Hard to Resist

by Stephanie Morris

  He felt empty. As though and entire section of his being had been scooped out and tossed away as unnecessary and useless. He’d argued with his parents countless times over the past several years about where he chose to live for no discernable purpose. He wondered if the student’s from his prior school felt the same way. The neighborhood he’d lived in while teaching there hadn’t been any better.

  Still, his intentions had been good. Contrary to what his parents wanted, re-entering the high-society world occupied by Brandi, Halle and the others, didn’t fall into his plans. No, he wouldn’t return to college to become a neurosurgeon, a clone of his father. He would continue to teach at Carter where he knew he still belonged.

  But beyond where he spent his day?

  He’d be middle-class Keelan Robinson, living in a middle-class neighborhood, in a middle-class house, mowing his middle-class lawn and throwing a toy to his middle-class dog. Did he want Nataleigh in that middle-class picture? Would she even consider being there?

  “So many questions,” he murmured. He stood up off the bench. “Now it’s time to start getting some answers.”

  * * * *

  Nataleigh sat on the couch as Keelan paced back and forth across her minuscule living room. It was like watching a game of Ping-Pong. Her living room wasn’t big enough to compare his pacing to a tennis match. Whatever the case, she was getting dizzy from keeping track of Keelan’s trek.

  He’d called her, stated briskly that they needed to talk. She hadn’t expected to hear back from him until later on in the week, but he arrived at her door fifteen minutes later. He greeted her with a muttered hello and a rather absentminded quick kiss, then began his endless pacing, not having spoken further. Now she’d had enough. They had to get to the bottom of this. Or at least attempt to.

  “Excuse me, Keelan, but I’m getting motion sickness from watching you wear out my already worn-out carpet. Do you think you could have a seat? Please?”

  “What?” Keelan responded, stopping where he was. “Sit? Down?”

  “Oh. Yeah. Sure.”

  Keelan settled onto the sofa, crossed one ankle over his other knee, then dropped his foot back to the floor in the next instant. He leaned forward, propping his elbows on his knees and linked his fingers. “I’m sitting.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Nataleigh, I want to apologize again for the distress I caused you this morning by leaving here without a word, then showing up again, toting breakfast. Knowing that I upset you, combined with what you told me, has resulted in this being a very difficult day for me.”

  She exhaled softly. “I know. I feel very badly about that. I was the one to deliver the information from Leena and Germaine. I’m sorry too, Keelan.”

  “No, no you did the right thing. I can’t erase the past five, maybe more years, but at least I won’t keep on making the same mistake for ten or twenty more.”

  She smiled. “Well that’s a very good attitude to have about it all.”

  “Which brings us to the subject of us, you and me.”

  Her smile disappeared.

  “I know I said that we shouldn’t see each other again, but that was before I realized I was going far beyond what is necessary regarding my dedication to the students at Carter. I have you to thank for waking me up about that.”

  “Oh, well, I was just passing along information I had, that’s all.”

  “And I sincerely thank you for doing it. Nataleigh, my life is about to undergo major changes. I’ll start shopping for a nicer house in a good neighborhood immediately. Buy some decent furniture, the whole nine yards. I’m even going to get a dog.”

  The corners of her mouth curved upward again. “Really? A dog? How cute. What kind are you planning to get? What are you going to name it?”

  “I don’t know. The dog isn’t the important subject matter here. We are.”

  Her smile faded again.

  “Something is happening between us. It’s very different from anything I’ve ever experienced, and I want to know what it is. I think we should continue to see each other and discover exactly what we might or might not have together.”

  She inhaled deeply. “Keelan, you were the one who said that if we fell in love with each other it would be a disaster. Remember?”

  “That was before you told me what Leena and Germaine told you, adding to doubts I was suddenly having myself. My entire existence—lifestyle—is going to change now.”

  “Yours is but mine isn’t.”

  Keelan frowned. “What do you mean?”

  She struggled to keep her tone low and even. “Did you ever wonder why I live in such a small apartment with threadbare furniture?”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. I assumed you’re well paid by the Sanders and could afford a better place than this one.”

  “Well you’re right. I could, but I can’t.”

  “What?”

  “Keelan, I told you that I have a younger brother and sister, one is a freshman, the other a sophomore at The University of Texas at Arlington. They count on me for financial help to enable them to get an education. My parents are doing all they can, but Angela and Devon need the money I give them in order to make ends meet.”

  “I see,” Keelan murmured.

  Nataleigh got to her feet and began to pace in the same circle that Keelan had used during his trek around the small living room. “Do you? Do you really see? Do you really understand? I took the job with the highest salary offered to me. The heck with the fact that I tend to spoiled animals and birds with gourmet meals delivered by fancy caterers. I make enough to have my own apartment and still be able to help Angela and Devon.”

  “Nataleigh—”

  “Hush. I have the floor.”

  “You’re also wearing it out, just like I did. Why don’t you sit back down so we can discuss this calmly.”

  “No. There’s nothing to calmly discuss. My sister and brother are just beginning college. There are years to go before they graduate and I know exactly what I have to do during that time.”

  “But—”

  “Quiet. I’ve always known what I’ve had to do, Keelan. I’m not feeling sorry for myself, believe me. I’ve just learned to be realistic. There was no brand new bicycle when I was ten years old, no new clothes while going to school. I’ve mastered how to make it all right, even when it wasn’t. I can’t, I mustn’t discover what you and I might mean to each other because it isn’t mine to have. I have obligations, responsibilities that aren’t going to go away.”

  She stopped talking and looked at Keelan, swallowing past the sudden ache of tears in her throat. “You were right in the first place. If we fell in love, it would be a disaster, a heartbreaking experience. I…I can’t see you anymore, Keelan. It would be terribly foolish on my part.”

  Keelan rose to his feet.

  She took a step backward and wrapped her hands around her waist. “No, don’t” she whispered, her voice shaking. “Don’t come over here, kiss me, hold me, make me incapable of thinking clearly. I know I’m doing the right thing by asking you to leave me alone. You have a whole new and exciting future before you now and I hope you’ll be very happy. My life has to go on exactly the way it is. There isn’t room in my world for love, for pipedreams of happily ever after. There just isn’t, Keelan.”

  “Nataleigh, you’re wrong, dead wrong. Suppose, just suppose, we did fall in love, got married, planned to have a slew of babies to play with the dog. If that actually happened, then your family becomes mine.” He paused. “Don’t you get it?” I have money far beyond my wages as a teacher. I could put Angela and Devon through college with no problem.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” she snapped. “I would never allow you to do that. That’s absurd.”

  “It is not!”

  “Oh? And at what point would you wonder if I married you for your money?”

  “Would you?” he asked, his voice low. “Marry me for my money?”

  “Of course not, you idiot. Wha
t an awful question to ask.” She gave an indignant sniff. “It is extremely insulting.”

  “You said it first,” he responded, followed by a burst of laughter. “It would never have occurred to me because that’s not who you are.”

  “This is not a funny conversation, Mr. Robinson.” She planted her hands on her hips. “This is a goodbye conversation in case you’ve forgotten. And there is nothing humorous about that.”

  His smile turned into a frown.

  Despite her directive not to come near her, he closed the distance between them and cradled her face in his hands. She dropped her hands from her hips, but kept her arms at her sides, resisting the oh-so compelling urge to embrace him, savor the feel of him, the strength and power, his special, enticing aroma. He looked directly into her eyes, and she was unable to tear her gaze from his.

  “Nataleigh, so much is happening so quickly, changing even in the short time we’ve known each other. I listened to what you said, really heard you. I know that you sincerely believe that the manner in which your life is structured is the way it must be.”

  “That’s just how it is, Keelan. I’ve accepted that.”

  Keelan shook his head. “But I can’t accept it. I honestly don’t know if I am falling in love with you, but I sure would like the chance to find out. I cannot turn and walk out of this apartment, acknowledging the fact that I’d never see you again. Believe me, I’m a veteran of etched-in-stone thinking. I refused to budge from my theory that living in the same neighborhood as my students would be the best way to relate to them. For years, I’ve turned a deaf ear to everyone’s arguments that I was overdoing my dedication to the students of David W. Carter High School. It has taken a solid whop in the head in the form of what Leena and Germaine said to make me come to my stubborn senses. Because of that, I know how much talking pleading and attempting to reason with you about the fact that you could have more in your future if you just took a chance.” He paused. “So, all right, Nataleigh, as difficult as this is for me to accept, I know I have to respect your beliefs.”

  She blinked. “You do?” He dropped his hands from her face and she instantly missed the warmth of the gentle caress. He took a step backward and raised both hands.

  “I won’t touch you again.”

  “You won’t?” The instant the words left her mouth, she wanted to take them back. Even though Keelan was giving her exactly what she’d asked for, hearing him say it aloud made it sound terrible. Final. “Well, I…um…well, thank you.” She would not cry. She’d never forgive herself it she cried. “I appreciate your understanding.”

  “Certainly. You’re welcome.” He sighed. “We’ll just never know what this was that’s happening between us, what we might have had together, but so be it.”

  “Like easy come, easy go?”

  “Of course not. This isn’t easy for me, believe me, but I’m a man who deals in reality and you have delivered a heavy-duty dose of it. Facts are facts and, I repeat, so be it.”

  “Oh,” she replied, in a small voice.

  “The thing is…” Keelan stated, staring up at the ceiling.

  “Yes.”

  He looked at her again. “I’m about to become a member of middle-class America. I’ve never been there before. I’ve lived in the world of the ridiculously rich, then shifted to the threadbare poor. Middle-class is a total mystery to me and I need help here, your help.”

  “To do what?” she asked, eyeing him wearily.

  “I want to buy a house, furniture, a dog.” He shrugged. “I don’t have a clue as to where to begin. Who do I ask for assistance? Brandi? Halle? In a flash, they’d have me in a house big enough for a football team. They have their furniture custom designed, for Pete’s sake. I can’t afford that on a teacher’s salary. I refuse to touch my other source of money, so I need your help.”

  “But—”

  “Look, we’re mature adults. What we do here is backup our relationship to being friends.”

  “Friends?” She repeated, more in the form of a squeak.

  “Sure,” he said, smiling brightly. “It’s simply a matter of obtaining the proper mind-set. Emotions not nurtured just fade into oblivion. No problem. So! Nataleigh, my friend, will you help me select a house, furniture and give me the benefit of your expertise with animals in selecting my dog?”

  “You’re kidding! This is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “No it’s not. It’s right on the mark. You have the knowledge I’m lacking. We’ve established the new boundaries of our relationship, per your personal desires. As mature adults, we put out emotions in the proper slot. You are a mature adult, aren’t you?”

  “Of course, I am. You’re getting insulting again.”

  “No, I’m making my point. This plan is perfect. There isn’t one thing wrong with it. Right?”

  “I guess so, but—”

  “Great. Okay, I’m going to hit the road. I think I’ll round up some boxes and start packing my stuff in my house down there by Carter. That way I’ll be ready to move when we find the place I should buy. I’ll contact a real estate agent and get back to you when there are houses to look at.” He turned and started toward the door. “See ya later.”

  “Keelan, wait.”

  He stopped and looked at Nataleigh over one shoulder. “Yes?”

  “I…that is…this really isn’t a good idea…but…oh, shoot, I’m so confused I can’t think straight, let alone connect sensible words together.”

  “You’ll be okay as soon as you do your mind-set shift thing. Promise. Bye, Nataleigh.”

  She raised one finger and opened her mouth to speak again, but in the next instant, Keelan was gone. She stared at the door, finally realized her mouth was still open and snapped it shut. She sank onto the sofa in a heap, wearily aware that her mind was a complete jumbled mess.

  * * * *

  Keelan slid behind the wheel of his car, pulled the door shut, then leaned his head back on the seat. He was exhausted, felt as though he’d run ten miles at breakneck speed. He had been mentally scrambling for the words, the plan, the proposal, he presented to Nataleigh. He’d pulled it off by rambling like an idiot, not giving her an opportunity to digest what he was saying, nor think it through.

  Damn he was good, a near genius at times.

  He frowned.

  Of course there was always the chance that she would come out of the fog he’d inflicted on her and refuse to go along. Well, he’d tackle that if it happened. He’d hit on her conscience, her basic goodness, her sense of right and wrong, of having agreed to help him. So how could she justify breaking her promise?

  He straightened and pushed the car key into the ignition. Friends? Buddies? That was insane. He wouldn’t be allowed, by his own set-in-motion plan, to touch Nataleigh, make sweet, beautiful love with her or hold her. He’d be a dying man every time he was with her. To use the phrase that was really beginning to get on his nerves…so be it. Still, he was determined to, and would, have the answers to the questions plaguing him about Nataleigh.

  And Nataleigh? Well, she just might get some answers to questions she didn’t believe she was eligible to ask.

  “So be it,” he said decisively, then turned the key. As he drove away, he was smiling.

  Chapter Ten

  When Nataleigh walked into Sanders Veterinary Clinic the next morning, she hadn’t slept well, had tossed and turned, then had disturbing, nonsensical dreams when she managed to doze. Her mind just wouldn’t turn off. It kept replaying the last scene with Keelan in her living room, echoing his words over and over.

  She entered one of the back rooms, hung up her sweater and purse, then put her lunch bag in the refrigerator. She stopped at Deon’s cage, where the parrot was busy indulging in some big juicy grapes.

  “Buddies? Friends?” She murmured to the bird. “Is that crazy or what, Deon? Keelan Robinson is certifiable.”

  “Keelan,” Deon squawked. “You’re gorgeous. Wanna snuggle?”

  She
rolled her eyes. “Some help you are, Deon. Snuggling isn’t going to solve this dilemma. I need to know if I should go along with Keelan’s plan. Well? Don’t get all silent now. Normally I can’t get you to shut up. Speak up.”

  “You’re gorgeous.”

  “Don’t try to sweet talking me. I want an answer!”

  “Wow,” Janice Sanders murmured, coming into the room. “You’re not your usual happy self today, Nataleigh. What do you need an answer to?”

  “The question I asked Deon, not really expecting an answer in the first place—at least not a logical one. But please ignore me, Janice. I had a very weird weekend, to put it lightly.”

  Wondrous, too. Making love with Keelan had been so exquisitely beautiful. He’d unleashed a passionate side of herself that she hadn’t known existed before now.

  Stifling a sigh, she turned her focus to Janice. Making love with Keelan was a thing of the past now so she needed to stop dwelling upon it. “So much had happened that I feel as though weeks, months have gone by since I was here on Friday.”

  “You look exhausted,” Janice stated, coming to where Nataleigh stood by Deon’s cage.

  “I haven’t slept worth squat…oh, never mind. I’ll be okay once I get busy here and can think about something other than what I’m thinking about.”

  Janice frowned. “I’ve never see you so distracted and unnerved. Do you want to talk about it? What’s this question that you want an answer to?”

  “Keelan,” Deon squawked. “Duty calls.”

  “Quiet down,” Nataleigh told the bird.

  “Keelan?” Janice repeated. “Is our Deon turning into a psychic? Is Keelan the cause of your being so frazzled, Nataleigh?”

  “Yes, but it’s very complicated. Thank you for the offer to talk, but I’d rather not discuss it.”