When I began the Apocalypse trilogy, I had a vision in mind. I intended for Azazel to rid herself of Jason's negative and immoral influence, and for Jason to realize the error of his ways and to become a good person, and for them to get together in the end as moral beings.
Which, um, is sort of what happened.
On the way, everything got twisty, which is what tends to happen in a Jason and Azazel book. While Jason and Azazel are my creations, and as such so close to my soul and heart as to be pieces of myself, they are people I would not want to be friends with. They are violent people. Perhaps they are guilty about their violence, but they are still morally reprehensible in nearly every way. They don't really deserve to be in love and happy. Instead, they probably deserve to be locked up in prison to rot away the rest of their lives. Sometimes I worry about the message I'm sending in regards to their characters. Feeling bad after one has committed a crime does not absolve one of a crime. And I worry that's what I've said.
On a larger level, the Jason and Azazel books are about individual freedom and desires versus the desires and oppression of large groups. There are several organizations that appear in the books. The Satanists. The Sons of the Rising Son. The Order of the Fly. Jasontown.
Uniformly, these groups intend to do good things for humanity. They all believe deep down that whatever they're doing is right. And, without fail, they all end up doing absolutely terrible things in pursuit of what they believe is right. This is a moral message I can easily get behind, because I believe with every fiber of my being that it's true. That the only real evil in the world is thinking you're right. Because once you're convinced you're right, anything can be justified.
But the common answer to this problem is to value individuals over big groups, or to value the desires of an individual over the faux righteousness of organizations like governments and religions and PETA and vegetarians and the Academy. And this begins to present its own problems because individuals don't care about the world at large at all. They only care about their own survival.
Jason and Azazel kill anything that threatens them. That's human nature. But it's not particularly good for the whole of humanity for people to live like that. Especially people with superpowers. Generally speaking, this is why we've created organizations in the first place. So that we had other people to protect us. So that we didn't have to live running from threat to threat.
So what is my message? That everything is bad and all people are evil, no matter how they organize themselves?
It seems so. Which is depressing, and I don't believe that.
The last book, That Last Onset, attempted to sum up how I felt about all of it. And I think it came down to something like balance or something.
But overall, I think the biggest problem is that I really don't know how I feel about all of it. This is what I wrestle with. I had thought, when I started writing the books, that I knew what I was trying to say thematically. And I found, by the time I got to the end, that it was too confusing. That I wasn't sure. And that the best solution for the world in general was to take Jason and Azazel out of it. So.
I did.
The Stillness in the Air Extras
Original Series Plan
Character Planning—Azazel and Kieran
Talking with Azazel…
Stillness Revision Notes
Stillness Draft Outline
Original Series Plan
This is how I originally intended the books to work. You can see how much changed.
Book One: The Stillness in the Air
-Azazel is in college. She wants nothing to do with Jason
-Hallam gets in contact with her. Jason has disappeared.
-The story will be a search to find Jason, who it turns out has become a celebrity of sorts doing underground boxing matches until he just fell off the face of the planet.
-It will be cool. We’ll meet all these people who Jason’s been interacting with.
-And we’ll witness his descent into utter darkness.
-“You shouldn’t have left him, Azazel. I think you were the only thing keeping him tethered to this world.”
-We find him working with the remnants of the Brothers to amass some kind of strange army.
-And then all the power goes out.
Book Two: Between the Heaves of Storm
-In the aftermath of the solar flare, Jason is able to be one of the first to send messages across the U.S. and the world, offering hope for people.
-Azazel, who left him in disgust is frightened by how different he’s become, amasses a group of people to try to stop Jason.
-She falls for a ruthless guy who pushes her to do what she’s doing.
-Slowly, she alienates her allies, including Chance, Hallam, and Agnes.
-She keeps pressing on, and in the end, is in the perfect place to blow up Jason’s stronghold.
-But he strikes first.
Book Three: That Last Onset
-From the point of view of Jason.
-The war between Jason and Azazel has resulted in numerous casualties and a kind of mass chaos in the area where they are fighting. The destruction becomes total as ways of communicating have been sabotaged. Jason realizes he is losing control over his flock.
-Trying to reach a stronghold, he is captured by some of Azazel’s people and taken to her to be killed, probably.
-He breaks out and destroys her headquarters or whatever, but he’s stranded. He hitchhikes, but happens to be picked up by Azazel, who he thought was dead.
-The two are together in a car, trying to get east to their various followings. They want to kill each other, but each recognize that an attempt to kill the other would probably be fatal for both of them. Still, they have to keep their eyes on each other. They travel together.
-They have some various run-ins with bandits, pirates, etc.
-They talk.
-They are forced to witness the destruction they are visiting on the world because of their fighting.
-They run across the guy who’s supposed to be the president and what’s left of the government.
-They kiss
-They decide to help this guy try to resume some sense of normalcy in the country.
-Battling their own forces, they are able to help.
-But at a crucial moment, they doubt their love and fight.
-Jason has to renounce violence to win Azazel back.
Character Planning—Azazel and Kieran
This is an exercise I did in which I answer questions in the voice of the characters. Characters answers are in italics.
Azazel
What one thing would you sacrifice almost anything to have or to have happen?
Protection of Chance and Mina.
What wouldn't you sacrifice?
Either of them for the other.
What one thing would you sacrifice almost anything to avoid or to avoid having happen?
Killing anyone
What wouldn’t you sacrifice?
The lives of my loved ones or the lives of innocent people or my own life
What one event in your life did the most to make you a better person?
Leaving Jason.
How did it change you?
Well, it hurt a lot, but it was the right thing to do. He made everything hard—muddy, hard to figure out. And he was always getting into trouble and—
Let's say that now I'm lot less trusting of people—new people—but that I'm a lot less frightened of myself.
What one event did the most in your life to make you a worse person?
Killing Noah and Gordon (and Lilith).
How did it change you?
It turned me into a killer. It killed some part of me that valued human life. And it's easier to kill now. It's a lot easier.
What changed?
Hallam asked me to use magic to help with this business
Nightmare: I dreamed that there were thousands of dead bodies surrounding Jason and me while we kissed.
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Kieran said: You're a badass. I think that's why I slept with him.
Moral line: I will not kill people.
Absolute truth: Love makes you do stupid, stupid, stupid things.
Kieran
What one thing would you sacrifice almost anything to have or to have happen?
See my family again—but that won't happen. They're dead.
I saw my little sister raped and murdered in front of me, my parents shot in the head execution-style. This all happened in the aftermath of the lights going out.
What wouldn't you sacrifice?
I'd sacrifice anything at this point. I don't care much about anything. I'm ready for anything crazy.
What one thing would you sacrifice almost anything to avoid or avoid happening?
I don’t know. One the one hand, I'd really hate to see anything like that again, and I want to prevent it. But in case I can't, I don't know if I want to care that deeply for people again.
What wouldn't you sacrifice?
I guess I wouldn't sacrifice a chance for real, true love and for the chance for someone to live for and provide for. Still…it would have to a pretty special girl.
What one event in your life did the most to make you a better person?
I guess volunteering for the government in the aftermath of the lights going out.
How did it change you?
It gave me the chance to do something good for other people and to help stop my suffering. It gave me a reason to live.
What one event in your life did the most to make you a worse person?
I don't know. I haven't spent a lot of time worrying about whether or not I'm a good or bad person these days. Mostly, I've just been trying to survive. But I guess the lights going out made me desperate. It made us all desperate.
Something changed:
I slept with Azazel
One of my friends (well, co-workers) said, "You sure are looking at her a lot." I didn’t realize I was attached.
I saw a stranger who was capable of loving and protecting another person again. I wanted to save her from everything.
Ethical quality: I just think people should be nice to each other, okay? And I'm nice to you until you're not nice to me. Then it's on.
One belief: Real love makes life worth living.
Talking with Azazel…
This is an exercise in which I let Azazel answer questions, because she was frustrating me. Her answers are in italics. Foul language alert!!
Okay, um, where the fuck are you going with this? You are not me. You are not supposed to be having so much random sex.
It wasn't random. It was Kieran. I thought you liked Kieran.
Yeah, well, I did too. I mean, I do like Kieran. And yes, you are supposed to fall for him. But why am I getting the impression that you aren't?
Who would you fall for? Kieran or Jason?
Jason. Well, no, I mean… in real life, I would fall for Kieran. Because he's a nice guy. I would try to convince you to like Kieran. But in a book, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from wanting Jason, because he's so…flawed.
That's not why you like Jason. It's not why I like him.
So why do you like him?
I can't help it. He's hot. He's dangerous. He's everything I'm not supposed to want. And that's sexy.
Yeah, but he's a bastard.
You're the one who's planning for me to get back together with him at the end of the third book.
After I get in his head. And make some excuses for him. I guess. And kill Kieran.
Why don't I get a say in this?
In killing Kieran? Because I'm God, and I decide he dies. You'll be beside yourself.
Not in killing Kieran. In falling for him. Look, I like him. I want to like him. So I just am you know, trying to like him. I don't get why that upsets you so much.
It makes you look like a whore. The demographic is going to hate you.
Sure, but it's fine that I'm blowing people's heads off.
You feel bad about that!
I also feel bad about fucking Kieran! Besides, you wanted me to fuck Kieran.
I did, but not yet.
You had me fuck him before the novel even started. I didn't even get to decide about that.
Okay, so where are we going? Because I get the distinct impression I'm writing Natural Born Killers here. And the problem with that is that I am not intending to make a satirical comment on the way violence is perceived in fiction.
Okay, whatever. I'm not into your comments or satire or what not. Talk to someone else about that. I don't know yet. Neither do you. Here's what I want. I want to be happy. I want to be in love. I want to be rid of all the stuff that keeps making my life crap. Which, I believe, is basically all your fault.
So why not Kieran?
I don't know, okay? You've been here before. You've done this. You of all people should understand.
So you're going to keep fucking him, but not commit to him?
For a while, I guess. Something like that. It's not like I have a boyfriend, like you did. You're going to kill him off anyway. Maybe I'll be wrecked because I'll feel guilty for never being able to love him the way he deserved.
Oh God. This is awful. This is a terrible love triangle. Furthermore, it's even more like Jacob that I ever could have imagined. Blecch. You suck!
The heart wants what the heart wants.
You are stupid.
Sure, I am. And your decisions love wise have been so absolutely brilliant.
I just hate this sissified internal conflict crap. I want fights. I want. Damn it. Everyone says I'm too stuck in all your heads!!
Fuck 'em. You have fans that love you. Now…get me out of this mess, please!
Oh, it's gonna get a lot worse before it gets better sister.
You're not going to kill me are you?
You're not going to kill Jason are you?
I don't know.
I will never speak to you again if you do.
Oh, you'll leave me alone? This is a bad thing, because?
Stillness Revision Notes
I just found this document on my hard drive. I have no idea what half of this means, but I thought you guys might be interested. Have at it.
Big arc issues
1-Azazel and her power. Make it so she feels like the power is tugging at her, forcing her to be destructive.
a-Use a "before" scene to set this up. Azazel learning to use her powers.
b-Have Azazel reference it.
c-Have Azazel feel it when she uses her power against Jason's men in the scuffle. Have her feel it when she uses it against the men with her and Kieran. Difference being there is no guilt after the second time.
d-Use it in arguments with Hallam/Kieran/others.
2-Jason's building an army. Should be more evident throughout.
a-reference in scene with Jason's men and tent.
b-insert sightings of people trekking across at least two other times.
3-Azazel really doesn't want to hurt people anymore. Combine with 1.
a-reference in same before scene as 1a.
b-use another before scene, when Azazel sees the people killing themselves or something to make her feel horrible.
c-Have Azazel feel a little bad about shooting the kid in the arm.
4-Azazel needs to make a concrete decision that the ends really do justify the means.
a-In fight with rapists, she thinks this.
b-In conversation with Kieran where he questions her about using power on Gus, she says.
c-Lily seems weirded out by what she did to Gus. A references their earlier discussion.
The end????
-Jason needs to do something to get away from Azazel. She wouldn't let him get away.
Inconsistencies/plot holes/dropped threads
1-Jason makes Azazel use her power to hurt people??
-drop this and change to Jason's effect on Az is too similar to the effect of her power.
2-K
ieran's involvement with the OF
-should jive with story he told Az. Can help to clear up in the before scene?
Jason and Azazel Extras Page 5