by Zara Zenia
Our strongest instinct was our desire to keep the species alive. To desire anything else was an unthinkable atrocity, the greatest heresy that ever existed. “That's…”
“Can you offer a counter argument?”
The question, and the speech he'd given would've disproven all of the beliefs that my species held dear. I couldn't withstand it. I thought for certain that there was some way to argue against what he was saying, but he was right.
“Nobody can justify the way we've been living, but we've been so stuck in our own nature, that it's kept us from seeing the truth. I can change the logs and get you off planet, but I need you to promise me something.”
I looked at him.
“Spread this idea to every Fiori you come into contact with while you are outside our borders.”
“I promise.”
I left the room and found my cube as fast as I could. It was going to happen soon. She would be allowed to die in peace, in my arms, the way she deserved.
Chapter 9
Lainey
It was getting harder for me to keep my eyes open and every time they closed I fell a little deeper into the darkness, closer to the twilight space between reality and the realm of the spirits where I could do whatever I imagined.
I'd see myself as a vague shape in the darkness, setting the table just before Markathus arrived. The images were still blurry, but the further I fell, the closer I could get to finding myself ushering him into the house. This time he'd come in and we'd eat. Then we'd lay on the couch together. I'd tell him about our son, and we'd talk about all of the things our little boy would do.
He'd be an astronaut, or a doctor. He'd change the world, and Markathus and I would watch him do it together. We'd buy our beach house and we'd watch the sunset together.
I wanted to see that sunset most of all, but I could never make it look like the sun was falling into the water.
The cold was still all around me, but in my new state it didn't feel like the cold of death. There was no death. This was something different. This was freedom. I was closer now. I couldn't see my body when my eyes opened. It was failing, but I still had my mind. That would be my new reality.
I could create a universe of my own where Markathus was human and he really cared. In this new reality, he never set me up for this. There was no monster inside me. There was a healthy boy, and I was beautiful. My skeleton wasn't peeking out. I was strong enough to move and the crust that had built up over my eyes and my mouth had been replaced by lipstick and eyeliner.
My life wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to die in the sweet glow of opiates surrounded by everyone I loved. I made that a part of my reality and imagined that my son and his real father, the Markathus I loved were standing beside me. Markathus was trying to keep it together with a warm smile on his face.
He bent down on one knee and stroked my cheek. “You'll see me again, and I'll tell you about everything that you missed.”
“I don't care. I just want to be free,” I found myself saying. “I hate it here. It's cold and sad.” No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape the freezer.
“I'll save you.” He lifted me off the hospital bed, and I got a glimpse of reality. The feeding machine was shoving the tube down my bleeding and raw throat. The pain shot through me, and I felt my body convulse.
“I'll save you.” I was back on the hospital bed with my face dug into a pink bucket.
“You won't. I know you.” I imagined myself outstretching a bone white finger. “I know what you are,” I hissed.
“No, you don't.” I saw his face twist and his skin grow until it was a layer of snow white fur. The creature was demented, capable of great atrocities. The Fiori didn't care who they hurt, or what they destroyed. They were greedy, disgusting monsters.
When the tube started protracting, Markathus reached out a yellow, wormy finger and used it to pull off my cheek. Then he shoved the meat into his mouth, revealing a set of sharpened teeth. Maybe that's what they would do when I died. It would make perfect sense. Humans ate cows and pigs. Maybe they would eat me.
How ironic. I wanted to become a part of him and his life. Now I was wondering whether or not he was going to fry me up and serve me on a plate. In my mind, Markathus was two people, the man lowering me down onto the hospital bed, and the monster that was waiting to eat me just outside the room. His face was getting clearer. I could see the curl of black hair that always fell over his forehead, and make out the lines in his cheeks that formed when he smiled.
That man would've saved me. He would've risked his life to get me out of the freezer. None of that mattered, because I was getting closer to being with the man that I really loved. I could see his pores and the stubble on his chin.
My son was there too. He had the same hair as his father, but he had my flat nose and big lips. He was taller than both of us and stronger. This was a man that could withstand anything, even the freezer.
“What's your name?” I asked him.
He shook his head.
“Don't you have a name?”
He just smiled. Why couldn't I make him real? I could see the sunset, our beach house and the Markathus I loved, but I couldn't see the son I wanted so desperately wanted to see.
When Markathus left me, every time I got up to go to the bathroom, I opened the cupboard and stared at the bottle of oxycontin that I had left over from breaking my arm. I could've swallowed the whole thing and stopped all of this from happening in less than fifteen minutes.
They say an opiate overdose is the most amazing experience a person can have. It's not overwhelming. It's not a rush. It's like swimming in happiness. That's what I should've done, and I would've done it, had it not been for my son.
I should've killed him when I had a chance.
The hospital door opened, and their faces started to fade away.
No!
I needed him, I loved him. I deserved the man that left me. He was the man that I loved, not this monster. Why was this happening? Was there any justice? I worked hard. I did everything I was supposed to do. I was a good fucking person. I deserved a chance at happiness. Markathus was supposed to be that chance, and now he was killing me.
My hospital bed became a gurney, the walls went dark and everything went cold. The sharp sound of steps striking against the floor made me want to cry out. I could see the monster moving toward me. It was fast, and he was carrying a plastic cage just like the one they put the fetuses in.
I could feel the child moving around inside me. It was ready to eat through my stomach. There was no pain. I wanted to feel something. It would've been terrible to just fade away. There should be a climactic ending.
The thing was getting closer. It was alone, already wearing a set of gloves, and there was something in its hand gleaming in the light.
He stopped at the gurney beside me. I couldn't see what he was doing, but I heard the sound of a fetus plopping into the plastic cage. Then he stopped and I saw his hands reach out toward the woman. He was closing her eyes and muttering something under his breath while he held his head low.
“When we leave,” he turned around to meet my eyes, “I need you to stay as calm and quiet as possible. Blink twice to acknowledge what I'm saying.” I did. “Good.” He put something over me that blocked out the light. Then he started pushing the gurney.
Chapter 10
Markathus
It had been two torturous days since Ferryn faked Lainey's death and snuck her out of the reproduction facility. He refused to tell me where he was taking her. He said that if we were caught smuggling her out of the facility, then we would be questioned. The Fiori would get her location out of us, and she would be executed.
So I was stuck watching the women in the gestation room die while I thought of her. I was ready to tear my fur out, frantic and panicking. I wanted to run out and beg Ferryn to tell me where she was so I could join her. It would happen soon, he'd said, but every second that I took my eyes off her was anot
her second that I was abandoning her.
She could be dead by the time I got to her. That was my biggest fear. I promised myself that I would be there when she died so I could bring her some peace. I wanted to stand over her and stroke her cheek while we cried together.
I was going to tell her that I loved her. I wanted her to know that, especially after what happened when I left her. I hated myself for doing that to her. I knew she was devastated when I left, but I left anyway because I was afraid of what I was feeling.
I still didn't trust what was happening to me. Ferryn said that becoming attached to others was a good thing, but it was starting to destroy me. I took his advice and made sure to take care of myself. I bathed daily and remembered to eat, but it wasn't enough to keep me from feeling like the world was crumbling around me.
I couldn't see her. I didn't know if she was happy, where she was, or if it was safe there. I knew that Ferryn understood my attraction to her, but I still didn't know how much I could trust the man. I was trusting him with the only thing that had ever mattered to me.
During my time away from Lainey, I flew the drone through the other chambers where I studied the implantation and post mortem processes. They were testing the females’ nutrient intake. The Minister had a pet theory that the women weren't getting enough nutrients and that was what was killing them. It was a sound idea, but they weren't able to prove it.
I took my time watching everything they did, hoping to find a way to correct the problem. The researchers were some of the Imperium's best. They knew every single cell in the human body, better than the humans did in many cases, but everything they tried failed. I wanted to see some progress, but if they couldn't save these women, I couldn't save Lainey.
It was midday when the researchers finished analyzing the women's lower digestive tracts, and I finally realized that there was no hope. I wasn't holding out much. In fact, I knew for certain she would die, but it was still a blow. I threw my crown across the room and howled so loudly I barely noticed the door chime sounding.
I walked to the door's console and pressed my hand against it, unsure of what to expect. I was panicking. Was it finally time for me to go see her? Was it Ferryn telling me she was dying?
“Minister.” I lowered my eye and ushered her inside.
She sniffed and stood at the door. “We'll have to have this cube sanitized. What is the state of your mental health?” Her sharp eyes moved up and down my body.
“Fantastic.”
“And the bald patches?”
“I've been over exerting myself. I'm trying to perfect an exercise routine. I apologize for the smell.”
“It's disgusting.” She stepped back.
“What is the reason for your visit?” I asked.
“You are being transferred to an implantation facility in the southern district. You will leave immediately.” She turned around for me to follow.
Was this a part of Ferryn's plan? Was I being taken away from Lainey? I had no choice but to follow the Minister through the hall and into the lift. She glanced at me with her lip curled when I got inside.
“No progress?”
“Why ask?” She huffed. “You've been watching.”
“Are you concerned?”
She turned to me, clearly shocked. “Why do you care?”
“I don't.” I kept my eye straight. “I wish you the best with your research, Minister.”
The doors opened and I walked outside into the hangar where I found the nearest flight platform, one of many white circles that had been painted on the ground. When I stepped into the center, a whirlwind of black particles flew out of the edges of the circle, and surrounded me until they had formed a solid sphere that shot up off the ground and encased me in a black carbon ball while I was propelled toward the planet's southern hemisphere.
A few moments later, the sphere was dissipating and the warm, thick air was closing in around me while I held my arms close against my chest.
“Follow me.” Ferryn's voice was nearly drowned out by the sound of street merchants swarming the streets, screaming in a thousand languages, some of them in spectrums so high it made my ears ring.
“Finally.” Once the air cleared I found myself standing in the middle of a diverse crowd of species. A purple worm snaked past my feet while a green hulking beast screamed over the crowd, his voice echoing off the buildings, trying to sell off white cakes that seemed to be popular with a group of gray bipedals that were surrounding his stand.
I'd never been to the foreign district before. So far as I knew, access was restricted, and they certainly weren't allowed to leave. They couldn't even travel off planet without going through a lengthy process meant to discourage migration across the Imperium.
I dodged a silver ball flying past my head and ran to Ferryn's side. “Is she alive?”
“Yes. Yes. She's alive. She's weak though. You'll have to stay here, and it's not what you're used to.”
“It isn't. I've never seen any place like this before.” It looked like the entire universe had been spread across the streets.
“There's a lot to see here, but it's dangerous. I would change forms as soon as possible. The Fiori are not popular in the foreign district. You're likely to get killed if you're not careful.” He took a right into a long, narrow lane between the massive black buildings and led me through a short doorway on the left.
“Stop.” A gray-haired female human was standing just a few feet past the doorway blocking the short hallway beyond.
“Are you human?” I asked.
“What do you care?” She grabbed my hand and pressed it against a black cube.
“What are you doing?” She let my hand drop and took Ferryn's.
“She's checking our DNA.”
She relaxed. “I'm Madge.” She offered me her hand and I shook it. “I'm Fiori, but she's human and I don't want to upset her.” The woman was short, about five feet tall and had a ball of gray hair surrounding her head that jumped up and down when she walked down the hall. “You're to give her her rest. I don't want her to die just yet.”
“How is she?” I asked.
“She's dying.” Madge responded matter of factly.
“Is she awake? Is she lucid.”
“Yes.” The woman responded. They stopped at a door on the right side of the hall.
“This is where I leave you.” Ferryn announced.
“Why?” I asked. “Don't go. No. You've done so much.”
“I want to stay, but there's still work to do to get you off world.”
“Thank you, Ferryn. I owe everything to you.” I offered him my hand and he shook it.
“I'll see you again.” He turned around and walked off.
Madge waited until he left then turned to me. “I like her. She came in here fighting, nearly bit my ear off. You're not to upset her. You need to shift now.”
I did. “Who are you?”
“I help aliens.” That was all I was going to get. Madge opened the door and left me inside the dimly lit room.
Lainey was laying in a pile of her own, stretched skin with a thin blanket barely concealing the outline of her brittle skeleton.
“I love you.” I stepped forward. “I didn't want to leave you. They made me. And now.” I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to keep myself from sobbing, but my body started trembling and I was overwhelmed by a torrent of human emotions so powerful I crouched to the ground and struggled to keep everything from flying out—all the pain I experienced while watching her in the freezer, what it felt like to leave her on Earth. Now I was facing the possibility that she hated me for what I had done to her.
I had to salvage this. I'd never felt connected to anyone before. How could she rob me of something so beautiful?
“Get the fuck out.” She said with surprising strength. “I can't stop you from killing me, but you can't watch me die.”
“Kill you!?” I shot up onto my feet with tears drenching my face. “How could I possibly kill you?”
“What do you mean I put it in you, Lainey?” I stepped closer. “They implanted that fetus inside you when you were at the facility. I found you after that happened.”
“This,” she pointed viciously at the lump in her stomach, “is your kid. I found out I was pregnant the day before you left me. You did this. Now I want you out of this room and out of my life.”
“I promise you that I will do whatever it takes to save you and our child. I love you, Lainey.” I turned around and ran out. I couldn't even look at her.
It hurt so much. I just wanted to die. There was no way I could convince her that I cared.
Chapter 11
Lainey
I knew when they took me out of the freezer that Markathus was playing a game with me. The Fiori that took me was strange. He wasn't cool or calm like the others I'd seen, and he wasn't charming like Markathus. He sounded like the kind of man that would tell you how it is. As soon as we got outside, he injected me with something that healed my paralysis.
I started screaming at the top of my lungs and cursing until he finally gave up and gave me the shot again. Then he picked me up and carried me to a transport while he told me in perfect English that if I wanted to live much longer I'd better learn to act properly. He also said I should thank him for saving my life, because no sane Fiori would ever do such a thing.
I knew I was going to die either way, but the thing was abrasive, ordering me around when we reached the city, so I did exactly what he told me while I watched the creatures pass by. The place didn't look sophisticated. It reminded me of a trip I took to Nogales, Mexico. There were thousands of people taking up every square inch and all of them had something to sell.