Thoughtless

by Jacqueline Gardner

  "Sorry, I'm just a little creeped out. How do you think she died?" Emma was in denial. The last time she'd seen Stacy was on instant replay in her mind. It was at cheer practice the day before. Stacy hardly paid any attention to their routine. All she did was whisper and giggle. Terrence had just asked her to the homecoming dance.

  "Drugs?" I was hoping that my suggestion might give her something different to think about.

  "Maybe." Emma took another tiny bite of her pizza.

  "Let's talk about something else." Emma's thoughts turned immediately to the homecoming dance. She thought about Brian showing up at her door and telling her she was the most beautiful girl at school. "Are you still going with Brian?"

  "You don't like him very much, do you?" Emma set her pizza down and went to the fridge for a cold water bottle. I plopped down on the couch and put a hand on my stomach.

  "He's ok I guess." I tried to sound upbeat but Emma wasn't buying it.

  "You just need to get to know him. I'm sure you'd like him then." I already knew I'd never feel that way. But Emma genuinely thought he was a nice guy.

  "My stomach hurts."

  "I hope you're not coming down with something? The dance is tomorrow! We still haven't decided on nail polish and hairstyles!" Emma was already back to her bubbly self. Not again, I thought. I'd chosen my outfit weeks ago but Emma was constantly changing her mind, especially when she surfed the net. I had to forbid her from clicking on paparazzi websites and watching VH1. It just made her more indecisive.

  "Seriously, Em? I thought that up-do you were raving about was 'the one'."

  "I never said that." Emma put her water bottle down on the kitchen table and joined me on the couch.

  "But you thought it," I muttered to myself.

  "Well it's easy for you, Bri. You have that long blond hair that looks good no matter what you're wearing." She smiled. I grabbed a piece of my hair and shrugged. Emma's head was bursting with ideas. She wanted to tell me her latest style dilemma but she was waiting for me to ask, knowing that I'd be annoyed.

  "Ok, what do have in mind?" I asked the question she was waiting for to avoid anymore talk of Stacy. Emma's face brightened and she started blabbing about the pros and cons of curling versus crimping. I called it thought-spewing. It's when you have so much on your mind that sentences just start spewing out of your mouth. The ideas that come out are ones that sounded good in your head. But when you say them out loud, you realize they all suck.

  I could hear the garage door opening and my mom came rushing through the door with a worried look. Her brunette bob bounced up and down as her heels hit the tile flooring. She was wearing her work attire – black slacks and a gray blazer.

  "Oh, you girls are here! I'm so relieved. I heard about what happened at the game. Are you ok?" She caught her breath then threw her purse on the counter. Her entire way home, she'd been desperately hoping that I wasn't involved. At times my mom seemed more afraid of exposure than I was. I wasn't allowed to play sports or participate in anything that could put my name in the school paper. Her reasoning was understandable but it still made my life tough. We argued a lot, but at least I'd gotten my way when it came to going to regular school – I don't think I could've handled being home schooled.

  "We're ok."

  "Yeah just freaked out," Emma added.

  "Well they said on the radio that the cause of death hadn't yet been determined."

  "Did they say anything else?" I'd been paranoid all night that the police would show up at my doorstep.

  "Um." The radio announcement, or what my mom remembered from it, played through her head again. Mountain View High School student found dead. Police interrupted the school's football game after receiving an anonymous phone call. No sign of a struggle. Cause of death has not been determined. "Not really. Just that the police received an anonymous phone call."

  "Someone called?" Emma was starting to replay her last moments with Stacy again.

  "Probably one of her friends." My mom grabbed our box of pizza and put it in the fridge.

  "So you were saying, Em?" I interrupted. "Curls?"

  "Oh yeah." Emma watched my mom take off her coat and jog upstairs. "So, I don't think I want to do an up-do anymore. That's like something you do for your wedding. Curls are so in."

  "Ok, then do that. That would definitely go with the dress you picked out." Emma's thoughts wandered to her closet which was know occupied by two possible options. She was quiet for a minute.

  "You bought another dress?" I asked. Emma didn't even look surprised that I knew.

  "You know me too well."

  "Well, out with it. What does this new dress look like?"

  "It's orange. I know, I know! Orange is a weird color but trust me. It looks really good on me. That's why I bought it."

  "Orange? This isn't a Halloween dance. It's homecoming."

  "And it's September," Emma interrupted. "September is considered Fall and orange is a Fall color, Bri." I nodded and tried to find a comfy position on the couch. I wanted to sleep and leave this day behind but I was afraid that Stacy would consume my dreams the way she had my thoughts. Would I ever be able to bury the image I'd seen? "So what time should I come over tomorrow?"

  "Huh?"

  "To get ready. Duh! What time is Jason picking you up?" I bit my lip. Crap! I'd almost forgotten! I'd promised Emma that I would ask Jason from Calculus to come with our group so we would have an even number.

  "Uh, about that." After hearing Jason obsess all class about Annabelle Pierce and the length of her skirt, I just couldn't go through with it. He was a perv.

  "Bri, you promised! Now you have no date!"

  "That's fine with me." I sighed and rubbed my eyes. It was bugging Emma that I was acting so calm. She'd been planning tomorrow night for weeks and now she was wondering why she hadn't asked someone out for me.

  "But we all have dates! You'll be the only one!"

  "Calm down, drama queen. Lots of girls go to homecoming without dates." Emma still looked frustrated but she accepted the fact that there was nothing she could do. The dance was tomorrow. I grabbed the remote and searched for something to watch.

  "Oh QVC!" Emma sat up straighter and stared at the set of silver earrings being modeled on the screen.

  "Nope. No QVC. Not after last time." I kept flipping and found the local news. Of course the hot topic tonight was Stacy. I couldn't escape her.

  "Wait! Leave it here for a minute. I want to hear what they say about Stacy." Emma studied the TV but I looked down at my fingernails. My stomach was starting to hurt again. I was trying so hard not to think about it that I froze when I heard the phone ring. My heart pounded and I gulped down a bunch of air.

  "I'll get it!" My mom shouted from upstairs. I heard her feet run to the upstairs phone. I was trying to breathe normally. What if it was the police calling? What if they figured out I'd found Stacy's body? I looked at my nails again and started biting. Emma sat on the couch, oblivious to everything going on around her. Her eyes were fixated on the television. "Bridget! The phone is for you honey!"

  I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. My mom was holding a cordless phone and giving me an odd look. For a second, I felt like I couldn't breathe. My throat got all choked up, and I couldn't stop imagining being handcuffed and thrown in a cell.

  "Who is it?" My words came out in a whispered sentence. My mom shook her head.

  "I don't know." She handed me the phone and I gulped.

  "Hello?" The pause that followed was terrifying. I imagined hundreds of different responses: This is so-and-so from the police department, you're under arrest, and can you tell us why you were seen with Stacy's body? But the voice on the other end surprised me.

  "Hiya. Am I speaking with Bridget?" I didn't recognize the voice, nor did I know anyone who spoke with an accent. I waited desperately for a thought, a clue that would tell me who this guy was. Nothing. Maybe it was a bad connection.

  "Uh, yeah. Who is this?"

 
; "Sorry, I don't normally do this but I saw you at the football game and . . ."

  "Are you like on the team or something?"

  "No, actually I'm new this term. My name's Terrence." Terrence? That guy all the cheerleaders had been buzzing about before the game? I'd seen him before but we'd never spoken. My mind dug up an image of Terrence staring at me with those soft, blue eyes. If that was the Terrence I was speaking to, he must've had the wrong number.

  "Terrence?" The second I said his name, Emma broke her gaze with the TV. She jumped up looking shocked. Her jaw dropped and she hovered over me trying to listen to our conversation. She got so close to the phone that I had to repeatedly push her away. "How did you get my number?"

  "School directory. Look, I don't usually do this but I was hoping that maybe you'd be free tomorrow night?" Emma squealed. I cupped my hand around her mouth so she'd stop.

  "Um, tomorrow night I'm going to the dance with some friends." Emma grabbed a pillow from the couch and threatened to smack me in the back of the head.

  "Are you insane," she whispered. "The hottest guy in school is trying to ask you out! If you don't say yes, I'll never speak to you again!" I raised my eyebrows and sighed.

  "But you can come along if you want . . ." Emma kicked my leg. "As my date?"

  "That would be wicked. I mean, that would be cool."

  "Yeah . . . cool." I tried to sound bubbly like Emma always did when talking to boys but that wasn't a style that suited me. It made me sound like I was mocking him.

  "Sorry. That's what all the kids at school always say." He sounded a little nervous which surprised me. "Honestly, I never do things like this. I promise, I'm not some kind of weirdo." He chuckled and I made myself giggle. This might be the strangest phone call I'd ever gotten.

  "Oh, it's ok. So I'll see you tomorrow? Six o'clock?"

  "Sure." I said a quick good-bye and hung up. Emma started jumping up and down. She was over the moon with excitement.

  "Oh my gosh, Bri! We have so much to do! Your nails need new polish, we need to make you a hair appointment, we need to sort out your dress . . ."

  "What's wrong with my dress?"

  "Nothing. It's just not pink enough!" My dress was dark green and I liked the way it looked.

  "Hold on. Doesn't this seem kinda weird at all? I mean, Terrence and I have never met. And now he's asking me to homecoming?" Emma shook her head.

  "Maybe he saw you somewhere and asked around? Bri, he likes you! You should be excited about this!" Emma's thoughts were going out of control again.

  "If he likes me so much, why didn't he introduce himself at school or something?" I thought back to Emma's last cheer practice. Terrence was supposed to be Stacy's date. Would Terrence still have called me if Stacy was alive? Would my existence even show up on his radar?

  "Bri, he's European!" I laughed and let her play with strands of my blond hair. It felt good to be noticed. The excitement of it all was new to me. Guys never approached me . . . . ever. Emma always said it was because I was too negative. Most of my classmates thought I was a snob – too good to hang with anyone. But maybe homecoming wouldn't be so lame after all. I'd try anything that would make me forget about Stacy for a few hours.

  * * *

  My eyes were closed but I couldn't sleep. I'm sure Emma couldn't sleep either. She was too hyped up about homecoming. I stared at the ceiling and suppressed any thoughts relating to Stacy for as long as possible. But I had to give in. So much had happened and I'd never really gotten the chance to process everything. There was a knock on the door and my mom tiptoed in.

  "Are you ok honey? You've been jumpy all night?" Her mind was very quiet. The only thoughts in her head were the questions she wanted to ask me.

  "I'm fine." It was a total lie but what was I supposed to say? "How was the office party?"

  "Boring, dull, you know. But it's part of the job." I smiled. "Oh, I almost forgot." She dropped a silver chain on the bed and my heart stopped. The chain I took from Stacy's hand. I should've thrown that thing away!

  "Uh, thanks?"

  "I thought I'd throw in a quick load of laundry, and I found it in your jeans." She hugged me and stood up.

  "Oh, I must've forgotten about it." My mom sighed and rubbed her eyes.

  "Well, I'll see you in the morning." The chain felt like it was burning in my hand. I was holding something that belonged to a dead girl, a dead girl that I supposedly hadn't seen since Thursday. "Who's Dru?"

  "What?" I was confused until my mom thought about the charm on the piece of jewelry she'd just dropped on the bed. "Um, it's a nickname."

  "Right." She knew I was lying, but her urge to sleep was stronger. She closed my door and tiptoed down the hall to her bedroom.

  I sat up immediately and turned on the lamp on my nightstand. The silver chain sparkled and at the end of the broken chain was a small charm. It was engraved with three letters, D-r-u. Dru? On the back of the charm was a faded symbol. I couldn't tell what it was. I turned off my lamp and closed my eyes. And then the thought occurred to me. The chain wasn't Stacy's. It had to belong to the killer.

  Chapter Three

  The Warning

  "Bridget! I'm using your full name because I'm serious! Why aren't you dressed? And your make-up still isn't done." I'd been sitting in my room all day, thinking about the broken chain. It was a bracelet. I couldn't stop imagining the terror in Stacy's eyes as she ripped it off her killer before falling to the floor. Emma had been texting me all morning but I was too lazy to reply. Either way, she'd come over.

  "My make-up is done." Emma walked over and examined my eyelids.

  "Well, we gotta redo it. I can't even see your eyeliner." I shrugged. "And get your dress on, Bri! What are you waiting for? Do you know how many girls will be giving you the evil-eye tonight? You gotta look hot!"

  "The evil-eye?"

  "Uh, hello? You're going with Terrence." Emma imagined a perfect world where the two of us double dated every weekend with our perfect boyfriends. She was jumping to conclusions. Who knew if Terrence would even like me or get used to the idea that I hated being around large crowds. I wouldn't be able to deal with the dance for more than hour. Then I'd make up an excuse to go home.

  "Aren't you forgetting that Terrence and I have yet to meet face to face? And it's four o'clock. We have two hours."

  "I know. We don't have much time." Emma put her bag on the floor and I caught a glance at her orange homecoming dress. Her eyelids were heavy with dark eye shadow and her lips were red. She searched through my vanity looking for a set of brushes.

  "Two hours is plenty of time, Em. You want something from the fridge?" I got up, stretched, and tossed the broken bracelet under my bed. Emma shook her head disapprovingly.

  "No, I'm waiting until dinner and so should you." She pointed to the chair in front of her and I gave in. As soon as I sat down, Emma started applying layers of extra eye shadow to my face.

  "Don't you think it's a little much?" I looked in the mirror. My eyes were darker than before. And the shadow was a little too heavy for my taste but my hazel eyes were clearly defined and gleamed like two gems.

  "See." Emma was pleased with herself. She watched me stare at the mirror and adjust to the new look. "It looks good on you." I smiled and ran my fingers through my hair. My stomach was starting to flutter as I thought about Terrence. I couldn't deny that he was attractive but hearing guys' thoughts was usually a turn-off. Almost every guy at school thought of nothing else all day, sex.

  We'd arranged to meet our group at an Italian-American restaurant called The Fat Tomato. As the time passed I found myself getting nervous. I'd been preparing for the bombardment of teenage thoughts all day, but I was scared. What if Stacy's killer somehow knew what I did? I'd be next, that's what!

  "Bri? You look lost again." I adjusted my homecoming dress and took one last look in the mirror. Emma gave me an approving look from the doorway. "You look amazing! And kinda mysterious too, like a mermaid."

 
"A mermaid? Ok, I'm changing." Emma held me back when I tried to retreat to my closet.

  "I just said that cause your dress is green. We have to go." She picked up her heels and purse. I grabbed my things too and followed her down the stairs. Emma's head overflowed with excitement about tonight. I wonder what Brian will think of my dress? Will he ask me out again? Will we finally kiss tonight?

  I had a lot on my mind too. My thoughts were torn between Terrence and the janitor's closet. If Stacy were alive, she'd be the one dancing at homecoming with Terrence, not me. Everything just felt wrong. I was starting to feel guilty about running. But I couldn't forget that people like me get locked up forever.

  The sky was gray and a mini drop of water dropped on my forehead as I slid into Emma's car.

  "Are you ready?" Emma started the car and backed down the driveway. In my mind were images of Stacy's dead body, the killer's bracelet, and Terrence.

  "I don't think I'll ever be ready."

  * * *

  Terrence was smooth, smart, and knew all the right things to say. And I couldn't hear his thoughts or even interpret his emotions. For the first time, I was completely clueless on what to do. Either Terrence was a total idiot, or there was something unique about him. That was the only explanation I could think of. I found myself blushing and checking my hair like every other girl. He was the first guy I'd met that truly had mystery and I resist the urge to learn more about him – no matter the method.

  On one hand, it was nice to feel normal. But on the other hand, it bugged me. I found myself desperately looking for signs that Terrence liked me. It was the burning question in my brain; what does he think of me? I ignored my gut instinct telling me to be suspicious. Blame his bulging biceps, perfect jaw line, and seductive stare.

  "I'm so pleased that we finally got to meet." Terrence and I were slowly making our way through the parking lot towards the school. Emma and the group skipped ahead. I'd been so focused on Terrence that I'd almost blocked out all thoughts, including Brian's disgusting fantasies.