that.” He touched my face again, but this time, I turned away from him before it got too far.

  I took that opportunity to get out of the truck and went to my car, starting it and driving away, but not before looking out my side window to see his face in the truck.

  He looked like I had twisted a knife in his heart, and it would only get worse when I told him everything. He would hate me forever.

  I drove home with tears streaking down my face.

  ***

  I slept for shit last night, reliving the hurt look on Mark’s face. To make matters worse, today was Josh and Natalie’s wedding. There’s nothing like a lack of sleep to make the beauty regime more extensive.

  It was a small wedding with only close family and a few friends. Lily, one of my friends, was going to help with my hair and makeup.

  “Holy shit! What the hell happened to you? You didn’t go on some sort of bender last night, did you?” She stood in the doorway of the borrowed room at Mark’s house, staring at my drained face and swollen eyes.

  “Close,” was all I could muster.

  “Jesus, Nil, I’ll try to work my magic to get you looking fabulous. I have every faith in myself to make you a masterpiece, but first we need to get your eyes under control. Are you sure you didn’t get into a fight or something? Eyes like this only come from two things: fighting and crying. I’ve never seen you cry, so I just assume ...” She trailed off as she finally looked up from her rant at my face to see tears forming in my eyes once again.

  “Oh, Nil, come here.” Lily wrapped her arms around me. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I wiped my eyes on the backs of my hands while she went into the bathroom to get a cold cloth.

  “Here, put this over your eyes; it’ll help with the swelling.” She walked me over to the bed and handed me the cloth.

  I lay back on the bed and placed the cloth over my eyes, taking a few deep breaths.

  None of my friends knew what I had gone through, but I felt like I needed to open up, at least about Mark, and I didn’t want to burden Nat on her big day. Lily and I were close, so it wasn’t like I didn’t have anyone to confide in. Although she was with Shane, their relationship had gone past that honeymoon stage where women tended to forget about everyone else except their new fling. Lily and I had a strong bond.

  “I’m still in love with Mark.” There, I had let it out.

  It was met with silence for a moment, and then Lily started clapping her hands as she exclaimed, “I knew it!”

  I took the cloth off my eyes and narrowed them at her.

  “Oh, please, don’t look at me that way. Shit, everyone knows it. The sexual tension between you two is enough to make everyone horny. So now what?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “We have some issues to work through, but I’m afraid it won’t be a happy ending for either of us.”

  “Why would you say that? It’s very obvious that you still share the same feelings you had in high school. I know your parents took you away for a while, but that shouldn’t deter you from finally getting back together. We are all rooting for it,” Lily stated.

  “There are a lot of other things that come into play, but I don’t want to talk about that right now. Now, you have to make me look great for the wedding. We only have a few hours left.”

  I managed to derail her train of thought on Mark and myself. She was a sucker for styling and beauty.

  She did narrow her eyes at me, but I knew I had her.

  “Fine. This topic isn’t closed, sister. Now sit in the chair while I work my magic,” she demanded.

  I raised my hands up in defense, but did as I was told.

  About an hour later, my hair and makeup were finished, and I was ready to put my dress on. As Lily unzipped the garment bag it was hanging in, I had to admit, for a bridesmaid dress, it was very tasteful.

  Nat had chosen royal blue and cream for her colors, and my dress was tea length with flowing material. It had a cream colored sash across the waist where the ends of the sash flowed down with the dress. It was halter style with a bit of beading near the top. It wasn’t fancy enough that it couldn’t be used again for a dinner party, which I liked.

  Nat’s wedding dress had royal blue lacing up the back, so my dress was a compliment to hers. It was going to look fabulous with the rest of our group.

  Mark and the boys all had royal blue vests and ties with cream colored pocket squares for their suits. It really would look great in photos.

  I was putting the finishing touches on when Daniel and Mark walked in.

  Daniel whistled. “Hot damn, Nil. You look great,” he complimented as he squished me in a hug.

  “Hey, don’t ruin the fabulousness I have going on here.” I punched him playfully in the arm.

  Mark came over with a twinkle in his eye. “I’ve brought your bouquet for you. We’ve been paired up to walk down together,” he stated while taking in my appearance.

  I could tell he was taken aback by how I looked. His eyes flickered to mine, and I saw the glimmer of hunger there, just like there used to be. He recovered quickly, though not before I blushed under his scrutiny.

  “You look beautiful, Nil,” he said as he leaned in and kissed my cheek.

  I blushed more. “Thanks. You clean up well, yourself,” I offered in return.

  He merely smiled at me.

  “I think we are about to get this show on the road,” Daniel said, slapping Mark on the back as they both headed for the door.

  “I’ll go and check on Nat,” I said to Lily as she put the last of the touches on her own dress and make-up, and she nodded in response.

  I walked down the hall and knocked on the door to Nat’s room.

  “Come in,” she yelled.

  As I walked in, my breath left my body at the sight of her in her gown. The dress had a sweetheart, strapless neck line with lace and beading throughout the body. The base of the body flared out and down at the hips. Nat did a little twirl for me, and as she turned around, I saw her dress had gorgeous, royal blue laces that flowed down the back with the laces left loose, adding a splash of color to the train.

  “All traditions and stuff in here.” I waved the gift bag I had for her. “Something borrowed, something new, something old, and something blue.” I set the bag down on the side table where she was sitting then gave her a light hug to avoid messing up the dress.

  “Geez, Nat, you look gorgeous. Josh isn’t go
ing to be able to take his eyes off you!” I exclaimed.

  “You look great, too, Nil. And I think Mark will be just as enamored about you.” she hugged me back.

  “Let’s look in the bag and put the final touches on together so we can get this party started!” I exclaimed.

  Natalie laughed as she opened the bag and took out the four wrapped boxes. She opened the first one that had a tag on it, saying ‘Something Borrowed’ to find my diamond earrings.

  “Wow, Nil, these are gorgeous, and they go perfectly with my dress.” She looked at me with tears in her eyes.

  “Hey, no crying. Then I’ll start, and we don’t have time to fix our makeup.” I laughed.

  She put the earrings on then opened the second box with ‘Something New’ on the tag. Inside was a gorgeous necklace with a little card that read, ‘On your special day, from both of your parents. – Jim and Rita & Laurel and Harry.’

  “Oh, my gosh!” she gasped, but this time, she couldn’t stop the tears from falling. Thank God for waterproof mascara.

  I grabbed some tissues and helped her dab her face while she put on the necklace. We both shared a moment of silence as she looked at herself in the mirror. Natalie was lost in thought, and I knew she was remembering her past and needed this moment.

  Natalie had gone through hell and back when a much needed family vacation from her high profile lifestyle had turned tragic with the death of her husband and kids in a car crash. She was finally able to move on from her past, only to have it dredged up again by a deranged employee. Natalie was unfortunately caught up in the crossfire—literally—and ended up getting shot by said deranged employee. Now, here we were.

  “I never thought I would be so emotional over a necklace, Nil, but I am so glad that I am accepted into his family. After everything that happened, I never thought I would have this again,” she stated quietly.

  I hugged her again. “You deserve everything you are getting.”

  She grabbed the next boxed labeled ‘Something old,’ and I watched as she opened it. I knew what was in there. We had all decided that her deceased family needed to be represented. Since we had a necklace already, we—Mark, Josh, Daniel, and all of our friends and family who knew about her past—decided on a special bracelet with little lockets to commemorate her loved ones. Each locket had a photo of her kids and late husband.