Unbearable

by Alaska Angelini

  “But…you said,” she bit out, threateningly. “You fucking said I could die if I did that.” Power I didn’t know she possessed struggled against the hand that was restraining hers. I pushed my grip more into the bed as I glared down at her.

  “Your death will come when I say. Maybe sooner than you think. Maybe years from now. You’re the worst fucking slave I’ve ever had. You don’t listen for shit. Why should I give you what you want? You deserve nothing. What gives you the right for a sense of entitlement? Nothing,” I exploded. “You’re already dead, remember? I fucking killed you when you walked through my door. What you suffered with your family is great, but not more than others have had to endure. I meant to show you that, but you’ve ruined it.”

  A sob broke through, a scream taking over it at the end. Her head shook back and forth and I grabbed it, holding her still to look up at me.

  “You want to be free, then become my slave for real. Bend to my every command. Address me as you’re meant to.” I licked over her bottom lip and she trembled underneath me. “You bow to me and I will grant your wish.”

  “I hate you,” she gritted out. “I hate you!”

  A laugh did come then. “I didn’t expect you to make it easy, but if you want death, you’ll endure the perils of hell first. The only way to experience the true meaning of that is to survive what I have in store. The real me. The one you’ve only caught glimpses of. And not just sexually, either. It’s that, or you can rot away in this room until you die of old age. No one will look for you, Diane. As far as anyone is concerned, you either ran away or offed yourself where no one could find you. They already expect it. They’ll never know to look here. If Jaime comes to your pretty little mind and you think him picking you up will lead police to where you are, you’re wasting your time. He dropped you off at your new safehouse. Doreen will testify to you showing up. But then, you left.”

  She jerked.

  “You left and disappeared, slave. You’re dead,” I whispered. “Just like you wanted to be.”

  “I want you dead. I’ll kill you,” she exploded. “I’ll fucking—”

  “You’ll what?” My fingers pushed in harder until she was crying out. “You’ll obey is what you’ll do. Now, say it. Say I’m your Master.”

  A long, heartbreaking sound had the crying coming back.

  “Speak.” My hand slapped her face — not hard enough to hurt her, but definitely enough to bring her back around.

  “Never. Fucking, never.”

  I ripped her from the bed, wrapping my arm around her throat as I let her toes search the ground for footing. I knew I was choking her, but she could still get air. Nails tore into my arm as I walked over and grabbed the remote. As I hit the buttons, changing the disc, Diane began to still in my arms. I knew she thought I was putting on more grisly suicides, but she was wrong. So fucking wrong.

  Laughter filled the room, the sweet sound of a child. Her child. Weight pulled against my arm as her legs temporarily gave out. Like someone had hooked her to life support, she turned into a mad woman, giving me the fight of my life as she tried to flee.

  “Mommy! Look!” Dark curls bounced as Caylee ran closer to the handheld camera, holding up a new doll. Wrapping paper was everywhere on the floor and the blue, red, green, and white lights from the tree blurred in the background.

  “Look at that, Caylee.” Diane walked onto the screen and a man laughed. The voice was close and it was evident he was the one holding the camera.

  “No more,” she said, slowing. Sobs were shaking her so hard that I felt them deep within my soul. Fingers pushed into my bloody skin, holding on for dear life. The pain I had felt only moments ago was nonexistent as I watched her heart break right in front of me.

  My grip loosened as I pushed her to her knees and positioned myself behind her, still keeping my arm around her throat, just in case.

  “Kneeling is crucial. I expect you to do this for me. Now, embrace your memories, slave. That’s your daughter. You turning your back on her is the worst thing you can do. Face your fears,” I said, turning my voice into a whisperer. “Look at how beautiful she is.”

  Weight rested into me as she continued to hold on and watch. The fight in her was gone as she stared at the TV, crying. The contrast of the laughter and sobs broke through my walls and I made my other arm wrap around her stomach as I pulled her closer between my thighs. To have seen her, to have known her in her happy past, to have had something like that for myself…

  My eyes closed as I rested my forehead against the crown of her head. Rosa and I might have had something like that had our child lived. She’d been so excited about the birth. The arrival of our son. Just as I had been. Six days. That’s all we got to enjoy before Sudden Infant Death Syndrome took him away from us.

  “Here, open this one,” Diane’s voice echoed around me. “Ronnie, put the camera down and come sit with us.”

  The darkness that surrounded me literally seemed to embrace my body. My lids opened and I lowered more to the side of her face, content to stay quiet as the scene unfolded before her.

  “I miss them so much. God…” Her fingertips pushed back in for only the fraction of a moment. “Why would he take them away?”

  I didn’t have an answer. It was one I’d asked myself too many times. “I don’t know. But you’re not alone, slave.”

  She jerked. “How can you say that? Without them, I have no one.”

  “You have me.” I held my tone neutral as I looked back up at the screen. “Your pain…” Did I tell her about me? Share a part of myself that I hadn’t done with a single slave I’d taken? My arm gripped around her tighter as I hugged on for dear life. The words wouldn’t come no matter how much I tried to force them out.

  “You lost someone, didn’t you?” There was almost hope in her voice. A longing to connect that I knew I could help her with.

  “Yes.” The details evaded as I stared ahead and watched Diane pull her daughter into her lap. The husband was sitting beside her as they sifted through the presents before them. How happy they looked. No…how happy they were. There were no fake emotions going through them. Their love was as clear as day.

  A sniffle had me blinking rapidly. My slave hadn’t pressed me for answers and I was thankful. But what did she get out of me telling her we shared something so deep? I was starting to think maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.

  “Honey, you shouldn’t have.” Diane reached for Ronnie, her hand settling over his, only to press them against her lips. Tears shone in her eyes as she stared down at the necklace that rested in the long box she held in her hand. In front of Caylee.

  “I remembered you taking extra-long while looking at it when we were walking through the mall. It’s going to look beautiful on you.”

  She took it out, handing it to him as he pushed her hair out of the way, clasping it around her neck. The diamonds sparkled in the light and the heart that rested in the middle was full of them.

  Diane’s hand left my arm as it lowered, her fingers pressing into her chest.

  “Where is it?” I asked, lowly.

  Her head leaned more into me and she took in a deep breath. “With Ronnie. I…he...had my heart. He deserved to take it with him.” With a small shake, she lifted to look back at the screen. “No more. Please.”

  “I can’t turn it off. You have to watch. Every day.”

  “No.” The word dragged out, anger breaking back through. “Don’t do this. End this right now. You have the power. Squeeze tighter around my neck. Let me go while watching this. It would be the perfect ending knowing I’m going back to them. Master, please.”

  My pulse jumped at her addressing me the right way. She’d submit concerning death. But she wouldn’t give in while living it. Unacceptable.

  “No. You know my rules. Give me what I want and in return, I’ll grant you your request.” I let go, rising to my feet. Diane didn’t move from her kneeling position as I left the room. As for the rest of the day, she’d spe
nd it with her family. All that was left of them.

  Chapter 8

  Diane

  Whack!

  Fire flared across my back as I pushed my palms harder into the wall. My eyes closed, the pain inside easing, the external agony filling the hole that rested in my chest. Two weeks in and I still hadn’t learned a damn thing. At least, not according to my Master. I was nothing more than a spoiled child, he’d said. A disgrace to every sub that ever walked the earth and took pride in their role.

  I had no idea what he meant, but I was starting to understand him a little better than I had when I first arrived. There was such beauty in his brutality. Grace in the way he could make the leather either caress my skin or have it tear into my flesh. Master said he knew what I needed more than I did and he couldn’t have ordered me to the wall at a better time.

  Watching my family every day was becoming easier, but with it, I missed them even more. The longing had me pushing my tray away after he sat it before me. Food was a privilege. He’d stressed that more than once. And I’d quickly found his meaning when he denied me everything but shredded pieces of bread and small glasses of water. It lasted for almost two days before I was given a decent meal.

  It wouldn’t have been a big deal, had I not been made to work out continuously that day. The grueling exercises left me famished and I’d been expecting something hearty after all the work I’d put in. My lack of kneeling when he entered the room had quickly changed that.

  Whack!

  “Are you seriously gone from this room right now?” Pressure pushed into my back as his body trapped me against the wall. “What did I tell you about that?”

  “I’m sorry, Master,” I gritted out. Still, the formal term didn’t come easily.

  “Five more for your disrespect. When I punish you, you’re damn well going to feel it to the full capacity.”

  He stepped back and my body locked up at the next strike. The one that followed was just as powerful. A sob fell from my mouth, regardless that the tingling was still there. I couldn’t think past the way I enjoyed the absence of emptiness. Here, I thrived. It was a mystery to me how one type of pain could ease another, but I didn’t even care to try to figure it out. It was what it was and I needed the temporary release of despair.

  Whack! Fire stung down my thigh and I felt my sex draw up for the millionth time since I had discovered this was going to happen. And it wasn’t like fucking was nonstop on my mind since the one time between me and Master. The side effect of what I enjoyed was just there. It came with the territory and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

  “Spread your legs wider and arch your hips.”

  I felt him move toward me more than I heard him. The hesitation had his palm pushing into my already slightly arched back and the spanking had me crying out in surprise.

  “I think I gave you an order.” Harder, he pushed, until I was sure I couldn’t arch any more. To argue was on the tip of my tongue, but I kept quiet, curious to see what he was going to do to hurt me next. If I argued, I knew the result and it was best to avoid that as much as possible. Even if I did secretly want a repeat.

  “There. Now, don’t move.”

  Footsteps sounded in the distance and the door closed behind him. I knew to keep still. He’d be watching from his room, regardless of what he was doing.

  A deep breath left me. Not much longer. Maybe two weeks, at the most, if we went by the timeline he’d set at the beginning. Then, I could go home. Back to my family. A frown began to edge in. I knew I still wanted to die, but that spark I’d tried to ignore was growing. Getting bigger inside of me, leaving me with more questions. Ones my Master and Jaime had planted in my head. What would the next forty years hold if I stayed alive? If I could do something good, what would it be?

  The door reopening had me blinking the thoughts away.

  “Good girl.” It was so quiet, whispered under his breath, but I couldn’t deny the jump in my pulse. The sound of that triggered something. Happiness? Was that what it was? No. Something more. Deeper.

  A ball attached to leather was lowered over my eyes and shoved into my mouth before I could react. My body jerked defensively and I tried to wheel around. My shoulder crashed into the wall at his stepping in. “What the fuck did I tell you? Hold still.”

  The battle in my mind left me frozen as he began fastening it around my head. No. I didn’t like this. The flogger or crop I could do, but something in my mouth, taking away my power to speak… I wasn’t comfortable with that.

  My shoulders jolted again, but it was too late. It was already fastened. I reached back with my free hand, only to have him grab it and move me back in position on the wall. Sounds came from my mouth as I turned and shook my head at him.

  “You don’t like it? Too fucking bad. You’re my slave and you do whatever the hell I want. Right now, that’s for you to be gagged. Keep it up and I’ll hogtie you while I have my way with your body.”

  I blinked, repeatedly, wetness coating my inner thighs even more. Slowly, I turned, placing my hands back on the wall. If I couldn’t speak, he’d be reliant on my body language. Something about the trust that entailed turned me on.

  “What’s the matter? Tempted?”

  Stinging flared over my ass as a paddle connected. I breathed in deeply through my nose, trying to ignore his words and the lack of control I had over my mouth.

  “Arch those hips, slave,” he said, his voice lowering in pitch.

  Whack!

  Tears burned my eyes at the pain. The next had them spilling over.

  “Such an amazing ass. I do love seeing it.” Fingers traced over my heated flesh and I closed my eyes, trying not to let my emotions take over. He wanted me to react violently from what he was doing. And he was so close to getting me to. The need to turn around and attack him was there. Fuck. It was all too enticing. The consequences were clear. I wanted them, but I also wanted to move this process along. To be good, so I could let him finally end this once and for all.

  His touch moved down until he was caressing over one of my folds. I flinched, trying to hold myself completely still. As he brushed over my clit and used two fingers to rub the sensitive bud, I leaned my head on the wall, squeezing my lids shut. Pleasure shot straight to my core and a sound vibrated the ball in my mouth. Was I drooling? I was. Fuck, I was getting turned on even more.

  “Have you missed me?” he said, stepping closer, dragging his fingers back and sliding them in me, stretching me wide. I pushed to my toes, forcing my head more into the wall. “God, I’ve missed your pussy. I want it, slave. To taste every inch until you’re coming all over my tongue. Let me. Nod your head and grant your Master permission.”

  Was he asking? Why? I couldn’t willingly admit that it was okay. It wasn’t. None of this was.

  My head shook, but I kept looking down at my feet.

  The thrusting increased and I could feel myself starting to build. Guilt had me spinning to the far side, only to be caught by one of his arms. Still, he was inside of me, moving his digits, getting me closer as he held me molded to his chest. Kicking my legs or thrashing was pointless. It only made the desire more intense.

  “You know what I like. Why don’t we take trip to the basement where I can introduce you to your new life? I think you’ve earned it.”

  Basement? If I had thought things couldn’t get any closer to a horror movie, going underground sure was icing on the fucking cake. My blood turned cold as I tried to breathe.

  “Actually, I have something that might be fun.” He spun for his room, rotating me to where he was carrying me, hanging along his side like a ragdoll. My hand grabbed at his slacks as he swept through the adjoining door and reached just past the entrance to the top of his closet. The collar and leash he pulled down had my eyes widened. What the fuck— Was he planning on putting that around me?

  I didn’t have to wait for my answer. I was set down on my feet and pushed to kneel.

  “You try to move while I put this on,
you’ll suffer worse than you ever have.”

  The pain didn’t frighten me. The look in his eyes did. It was a mix of hunger, yet something a lot more sinister. Evil. Basement. Shit, I didn’t want to go. I didn’t trust what was on his mind.

  Tightening gripped around my neck briefly as he fastened the thick collar. The tug he gave sent me falling forward. As our eyes connected and the inside of me retreated, sinking down toward my toes, trying its best to pass through the floor.

  “Crawl.”

  Another tug.

  My whole body felt heavy through the terror that left me shaking. Something wasn’t right. I could feel it in my bones. A miracle had me moving forward. Each step leading me to some unknown nightmare that waited ahead.

  Cold from the wooden floor of the hallway didn’t stop my palms from slipping on the sweat that was starting to take over. Again, I glanced up, meeting my Master’s narrowed blue eyes. But there was nothing inviting about them. In their depths, held a beast. A living thing that was separate from the person he projected on the outside.

  The stairs rested ahead and I jumped at him, pulling up the collar. “Stand.”

  I didn’t want to. I wanted to run. To flee for my life. Which was ironic.

  Slowly, I rose to my feet and followed him down the stairs. As we rounded the corner and came to a white, wooden door off the kitchen, I felt my feet trying to plant. The pitch black that greeted us as he opened the door left me trembling even worse. He took a few steps down, pulling a rope that had a light swinging back and forth. The house was expensive. There was no need for the old fashioned set-up, which meant he’d given the effect intentionally.

  “Come.” The jerk had me pulling back. I could see the enjoyment spark on his face, the edge of his lips pulling back on one side while he watched me squirm. “Don’t tell me you’re afraid, slave. Not the woman who flirts with death at every opportunity.”

  I made a sound, only causing more drool to run down my chin. Damn the ballgag. Again, he tugged, pulling me to the first step. For him to see my fear wasn’t good. But I didn’t want to walk openly into a situation that would seriously injure me either.