Tease

by Immodesty Blaize

  ‘No. Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me,’ Sienna whispered. She stood for a moment wobbling on her heels, thinking. ‘Now, just run that by me again. You’re my … mother? But what about Mum and Dad? You’re not my mum!’

  ‘Sienna darling, I know this is a lot to take in. Mum and Dad were my parents, but they were your grandparents. After I had you they took you away from me to bring you up as their own. We moved to England and I was sent away to boarding school. I had brought shame on the family. I was only fourteen, I couldn’t even … I wasn’t even allowed to …’ Tiger trailed off as Sienna was now crying loudly, clinging to the wall as she shook.

  ‘Wait!’ Sienna shouted through her tears, suddenly angry. ‘You’re lying! You’re twenty-nine! You’re only ten years older than me! Stop lying!’ she choked.

  ‘No, darling, I’m thirty-three. I’ve always lied about my age. As soon as I turned sixteen I ran away from boarding school to Spain for a few years to get away; I couldn’t bear you being so close and not being allowed to see you learn to walk, or hear your first words. It was a nightmare time. I got myself into so much trouble, with bad people. I just wanted to self-destruct, to try and forget the pain of what had happened. But, I came back. I came back a different person, Sienna. I changed my appearance, my name, my age, I needed to be someone else, I couldn’t put the past right. Besides, I knew that was the only way Mum and Dad would feel it was safe enough to let me near you, they wanted to re-write history, so that’s what I had to do, too, for them to let me still see you.’

  ‘But why lie about your age?’

  ‘I had to do everything I could to make sure you’d never suspect anything. I just spent a few years being eighteen. I never celebrated birthdays … no one ever noticed … or cared. My god, if you’d ever had any reason to even suspect anything … well you might have thought I actually wanted to give you away. I could never let you think I wanted that. I’d rather play the game so Mum and Dad would let me see you occasionally than risk them cutting me off from you completely.’

  ‘They said you were in London working, and you didn’t want to see me!’

  ‘Of course they did,’ said Tiger. ‘They were protecting you. Why do you think they never had pictures of me in the house? They disowned me. I was an embarrassment. I was their dirty secret. And they never liked the idea of my performing. It just confirmed their views that I wasn’t a good Catholic girl. I won’t pretend I’m not angry at them, Sienna. For nineteen years I’ve carried the anger around in my heart and when they died I knew I’d never get closure; that it would haunt me forever, what they did. I wanted to tell you a thousand times but I didn’t want to hurt you or colour your memories of your grand-parents. Whatever they did to me I know that they loved you so much. You were the apple of their eye. You have no reason to be angry at them. But we have a chance to make a fresh start now, we—’

  ‘Wait! But – they wouldn’t have lied to me for all these years? Everyone said I looked like my dad …’

  ‘No! God no. You take after your granddad, yes it’s true … I brought this …’ Tiger scrabbled in her handbag and pulled out her passport. ‘Here. Take a look in the back at my age so you can see the proof for yourself. In a weird way, shaving four years off my age kind of worked in my line of business.’ Tiger let out an uneasy laugh. ‘You know, all the stars lie about their ages. Only my reason wasn’t for vanity. Here. I want you to look, I need you to see that I’m not lying.’ Tiger held out the passport for Sienna to take. She recoiled as though Tiger were holding out a glowing hot poker. How had she missed Tiger’s date of birth when she looked in her passport before? Well, she wasn’t looking for it … she remembered nearly being caught by Blue and having to put the passport back as soon as she saw her place of birth as Clonmel. How could she have been so stupid! A humungous clue had been right there in front of her nose like a big, pink, velvet elephant.

  Tiger knelt down and put the passport on the floor in front of Sienna’s feet. Sienna’s carefully applied smoky make-up now coursed down her cheeks in rivers of black. She hesitated before picking up the passport and checking the back. She let out a tiny wail and threw it across the room, covering her face with her hands as she sobbed.

  ‘Go away!’ she snivelled. ‘You’ve done too much! I can’t take this. You liar! I wish Mum was here! My real mum!’

  ‘Sienna, I am your mother! Please!’ Sienna collapsed to the floor as she sobbed. So this was what Lance had meant when he told her enigmatically he wasn’t giving her everything on a plate. He must have figured it out for himself! He knew! The bastard! He knew he was getting his cut of the money anyway. He’d probably been watching the whole car crash with fascination. Of course Sienna was in so much of a hurry with her stupid story and the thought of bringing Tiger down she didn’t check things out properly. Now she’d brought her own house of cards tumbling down spectacularly. Oh boy, had she scored an own goal this time! She had single-handedly orchestrated the reveal of her own seedy secret.

  Sienna looked about her and felt her world fragment around her as she sat there on the floor. Everything that she’d ever thought was real suddenly took on a new meaning. All Tiger’s visits, conversations, all providing new answers … and yet more questions. Sienna knew she had to stop thinking, it was all too much to take in. She now deeply regretted that line of cocaine earlier; she felt like she was on the edge of a cliff, and she didn’t know which side was reality any more.

  ‘You need to leave,’ said Sienna quietly, trembling there on the floor.

  ‘I’m not leaving you here like this,’ said Tiger.

  ‘Get out!’ screamed Sienna suddenly, flying up at Tiger with her fists. Tiger cowered and backed towards the wall, small and childlike in front of Sienna’s wiry six-foot frame, bristling with anger.

  ‘Oh my god! You’re a whore!’ spat Sienna. ‘Pregnant with me at fourteen? My dad some nameless local boy? I bet you had ’em all didn’t you, lifting your skirt behind the bike sheds like some dirty tart. You probably don’t even know which one my father is do you! I bet—’ Tiger suddenly lashed out like a cornered animal and slapped Sienna hard. Her cheek reddened immediately and Sienna drew back in shock, hands leaping to her face.

  ‘God – sorry – Sienna I didn’t mean—’ started Tiger.

  ‘Oh my god I hate you!’ hissed Sienna, trembling. ‘I hated you as my sister! And I hate you even more now! A stripper for a sister was bad enough, but now a whore as my mother?’ she screamed.

  ‘No, it wasn’t like that! Please let me explain!’ Tiger knew deep down she could never explain. How could she tell her daughter she was born out of such cruelty and violence? Tell her daughter she was brought into the world because of a rape upon an underage schoolgirl? That her father was some Lolita-loving gym teacher who had coolly groomed an innocent fourteen-year-old until he got his prize? Or that her parents knew and colluded with the school to hush it all up after the father was arrested and deported? Tiger could never tell her daughter the truth. It might destroy her. It had almost killed Tiger, slowly but surely.

  ‘To think I even took your stage name!’ raged Sienna. ‘Ugh! I can’t even get away from you in my head now, knowing you gave birth to me.’ Sienna lunged forward and returned the slap to Tiger’s face. Tiger flinched but stood and took it. Tears rolled down her burning cheeks.

  ‘You’re not my real mother!’ screamed Sienna. ‘You’ll only ever be that woman who gave birth to me! You gave me away didn’t you! You just didn’t want me. Mum and Dad aren’t alive to tell me the truth, so you know you can just lie and cover up, like you’ve done for all these years.’

  Tiger shook her head as she cried. ‘They took you away from me, and they took away the name I gave you. They gave you the name Rose against my wishes. I wanted to call you Robin. They couldn’t even do that one little thing for me,’ she whispered. ‘There was never a day that went by when I didn’t think of you.’

  Poppy had heaved the last of her suitcases into the taxi.
She made her way back up the garden path to the front door where her mother stood, watching proceedings with a stony face. Her dad was nowhere to be seen.

  ‘Okay, that’s me all packed,’ announced Poppy, quietly.

  ‘Good. The driver knows where St Mary’s is, he’ll drop you at the gates. He’s already been paid.’

  ‘Okay. So … I’ll see you when we break up for Christmas?’

  ‘You’ll go to Auntie Mary’s in Kilburn for holidays. She may be old but she knows how to discipline.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘It’s for the best. No distractions. Now you have to work hard. Get yourself some good grades and make something of your life. You’re lucky, you have a second chance now – a chance to pay for your sins – turn your life around. Just you remember that as I’m slaving every hour God sends to pay for your second chance. You really have no idea what pressure you’ve brought upon the whole family; how much I personally have to pick up the pieces of your behaviour. You owe it to all of us to step up to the mark, young lady.’

  Poppy looked down at the path and scuffed her shoe on a stone awkwardly.

  ‘Can I see Robin before—’

  ‘Rose. She’s Rose now. Don’t you forget that. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to see her, you’ll probably just upset her anyway. She’ll be safe with us. We have to put the past right now. It’s for the best.’

  ‘But … just a hug for my baby.’

  ‘She’s your sister, remember. Now go.’

  ‘But …’

  ‘Goodbye, Poppy.’

  ‘Right … bye then.’ Poppy looked up and leaned in for a hug but her mother was already closing the front door. As it clicked shut, the taxi driver beeped, and revved the engine impatiently. Poppy beat a lonely retreat back up the path, heartbroken and churning with nerves. She climbed into the taxi and as it pulled away she looked back at the house, at the parlour window, hoping to see a curtain twitching on her departure at least. Nothing. As she settled back into her seat with a lump in her throat, Poppy knew she would never return to her old life ever again.

  Tiger leaned against the grand iron railings outside Sienna’s flat, shivering in the crisp night air with tears streaming relentlessly down her face as the last thirty minutes replayed in her mind on high speed, over and over and over. She had never for a moment expected Sienna to take the revelations well, but Tiger had truly been played the Joker card when Sienna finally revealed it was her who had sold the stories to the newspapers. That had really knocked Tiger sideways. She supposed she should have been relieved that it hadn’t been Blue’s loose lips that had broken the story. But the irony of the situation wasn’t lost on her. She had asked with trepidation if Sienna had been behind all the anonymous letters too. Sienna simply said she now wished she had been that person, but regrettably, no. Tiger had been shocked. Sienna’s hatred for her was so pervasive, and Tiger just didn’t know who was who or what was what any more.

  Tiger had tried to explain as much as she could in as little time as possible, but how could she tell the whole truth when she didn’t want to tell her daughter she was the product of a brutal rape? So most of the secret was finally out, and for what? Tiger had now been disowned by her daughter, much like she had been disowned by her own parents. Sienna had then literally thrown Tiger out on the street. As her own parents had done. Tiger felt a huge hole within; where the lies, secrecy, and the terrible reality had sat and gnawed away at her for the last nineteen years. She had been able to deal with it for as long as she had her daughter nearby. But now Sienna had rejected her that had all changed.

  Something had to fill that black hole where the secret had once been, and all Tiger felt now was rage, desperation, grief, and an acid bitterness filling her up and threatening to drown her. Shaking with sobs, she realised that the terrible wailing sound echoing through the street was coming from her. People were staring at her as they passed, straying out into the road to avoid walking too near her, as though she were some crazed, inebriated tramp. Tiger sank to her knees, clutching at the railings, bent double with sobs. She had nothing left without her daughter in her life.

  The door to the house suddenly slammed and Tiger looked up hopefully. Through her blurred vision she could make out Sienna’s heels stepping down the marble stairs to the gate. Tiger tried to scramble to her feet but stumbled. Sienna stopped at the railings and towered over Tiger.

  ‘Get up off the floor you pathetic creature. Do I know you?’

  Sienna stalked off as Rex’s distinctive orange Lamborghini screeched up to the pavement a few doors down. Tiger watched Sienna jump in, slamming the door with a heavy muffled thud as she was whisked off in to the night, with Tiger left crying there on the pavement alone, feeling like there was nothing left in her world to lose.

  Chapter 30

  The gloved hand flicks carefully through the pages of the scrapbook in quick succession. The last page is closed, and the book is held for a moment. One hand strokes the cover hesitantly, before it is hurled into the lethargic log fire across the room. Imbued with energy, bright flames leap up to lick at the book, bubbling and mutating the cover. The pages within hiss musically as they burn bright, then curl and turn to ash, before the flames retreat into the embers once more. The silhouette of a figure is faintly sketched out by the moonlight that trickles through the window, a suitcase is fastened loudly with a zipper and hoisted to the front door. The figure leaves the room and is lost into the night. The defaced images of Tiger Starr left pinned to the wall sing their silent song of sadness, obsession, cruelty, passion; while the remains of her likeness smoulder in the embers, reduced to smuts of carbon.

  Chapter 31

  Scores of feathered showgirls paraded in perfect formation, all tits, teeth and long legs, high kicking their way across the screens. Lewis had lost count of how many times the loop had played on the plasma screens mounted in the arrivals lounge. He averted his eyes and instead concentrated on the hypnotic flashing neon patterns beaming out from the slot machines in an attempt to relax. Bored and even more anxious within thirty seconds, he checked his watch impatiently for the hundredth time. Tourists, revellers and a few stag parties were steadily flowing into the airport lounge. The tic in Lewis’ cheek started as he tried not to think about the possibility that Tiger hadn’t got on the plane after all. He hadn’t heard anything for sixteen hours since she called to announce Vladimir was driving her to the airport.

  The last two months had been a rollercoaster for Lewis. Tiger had been catatonic for days after she returned home in the early hours of the morning having confronted Sienna. Tiger had then been silent for days. She remained shut in her bedroom mostly, not eating, reading any press or answering any calls. Lewis was juggling the ravenous media and paparrazzi single-handedly, with the skill of a circus acrobat. Then, something happened to break the stagnant silence. Lewis had come home one evening with a Trois Petits Cochons cake; just another of many little gestures in an attempt to put a smile on her face. As he walked in through the front door, he was confronted with a shocking scene; furniture, mirrors and windows were smashed, walls were scratched and scored and curtains ripped.

  Lewis had dropped the cake right there on the vintage parquet floor and had run through the house screaming, praying the intruder hadn’t attacked Tiger. But there had never been an intruder. Lewis found Tiger curled up in a ball in the mess of her own making, shuddering with tears amongst shards of broken mirror in the wrecked bathroom. All up her legs and arms were long scratches and gouges as though an animal had been clawing at her, and blood was all over her hands. That night Lewis had never seen so much anger in one person as he saw in Tiger. Her whole story came pouring out. Everything. Lewis had been shocked to discover Sienna was Tiger’s daughter but that had only been the start. Tiger had wept and shook as she screamed and railed against her past, pausing only to claw at her throat as she struggled for breath with panic. It was like watching a demon forcing its way out of her. Lewis had been floored by wha
t he heard; his mind reeling as so many pieces of her jigsaw puzzle seemed to click into place for him after all these years. Lewis had held her tight throughout that long night. He listened to her, wept with her, took her punches when another surge of anger came, held her in his arms when she tried to hurt herself, and lay beside her when she collapsed in yet more tears for her lost daughter.

  As the sun came up marking a new day and Tiger began to finally expire with exhaustion, Lewis had dutifully cleaned her scratches with antiseptic lotion and dressed them, before putting her to bed – a Valium secreted into her cocoa so she could sleep peacefully. Immediately he called in glaziers to fix the broken windows and interior designers to clear the house and set about redesigning some new themes for each room. He showed them all Tiger’s precious old books so they could see what kind of things she liked. By the time Tiger awoke twenty-four hours later, her house was purged, stripped back to its bare walls ready for redecoration. Everything damaged had been removed. That was what Lewis wanted for Tiger.

  From that day forward he took things very slowly. He never mentioned that night, ever. Instead, he encouraged Tiger to eat, and to carry on talking if she needed to. He smuggled her incognito out of the house via the back garden wall and took her for late night strolls and chats and fresh air. He kept everything to a routine and didn’t let her talk about work. Another pink letter arrived for her, which Lewis promptly and quietly handed over to the police. Without hesitation he installed a discreet security team to guard her and her home. Tiger’s cuts healed and she gained a few much needed pounds. Eventually, after a few weeks, when Lewis thought she was far enough away from that terrible night in her house, he had encouraged her to tell her side of the story to the press. A Sunday tabloid had already discovered that Sienna was Tiger’s baby – the story would run and run if Tiger didn’t stop it. He put it to her that it would be a good opportunity to tell the facts on her terms, and with dignity. Furthermore it would show that she wasn’t running away in shame should she decide to go ahead with her year-long Vegas show. It was a long shot, but Lewis simply had to keep the faith that she would see it his way and get back in the saddle for the show. Right now it was the best thing for her to do, if she wanted to move forward in her life … and if she ever wanted to make the pain she had suffered worth something, instead of letting it destroy her.