by R. S. Owl
HIM
With her face in my hands, I kiss the tip of her nose. “Are you ok?” I ask. Her eyes pool with unshed tears and she nods. Overcome with emotion, she is unable to speak, but the relief is palpable.
It’s difficult to explain or even understand, why this, right now has the power to change our future. Here, in this room, this was home. Years ago this was us. Every day and every night. Two teenagers desperate for acceptance and addicted to the high, we were fuelled by the bass in this club. Ava worked the pole and I gave all the girls courage; in the form of a white powder that made me a lot of money and gave them a lot of trouble. We thrived on the adrenaline of it all.
Breaking me out of my thoughts, I hear her whisper, “I’m so sorry.”
I stare at her in understanding, my voice gravelly with emotion, “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed us. The comfortable, familiar feeling – I didn’t know I needed it.”
“I didn’t know either, babe, I’m just glad we finally did this.”
She pulls me towards her and we latch onto one another. Tightly.
Tonight is about taking steps to rid ourselves of the judgement. The unrealistic expectations we’ve put on our future and giving ourselves permission to accept each other; flaws and all. We were lost and innocent. And we let it lead the way. Guide us to a black abyss of pain, heartache and regret. Our future is nothing without our past. It’s been a hard lesson to learn, but I know it will be worth it. There’s to be no more hiding, no more running, no more shame. From this moment forward, it’s nothing but transparency, and honesty; the way it should’ve been from the beginning.
The difficulty with running from your past, is you get tired, you slow down and in a moment’s notice it crashes into you – unaware and unprotected. It’s fight or flight, and there was no way I wasn’t going to fight. For her, and me; I would fight.
Every. Fucking. Day.
***
The music is loud, the beat pounding in sync with the hammering of my heart. I spot Ava as she walks out of the bathroom and towards the booth. Our eyes meet instantly. With her mussed-up hair and skin-tight dress, she’s as sexy as sin. Biting her lip, she tries to contain her smile. I wink at her and the blush in her cheeks is a tell-tale giveaway that she’s nervous but excitable.
It’s been an intense year of therapy; both individually and together. Working our way towards this moment, a way to expose all our insecurities, and use our new strengths to not repeat our mistakes. Erase the fear and hold on to hope. We were told in therapy, it’s unusual for couples who both battle addiction to stay together, but if we were determined to beat the odds, then our journey would be unconventional. We’re ok with that.
That’s why I brought Ava here. A place that haunts us. A place where we could rewrite our story, and show how only we hold the key to our happiness. Reminding one another that all our experiences can co-exist, we just have to show them all how to get along.
She slides into the booth. Placing her clutch on the table, she fidgets with the buckle as she waits for me to say something. I slide her drink on over, “I got you your favourite.”
“Thanks.”
Breaking the silence, “How did that feel?” I ask. I stare at her face to see if what’s on her mind matches what comes out of her mouth. Twisting her upper body, our faces are turned to one another. Unexpectedly, she grabs my hand and with worry in my voice, I repeat, “How did that feel?”
She lifts her hands to my cheeks and lets her thumbs graze my lips. I close my eyes.
One Kiss.
Two Kisses.
Three Kisses.
I feel her whisper across my face, “It felt a lot like love.”
EPILOGUE
“What shirt should I wear?” he says loudly, from the walk-in-wardrobe.
I’m in the bathroom, carefully applying my make-up. “Whichever one you want,” I shout back. “It’s not like you’re going to be wearing it for too long anyway,” I mutter to myself.
Every six weeks we surprise one another, a place from our past, a little bit of roleplay and a whole lot of love. Bit by bit, I’ve managed to shake off the hesitation. The first time it was my turn to plan the night, I panicked. Calling my therapist every hour on the hour, for two days leading up to it. I’m sure she regrets ever meeting me. I’m a perfectionist at heart, and this was no different.
Cage pokes his head into the bathroom, smirking at me as I put my lipstick on. “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing,” he responds.
Stopping what I’m doing, I place my hands on my hips, and raise one eyebrow. “Let’s do this again. What are you thinking about?”
He makes his way into the bathroom and stops directly behind me. Grabbing both of my shoulders he maneuvers them so my body stands straight in front of the mirror. “Look at your reflection,” he demands.
I look in the mirror and my eyes meet his.
“Look at yourself in the mirror, babe.”
I exhale loudly, acting like his request is such an imposition, but my eyes make their way to my reflection. Deep down, I’m curious to see where this leads.
I stare at myself in the mirror, awaiting instructions.
His fingers find my collarbones, grazing them horizontally backwards and forwards. I feel his breath on my neck, “Watch my hands, Nena,” he whispers.
Slowly he slides the spaghetti straps of my slip off my shoulders, already loose around my body, the satin slides right off. I’m naked.
Lightly, one hand slides up and down my spine as the other slips through the gap between my arm and my torso. Reaching around and lightly stroking my exposed nipple with his thumb. My plump breast fitting perfectly in his hands.
He nibbles at my earlobe and there’s nothing that could break my concentration. Watching his hands all over me, has me desperate. I don’t ever want him to stop touching me.
No longer stroking my back, he slides his hand down to my ass, caressing and squeezing. His right arm, makes its way down my torso and his hand cups my pussy. I hold my breath as I watch.
His middle finger slides its way inside and his thumb rubs my clit. The build-up has my lower body in knots. His fingers move faster. In and out. He lets go of my behind and puts his index finger in his mouth. Taken aback by the eroticism of it all, I don’t follow his movements, until I feel his wet finger push through the tightness.
“Look at yourself, Nena,” his voice filled with lust, fuels my desire.
Staring at myself in the mirror, fascination and desire stare right back at me; flushed cheeks and wild eyes.
“Ask me what I’m thinking about, Nena.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, for a split second whilst I try to regain focus, “What are you thinking about?” I ask breathlessly.
His fingers push into me “This,” he growls.
Harder and harder. I’m on the edge of a cliff and ready to fall. Our eyes lock onto one another and my body erupts into flames. My orgasm pulses through my whole body and has every nerve-ending tingling. I watch myself explode in ecstasy and my knees weaken immediately. His body pushes me against the cabinet, so I don’t fall. The movement of his hands slow and he kisses behind my ear.
“This is what I’m ALWAYS thinking about.”
THE END
FALLING INTO YOU
By
Mila Grayson
KU Book Reviews
CHAPTER 1
Bree
It was Sunday evening and I was sitting in the outdoor garden at Volo, a neighborhood wine bar, with my best friend and colleague, Kristina. It was our weekly get-together for wine and sugar. The desserts varied, but the location did not. Volo had one of the most beautiful patios in Chicago and we were surrounded by twinkling lights, flowing white curtains and the most incredible array of fragrant flowers.
“When he helped me up? I swear I felt it all over my body. You know I’m so not girly about these things, K. If I were, you could tell me to shut up.” S
he was looking at me like I had three heads. “I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I can’t stop thinking about him,” I said as I took another bite of the salted caramel chocolate mousse we had ordered – my favorite dessert on their menu.
“Okay, so let me get this straight? You met him in front of Kim’s yesterday when his dog knocked you over. You talked for what, five minutes? And now, more than twenty-four hours later, you’re still thinking about him? This isn’t you. You never notice guys. I repeat: never.”
“Trust me. I know.”
“After knowing your ass for six years, I can say with all certainty that he must have sprinkled fairy dust on you or something. Hello?” She waved her hand in front of my face. “What did he do to my best friend?”
I dropped my head onto my arms on the table and sighed. “I know! What am I going to do, K? I don’t like this. Not one bit. One minute earlier, or later, I never would have been in his dog’s way and I never would have met Green Eyes.”
“Green Eyes, eh?” Kristina smirked and took a sip of her wine. “Well, maybe you just need to go to Kim’s more often.” She laughed. “This last bite is mine,” she said as she polished off the mousse.
“This was the first Saturday in three years that she asked me to work – I hardly think it’s going to become a habit. Besides, I don't like the Gold Coast. I get hives just going over there.” I shuddered. “The average net worth makes me itchy.”
“Well, maybe you should borrow Millie and go play at their dog park? Then again, if he lives in the Gold Coast, my mutt might not pass muster.”
“Thanks for the offer, but it’s hopeless.” I let out a breathy exhale. “Look, I know it sounds crazy, but I just felt a connection to him in some weird, inexplicable way. It completely defies logic and you know how much that bothers me. But, the look in his eyes – it was like he just knew me. I mean really knew me. Like deja vu and past-life shit – and you know I don't even believe in that stuff...” I trailed off and took a sip of my wine.
Kristina smirked at me again.
I took a deep breath. “In fact, you know what? That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I am going to shut up. I don’t even know his name, or where he lives and I spoke to him for what? All of five minutes? I’m not wasting another second on this. To moving on!” I lifted my glass in a toast.
Kristina appeased me by lifting her glass to mine. “If you say so. To moving on.”
CHAPTER 2
Bree
“I found him,” Kristina said, startling me.
I walked into my office the following morning to find her sitting in one of the guest chairs in front of my desk. My office was on the small side, but it was all mine. And I had a window with a view of Lake Michigan – if you craned your neck and squinted one eye. Still, it was my own little slice of corporate heaven.
“What do you mean you found him? Found whom?”
“Your mystery man. Who else could I possibly be talking about?”
“You…what? How? Wait, what? I don’t understand.”
“Well, it looks like Liam felt the same way you did.”
“Liam? His name is Liam?” I whispered as I leaned toward her to see what she was holding.
She handed me her iPad and there it was, highlighted amongst dozens of other titles:
My Dog Knocked You Over. You Stole My Heart.
“What is this? I still don’t understand.” I looked over at Kristina. None of this was making sense.
“It’s a post on Craigslist. You know, the Missed Connections section?”
“Missed what? I have no clue what you’re talking about. Isn’t that where we buy last-minute concert tickets?”
“Yes, we’ve bought tickets on there before, but they also have a personals section – not that you’d ever consider looking at it.” She laughed as she rolled her eyes at me. “And one of those sections is the Missed Connections section. It's where people can post about someone they met or saw randomly, but for whatever reason, they didn’t connect, hence the name.”
“And he posted there? And his name is Liam?” I clicked the title and it popped up on the screen. I started to scan the page.
I know this is a long shot, but I had to give this a try. We met on Saturday around 11am in the Gold Coast, when my very large, very uncoordinated puppy (which I just adopted, I might add – see, I’m a good guy) got off his leash and knocked you down. You have long brown hair and the most beautiful hazel eyes – I still remember the way you looked at me as I helped you up off of the sidewalk. I wish we could have talked longer. I wish I had asked your name. You were visiting a friend, I think, who opened the door to her building and you ran off. I haven’t stopped thinking about you (I’m sorry if that’s creepy – I’m pretty sure Craigslist personals veer towards the stranger side of things). I just had to put this out there and see if I could find you again. If you see this, please respond and tell me what you said when I finally got the hairy beast off of you.
Liam
I stood there in shock. That was him. That was Green Eyes. Was this really happening? I read through his ad three more times, not quite believing it.
“So, what are you going to say?”
“Say? I can’t say anything.”
“Are you kidding me? You haven’t stopped thinking about this guy, and you’re not going to respond? Give me one good reason why not?”
“One? I can give you a million, but first and foremost, I don’t do this. This isn’t me! I can’t respond to an online ad to some guy I don’t even know!” I stepped around my desk and sat in my chair, still gripping the iPad and read it one more time.
Liam. I loved his name. I wanted to respond. I wanted to be one of those girls that wouldn’t give it a second thought, but that just wasn’t my M.O. Truth was, I rarely dated. Guys just didn’t ask me out. They looked, but they never actually came out and asked me. In high school and college, I’d heard the term Ice Queen tossed around more times than I cared to count. It never bothered me, though. I wasn’t an ice queen, I just kept to myself. Kristina was one of my few really close girlfriends and we’d known each other since our junior year of college. She knew me better than anyone.
“Bree. You know I love you and this might sound harsh, but you need to hear me on this. You. Must. Respond.” She got up, walked around my desk and gently put her hands on my arms. “I’ve known you for six years and in that time, except for Shithead Dan, I’ve never seen you give a guy a second glance. There’s something here and he obviously felt it too. Take the day. Heck, take a few days if you want, but in the end, you need to write him back. You will always wonder what could have been if you don’t. I know you don’t believe in regrets, but this would be one. One you would never forget.”
She took her iPad from my hands and turned for the door.
“I’ll email you a link to the ad,” she said with a wink on her way out of my office. “Don’t think too hard. Just do it.”
CHAPTER 3
Bree
I got to the office on Friday morning and knew that Kristina was right. If I didn’t respond, I would regret it. I sat down at my desk, read the post from Liam another half-dozen times and typed up my response.
Friday, 9:26am
Hi Liam,
I’m pretty sure my first words were, “Holy hell, what the fuck was that?” Although, I’m going to blame the wind being knocked out of me for my vulgar response.
Ok, that’s a lie. I’m admittedly pretty reserved, but I swear like a sailor.
I’m sorry I’m only getting back to you now. I have to tell you, this is a definite first for me. One, I’ve never met someone under such unusual circumstances and two, I’ve never responded to a personal ad – or whatever this is. Truthfully, I didn’t quite know what to say. Your post was sweet and touching and if I’m being completely honest, I haven’t stopped thinking about you either.
Bree
***
Friday, 11:42am
Bree – that name really suits you. I lik
e it. The delay is more than ok. I’m just happy you responded. You should know that I’ve never posted anything like that before. In saying that, I think you’d be surprised at how many, um, strange (?) responses I received. Let’s just say, I have definitely proven the Craigslist = Creepy theory.
I like that you’ve been thinking of me. Strike that – I more than like it. I know that I should rein it in, but I’m just going to put it out there. I want to see you. I want to get to know you. I promise I’m a good guy. You can even ask my mom. Ok, maybe wait until we’ve gone on an actual date before you talk to my mom. ;)
I’m in Austin for the weekend. I came out here to see some buddies, but I’m back home on Sunday morning. I’d love to see you then if you're free.
Liam
***
Friday, 12:33pm
Sunday would be great. Maybe we could take Brutus for a walk? Go back to where it all started, except maybe I could actually stay on my feet this time? ;)
Bree
***
Friday, 2:23pm
No promises. I just adopted him a few months ago and he’s a handful, as you’ve learned the hard way. I had to think for a moment how you knew his name, but I’m going to assume it was from me yelling it as I ran after him down the street.
So, the way I see it, we’ve got two days to get to know each other before we meet up again. Nothing about this has been normal so far – why start now? Tell me your life story. I want to know it all.
Liam
***
Friday, 6:47pm
Wow, my life story? No pressure or anything, lol.
Ok, here goes: I’m 26. I was born and raised in Elmhurst. I went to Northwestern and now live in the city. So besides the semester I studied abroad, I’ve lived in the Chicago area my entire life. I’m an only child and my parents are both professors. As you’d assume from an only child growing up with parents in academia, I’m pretty quiet and reserved. My foul mouth being the exception.