by Zara Zenia
The Fiori pushed me through the crowd and took me to see the old woman. I nearly tore her to pieces, screaming and howling. I called her everything I could think of. Aside from dodging my blows she stayed perfectly calm, even when I almost tore off her ear.
After I'd worn myself out, the man helped her carry me into my room. She was almost kind, a little abrasive, but she brought me food and seemed interested in me. It was hard to remember that this woman was a part of a conspiracy to kill and torture me. She was convincing, and I knew that if I didn't play along she'd keep her cover up and make me feel like an idiot, so I thanked her for the food, and answered her questions.
She wanted to know what state I was from, who the president was, and what laws had passed and failed. She sounded like she was legitimately intrigued by the state of affairs on Earth. She was particularly interested in our technological advances in computers and television. Then she started asking about current events and old celebrities.
Had I not known better, I would've taken her for a human stranded on Valice for decades, but she was Fiori and told me so openly. That was all she told me about herself.
It went on the same way for days. I sampled the strange food and started to be able to stay awake for longer periods of time. It was warm there, and I was allowed to move around, so I felt better until I heard Markathus's voice behind me while I was trying to sleep.
I wanted to tear his face off, and watch him scream, but I could barely move because of what he'd done to me. All I could do was make my wishes known. I wanted to die without anyone around me. I wasn't going to let him get the pleasure of watching.
I knew that Markathus would try to find his way back in after that. When the door opened a few hours later I expected to see him, but it was the lady instead. She never took anything but human form when I was around.
I think she knew that it had a calming effect on me.
“You selfish bitch. You really don't get it.” She set a steaming bowl of black liquid next to the bed along with a large cup of ice water.
“Go.” I rolled onto my back so I didn't have to see her, but she lunged forward and stared down at me.
“No.” Her upper lip was curled in disgust. “You need to talk to him. He's been out in the hall crying like a baby this entire time.”
“You cry?”
“What, you think we're emotionless monsters?” She was vicious. “You think I want to risk my life for a dying ungrateful human while my species is going extinct? Do you know what the Imperium would do to me if they found out that I was helping you? I'm putting myself at risk just so you can die happily and you want to accuse me of being a monster. You can leave, or you can act right.”
“Extinct?” I rolled over to face her.
“It's an infection.” She spat. “We encountered a microbe that lives in space. It entered our bodies through space suits and stuck to our ships. It spread like a plague. We had no idea what was happening until our children started dying. By then it was too late. We're completely sterile and you're the only species capable of conceiving our children. The reason you were brought to a research facility is because you monkeys are too weak to carry our children to term. We're trying to find a way to make that happen. Personally, I don't care, though. It's time we died.”
“Why would you say that?”
“When we first encountered alien life, we converted our moon into a hunting facility so our elite members of society could abduct them and chase them down for fun. Now we kill every planet we come into contact with and steal its resources. The only reason Earth is still around is because we have a use for it.”
“That's sick.”
“I agree wholeheartedly. I'm a pacifist, but it's our nature.” She grabbed my hand and helped me up delicately. Then she moved the pillows so I could sit upright on my own. “My species is born without a natural sense of compassion or love.”
“Then why are you helping me?”
She sat at the foot of the bed. “I lived on Earth for more than forty years. In the sixties I faked a college application to get into Berkeley where I dropped acid and discovered free love. It took me all of a year to find a man, and when I did he was my world. I didn't even know what love was. None of us do, so it always catches us off guard.” She smiled and picked up the bowl. “He had this brown hair that fell down the side of his head in curls and he walked around with a guitar strapped around his shoulders. We were going to own the universe. He knew what I was and he accepted me. He didn't care. He just wanted to drive up the coast with me and let me listen while he played the guitar.
Then, he started using, and I was forced to watch him change from an honest, innocent man into a belligerent prick.
When he moved onto needles he came down with a new virus that was killing a lot of people. When people got AIDS back then they didn't last long—a few years at most. He wasted away, much like you, and eventually he died. I took care of him the entire time. There is nothing that could instill a stronger sense of compassion in a Fiori than having to watch the person they love die.”
She lifted the bowl to my lips and I let her help me drink. The broth tasted like chicken with a hint of licorice, and a scintillating aftertaste that left me wanting more.
“I don't think the beast can eat that. I don't know for certain, but Fiori women stay away from liquids while they are pregnant. They say it keeps us healthy.”
“I'm going to die?”
“I don't know. If my husband told me that I couldn't see him before I died, I would've rushed in and held his hand no matter what because I loved him more than I love myself.”
I let her feed me more broth. “This is all a trick. Why else would he do this to me?”
“Maybe he didn't know what it meant to love somebody when he was with you. Maybe he didn't know you were pregnant. Human men don't think about where they put it. Fiori aren't much different. Can't you forgive him for wanting a moment of passion?”
“How do I know he didn't do it so I could have his son?”
“You don't, but he loves you more deeply than I've ever loved anyone and you loved the man you knew him to be. Didn't you?” She moved the bowl away so I couldn't take a drink to avoid her question.
“I did.”
“He's still the man you love. Let him be there for you.”
I looked back down at the bowl and she picked it up reluctantly. Then she gave me a sip while she met my eyes. She was a wise woman, alien or not. I believed her. When she set the bowl down, I asked. “Were you surprised to see the social changes we made while you were on Earth?”
“I'd never seen a species change so dramatically in my life,” she scoffed. “I admire humans a lot. I wish we could make the same changes to our society, but we live a lot longer and we move slowly. We've got a lot more to overcome than racism and interracial marriage. For now, we're working on the basics.” She fed me the rest of the broth and got up to leave.
Before she opened the door, I said, “Give me a minute.”
Her warm smile made me want to cry. He had been telling the truth this entire time and I was breaking his heart. This wasn't just about me. His child was inside me. I was in this situation because he fell in love with me. He had a right to have his wishes taken into consideration.
“No. No. No. No.” He yelled from behind the door. “I am not waiting.” He started grunting and growling like a rabid dog, clearly saying something in his own language. “No.”
“Fine.” Madge said. “She still doesn't get it.”
“I just need to see her.”
There was a pause then he opened the door and I watched his face, red from crying, emerge from the other side. “I'm sorry.” He walked in. “I'm so sorry.” He stepped forward. “If I had known this would happen to you… I would change places with you. I'm gonna kill myself. I'll rip my own throat out.”
“No. You survive.”
“Why?” He stepped forward and took my hand. He looked terrible, but he was still my dark God, an
d held the same, dark allure he had when I first fell in love with him. He was my poison. “Why should I survive while you're laying there dying. I did this to you. They didn't put anything in you. He told me, the man who brought you. He told me that you were already pregnant when you got to the facility. I deserve to die.” He fell to his knees and buried his head into the mattress next to me while he shook.
I reached out and started stroking my hand through his hair. “I love you, Markathus. I'm sorry that I kept you away like this. I just… humans have never encountered another race. I didn't know how to adjust. I want you to know that no matter what happens, I don't blame you and I'll love you until I die.” He sat on the side of the bed and stroked my cheek while I fell asleep.
Chapter 12
Markathus
Madge was leaning against the wall smoking a tobacco cigarette when I left Lainey's room.
“Where did you get that?”
“I had a friend bring me a few cartons when he returned from Earth. You want one?”
“No. Thank you. Do you have um…”
“Come on.” I followed her to the end of the hall where she touched a hidden console, and a hidden door opened to reveal a small room filled with human memorabilia. I walked in and turned around, staring at the walls. There was a picture of Marilyn Monroe and a series of movie posters, all too old for me to have ever heard of them.
“You were there.”
“For decades. Me and another Fiori stole a ship from the fleet orbiting Alpha Centauri. We jumped to the nearest star and landed. I only expected to stay a few minutes. Instead I stayed for more than forty years. That's when I decided to devote my life to this.” She shut the door and pulled a bottle of whiskey out of a set of drawers in the corner.
“Devote your life to what?”
“I save aliens from Fiori. I free them from slavery and give them a place to hide when they're being hunted. She's my first human, though. I wish I could take more in. They're a beautiful species.” She poured me a shot and passed it to me.
I took it and handed her the glass. “She's gonna die.”
“You don't know that.” She took her shot like it was water and poured us both another. “She's lasted longer than anyone else. She said it was a couple weeks ago that you left her. It's been more than a month already.”
“I don't believe that.”
She handed me a shot. “And why not?”
“Look at her. She can barely move. It's killing her,” I took the shot. “And it's killing me to watch her.”
“She's gotten better than when she left. What kind of conditions were they keeping her in? That's probably what was killing her. This girl isn't dying, Markathus.”
“Just stop.” I walked back out and into her room where I took a pillow out of a set of drawers at the foot of the bed and laid it down on the floor so I could sleep next to her.
I woke up to the sound of hushed voices. “Come on. I'll help you.”
“No. I got it.”
I sat up and watched Lainey do the same on her own. Then I moved out of the way so Madge could set the bowl of broth down.
“Here.” Madge grabbed the bowl to help Lainey drink, but she took it herself.
“I've got it.”
“All right, dear.” Madge glanced at me when she left.
“How are you feeling?” I pulled up a chair to sit next to Lainey.
“I don't know. I—could I have a moment?”
“Sure.” I left the room while she ate and Madge took a seat at the alleyway door holding a reading console. I paced around and waited while she did whatever it was she wanted to do, but after a while it become clear that she wasn't going to call me back in, so I sat down on the ground outside with my knees held close to my body, wondering whether or not she wanted to see me.
I decided that she would call me when she wanted to see me, and that I had to respect her, so I stayed outside, but Madge moved freely in and out of the room. She didn't say much to me, but we watched each other nonetheless. She brought her meals and brought me a pillow when it got to be night time.
When she handed it to me, she said, “I think she's going to start on solid food. She says that she wants more.”
“Old woman, you don't get to toy with my head. False hope,” I scoffed “You're a disgusting creature. Do you like seeing me suffer for what I did to her?”
“She wants to see you,” Madge walked by me.
When I walked in, she was laying on her side, facing the wall. “Lainey…”
She turned onto her back. “Could you just give me some time, Markathus. I'm sorry.”
I turned around and ran out into the hall where Madge's door was ajar. I rushed in. “You told me that she wanted to see me.”
Madge sat surrounded by a fog of smoke on an ancient armchair in the corner. “I forget how naive Fiori can be.” She laughed softly and ashed her cigarette into a crystal container sitting on the side table next to her.
“Naive?” I raged.
“Sit down boy.” She grew to twice her size and spoke with a thousand voices.
I ran back into the corner and slumped onto the ground.
“I'm sorry.” She was back to her normal size. “Humans can become conflicted. She wants to see you, but she's all twisted up inside. She has so many emotions about what happened with you and her body that she's not sure she can face you yet. What she needs is a strong hand and some comfort.”
“She told you that? What else did she tell you? How does she feel about me?”
She took a puff of her cigarette. “She loves you, and no, she didn't tell me that. I just know.”
“You seem to just know a lot.”
“You don't understand humanity. You're young. When you've lived with them as long as I have you begin to see their hidden motivations and their desires. They're not what they seem to be on the surface. Inside their minds is a raging pool of emotions. You're going to have to dive into it if you want to be with her.”
“We're not going to have chance to be together.”
Madge put her cigarette out and got up. “Are you going to go see her?”
“She still doesn't want to see me.”
“Come on.” She walked past me out the door.
I got up to follow her. “I'm not going to see her.”
“You'd be stupid not to.” She pressed her hand against the wall across from where she was sleeping. “You may sleep in here. I'm tired of you cluttering up my hall.” She ushered me into a room with a Fiori bunk and a crown.
“Thank you.”
She left and I laid down on my side and rested my hands under my head. Then I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep, but the hard surface was pressing against my pelvic bone, so I rolled over onto my back and it dug into my tailbone. I’d always found Lainey to be very straightforward. She said what she felt, because she wanted things her way.
It didn't make sense for her to lie, but she was a member of a species that had never traveled to another planet. They had all sorts of false beliefs about extraterrestrials, shaded by suspicion and fear. I'd invaded her body, and was a member of a species that had taken her to die.
I was also who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. We had laid down for countless hours planning our future. There were plenty of times when we talked about marriage and having a family. I was the only person she trusted, and I’d betrayed that trust.
Madge was right. She was conflicted. She wanted to believe me when I told her that I was the same man she fell in love with, but she knew that trusting me could get her killed. She was uncertain, and Lainey was never comfortable with uncertainty. She always needed to understand all of the variables in a situation. I had to give her something that she could be sure about. I couldn’t wait for her to make a decision, because by the time she did, it might be too late for us to spend her last moments together.
I was going to profess my love to her. It was a risk, one that could damage my psyche irreparably, but if it worked,
then I could be with her and once again feel her by my side. Regardless of how she responded, I wouldn't regret going in there, because at least I would be able to look back and say that I tried.
I ran out into the hall, threw her open door and stepped back. I didn't want to wake her. She was so fragile, so sweet, facing me with her eyes closed and a smile on her face. I shut the door and climbed into bed with her. Then I put my arm around her and stroked her cheek while I fell asleep to the sound of her snoring softly. She was heaven.
The next morning, when my eyes opened, she was sitting up with a tray of sweet grain cakes and purple nang fruit. “Good morning.”
I sat up. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have burst in like that.”
“No. I should've let you stay here with me. I was being selfish.”
I didn't get it. How was I going to understand this woman if I couldn't even see when she was upset?
“Here.” She handed me a juicy sliver of fruit and I popped it in my mouth. Then she laughed, set the tray down and laid her head on my stomach.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“I smiled this morning when I saw you lying down with me. I haven't smiled since I got here. It's because of you.” She stared up at me like an innocent child. I could see her skin gaining back its natural color and thought of what Madge had said about her getting better. She was lasting far longer than any of the other women.
Why?
She reached up and stroked my face. Then I dove my head in and kissed her. It was divine to have her warm lips pressing up against mine. She wrapped her arm around my neck and we fell into it further. I had no idea what it meant to lose yourself, and think of nothing else but another person. This human instinct was so complex. I could've spent an entire lifetime trying to understand the dynamic between two human lovers.