Smuttily Ever After

by R. S. Owl

  It was so vivid, that deep penetrating stare, the way his eyes raked over my body, as if his gaze alone could elicit the moans and pleasure from me. With just the slightest touch of his skin on mine I’d melt into nothing but a puddle, pliant in his arms and compliant to his wants and desires. And yet, I know it will never be enough with just him alone. I need two of them. Two men. Touching me, pleasuring me, and worshipping my body. Reducing me to a bundle of nerves. Begging with want and need.

  Two opposing men. One that would take all the pleasure I can give, and the other that would give me all the pleasure I can handle. And with me, just relishing all the attention and the hunger they feel to make me theirs.

  Theirs alone to command, to pleasure, to possess.

  I groan. This is not helping. At all. I feel my senses reeling with desire, the first strands of arousal making my skin so sensitive that the mere stretch of my body touching the sheets makes me ache with need. My nipples are throbbing, warmth spreads throughout my body, snaking its way to the center of my core. I feel weak and helpless to the sensations that are consuming me and there’s only one thing that my body strains to get.

  Pleasure.

  There’s only one way this can end that will both satisfy and sate my needs.

  Submit.

  ***

  Showered, dressed and finally looking like a human being, I come down from my apartment building in search of a diner. Or anywhere my stomach leads me.

  My feet bring me to a café around the corner that serves brunch, no internet wi-fi connection but there’s a homey feel. I choose a corner table, order my food, and place my phone down in front of me.

  Sighing, I drum my fingers on the varnished wood and contemplate my next step.

  The move into this town cost me way more than I anticipated, but it was worth it. I needed to get out, away from where I grew up so I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life.

  Now I design book covers as a bit of a side job and throw in other designing stuff when creativity strikes me. I do love it, but it makes my finances a tad unpredictable. I used to have a boring nine to five job that just paid the bills, but it was project-based and the project ended way before I moved. So, here I am, not knowing what to do next.

  A job isn’t really my issue. I could easily look for another boring day job to occupy me, but my designing and savings can still support me for a few more months.

  I’m at a crossroads in my life. It’s just that feeling I’ve been trying to chase ever since I can remember, has become my top priority. I’ve done things in my life to make it more meaningful. It’s helped, but there’s still something else. I want to give myself what I’ve wanted. What I’ve needed.

  Nick.

  One name and all the memories I’ve been trying to forget come rushing back. I feel like I’m going to choke on my emotions. The only person I’ve been in love with, and yet whenever we were together, there was always something missing. And eventually, it broke us, drove us apart even if our feelings for each other were still there.

  I miss him. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. I’ve tried moving on, but I still can’t stop myself hoping that he could be all I need. There was something missing in my relationship with Nick that wanted to claw its way out and be recognized. By me.

  I wanted to submit— no scratch that. It’s not just a want, it’s a need. To submit, to give up control; to be dominated. For someone to do the thinking for me and my mind to be just free. Free of thought. Just feelings; to be lost in senses and pleasure.

  If only it was that easy. No, I had to be weird. I had to want something so out of the ordinary. If that was easy, Nick and me, we could still work it out. We would still be together.

  But no, what I want, what I desire most of all, is to be with two males. Two dominant males. And no sane guy would ever share his girl with another man. Maybe a night or two of sexual debauchery. But a relationship? Yeah, keep dreaming, Atria!

  And that’s why the memories of my relationship with Nick still haunt me now. We’ve played, tried to make it work. But it wasn’t enough. So even if years have passed and I should have moved on by now, I still haven’t.

  I look up from my reverie and people watch around the cafe. There’s a couple seated in the middle laughing and joking with each other. My heart aches a bit for what they have. How normal they seem. There's a man working behind the counter serving a woman and her young son. I can only see the back of him but something about him seems familiar.

  “Nick!” I gasp.

  I immediately look away, my eyes trained on my hands, glued to the table. I go rigid. Thoughts bombard my brain; competing in the forefront. I think my mind’s playing tricks on me. What with my dream and the pleasure I felt after.

  Minutes go past before I can move again. Slowly, I lift my head up, preparing my mind and body for the possibility of seeing him, expecting him to have seen me by now. I breathe a sigh of relief. He's not there.

  I look back towards the counter, there's the young woman who took my order standing there serving another customer. I stare in that direction for longer than I should, willing to see someone else. Maybe it wasn't Nick at all. My mind is still reeling with possibilities and feeling guilty for thinking about him; daydreaming of having a second chance with the addition of another man.

  “Atria? What are you doing here?” A man’s voice, his voice, cuts through my trance.

  Jesus! What the fuck?

  There, standing by my seat, is Nick himself, serving me the food I ordered. His face confused and stunned.

  Shit! “I, ah, eating?” I say, still dumbfounded that he is in front of me. Nick fucking Hargreave. Argh! And here I thought I was away from that town and from all our memories together. Yet here he is in all his handsome glory, staring at me like I’ve grown horns. Great! Irony at its finest.

  Or did he come out of my thoughts? First, the dream, and then, the fantasy. Is this a dream? Please let this be a dream!

  He smiles like he can’t believe that he’s seeing me. I blush; feeling guilty like I’ve been caught doing something. I’ve been thinking something!

  Silence hangs between us and time seems to stop at that moment. He stands there frozen while I’m staring at him from my seat with my mouth open. Admiring him; I still can’t believe what I see with my eyes. I pinch myself, just to be sure. Ouch!

  “Enjoy your meal!” He says, and then abruptly spins, leaving me still staring at his retreating back.

  Damn, that ass! Rawr! I stop myself. What the fuck am I doing?

  Smiling like a lunatic, I turn and look at my food, seeing nothing. Shaking my head to dispel the fog, I take a deep breath and try to steady my hands. Oh my God! My hands are shaking, my palms are clammy and the heat stirring between my thighs cannot be denied. No. No. No!

  I fan my hand above my plate and inhale the delicious scent of heaven in front of me, to take my mind away from that meaty behind. Seared pink salmon with a slice of lemon, cilantro, and black rice. I’m really trying to concentrate on the goodness in front of me but my mind is still in shock; stuck with the image of Nick imprinted in my brain.

  God, but it seems nothing has changed. In fact, everything about Nick is better. The years have been good to him. He is masculine, handsome and with a bit of boyish charm.

  Oh God! I can’t do this!

  With determination, I try to finish the plate of food in front of me in record time. I usually savor the moment but now is not the time. I wouldn’t admit it, but I’ve been keeping track of Nick the whole time I've been eating. Trying to look around the café through my peripheral, hoping he won’t come over again. And berating myself for thinking just that. Because as much as I wouldn’t admit it, I want to see him. Talk to him. Even if it hurts.

  CHAPTER 3

  The weeks pass so fast I almost forget about that day I saw Nick. Almost.

  After finishing my meal and paying for it, I had taken my time leaving, wishing I could’ve seen him again. B
ut I guess he didn’t want to see me? I felt dejected leaving the café.

  I’ve been busy since then. So much work has come my way and I’ve actually started applying for jobs. To be honest, even when I wasn’t busy, I just pretended to be. I didn’t want to think about him. I didn’t want to feel the disappointment I felt of him not seeking me out. I mean, I may be being presumptuous, but I swear, he looked like he was happy when he saw me! Or maybe I was projecting and seeing what I wanted to see.

  And really, I was just being a coward avoiding that café. It was almost like a dream, meeting him there, knowing he was so close..

  But alas, this is me seeking something I’ve moved to avoid. Hiding.

  ***

  “So, are you sure about this?” Dara asks, gauging my reaction. She’s worried, but I’m not anxious one little bit. I’m so excited I could literally burst! Because finally! Fucking finally!

  “Dara, I’ve been preparing for this my whole life!” I say with a straight face, trying not to show how excited I am and avoiding twitching my lips in a smile.

  She should be worried. This is reckless. Adventurous. And not the me so many people know. Or think they know.

  I’m pumped with adrenaline and feeling a little intoxicated. Just being here makes me feel high, the rush, the thrill. I’m drunk on it.

  I met Dara online a year ago in a book community and we’ve been friends ever since. For others, it might be cause for alarm, meeting someone online, but I feel like we’ve been friends forever. We’ve met personally a few times at some book conventions, but the actual reason I’ve moved here is because of her.

  And I may be a glowing beacon for all those mobsters who like to kidnap young beautiful women, but I guess I’m just lucky. Seems being a sex slave is not in my near future.

  Dara is a submissive, but currently doesn’t have a master, and she’s invited me to this party. It’s ‘hush hush’ so I don’t really know many details, except that it’s a Dom/Sub party, and kind of a get together thing for group-members to invite those who are interested in the lifestyle.

  It’s a party for those like me; who want to be in the lifestyle but are afraid of seeking out the experience and then regretting the whole decision. This event is for us to meet others in the community, to be comfortable and not overwhelmed, and to get a feel for it. And if we, or I, ever felt ready to take the next step, we are invited to start training at a club the party host owns. After being vouched for, of course.

  So here we are, inside the car, just a block away from the villa where the party is being held.

  “Your whole life? Right!” She snorts.

  “Okay, maybe not my whole life. But damn close.” I smile. “Dara, I know you’re worried. But this is just a party, right? You don’t have any plans of offering me to be presented and all that do you?”

  She smiles. That kind, adoring smile she always reserves for me. Feels like I’m her Sub or something and she holds the responsibility for my decisions. “I just want you to be comfortable, and be sure that this is what you really want. I feel like once you’re in there, there’s no going back for you. You need a man who can handle you. Or two.”

  Always so perceptive. I smile, happy that I’ve found a friend like her.

  “I’m ready,” I answer with a confident smile and a demeanor that reflects how I feel inside.

  Yeah, I’m definitely ready.

  CHAPTER 4

  We enter the main gate, suffering through the security. I realize identities must be protected and we do not want uninvited guests to slip through the gates, but it was a stressing encounter. There were no protocols, but I still had to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement – which I was chastised by Dara to read line by line, no skipping to the signing part, and was glad for it actually. I didn’t want to make some stupid decisions because my nerves got the better of me. But once we got through all that, I was blown away. It was all worth it. The slow journey in the car along the mile-long driveway gave me enough time to take pleasure in the view before me.

  The house, more like a mansion, is surrounded by large wooded area, perfect for the party because of the privacy it provides. Expansive windows run along the front of the house, lit up exquisitely. The exterior is clad in stone and granite, giving it a castle like feel. Almost as if I’m a princess attending a ball. The feeling is out of this world.

  We enter the house. The ambience heightens the experience; making me feel like I'm in a different era. The dramatic entryway with a curved staircase opens into the living room with a fireplace and the lighting is muted to give it a breath-taking flair. The music is slow, soothing and not too loud. The night feels so dreamlike.

  And then all my attention is focused on the people around and my senses are on high alert, trying to overwhelm me more than the surrounding itself.

  Someone might have taken my coat, I don’t know. I really haven’t noticed. My mind is spinning and there’s blackness and stars dancing on the edge of my vision. I’m starting to hyperventilate as Dara drags me through the hallways until we arrive at the kitchen, which to my relief, is empty. Looking around, there’s an adjacent catering kitchen to the left where there’s a flurry of activity.

  “Here, drink.”

  A glass of water is thrust at me and I try to drink, needing to catch my breath. I put the glass on the counter and try to still my hands. I’m shaking and my palms are clammy. I’m trying to infuse heat into them so I can finally calm down, but nothing seems to be working.

  “Deep breath, girl. That’s it!” Long pause. “Follow my voice. Inhale. Exhale. Good. Now do that again without me telling you what to do. Slowly.”

  I slow my breathing and keep her stern voice inside my head, to calm down. I sip more water and try to control my nerves. It seems to be working. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened.”

  “Hush, it’s okay. You were so excited and then got overwhelmed. Now try to calm down, okay? I know you want this and I want you to enjoy it and not regret anything.”

  I smile. “Thank you. You are so good to me, Dara. I wouldn’t know what to do without you. This means so much. And I appreciate everything you’ve done. You know that, right?” I swallow, and because I can’t help myself, I add, “Are you sure you’re a Sub?” teasing her. She hadn’t been acting like one, and the sternness in her voice had actually helped to calm me.

  She just winks. Oh! She’s hiding something from me! Naughty—

  “Atria?”

  I – Shit! What? How? Why? Oh my God! I close my eyes and concentrate on breathing. I just calmed down and now I feel like I’m losing my breath again. My mind is still reeling and I’m wishing, dreaming that I’m just hearing things. That I’m hallucinating! Anything! I wouldn’t know what to say if I’m asked why I’m here! These people aren’t supposed to ask me those questions, are they?

  “Are you okay?”

  That voice. So full of passion and concern, and… longing?

  I inhale deeply and steel myself for what, I don’t know. I wasn’t prepared for this! I was prepared to discover my sexuality. To finally know for sure that what has been missing was this. What I came here for.

  I turn and am not prepared for the sight that greets me. Nick. In his usual button-down and denims. Still breathtaking. “I – what are you doing here?”

  “Are you okay? What happened?” He asks, concern evident on his face.

  “Nerves, I guess. You didn’t answer my question.” I say, bravely, although my voice fades to a whisper as I speak the words. I bow my head, feeling exposed and nervous.

  A touch. A caress. Feather-light brush of fingers along my jaw. I can’t even remember how he got close. So close. I sigh and tilt my face, wanting more, feeling so vulnerable. I can’t help but want him. Ache for him. And still ache for more.

  He tips my jaw with his thumb so that we are face to face, eye to eye, forgetting about the world around us. I am lost in his depths and I wonder how I have survived for so long without his touch. How I even manage
d to leave him in the first place. He’s here. This is crazy.

  “Nick.” Another voice. Another masculine sound full of authority and barely controlled power penetrates my senses, and yet it doesn’t distract me from the amazing being that is in front of me. Rather than put an end to the moment, it simply adds to the heady feeling that’s starting to consume me.

  I arch my body. I don’t know which way. It feels like I’m leaning towards Nick and yet it seems like I’m also straining towards that voice.

  I want to close my eyes, to moan, to savor the moment. But I don’t. I need my eyes open. My senses alert. And my body? On fire. So tense. And it feels like it’s waiting on a command.

  He doesn’t even move his eyes away from mine to acknowledge the speaker. His seeming so probing. So intense. So consuming. “Javier.”

  Then, in no less than a second, his demeanor changes and he seems angry. His eyes narrow on me. The energy instantly changes and I feel like a kid that’s been caught doing something I’m not supposed to. And the inevitable question from Nick arrives. “You didn’t eat, did you?” He knows me so well.

  CHAPTER 5

  A flurry of activity ensues which I don’t follow because I am still confused as to why Nick is here at this party. And why, of all places we could cross paths with each other, it happens to be here. And what is his connection with this Javier? And why is Javier oh so masculine and sexy that I’m salivating? I never thought a man in leathers would be so much of a turn on!

  I discreetly touch the corners of my mouth just to be sure I’m not really drooling. And pray that with them being so busy, no one notices. Fuck! I saw a smirk! I swear I saw a smirk! Argh! The gods must be laughing at me! This is so embarrassing!

  I try to take in what’s happening in front of me, in an attempt to take the humiliation away from my situation.