I wanted to yell and scream that it wasn’t my fault, that I hadn’t intended to get pregnant, that it was an accident. But I could never refer to the child we’d conceived as an accident. It may not have been planned, but I’d already fallen in love with this baby.
“The condoms we used had expired,” I said quietly. “I didn’t realize until it was too late. It happened that night when your parents had the girls overnight.”
“So you’re how far along? Six, eight weeks?”
I nodded. “I’ve been to see the doctor.” Not that he’d asked, but I felt compelled to add, “She said everything looks fine.”
“How long have you known? When were you going to tell me?” He had every right to be outraged I’d kept this from him, but the thing that hurt the most was that I didn’t see any trace of joy or excitement in his eyes, just disbelief and confusion mixed with anger.
“I haven’t known all that long. Just a couple of weeks. I was going to tell you soon.” I didn’t expect him to believe me even though it was the truth. “I knew you had a lot going on, and I guess I wanted a little more time to try to cement my relationship with Emily and Elsie. I wanted them to like me and—”
“Is that why you wanted to bring them here this weekend? You intended to manipulate them just like you’ve manipulated me?”
“What?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “How can you say that?”
“All you’ve done since the day I met you is lie and manipulate me. First you tell me you don’t want me, then you sleep with me, making me believe you’ve changed your mind.”
“That’s not fair—”
He raised his hand. “Then as soon I let my guard down, you bail on me.” He curled his hands around the chair in front of me, his voice lowered as though he was trying to contain his rage. “You decide you want to come back, to start over, but instead of asking me how I feel, you don’t give me a choice. You get a job working for my company”—he slammed his palm against his chest to emphasize his point—“you buy the house across the street from me, and—”
“And forced you to sleep with me?” I sneered. I was sick of being attacked. “I suppose you’re going to imply that was my fault too? What? I seduced you?”
“No, but you were the one who supplied the faulty condoms. What did you do, Catia? Poke holes in them?”
I gaped at him, unable to believe the accusations he was hurling at me.
“You’re so used to getting what you want. The spoiled little heiress. You made up your mind that you wanted me simply because you like a challenge.” He waved at my body. “You didn’t care how this little plan of yours would hurt me and the people I love most. You didn’t care that it would ruin our lives!”
My hand curled protectively over my stomach as tears sprang to my eyes. “Get. Out.”
“What?”
“I said get out. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
The color drained from his face. “You should have thought of that before you got pregnant because now I’m gonna be in your life whether you like it or not.”
“No, you’re not.” I’d never been more hurt or hated anyone more than I hated Chase in that moment. “You don’t want this baby. You don’t want me. And I sure as hell don’t want you. I can take care of my baby by myself. I don’t need you. We don’t need you!”
He released a shuddering breath. “Okay, look, maybe we need to back up a minute.”
“You don’t have to worry about my baby ruining your life, because as far as I’m concerned, you’re dead to me. To us. This child will never know you. Now take your daughters and get out.”
“I’m not done talking.”
I shoved him as I walked past him on my way to the door. “Too bad ‘cause I’m done listening.”
Chapter Seventeen
Chase
Two long weeks had passed since I’d seen Catia. After our argument at her parents’ beach house, she’d informed Wendy she wouldn’t be returning to work and moved out of her house. I saw a moving truck pull in a few days later, but when I wandered over to try to get some information, my new neighbors told me they were just renting the place on a month-to-month basis until the owner decided whether she was ready to sell.
I’d tried calling only to find out she’d changed her number. When I called her number in Chicago, it had been disconnected. I thought about calling her family, but after the way I’d behaved, I knew I’d be the last person they’d talk to.
“Hey,” Dustin said, tapping on my office door. “You got a minute?”
I suspected he was there to tear a strip off me for hurting Catia, but I deserved it, so I waved him in. “Where is she, man? I need to see her. Is she in the Hamptons?” I’d considered driving up there to find out for myself, but if she was there, her parents would likely be there guarding the place.
“I’m not sure I should tell you where she is,” Dustin said, regarding me carefully before he sat across from me. “You look like hell, by the way.”
I’d dropped five pounds at least since I hadn’t been able to eat. I tossed and turned all night. I couldn’t even focus on work. The only thing I could think about was the fact that Catia was carrying my baby, a baby I might never get to see because of my own stupidity. “I feel like hell.”
“Good,” Dustin said, folding his hands over his stomach. “You should.”
“I said a lot of stupid things to her.”
“Yeah, you did.”
I didn’t expect my friend to cut me any slack. He was Catia’s family, not mine, and I had been in the wrong. “I was just in shock. The girls were so upset when they called me, and I was furious that I had to find out that way. She had no right to keep it from me. She should have told me.”
“You’re right about that,” Dustin conceded, shaking his head. “But come on, man. You really think she planned this? That she set you up?”
“No.” I curled my hand around my fist on the desktop, thinking of all the times I’d wished for something to hit over the past couple of weeks. “I know she would never do that.”
“Honestly, I’ve had my doubts about whether Cat would ever want to be a mother, but after seeing her with Lovenia, I have no doubt she wants this baby and is going to be an amazing mother.”
My stomach turned when I thought about the woman I loved raising our child alone because she was determined to keep me out of his or her life. That would destroy me. “I need to be a part of this baby’s life. Please, you’ve got to help me.”
He inhaled deeply. “We need to set the record straight before I decide what, if anything, I’m going to tell you.”
“Fine,” I said since he was the one holding all the cards. “Say what you need to say. Let me have it. I deserve it.”
“My wife told me the whole story after you stormed out of my in-laws’ house that night. She was so upset that you could accuse her sister of trying to trap you by getting pregnant.”
I cringed every time I thought of the stupid things I’d said that night. What the hell had I been thinking? How could I ever expect her to forgive me? “There’s no excuse for the things I said. I know that.”
“We all say and do stupid things in the heat of the moment, but you need to know that Kara was with Cat when she found out she was pregnant. Cat was stunned, scared. She was worried about how you would react, not to mention the girls. You were her first thought. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized she wanted the baby.”
I closed my eyes as I imagined Cat’s reaction to finding out that she was pregnant. Then I thought of my own reaction, and I felt sick all over again. I should have swept her into my arms and kissed her. I should have told her how happy and grateful I was that she was going to be the mother of my child. Instead I’d called her a liar and manipulative…
“I wouldn’t blame her if she never wants to see me again,” I said, “but I am dying here, thinking I may never get to see my baby. I know her family is rich and powerful, that they have the
best lawyers in the country on speed dial. But I’m not a bad father. You know that.”
“You’re a great father. That’s why I was so shocked when I found out you didn’t want to be a father again.” Dustin swallowed, his fingers straying to his wedding band. “Lovenia may be the only child Kara and I have, and if that’s the case, I’ll still feel blessed. But you have a chance to welcome another little miracle into the world, Chase. And the first opportunity you had to be grateful for that, you blew it.”
I felt as if my insides were trembling. My whole body was shaking with the effort it took to contain my mixed feelings: fear, anger at myself, remorse, and above all, love for Catia. I needed her to know, even if she didn’t return my feelings, that I still loved her and wanted her to be a part of my life.
“You’re missing out on everything,” Dustin said. “She went to the doctor yesterday, had her first ultrasound.”
It couldn’t have hurt more if he’d hit me with a sledgehammer. “I can’t miss out on anything else. Please talk to her for me. Convince her to let me come see her. She is in the Hamptons, isn’t she?”
Dustin seemed to consider his options before he nodded. “Yeah, she is. I’ll talk to her, but I can’t make any promises. She’s hurt and angry and, right now, still determined to go it alone. She says she and her baby don’t need you, that they’ll be just fine on their own.”
The thought of spending the rest of my life without Catia and our son or daughter was the worst pain I’d ever experienced. “I’ll make things right with her. I promise. Just help me get a foot in the door.”
“I’ll do what I can, buddy.” He stood, shaking the hand I offered. “But if you ever do anything to hurt her like that again, you and I are going to have problems. Understood?”
I nodded, then I watched my friend walk out the door.
***
My mother was rolling out cookie dough at the kitchen table when I went over to their house to pick up the girls. Even though she was still in a cast, she was determined to get all of her baking done before Christmas.
“Where is everyone?” I asked, leaning against the doorframe.
“Your dad and the girls are downstairs playing a board game.”
“Sugar cookies?” I asked, trying to smile.
“They always were your favorite.” She used her crutch to push the chair beside her away from the table. “Are you going to sit down and tell me what’s going on with you, Chase?”
I’d been trying to keep my problems to myself until I figured out how to handle them. My parents had lived through my nasty divorce and custody battle, and I didn’t want to subject them to anything else. But I shouldn’t have been surprised they’d figured out something was wrong. Like Dustin had said earlier, I looked like hell and felt even worse.
I slipped off my jacket and hung it on the back of the chair. “I really messed up this time, Mom.”
“I understand you’re going to be a daddy again?”
I couldn’t have been more shocked. “How’d you know that?”
“Elsie asked me if we could make an ornament for the baby’s first Christmas. I thought it was for Lovenia, but she said it’s for her new brother or sister. They won’t be here ‘til next Christmas, but she thought it would be nice to make the ornament just the same.”
The girls had tried to ask me questions about the baby, but I’d shut them down every time. I couldn’t talk about it without falling apart, and I didn’t want my daughters, who counted on me to be their rock, to see me like that.
“I guess they’re getting used to the idea then.” I propped my elbow on the table as I covered my mouth with my hand. “That’s good.”
“You want to tell me what in the hell is going on?”
“Catia’s pregnant.”
She shook her head. “I guessed that. She called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me she was leaving town for a while and couldn’t continue our lessons. What happened between you two?”
I knew my mother hadn’t asked earlier because she respected my privacy, but I assumed that as soon as she found out there was another grandbaby in the mix, her protective instincts kicked in. “I went a little crazy when I found out she was pregnant. Started making all kinds of wild accusations. I hurt her. A lot. Now she doesn’t want anything more to do with me, and I can’t say I blame her.”
My mother pressed the cookie cutters into the dough, making bells and stars, as she pursed her lips. “Well, she may not want you in her life, but seeing as you’re the father of the baby she’s carrying, I’d say she doesn’t have much choice about that.”
“I said some pretty terrible things.” I’d actually been dumb enough to accuse her of poking holes in the condoms we used. What an idiot! “I don’t know if she’ll ever be able to forgive me.”
“Like I told you as a kid, words are sometimes worse than weapons. You say things; you can’t take them back.”
I hung my head, ashamed I’d forgotten that important life lesson. “I accused her of getting pregnant on purpose. I basically said she’d not only ruined my life, but the girls’ lives too.”
“Oh dear,” my mother said, her hands trembling as she rolled the leftover dough into a ball. “How did she react to that?”
“She told me that she never wanted to see me again. She said she didn’t need me and neither did our baby.”
“Now that you’ve had some time to process it,” my mother said, “how do you feel about becoming a daddy again?”
“I can’t wait.” My breath was ragged as it tore through my lungs. “Assuming I get the chance to prove to Catia that I deserve another chance with her… and our baby.”
“She knows you’re a good dad,” my mother said, patting my hand. “She’ll come around. She’s just angry and hurt. As her delivery date gets closer, she’ll realize she wants you to be a part of the baby’s life. She wouldn’t want to deprive that precious angel of a daddy just ‘cause she doesn’t love you anymore.”
Those words felt like a knife ripping me open. “Don’t say that. Don’t say she doesn’t love me anymore. I can’t let myself believe that.”
“I’m sorry, but do you think her love could have survived the things you said to her, son?”
“I don’t know.” I closed my eyes, wondering if I was expecting a miracle in the form of forgiveness. “I hope so.”
***
Catia
“I don’t want to see or talk to him, Dustin. He made it clear how he feels about me and this baby. I got his message loud and clear.”
He touched my shoulder when I turned away to watch the water crashing against the dock. The winds were high and the sky dark and ominous, as though a big storm was on its way.
“Hey,” he said gently, “I know he said some stupid things when he found out about the baby, but he’s sorry, Cat. He wants to make it up to you. At least talk to the guy.”
“I know he’s your friend, but that doesn’t make him mine,” I said, trying to ignore the sting of betrayal. I’d known Dustin all my life. I’d considered him family long before my sister married him, yet he was taking Chase’s side over mine. Couldn’t he see how much it hurt me to know the man I’d loved and trusted wasn’t worthy of either?
“You know he’s a good man, hon.” Dustin stepped up beside me, slipping his hands into the pockets of his dress pants as he looked at the beach. Though the weather had turned cold and snow threatened, we only had to draw on our memories to feel the warmth of our childhood summers. “Your baby deserves to have someone like Chase in his or her life.”
I wrapped my sweater coat around me, trying to ward off the ever-present chill I’d felt since I watched him walk out the door with his daughters. “I’m not so sure.”
“Fine. But what do you plan to tell your child about their daddy? Have you thought about that?”
“Only every minute of every day.”
He put his arm around me and drew me close. I gave in to the impulse to rest my head on his shoulder and seek the
comfort he offered. I knew Dustin wasn’t the bad guy. He just wanted two people he cared about to make peace.
“And? What have you decided?”
“I haven’t decided.” I couldn’t tell my child his father hadn’t wanted him or that he’d claimed an unwanted pregnancy had ruined not only his life but the lives of the children he had wanted. No child deserved to grow up with that knowledge. “I’ll worry about it more after the holidays. This is Christmas Eve, and the whole family will be here soon: Deacon and Mia, Damon and Eleni, Tiana and Blake and all their sweet kids.”
“Your brother will be here with Chelsea too. Have you told him or your cousins you’re pregnant?”
I shook my head. “I was too shaken up to talk about it the day after Chase left, so I asked everyone to keep it under wraps just a little while longer. I’ll tell them soon. I just need a little more time to figure out how. You know how protective Darius has always been of me and Kara. He’ll go ballistic when he finds out.”
“He and Chase are close. To be honest, I’m surprised Chase hasn’t told him.”
“He probably doesn’t have the guts.”
Dustin chuckled. “If there’s one thing Chase has never lacked, it’s guts, sweetheart.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” I muttered. As far as I was concerned, he was a spineless coward who’d run away as soon as he faced a challenge he couldn’t handle.
He kissed my forehead. “I just want you to be happy. Remember that, okay?”
I looked up, trying to read his expression. “I know that.” When he avoided my eyes, I got the sinking feeling he’d have to remind me of that again very soon.
Chapter Eighteen
Chase
“You think it’s okay we brought Pina, Daddy?” Emily asked.
I looked at the little bundle of white fur snuggled between the girls. “Mrs. Starkis said it was, honey.”
“Will Cat be mad we came?” Elsie asked.
She would be mad I came, but I didn’t think she’d hold it against my kids. “I don’t know, sweetheart. I hope not.”
Catia (Starkis Family #6) Page 17