Everything but the marriage

by Schulze, Dallas

She swallowed hard and reminded herself that she had a life to get in order. And she certainly wasn't going to complicate the process by letting a mere sexual attraction get in the way.

  "Okay, so now that you've heard my life story, what's yours?" Devlin leaned one hip against the counter and looked at her expectantly.

  "Mine?" Annalise shrugged. "There isn't that much to tell." At least not that much she was willing to tell.

  "Your parents?"

  "Dead. They were killed in a car wreck when I was eight."

  "That's tough."

  "Yes. They didn't have any relatives who were willing to take me so I was put in a foster home." She ran her thumbnail along the edge of the table, remembering. "The Stomans. They were good people. I was with them for a year and then I went to live with the

  Polachecks. They had eight children of their own. Sometimes, it seemed as if they had so many kids in and out of that house that they hardly knew which were theirs, and which were friends. I'd never been part of a big family. It was nice."

  "How long were you with them?" Devlin asked, trying to picture her as a child. Thin, long legged, her face dominated by those big blue-green eyes. She must have had long hair even then, but it would have been finer, more flyaway.

  "I stayed with the Polachecks almost two years. I think they'd have kq)t me longer, but Mr. Pola-check's company transferred him to a new job in another state. So then I went to stay with the Johnsons. They were considering adoption. I heard them talking about it, but they decided they wanted to adopt a younger child, instead of one that was already half-grown.

  "Then it was the Mannings. That was for three years. They had a horse. Then the Sanfords, but that was only for a few months. It turned out Mr. Sanford had been borrowing money from his company's retirement fund.

  "I stayed in a county facility for a while until they could find another family who was willing to take me. I was pretty old by then, and it's not easy to find anyone willing to take on an older child."

  "You must have been ancient," Devlin agreed. "All of what, fourteen? Fifteen?"

  She heard the anger he felt on behalf of the child she'd been and smiled. "It wasn't as bad as it sounds

  in the telling. All the families were nice to me. They did their best to make me feel at home."

  "It couldn't have been easy to pull up roots every year or two, especially for a child."

  "I got used to it. After a while, you learn not to let your roots grow too deep."

  Devlin made a sound in his throat that sounded suspiciously like a growl. Annalise grinned. "Don't picture me as a pathetic orphan like something out of an old melodramatic silent movie. I was always fed and clothed. No one treated me badly."

  The look he gave her suggested that their definition of being treated badly might differ, but he didn't argue with her.

  "So did they find another family willing to take on such an old child?''

  "Yes. The Millers. They had two small children of then- own. They used to let me baby-sit." Her smile took on a wistful edge. "They were great kids. Sara Ann was just a baby and I used to rock her for hours."

  The image of Annalise with an infant in her arms was surprisingly vivid. He shook his head to dispel it.

  "How long did you stay with them?"

  "A year and a half. I would have stayed longer, but Mrs. Miller found out she was pregnant again and they just didn't have room for me anymore.

  "I went to stay with the McCleans after that. They were an older couple and the money they got for taking in foster children helped supplement their retirement income. I stayed with them until I graduated from high school."

  Devlin waited for her to tell him what she'd done after high school, but she didn't seem to have anything more to say. She was tracing aimless patterns on the table with her forefinger, her eyes on the movement.

  Of course he wasn't going to ask her to continue. No one respected another person's right to privacy more than he did. On the other hand, he had to admit to being curious.

  "What happened after high school?" he asked finally.

  She hesitated for so long he thought she was going to ignore the question.

  "I got married." She lifted her shoulders in a quick shrug, as if to indicate how dull this piece of information was.

  "Married?" There was no reason he should find it so startling, he reminded himself. He knew people who'd been married and divorced more than once by the time they reached their mid-twenties.

  "I was nineteen. Too young, I suppose."

  "Divorced?"

  "Yes. Two years ago."

  Etevlin hadn't realized how anxious he was to hear her answer until she gave it. The idea that she might still be married was less than appealing. Only because he wouldn't like to think of her still tied to a relationship that had obviously ended, of course. It didn't bother him from a personal angle.

  No, there was nothing personal in his relief. Noth-mg at all.

  Chapter 7

  1 he difficulty in keeping his distance from Annalise wasn't simply because she was living in his house, Devlin discovered. What made it so hard was that he liked her. He enjoyed her company. She understood the value of silence and didn't try to fill every minute with conversation.

  And the more time he spent with her, the more he wanted to spend. He told himself it was the novelty of it. It wouldn't be long before he tired of having someone sharing his home. He should start looking for alternatives. He needed to find somewhere else for her to stay, another job.

  With every day that passed, it was harder to see the pale wraith he'd pulled out of the river. She'd put on weight, enough to fill the hollows in her cheeks and add to the slender curves that made it difficult for him

  to go to sleep at night. Her hair held rich highlights now, catching the sun and seeming to hold its warmth in the heavy length of it.

  Sometimes it took a conscious effort of will to keep from sliding his fingers into her hair to see if it felt as warm and soft as it looked. No matter how hard he tamped down the sexual awareness he felt, he had only to look at her to feel it surging through him.

  He was losing sleep, and there were times when he thought he might be losing his sanity. Obviously he had to get her settled somewhere else, a place where he didn't see her first thing in the morning, when the sleepy look of her eyes made him want to kiss her. Where he couldn't hear her run a bath every night and then torture himself with imagining her in that bath.

  Ben Masters would be the person to call. He'd called him the day after Annalise's arrival and told him that she'd be staying with him for a few days. Ben had emphasized that Devlin was to call if there was anything he could do to help.

  The cynical side of him suggested that the doctor's eagerness to help might have been aided by the size of the donation he'd made. But he didn't really believe that. Kelly had told him enough about Ben to make him willing to believe that the other man really cared. A man didn't spend as much time working with patients who couldn't pay as Ben did unless he was truly dedicated or running for political office.

  He hadn't called Ben back, but he was sure the doctor would help him find a position for Annalise if he asked him to. That was the logical thing to do. He liked her and he'd miss her company, at least for a day

  or two. But the fact was, having her around was not conducive to the sort of peaceful life he'd spent almost a year establishing.

  Still he didn't call Ben. And he didn't mention anything to Annalise about the possibility of finding her another place to stay. He told himself that he didn't want to upset her. She had come so far in such a short time. He didn't want to do anything that might bring that haunting emptiness to her eyes.

  So he didn't do anything about getting her out of his life.

  Though Devlin had driven into town three or four times to pick up things he needed for the house, Annalise didn't make the trip until after she'd been staying with him for neariy two weeks. Her car had been running for most of that time, but she hadn't felt any
urge to leave the house that had become almost a sanctuary.

  "I was thinking that some flowers along the drive right in front of the house would look nice," she said, glancing at Devlin uncertainly. She didn't want him to think she was pushing her way in where she didn't belong.

  Devlin finished pulling the truck into a parking space before looking at her. He nodded. "That sounds nice. What have you got in mind?"

  "I don't now for sure. I thought maybe, if you didn't mind, we could stop at a nursery. I noticed one on the way into town. We could take a look at what they've got."

  "Sounds good." He glanced at his watch. "Will two hours give you enough time to get whatever you need?"

  "I can buy a pair of jeans in less than two hours."

  "Well, maybe you'll think of something else you need. There's a bookstore half a block down on the right. I've got an order to pick up there. Why don't we meet there in two hours?"

  "Okay." Annalise climbed out of the truck, slamming the heavy door shut before moving aroimd to the front of the vehicle. Devlin paused on the sidewalk, glancing at the list he'd just pulled out of his shirt pocket.

  Standing there, wearing jeans and a soft gray cotton shirt with the sleeves rolled up over his forearms, he looked wonderfully solid. Annahse caught the inside of her lower lip between her teeth, holding back the urge to suggest that she could tag along with him. She could carry buckets of paint or bags of cement-whatever he liked. Just as long as he didn't leave her alone.

  But that was ridiculous. He wasn't abandoning her in the middle of New York City. Remembrance, Indiana, was a peaceful, not very large town where the greatest danger likely to befall her was getting a ticket for jaywalking.

  "You'll be all right?" As if he could read the doubts chasing one another around her mind, Devlin looked up from his list to pin her with eyes that saw more than they should.

  "Sure," she said, forcing a bright smile. "It looks like a great little town."

  "It's pretty peaceful." Devlin glanced at the shops that lined the street. "You should be able to find just about anything you need. There's a clothing store right across the street."

  "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

  Wh«i he hesitated, she gave him another smile, hoping he couldn't read the stark terror she was feeling. She hadn't realized how much her sense of security had come to depend on his presence until she found herself about to be left alone in the middle of a strange town.

  "You have enough money?" he asked abruptly.

  "Yes. I already told you that the salary you're paying is too generous for what I'm doing. I have plenty of money."

  "Good." He glanced at his watch again but made no move to leave. "Are you sure you'll be all right?"

  It hit her suddenly that he had as many doubts about leaving her on her own as she did about being on her own. The knowledge stiffened her spine. Since when had she become so helpless that she couldn't buy a pair of jeans without a keeper?

  Her fingers tightened on the strap of the cheap plastic purse, and her chin tilted up a fraction of an inch. Her smile lost some of its forced edge.

  "I'll be fine," she told him again. "I'll meet you at the bookstore in two hours."

  Lifting one hand in a casual wave, she turned and walked briskly off down the sidewalk. Devlin stayed where he was, watching her. She didn't look back, not even when she paused to check traffic before stepping into the crosswalk.

  She looked very small and vulnerable. Maybe it was the way she was dressed. She was wearing a pair of jeans whose worn look had come from wear and not a designer's factory and one of his T-shirts, which was so large it made her look as if she were playing dress-up. Kelly's sneakers completed the outfit.

  He forced himself to turn away, long strides carrying him in the opposite direction. Annahse was a grown woman. She didn't need him to play bodyguard. She'd pulled herself together to an amazing degree these past couple of weeks. He was sure a couple of hours alone wasn't going to do her any harm.

  If only he could get it out of his head that she'd looked absolutely terrified just before she walked away.

  "Actually, I really enjoyed myself." Annahse gave him a shy smile. "I don't know if you could tell, but I was scared to death there for a minute."

  "It didn't show," Devlin told her without a second's hesitation. He didn't have to take his eyes off the road to see her smile. He could feel it.

  "Good." She rubbed her fingers absently over the surface of her new purse, a scarlet canvas clutch. "I felt really stupid. It isn't as if I've never been shopping alone before. I guess it's just that these last two weeks, I've started putting myself back together again. I wasn't sure I was ready to go out into the real world, even for something as basic as shopping. But it felt really good."

  "Did you get everything you needed?" He cast a doubtful look at the two sacks at her feet.

  "I didn't need much." She was quiet for a moment, staring out at the fields that hned the road. *'You know, ru never be able to repay you for all you've done for me, Devlin. I don't now what I'd have done if you hadn't—"

  "One more word and you walk the rest of the way," he interrupted.

  "Okay." She slid him a quick glance and dared to add one more sentence. "I just want to thank you," she said hurriedly.

  "You've already thanked me." Her gratitude made him uncomfortable. He didn't want Annalise feeling grateful to him. He wanted her... hell, face it, jerk, you just plain want her.

  His hands tightened on the wheel, the knuckles showing white for a moment before he forced his fingers to relax. Over the past two weeks, he'd gotten more experience than he'd ever hoped to have in quelling lustful thoughts.

  There was little conversation during the remainder of the drive home. Annalise was content to savor the feeling that she'd faced a challenge and triumphed. Devlin was wondering how many cold showers a man could take before doing permanent physical damage. Something had to give soon. He only hoped it wouldn't be his sanity.

  He parked the truck next to the house. He had to unload the truck bed, but he decided to change his shoes first. When the frame was first going up, he'd once dropped an armload of two-by-fours on his foot. The results had convinced him that the best way to

  move quantities of lumber was in a pair of sturdy boots.

  Annalise preceded him into the house, going straight to the guest room to put away her purchases. She was snipping the tags from a crisp new pair of jeans when she heard Devlin call her name.

  "Annalise? I think you should come look at this." There was a curious note in his voice, not exactly urgency but something more than a casual summons.

  AnnaUse dropped the jeans onto the bed and left her room. Devlin was still talking, but he wasn't using any tone she'd ever heard from him. He was speaking too softly for her to make out words, but there was a low, soothing quality to his voice that was like stroking her hand over a warm blanket.

  She followed the sound into his bedroom and saw him kneeling in front of the closet. She knew what was in the closet and who he was talking to even before she sank to her knees beside him.

  Beauty lay on her side, smack in the center of the closet floor. She was lying on a dress shirt that had probably slipped off the hanger. It was a sure bet it was never going to be the same, but no one seemed to mind. Nestled against Beauty's stomach were four kittens, three grey like their mother and one a startling snowy white. All four were busily nursing with a concentration contrary to their size and helplessness.

  Annalise felt tears come to her eyes, and her mouth curved upward in a foolish smile.

  *'Look," she said in a hushed voice, as if Devlin might not have seen his closet's new occupants. "She had her litter."

  "It's about time. If she'd gotten any bigger, she would have popped like a balloon." Devlin's gruff words were at odds with the gentle finger he ran over Beauty's head. "What a good girl you are," he told the new mother. "Look at your beautiful babies."

  Beauty regarded them with a look that cou
ld only be described as smug. She knew her kittens were beautiful, but she was pleased that these big, clumsy creatures were capable of seeing the obvious.

  "They're so perfect," Annalise whispered, reaching out to stroke her fingertip over one tiny back. The kitten ignored her, intent on finishing her meal.

  "Of course they're perfect. Look what a perfect mom they've got." Beauty allowed Devlin to rub behind her ear, accepting his praise as her due.

  If Annalise had had her doubts about whether or not Devlin minded that he'd acquired a houseguest and a pet in the same twenty-four-hour period, she was reassured now. He'd fed Beauty and never offered any objection to her presence, either by word or look, but he'd also never paid much attention to the cat. She'd thought that perhaps he was one of those people who were not entirely at ease with animals.

  But he was perfectly comfortable with Beauty now, talking to her in that soft voice, making it clear that her efforts were not unappreciated.

  Looking at the tiny kittens, Annalise felt fresh tears sting her eyes. Four new lives. It wouldn't be long before they'd be venturing out of their home in the closet and getting ujiderfoot, making complete nuisances of themselves.

  Life was a constant cycle of renewal. No matter what happened, there was always a new cycle beginning somewhere. It was a thought at once humbling and reassuring.

  His attention drawn by her silence, Devlin turned his head to look at her. Their eyes met, his more open than usual with the simple pleasure he took in the new family, hers more green than blue with emotion.

  He stared at her, caught by the hidden depths in her eyes. What was it about her eyes that always hinted at mysteries he'd never quite understand?

  A strand of hair had fallen loose from the clip with which she'd drawn the heavy length back and lay against her cheek. He reached up to put it in place. Only somehow, his fingers were loosening the clasp. It hit the floor with a sharp click. It could have exploded like dynamite and neither of th«n would have noticed.