Held (Gone #2)

by Claflin, Stacy

  What would she think if she saw him? Would she think he was a jerk? Or would she be glad that he wasn't wallowing in pity?

  A tear escaped, landing on his sheet. Why hadn't he been able to do anything to stop Macy? Had he pushed her away? She was always annoyed with his teasing. He knew that kids at school picked on her, even after losing her weight. Why had he been so insensitive?

  Not that he was anywhere as mean as anyone at school, and he wasn't trying to be mean to her. He'd just been a normal brother. Brothers teased—even his dad told him that.

  If he would have had any idea that she was going to disappear, whether running away or being kidnapped, he would have stopped. But there was nothing he could about that now.

  Did she really know how he felt? She had to know how much he loved her. It wasn't like their entire relationship had been about him teasing her. They still talked and stuff, but obviously not enough.

  This was getting him nowhere. Why couldn't he just sleep? Because his guilt wouldn't leave him alone even there. He should have been able to do something. What? He didn't know, but he could have done something to stop Macy from disappearing.

  He closed his eyes tighter, trying to push the thoughts away. He focused on the black behind his eyes. He could feel more tears slipping out and all falling along the same path, pooling around his face.

  He sat up. There was no way he could stay in bed. He couldn't stop thinking, and even if he could stop thinking about Macy, he would probably start thinking about Zoey and the baby, and he couldn't deal with that, either.

  If Macy was dead, what would he do? How would he go on? Could he go on? Would he live with the guilt for the rest of his life? What would life be like? He didn't want to be an only child—he wasn't supposed to be. Macy was supposed to be there. They were supposed to bicker and bug each other. It was their job as siblings.

  It was also his job to protect her. Even though he was younger, he was still her brother. He should have gone over to the high school and confronted those stupid jerks who were giving her a hard time.

  He still could. It wasn't too late. They weren't missing. All of them were still at school, and Zoey knew them by name. He probably knew most of them too. They were the ones who had caused this. If they hadn't been so mean to her, Macy wouldn't have felt like she had to meet some guy online.

  Alex had stopped working out after she disappeared, but it probably wouldn't take him long to get back into shape. He threw on a sweatshirt from the end of his bed and got up.

  He went down to the garage to the punching bag and balled up his fists. He punched it. It felt good. He punched again. It felt even better. He imagined the faces of the jerks who had tormented his sister. He felt even better still.

  Alex hit it until sweat poured down his face and back, and was breathing hard. He felt great. He would have to remember to use it daily. Taking deep breaths, he found that he had more energy. He went to his dad's weights and grabbed some dumbbells—the ones he was sure he had used last and did reps.

  The muscles burned in a good way. He was doing what he needed and once he got himself back into shape, he was going to confront every person who had made fun of Macy. He didn't care that he wasn't supposed to hit girls—those ones had it coming.

  He grabbed a different set of dumbbells and did some squats. He had to strengthen everything. It shouldn't take him long to get back to where he was. He'd only missed a month; it wasn't like he'd stopped for a year.

  He grunted his way through the last set and put everything back in place. Not that his dad would notice anything had been moved out of place. He'd also stopped working out.

  Alex went back to his room, allowing himself to enjoy the burn of his muscles. He felt powerful and he would face the ones responsible for pushing his sister away. Even if he didn't lay a hand on them—and how he wanted to rearrange their butt-ugly faces—he would at least know that he could.

  Someone needed to stand up for Macy, and he was going to do it. Better late than never, as his dad always said. Those girls needed to pay, and they would. They probably thought they'd gotten away with it, but they were wrong.

  In fact, he would find a way to make them pay in ways that would hurt worse than a good beating. They'd hurt Macy emotionally. Those horrible excuses for humans had nearly destroyed his sister.

  He could still see the pain in Macy's eyes, which he'd pretty much ignored at the time. He felt bad, but instead of asking what he could do, he did what any twelve-year-old boy would do. He teased her. He thought if he could just get her mind off what the kids had been saying, she would forget about it.

  Obviously, he hadn't understood just how much it had hurt her—or the lengths she would go to because of it. Going vegan was pretty extreme. Meeting a guy online, that wasn't so strange. But meeting him alone at night, that was pretty crazy. Even he knew that much.

  He went to Macy's room. Hopefully she still hid her diaries in the same places she used to. He went to her bed and pulled back the mattress and felt for the loose fabric. When he did, he pulled it back and dug his hand around until he felt the diary. If Macy hadn't had such good hiding spots, the police would have found and taken them.

  Alex pulled the diary and looked at it. He didn't recognize that one, so it had to have been new. At least newer. He hadn't read her diaries in a long time. He pulled it out and looked around for one of her hair clips. The clip was perfect for picking the lock—they always were.

  He skimmed through the first pages; mostly she was griping about school. Then the whole tone changed when Snowflake, the family cat, died. Macy had loved him the most, always calling him a beautiful baby. Apparently, she had been so upset about it that her grades slipped.

  Then the entries got even darker when she talked about the kids calling her "Muffin Top Macy," and she couldn't even eat lunch in the cafeteria without people mooing at her. Alex balled up his fist again, taking note of the names mentioned.

  This was the type of crap that kids killed themselves over.

  Those losers would pay—they would pay dearly. Alex would see to that.

  He took the diary back to his room. Where had he put his phone? He dug around his messes until he finally found it.

  Alex got the camera ready, he opened the diary to the pages about the girls at school and took pictures of the entries. Then uploaded them to his profile. He set them to public so the world could see.

  Having the pictures was proof that Macy had written them. No one could argue.

  Then he wrote a little intro to each picture, tagging as many of the girls as he could. He was "friends" with most of them, making it easy. Fury ran through him as he looked at the post button. With any luck, other kids would turn around and give them a taste of their own medicine. Those bitches were going to pay.

  He pushed post.

  Fretting

  Macy's mind raced as she did her copy work. She was all too aware of Luke sitting next to her. She kept sneaking peeks at him through the corner of her eyes. He was busy with his own work, appearing to be unaware of her.

  The last three weeks she had tried to tell Luke the truth about her situation, but she had chickened out each time. In a way she was glad, because it gave her time to get to know him better—as well as she could only speak with him during their ten minute breaks twice a day.

  Even though it wasn't a lot of time, it had been enough that she knew she could trust him. He wouldn't rat her out to Jonah or Chester. He wanted to help her, and even seemed to know that she wanted to tell him something.

  Could things get worse if she told Luke that she'd been kidnapped? Maybe he would even help her.

  But what if she was wrong about him? If Macy's desire to escape got into the wrong hands, she could get into trouble again. If she was publicly shamed, what letter would they pick? Would they give her B for blasphemy? Speaking out against Chester, who the almighty Jonah had received so many visions about? Or would it be an L for liar? They might just think she was making everything up a
bout being kidnapped.

  She sighed, louder than she had meant to.

  Luke looked over at her, giving her a curious look. He was so cute Macy couldn't think of anything else when she looked at him.

  Macy turned back to her papers and focused on her copy work, pretending he wasn't sitting there. The room felt like it was spinning out of control around her. Macy set her pencil down and took some deep breaths. White dots speckled her vision.

  "Are you okay?" asked someone. Macy thought it might be Luke.

  She tried to draw more deep breaths, but she couldn't get down far enough.

  A hand rested on her shoulder. She looked up to see Rebekah. "Do you need air?"

  Macy nodded.

  "I'll go out with her," Luke said.

  Alarm crossed over Rebekah's face. She pointed toward a girl and said something Macy couldn't understand.

  Soon, she was standing outside with Luke and one of the girls he had introduced her to before.

  Luke put his hand on Macy's shoulder and guided her to the side of the building. "Lean against the wall and put your head between your legs."

  Macy looked at him like he was crazy.

  "It'll help. Trust me."

  Macy needed a sign. If she felt better after putting her head between her legs, then she would know she could tell Luke everything. Otherwise, if she didn't feel better, then it was a sign that he wasn't safe to talk to. She needed to stop being afraid of talking to him. He had done nothing other than be her friend for the last several weeks.

  Macy positioned herself against the schoolhouse and bent over. She felt as ridiculous as could be, but hoped for an obvious sign

  "Stand up now. Slowly," Luke said.

  Macy rose as slow as possible and looked around. The white dots were gone and her breathing came naturally. She had her answer. She would tell Luke everything as soon as possible.

  "How do you feel?" he asked.

  "Much better, actually."

  "Do you want to stay out a bit longer?"

  Macy nodded. She wanted to tell Luke about her being kidnapped right then, but didn't know anything about the girl. She looked her over at her. She had light brown hair and bright blue eyes. She looked nice enough, but then again so had Chester. Macy didn't know anything about the girl.

  She gave Macy a look of concern. "Are you sure you're okay?"

  "Yeah. I don't know what overcame me in there."

  "I wouldn't worry about it. Everyone freaks out sometimes. It happens."

  "What's your story?" Macy asked her.

  "Like you, I was raised in the world. But then…well, life didn't exactly go the way I planned." She shrugged, looking away.

  Luke looked at her. "Dorcas had a rough time transitioning to the lifestyle too."

  "Dorcas? That must be rough." Where Macy was from, kids would have called her dork-us.

  Dorcas smiled. "It's my Bible name."

  "What's your real name?"

  Dorcas and Luke exchanged a look. Luke turned to Macy. "We're not supposed to talk about our worldly names once we've received our new names."

  "Of course. Sorry."

  "What's your story?" Dorcas asked.

  "Don't you know? Jonah found…my dad, and now here we are."

  Dorcas looked around and stepped closer and lowered her voice. "Luke and I are trying to get out of here."

  Macy's eyes widened. "What? Why are you telling me? I…I mean, I'm the daughter of Jonah's next prophet."

  Luke stepped closer too. "There are a few of us who are working on it. I could tell by the look in your eyes at your unveiling that you didn't want to be here. I've been around long enough that it's easy to see who buys this stuff and who doesn't. After talking with you over the last few weeks, I know you want to leave also."

  "But, you guys both have your new names. Doesn't that mean you've made your way through the ranks or something?" She turned to Luke. "The way you've been talking, it sounded like you believe everything they teach here."

  "You're the daughter of Jonah's favorite. I had to feel you out even though I thought you wanted out too."

  Dorcas nodded. "In case we can't find another way out, we're working our way up so that someday we'll be allowed to leave. You know, to look for new members. Only we won't come back."

  Macy stared at them. Were they for real? "Wouldn't that take years?"

  "More than likely," Dorcas said. "But at least it's better than nothing. I'd rather get out of here in ten years than never."

  "I do want out too."

  Luke and Dorcas exchanged a look.

  "But I don't want to wait ten years," Macy said.

  "Do you have a plan to get out sooner?" Luke asked.

  "Well, no. But I want to come up with something. I need to get back to my family."

  Dorcas tilted her head. "Chester isn't your family?"

  "I…uh…well, it's complicated."

  Luke stepped even closer. "Are you another kidnapped one?"

  Macy's eyebrows came together. "How did you know? And what do you mean by another?"

  "Are you really surprised that there are others like you?"

  Macy shrugged.

  "Trust me. You're far from the only one."

  "Really?" Macy's stomach twisted in knots.

  Dorcas nodded.

  "Well, that gives us even more reason to break out of here. If there are others like me, we have to get them to their homes—their real homes."

  Luke held up a hand. "Don't get anxious. One wrong move and we'll lose all chances of hope. We have to be meticulous and take everything at a snail's pace. It's fine to look for something else, but the best thing you can do is to try to move up the ranks, which means following the rules to a tee. Learn them, but don't internalize them."

  "Isn't there a way to get out of the fence?" Macy asked.

  "Have you looked at it?" Dorcas asked.

  "What I mean," Macy said, "is that there has to be a weak spot. A loose board or something."

  Dorcas shook her head. "There are people whose only job is to take care of the fence. They would spot something like that long before we did. And besides, it would be most suspicious if we were examining the fence."

  "But it has to be worth a try. We could come up with a good reason for looking at the fence."

  Luke gave me a sad look. "Shortly after my mom and I joined, someone did try to get out. A kid who was probably about our age."

  "What happened?" Macy asked. She held her breath.

  "I never saw him again."

  Macy looked back and forth between them. "What does that mean?"

  "He disappeared. No one ever mentioned him, either."

  "You mean…you think he died?" Macy whispered.

  "Do you have a better explanation?"

  Macy felt sick. They were as bad as Chester. Maybe worse.

  Dorcas looked at her. "We have to think long-term, and you actually have the best chance of getting out with your dad working so closely with Jonah, Abraham and Isaac. Your dad could take you with him sometime."

  "But then, what? I couldn't just run and save myself. The rest of you, I would have to get you out too."

  Dorcas shook her head. "For one thing—"

  The door opened and Rebekah came out, looking at Macy. "How are you feeling?"

  "Better now. The fresh air must have been what I needed."

  "Good. Now come back inside. We have plenty more to do before we take our lunch break. We don't want to find too few pages done when Eve checks the work, now do we?"

  "No, Teacher," Dorcas and Luke said in unison.

  They went inside, but Macy couldn't focus. Luke and Dorcas actually wanted out, and not only that, but other kids in the same room as her had also been kidnapped.

  The community was the perfect place for a criminal to go. Had the whole thing been masterminded by one? Was Jonah a mass murderer? Or was he just power hungry, and it was only a coincidence that the community was the perfect getaway for someone who needed to hi
de?

  Luke nudged her with his elbow. "At least pretend to do your work." He winked at her.

  "Right." Macy picked up her pencil and looked at the book. She wrote a few sentences and then looked around the room. Who else in there was heartbroken because they'd been stolen from their families?

  Macy felt something on her foot. She looked down and saw Luke's foot on top of hers. He moved it over so that it was next to hers with their ankles touching because the fabric of their pants had risen.

  She looked over at him, eyes wide. There was no way that was allowed.

  "What?" he whispered, his voice dripping with innocence. As if he didn't know.

  Macy elbowed him, but hoped he wouldn't move his foot. He didn't.

  She looked around the room and made eye contact with Rebekah. Rebekah nodded down, indicating for Macy to get to work.

  Would Macy really have to pretend to work her way up the ranks in order to get out? Luke and Dorcas had probably been around long enough to know that there wasn't another way out.

  Something bumped her knee and she looked over at Luke. He gave her a knowing look and she got back to work. She would have to wait until later to process everything.

  Macy was lucky enough to have three people on her side. Now all she needed was a plan. But Luke would have to move his foot before she could concentrate enough to think of anything.

  Undoing

  Chad got out of bed, careful not to wake Alyssa. She'd been awake half the night crying. So had he, actually. He hoped to God that the body didn't belong to Macy. If he thought about it, he knew that he would immediately start processing the emotions of it all, and he couldn't go there. Not unless he knew for sure.

  Until he had proof of anything else, he was operating under the assumption that his daughter was safe somewhere. Where? Only she knew that, but he had to hold onto the hope. He wasn't giving up yet.

  Since he couldn't sleep, he needed to get on his blog to publish the letters to Macy. In just the previous afternoon, the idea had exploded. Nearly everyone wanted to write their letter. He was going to end up with an entire series of posts rather than just one. Alyssa's parents wanted to write one, as did other relatives and some friends from school that Zoey had contacted.