by Jenn Leigh
Chapter 19
Mark
It had been an eventful and tiring day for all of us. I was emotionally drained after seeing where Nilka gave birth to our child. My imagination had run wild, and I couldn’t take it, so I had broken down. I felt better after we truly grieved together. It took a lot out of us, though. Regardless, at least we were there for each other this time.
We were back at the hostel and were pretty quiet, just going through the motions. Nil was lying on her cot, getting some much needed rest. Daniel and I sat at the table, looking everywhere except at each other. Not because we were uncomfortable, but there was nothing really to say.
All of Cassie’s paperwork was spread out in front of us, which we silently went through again, and we still came up short.
“I don’t think we’re ever going to be able to find her parents,” Daniel stated, putting his head in his hands.
I didn’t say anything, only felt odd about the whole thing. I would have to be sure to talk to the Bennett’s’ when we got back. Maybe they could see if Don had any more information than what we already had.
“How you holding up?” Daniel asked as we opened a couple bottles of water and sat on the front steps of the hostel.
I didn’t respond. I didn’t know how to. I was so drained.
Daniel threw his arm across my shoulder and let me sag against him. No words were needed.
He was right; I needed someone here for me. I was glad he had come along.
***
Nilka, Daniel, Artub, and I stood in front of the grave markers for her parents. Holding Nil’s hand, I looked at the surroundings and saw that the cemetery was very shabby. There didn’t really appear to be a rhyme or reason for the way plots were aligned. There were walking paths, so at least I wasn’t walking over people’s graves, but other than that, it looked pretty erratic.
Then I took the few moments of silence to look at her family plot, noticing there wasn’t a site for our baby. I didn’t want to ask Nil and stress her out, and I could tell Daniel was thinking the same thing, as he was looking around just like I was.
Nil wiped a few tears that slipped down her cheeks, and I squeezed her hand in return.
“Would you like to go to your baby’s plot while we are here?” Artub offered.
Nil looked at me then back at Artub. “Uh ... sure.”
She looked around the plot yet came to the same conclusion we had. It wasn’t here.
She turned back to Artub. “I’m not sure where it is. It doesn’t look like it’s here,” she said, confused.
Artub thought for a few minutes. “I know there is a separate infant section, but usually, that’s used for unwanted children. We can head in that direction and see if there is something there you recognize.”
We followed closely as he led us to another section of the cemetery. I looked over at Nil who was concentrating hard on remembering what she saw when she was here last.
As Artub stopped at the entrance reserved for unwanted children, just the thought that our child might be in there had my blood boiling. If our child was in there, I would do everything in my power to have him or her moved.
Nil stopped and looked around, trying to find our child.
“None of this looks familiar,” She stated, starting to get frantic.
Artub tried to smooth things over. “It doesn’t mean the baby isn’t here, just not buried where either of us thought. What I can do is go through our cemetery registry records and get a location, and then we can come back again once we know for sure.”
Both Nil and I nodded in agreement. We both had enough for one day.
“Why don’t the three of you take a much deserved break? There are some things that you can go out and do here. We have a subtitled movie theater here, which I find amusing sometimes. Or there are a few parks that you can enjoy. Anything to get your mind off the sadness. You have a few days left here, and you’ll get burned out if you don’t do something other than this stuff,” Artub offered.
“Thanks for the suggestion, Artub. We definitely need something to do for a change of pace,” Daniel remarked.
Ahlie drove us back into Cairo where we went to the Old City. We walked our frustrations out and surprisingly had a good time. It was a much needed break from the heaviness of the last few days. Nilka even smiled a few times, which made my heart soar. After everything we were going through and had been through, it proved that my girl was still in there.
***
The next few days were spent packing up the rest of Nil’s parents’ place. We had some movers coming to get all the furniture to take to donation center. We managed to get everything Nilka wanted to take home in one separate, large suitcase, mostly photos and a few keepsakes.
Nilka had a hard time going through her parents’ room. She cried a lot when we worked our way through it. It probably took the longest out of all the stuff we had to do. I thought she was hoping to come across something about the baby in there. Unfortunately, we didn’t find anything.
Artub said the computer system was down for the cemetery registry program, but he would get back to us as soon as he could get into the system. If we were gone, he said he would take a photo and send it to us. It would have to do.
As the movers took everything out of the house, and we were ready to go back to the hostel for our last night in Egypt, Nil spent a few minutes standing in the room that she had given birth in.
I was worried she was just torturing herself over not being able to find anything on the baby. However, then it dawned on me that, while her parents had passed away, and we were moving everything out and putting the house up for sale, this was the last connection she had to our baby. We would never be coming back here. With that thought came a sudden ache in my chest that I would be losing this last connection, too.
I walked up to Nilka and wrapped my arms around her, a movement that had become very natural while we stayed here. I was providing a comfort for her, but also for me, too.
We didn’t need to say anything in that moment. We both silently sighed and took as much time as we needed before we left.
***
With no word from Artub about the plot at the cemetery, we decided that we would take our last night in Egypt to do a little bit more sightseeing. We walked around Al-Ahzar Park and cooled off in the fountains that erupted out of the ground.
We were sad to leave Egypt, but were happy to be heading back home.
After we were seated on the plane the next morning, Nil pulled out the journal from her purse. She held it to her chest and stared absently out of the window over Daniel’s shoulder. I wished I could say “Penny for your thoughts,” but I knew exactly what she was thinking, so I let her be. However, when we returned home, we were going to start fresh and make the best out of this situation, and that included starting our lives together properly.
I had every intention of making Nil my wife. Of course, I knew I would have to wait for a bit before taking that leap, but it would happen, and I couldn’t wait. I wasn’t about to waste another twelve years by waiting on the right time. We both loved each other, and tragedy had kept us apart, but now I wouldn’t let it. It would bring us together, and we would finally be able to move forward as a family.
The mystery of Cassie’s parents might never be solved. For all we knew, they didn’t want to be found. At least Cassie was enjoying being with the Bennett’s, and maybe they would consider adopting her. I knew they were a bit older, but they wouldn’t be foster parents unless they knew there was a possibility that at some point they might need to adopt. Cassie would be their one chance. She was a good girl and wouldn’t be too much trouble to raise. Shit, I would even consider adopting her, but I wasn’t sure Nilka would want to take that leap with me. Eventually, Nil and I would start our own family, and Cassie would be most welcome to share in that experience.
It wasn’t long before Nilka fell asleep on my shoulder, and the journal dropped onto her lap. She had told me I should read it, but part of me felt like
, if I did, it would be an invasion of privacy. Then again, part of me also wanted to know what she was going through so I could at least know what it was like.
Grabbing the journal from her lap, I turned it over and over in my hands. Well, since I wasn’t tired, and Daniel and Nil were both sound asleep, I started reading.
I was well into the journal when Nil woke up and looked over at me.
“Sorry, I wasn’t sleepy ... and ... I ...” I felt instantly guilty, almost like getting caught with my hand in the cookie jar.
She rested her hand on my arm. “It’s okay, Mark. I wanted you to read it, remember? I have my memories. This was the only way to share it with you.”
I leaned over and kissed her forehead, closing the book. Then I leaned my head onto hers, and together we drifted off to sleep.
***
It felt good to walk into our home. We were taking our luggage into our respective rooms when it dawned on me that, with everything we had gone through in Egypt, Nilka still lived on her own. That was a situation I would like to rectify as soon as humanly possible. I needed to remember to take baby steps, though.
Nilka did take her suitcase into my room, but I knew her intention wasn’t to stay.
Once we were unpacked, we all decided to take a much needed nap. The returning festivities would need to wait. I was sure Josh and Nat had tons of questions along with Lily, but they would still be there in a few hours.
Nil and I lay down and snuggled into each other, falling asleep instantly.
What felt like several hours later, I woke up feeling slightly rested, but when I looked at the clock, I realized I had only been asleep for about an hour. Nil was still out like a light, and with everything that had happened, I imagined she would be out for a while.
I got up and went to the kitchen to get a drink of water, noticing Nil’s purse by the door, and I knew the journal was in there. I went over and grabbed it and took my glass of water to the couch to continue reading.
Nil’s recollections in her journal were almost as gut-wrenching as when she had told me about what had happened. However, the words in the journal were that of a young girl, so it made the writings that much more unbearable. There were several times when I had to put the journal down to take a breather, as my heart could only take so much at one time.
As I closed the journal, an envelope shot out of the back and landed at my feet. I picked it up, intending to put it back in the journal, thinking it was something of Nil’s, but it wasn’t a sealed envelope, and it wasn’t addressed to be sent anywhere. It only had Nilka’s name on it. It seemed odd that she would have put an envelope in the back of her journal, and I figured that, if it was in there, it was part of the story. As a result, I opened the neatly folded letter and read its contents.
Our dearest Nilka,
There are no words to describe the pain and sorrow we both feel about our actions on the day that your child was born. After many years of not being able to have you in our lives to the fullest degree, we have decided that you deserve to know the truth. Of course, we are taking the cowardly way by knowing the only way you would find out is if you’ve come back to us because of some tragedy.
Please remember that what we did, we did out of love and not spite, no matter how you view it. You were so young we thought a child would ruin your life, and we had such big expectations for you. You, my child, were going places, and a child would have made your life difficult. We also knew that, if we allowed you to keep the baby, you would have run into Mark’s arms and given everything we dreamed of up for a boy.
Now, I’m not saying Mark wasn’t a good boy; we just thought this was the best possible solution for you. What we didn’t realize in those years apart is the shell of the woman you became. Yes, we never spent any time together, but a mother can tell. Your voice didn’t sound the same.
Your father and I started to feel horrible for what we did, and we realized it was a huge mistake. However, what’s done is done. I can only hope this little information I have can help bring you some closure.
We are truly sorry for what we did, and I can only hope that you can forgive us in time.
Love Always,
Mom and Dad
What the fuck? Keep the baby ...? What was happening?
I sat in stunned silence as I processed the letter. It took me a few minutes to gather my wits before I looked in the envelope again and pulled out a picture.
I instantly gasped in shock as tears came to my eyes.
Oh, my God!
Chapter 20
Daniel
I came down the stairs to find Mark sobbing on the couch.
“What’s going on?”
He just shook his head and continued to sob into his hands, and the sound was so strangled I was getting really worried.
“Mark, you have to talk to me.”
Mark dropped his hands and looked at me with the most painful look. He never said anything, only looked at the table, and I followed his gaze.
I picked up the letter sitting there and quickly skimmed it. Then I looked back at Mark, confused.
After he handed me a picture he had in his hands, it took a moment to register, but once it did ...
“Holy fuck.”
Chapter 21
Nilka
Awakening to the sounds of someone throwing up, I rolled over and noticed Mark wasn’t in bed with me. I got up and headed downstairs to see what was going on and found Daniel with his head in his hands, leaning over the island in the kitchen. I was instantly worried.
“Daniel, what’s going on?” I asked, startling him.
“Oh, Nil, I didn’t hear you come down. Mark isn’t feeling well,” he stated robotically.
“I gathered that. I should go check on him.” I walked slowly by Daniel, watching him intently.
There was something going on here, and I was starting to feel really uneasy about it.
I knocked softly on the bathroom door then opened it to find Mark leaning with his back against the tub and his head resting on his knees. I knelt beside him and brushed his hair off his forehead.
“You okay, baby?” I asked gently.
Mark looked at me, and I could see uncertainty there and something else, but I couldn’t place my finger on it. Mark stared at me for a few more seconds before grabbing me and holding me tightly to him. I was getting really worried.
“Mark? Baby, you’re scaring me. What’s going on?” I could feel a bubble of hysteria coming up. Considering I didn’t know what was going on and the way Mark had me gripped to him, I was expecting the worst.
“I’m sorry, Nil. I am not trying to hurt you or scare you. God, that is the last thing I want to do. I found something while reading your journal.” His words were mumbled as he spoke into my neck.
“Okay. It’s okay. I meant for you to read it. There isn’t anything I am hiding.” I was confused by his confession.
He looked up at me then got to his feet, pulling me with him. We walked out of the bathroom and back into the living room.
Daniel looked up at us with sympathy and concern. I wasn’t certain which emotion was trying to take up residence, but my own body was reacting to their feelings and actions. I suddenly felt really sweaty as my heart rate kicked up a notch. I really didn’t know what was going on.
Mark sat me down on the couch where my journal was. I noticed an unfamiliar envelope sitting beside my journal and immediately recognized my mother’s handwriting.
I looked back at Mark who looked at me then grabbed my face and put his forehead against mine. “Nilka, when you read that letter, our lives are going to change forever. I want you to know that I love you, and we’ll work our way through this.” Then he kissed my forehead and held my hand as I picked up the letter.
I didn’t know what to expect, but I read every word my mother wrote. I had to re-read the letter a few times because I wasn’t sure what she was saying. Did my baby not die? But that couldn’t be right. They took me to a gravesite, for
crying out loud.
I looked over at Mark, slightly confused.
“Do you understand, Nil?” he asked softly, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.
I looked over at Daniel who was looking back at me intently. It was a lot to take in. Part of me was hopeful, but the other part felt horribly betrayed.
I looked back to Mark who was holding a photo in his hands. I glanced at the photo and gasped audibly as my hand flew to my mouth.
“Oh, my God, it can’t be.” My eyes flew up to Mark’s.
He looked back at me with a resolute stare. “She’s ours,” Mark said with finality.
I looked over at Daniel, and for the first time this morning, he smiled at me.
Two things happened in that moment: complete and utter elation took over my body, followed by the need to throw up.
I ran to the bathroom and lost my cookies, just like Mark had done a few moments before. My past came rushing back, and all of the grief I had felt over the years came up and was purged from my body. I cried tears of joy instead of sadness. It had been so long since I had been able to feel so free.
I sat back on my ass against the tub as my body cooled from its workout over the porcelain bowl. Mark sat with me and threw his arm over my shoulder as we sat in companionable silence.
Now that I had seen the photo, the resemblance was remarkable, even when she was an infant. I couldn’t believe this was happening. She looked exactly like Mark, even as a baby. I should have noticed when we met.
Turning to Mark, I buried my face in his shoulder and started crying. They were happy tears, of course, but tears, nonetheless.
Once I was done, Mark tipped my head up and gently kissed my lips.
“What’s next?” I asked quietly.
“I have no idea, but I think we need to call Don at the police station. Hopefully he’ll have some answers about what the next steps are. Let’s keep it to ourselves, though, for now. We’ll tell her once we have all our ducks in a row.” Marked pulled me up, and then we headed back into the kitchen where Daniel was leaning against the counter.