“Seems to me you’ve made your fair share of mistakes, son.”
We were finally getting down to it.
“Yes, sir. I have.” I glanced at a photo of Catia with her parents and siblings. I wanted to fill our home with the same kind of photos, marking every year of our journey together as a family. “I was young when I married Karen. I thought I knew what it took to make a marriage work, but I didn’t. Neither of us did.”
“It’s a lot harder than anyone thinks,” he agreed. “But it’s worth it when you find the right person.”
I couldn’t have agreed more. That was why I was willing to work harder than I ever had to salvage my relationship with Catia. She was the right person for me. I had no doubt about that. “It took me a while, but I finally figured that out.”
“Just in the nick of time, I’d say.” He raised an eyebrow. “All things considered.”
“I know you can’t be pleased that Catia is expecting my baby—”
“I didn’t say that,” he said, raising a finger. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”
“Sorry.”
“Had this happened a year and a half ago, I would have said my daughter couldn’t have found a better man. While you were building my restaurant, you proved yourself to be a competent professional, but more importantly, you proved you were an upstanding man.”
“I appreciate that.” But obviously his opinion had changed since he felt the need to qualify the compliment.
“I could tell you were a good father just by watching you with your girls. That’s why I was so surprised by your reaction to the news that Catia was expecting.”
I swiped a hand over my face, wishing it were possible to hide from the truth, to erase the ugly things I’d said from everyone’s memory. “I won’t sit here and defend myself, Mr. Starkis. My actions were inexcusable. All I can tell you is that I’m human and I make mistakes. Granted, that was one hell of a mistake that could cost me the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” he said quietly. “Though my daughter may not be willing to admit it yet, I believe she needs you just as much as you seem to need her.”
I was humbled that he seemed willing to give me the benefit of the doubt. That was more than I felt I’d earned. “If I had it to do all over again, I would do things so differently. But I can’t. All I can promise you moving forward is that I will be the best father I can to your grandbaby and the best husband your daughter could ask for… if she’ll have me.” I held my breath, waiting for his response. When none was forthcoming, I said, “Sir, if Catia agrees to marry me, I’m hoping that we have your blessing.”
Beads of sweat formed on my forehead before a slow smile spread across his face. He pushed forward, standing as he offered his hand. “You have my blessing. All I ask is that you make my baby girl happy and love her the way she deserves to be loved… for the rest of her life.”
“That I can promise you.”
Chapter Nineteen
Catia
When Doreen called to ask me to share Christmas dinner with her family after having brunch with my own, I told her I couldn’t make any promises. She said she understood, but I could tell she was disappointed.
I hadn’t made my decision until Christmas morning after I opened the gifts Chase and the girls had selected for me. They’d proven to me, beyond a doubt, that he not only knew me but he’d listened to everything I’d ever told him and he wanted to make me happy.
They gave me a cashmere sweater in my favorite shade of blue. Leather gloves and slippers because I always complained my hands and feet were cold. A book from my favorite author. A new journal because I’d once told him I liked to start the New Year with a new one. There was a journal to document every stage of my pregnancy and a hand-carved frame his father had made to display the baby’s picture. Everything I’d never told him I wanted yet he’d somehow known. Because he knew me…
As I stood on his parents’ doorstep, clutching the pecan pie I’d baked, I took a deep breath, praying this day could mark a new beginning for all of us.
When I finally worked up the courage to ring the bell, I expected Doreen to answer. Instead, a beautiful blonde with familiar blue eyes greeted me. She had to be Karen.
“Oh, um, hi,” I said.
She smiled at me. “Hi, you must be Catia. Doreen said you might be stopping by, but we didn’t say anything to Chase. No sense getting his hopes up, right?” She winked.
I didn’t want to be rude, but I was curious why she was sharing Christmas with her former in-laws. Of course, it had to be for the kids. I was sure they wanted to spend the holiday with both of their parents.
“Please come in,” Karen said, stepping back so I could enter. She seemed so at home there, but of course she would. She had been with Chase for half her life by the time they separated. “Chase called to say they’re running a little late. Apparently they were on their way and forgot the puppy’s favorite chew toy. He didn’t want to risk the dog substituting with the leg of one of his mom’s antique tables.” She laughed as she took the pie and set it on a console table while I removed my coat. “I can’t say I blame him. Doreen would never forgive that.”
My eyes must have betrayed the fact that forgiveness was weighing heavily on my mind because she gave me another warm smile. “Do you think we could talk for a minute before you go into the kitchen to see Chase’s parents?”
“Uh, sure.” I didn’t know what we might have to discuss since we’d never even met, but I tried to remain open-minded. Chase was trying to form a friendship with her, and I could at least try to do the same for the sake of the kids.
She led me into a spacious living room dominated by a baby grand piano and pictures of Doreen’s children and grandchildren. This was a real family home with handmade throws and cushions and an old dog bed in the corner. The fire was blazing, highlighting the warm glow of the real Christmas tree.
“Mmm,” I said and breathed deeply. “I love the smell of a real Christmas tree. We never had one when I was growing up. We were always traveling over the holidays, so my mother said it wasn’t practical.”
Karen smiled as she gestured to a worn recliner with a perfect view of the flat screen TV nestled in the corner of the room. “Have a seat. Chase always insisted on a real tree. He said it wasn’t Christmas without one.”
It irked me a little that this woman knew the man I loved so intimately, but I couldn’t hold that against her. “Chase strikes me as the kind of guy who’s big on tradition.”
“He is,” Karen said, nodding. “He had a great example growing up. His parents are both wonderful people.”
I smiled in agreement. Though I’d only met Chase’s father a few times when he’d dropped his wife off at my house for our lessons, I could tell he was a big part of the reason Chase had grown into an honorable man.
“I think that’s also why he’s such a great father.” Karen’s lingering gaze told me that was the reason she’d pulled me aside, to let me know I’d be crazy to try to prevent Chase from being a part of our child’s life.
“I’m sure it is,” I said, running my hands over my long black flared skirt. “We learn by example, right?”
“That’s my point,” Karen said, eyeing me cautiously. “I’m the first to admit this is none of my business, but when Chase said he was worried he may never get to raise the child you’re carrying, I knew I had to say something.”
After their contentious divorce, I was surprised that Karen was someone he confided in, but I supposed the issue could have come up during one of their joint therapy sessions.
“Our relationship may not have been perfect,” Karen said, running her hands over the smooth leather armchair she sat in, “and I was a big part of the reason for that. But if I can tell you one thing about Chase with absolutely no reservations, it’s that he’s an amazing father.”
“I know. Anyone can see how much he loves your girls.”
“I know forgiven
ess doesn’t come easily, and he probably said things he shouldn’t have, things that hurt you. But if he can forgive me after the things I said and did to him and our kids, you should be able to forgive him.”
I didn’t appreciate a complete stranger telling me how to feel, but I knew her meddling was born of her concern for Chase. I had to respect that. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t think it was possible for me and Chase to forgive each other. I’m not completely blameless. I left when I should have stayed. Maybe if I had stayed a year ago, he wouldn’t have had reason to doubt me now. We would be further along in our relationship and—”
She leaned forward and grasped my hand. “Can I give you a piece of advice?”
“Sure.”
“Let go of the past. It can only bring you down. You can’t do anything to change any of the things either of you has said or done. You have a baby coming who needs both of you in his or her life. They deserve a fresh start. They deserve to be welcomed into a world without bitterness and resentment. They’ll get enough of that out there”—she hooked a thumb over her shoulder—“in that big bad world. But try to shelter them from it for a while by giving them a safe place with people who love them and each other.”
I was so touched by her sentiment I stood, opening my arms to her. “Thank you. I knew that, but thank you for reminding me. And for caring.”
“Hey,” she said, grasping my hands, “the way I see it, you’re likely to be my kids’ stepmom soon. That means you and I should be friends, don’t you think?”
“I’d like that,” I said, smiling.
The door opened with a gust of wind and excited shrieks. The puppy bounded in ahead of the girls.
“Catia! Mommy!” they squealed, running toward me with arms wide.
“Hey, girls.” I bent to hug them as I caught sight of Chase’s smile. “Thank you for all the beautiful gifts. I loved them.”
“You’re welcome,” they said, kissing my cheeks.
“How ‘bout we go into the kitchen and help Nana get those pies out of the oven?” Karen suggested. “Give your daddy and Catia a chance to talk.”
Chase waited until we were alone before he took a tentative step into the room. “I thought I was seeing things when I saw your car parked outside.”
“Your mom invited me. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Why would I mind?” He took another step closer and stopped in front of me, just shy of touching me. “Wherever I am, that’s where I want you to be.”
“I meant what I said about the gifts. They were lovely.”
He glanced at my right hand, his smile spreading when he saw I was wearing the family ring he’d given me. “You do realize if our dates are off, we’ll have to replace that stone, right?”
I raised my hand to admire the glistening gemstones. “The doctor is predicting the twelfth, so I think we’ll be safe.”
He nodded as he reached for my hand. He kissed my knuckle encompassed by the ring. “I know I said this last night, but it bears repeating—I’m so sorry for the things I said to you. This baby is a blessing, one I’m more thankful for each and every day.”
He was echoing my sentiments, which only made me smile. “I’m glad you feel that way.”
“I want us to be a family. I don’t want to share custody or for you to feel you have to do this alone.”
I’d known he would want to have this conversation today, especially since it had probably been weighing heavily on his mind for weeks, but I had to be honest, even at the risk of hurting him. “I can’t marry you simply because I’m pregnant. That wouldn’t be fair to you, me, or the baby. I have to marry you for the right reasons, because I love and trust you. Because I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”
“And how do you feel?”
“I still love you. I couldn’t stop loving you even if I wanted to... which I don’t.”
He breathed a sigh of relief when I stepped into his arms. “And I love you more now than I ever have, Cat.”
Our kiss seemed to reinforce our softly spoken claims.
I pulled back. “But trust takes time to build, and I don’t think we’re there yet, do you?”
He touched his forehead to mine. “I want to believe you would never, ever leave me.”
“But can you?” I looked into his eyes, knowing he would never lie to me.
“I’ll get there, but I can’t deny a part of me wonders whether I’m enough. You could go anywhere, do anything you want. So why would you want to put down roots here, with a divorced dad who’s really just a glorified construction worker?”
I laughed at the image he held of himself and how different it was from the way I, and the rest of the world, saw him. “I don’t know many construction workers who earn a seven-figure paycheck, Chase.”
He brushed his calloused hand over my cheek, and it served as a reminder of who and what he was. “The paychecks may be bigger now, but that doesn’t change who I am. I grew up watching my parents live hand-to-mouth, struggling to give us a better start than they had. I’m not ashamed of where I came from. I’m proud of it. But my kids will never grow up with the advantages you had. No private planes or summers abroad. That’s just the way it is.”
“Just like you wouldn’t have traded your childhood for anything, I wouldn’t trade mine either. We had a lot of amazing opportunities, and I’m grateful for them, but it wasn’t the places we went or people we met that made us happy. It was having each other, feeling loved and protected and cherished. That’s the greatest gift our parents gave us—security.”
“And that’s all I want for my kids, for our kids.”
I smiled. It would be wonderful to share a child, or children, with this amazing man. “That’s all I want too.”
“I want something else,” he whispered against my lips. “I don’t just want to be the father of your children. I want to be your husband.”
“I want that too.”
“When?”
I laughed as I wound my arms around his neck. “Soon.”
“Before the baby’s born?” he asked hopefully.
I grinned as my heart swelled with love. “Definitely before the baby’s born.”
Epilogue
Chase
Even though I’d been through this twice before, it felt like the first time. I held Catia’s hand, reminding her to breathe as I told her how proud I was of her.
She’d surprised everyone when she announced that she was opting for a home birth with a midwife instead of going the traditional route in a well-equipped hospital. She wanted to deliver without pain meds, proving to me yet again how incredibly strong and determined she was. When she set her mind to something, she accomplished it, no matter how impossible it may have seemed.
I’d never thought anyone could convince me to believe in love again, yet she had. I’d never thought I could trust without reservation again, yet with her, I did. I knew, no matter what happened, she would always be right by my side.
I wiped her forehead with a damp cloth as she gave me a weak smile. “How’re you holding up, Mrs. Clement?”
She’d insisted on taking my name, claiming she would much rather be identified as my wife than the daughter, niece, or cousin of so-and-so.
“Hanging in there,” she said, gripping my hand when another contraction tore through her.
I was scared to death that something would go wrong, putting her or our baby in danger, but this wasn’t the time to let her see my fear. I had to be strong for her, for both of them.
The midwife, Carolyn, came back in after excusing herself to wash up in the restroom across the hall. She was in her mid-fifties, a retired obstetrics nurse, and after assuring us she had helped delivered thousands of babies, I’d swallowed my fear and told my wife I would support her decision to deliver our baby at home. Carolyn had created a cocoon-like environment in the bedroom, complete with soft music, incense, and drawn curtains, to help relax Catia.
“How are we doing?” she asked, smiling at C
atia.
Catia bit her lip, her eyes wide and brimming with tears. “There’s a lot of pressure. I feel like I need to push.”
She’d been in labor for eight hours, a lot of that time spent flat on her back, chewing on ice chips and trying to rest between contractions. Both her family and mine had been advised that today was the big day, but Catia had asked them to wait until the baby was born before swarming our house. She claimed having her father and brother pacing in the hall while she screamed and swore through the pain would only make it more difficult.
Carolyn checked Catia and confirmed it was time. Now that the moment was here, my gut was churning, and I berated myself for agreeing to this.
“It’s okay,” Carolyn said, smiling at me. “Everything’s going to be fine. Catia just has to relax and let nature take its course. Women have been delivering babies this way for a long, long time.”
“I know.” I kissed Catia’s hand when she squeezed mine. But none of those women had held my heart in their hands… or my future. If anything happened to either of them, I didn’t think I would survive.
“Now, Catia,” Carolyn said, her voice soft and even, “with the next contraction, I want you to bear down and push for me, okay?”
Catia nodded, her eyes wide as sweat trickled down her cheek.
“Okay, sweetheart,” she said to Catia. “Here we go.”
I closed my eyes, saying a silent prayer as my wife began what I knew could be a long, drawn-out process, especially if something went wrong—like the umbilical cord getting wrapped around the baby or Catia hemorrhaging.
“You’re doing great,” Carolyn said soothingly. “One more big push. I can see the head. When I tell you to stop pushing, I need you to breathe through it, okay?”
She can see the head. That was a good sign. It meant the baby wasn’t coming out feet first… thank God.
Catia grunted, pushing through the pain like a trouper. Her face was red from exertion, her hair a tangled mess, and sweat coated her face, but she had never looked more stunning. I wished I could release her hand just long enough to capture a shot of her, but I knew she didn’t want to let me go any more than I wanted to let her go. There would be time later for plenty of pictures of the first moments of our son or daughter’s life.
Catia (Starkis Family #6) Page 19