Thoughtless

by Jacqueline Gardner

  "So, I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime." Terrence eyed my lips and I resisted shouting my response. Screaming out "yes!!!" would make me look a little desperate.

  "That sounds cool," I replied casually. I was trying not to appear nervous, though I was. That sounds cool, I thought. Lame.

  "Well, we never really got to finish our first date." Terrence leaned in a little closer. My heart started to beat out of rhythm. I could hear it loud in my ears.

  "Yeah, sorry about that. I hope you didn't have too much of a terrible time after I left." I smiled, waiting for reassurance that he had in fact left the dance right after me.

  "Actually I went home after you left."

  "Oh really?" I lied. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your night."

  "You didn't." His response made me feel tingly all over. He knew just what to say to make me feel confident. Terrence took my hand and started walking. "So when can I see you again? Tonight?"

  "Tonight? Uh, sure. Although, I'm not sure how long my mom will let me stay out on a Monday night." What a stupid reply. But Terrence smiled. His hand squeezed mine. I could feel the heat from his skin transferring to my arm. It made me want to lean in even closer.

  "What about your dad? He doesn't mind?"

  "Not at all," I said. "He's not really around anymore. He passed away when I was little." Terrence looked slightly embarrassed. His cheeks got a little rosy.

  "Sorry. I didn't know."

  "Don't apologize. It was a long time ago." I smiled and changed the subject. Though Terrence's concern made me like him even more. "So, how are you liking Mountain View? I'm sure it's not as interesting as England."

  "I like it just fine. Everyone's been real friendly."

  "I bet." I could think of a ton of reasons why people had been so friendly. Terrence chuckled as we stepped outside. The parking lot was clearing out, and the sky was sunny with scattered gray clouds. I was supposed to get a ride home from Emma. She normally waited for me by her car. I just hoped she was already waiting for me today. She'd flip if she saw me holding hands with Terrence.

  "How does seven sound?"

  "It sounds like two hours from now." I was already anxious to see him, though we hadn't yet parted. I'd given another stupid reply. Terrence laughed.

  "You're a real laugh, you know." He let go of my hand as I searched for Emma's car. She was sitting in the driver's seat reading a book. Probably homework.

  "Emma's waiting for me."

  "See you at seven then?" Terrence turned around and walked back inside. I waited until he was out of sight before I took off running towards Emma's car. I whipped open the passenger door, startling Emma. She jumped, dropping her book and losing her spot on the page.

  "Looks like someone's feeling better," she commented. I looked at my face in the mirror. I was beaming.

  "You'll never guess what I'm doing tonight?" I was so excited, my hands were shaky.

  "Terrence? Did he talk to you?" Emma's eyes went wide. Uncontrollable giggles came bursting out of my mouth. "See, Bri! I told you he would!"

  "We're going out tonight," I tried to keep my voice calm. Emma gave me a mini hug and started the car, blasting the radio. We laughed and sang along as we drove through town. Suddenly, my day didn't suck so bad. Maybe this Stacy stuff would be over soon and things would go back to normal – better than normal. I would be with Terrence.

  Emma finally parked in front of my house. The driveway was empty, and the windows were dark. Most of my neighbors were still at work.

  "I'll be expecting your call," Emma said firmly as I got out of the car. "And you better tell me every detail. Don't make me have to pry."

  "Alright, alright." I shut the door and waved. Emma sped off and I stared at the silent, brick house in front of me. Earlier, I'd been eager to get home so I could sulk in my room. Now, all I could think about was what to wear. My current outfit didn't cut it. I needed a tighter pair of jeans and something other than a t-shirt.

  A loud engine coming down the street startled me. I turned around. An old truck slowed down and came to a stop in front of my house. Rory grinned from the driver's seat. He was determined to see the bracelet. His mind thought of nothing else.

  "Stalking is illegal you know!" I shouted from the front door, but Rory still got out of his truck.

  "You invited me remember," Rory replied. "And I'm not stalking you. Your address is in the school directory and the phone book." I sighed and unlocked the front door. Rory jogged up the driveway. "And just so we're clear, I'm not here for you. I'm here to see the bracelet."

  "Duh," I muttered. "You know, I was thinking and maybe we're blowing this whole Stacy thing out of proportion. Maybe someone's just pulling a nasty prank on us."

  "Is that you talking or your new buddy, Terrence? Because I don't know about you, but you were pretty skittish not too long ago."

  "Well, sometimes I over-react," I admitted.

  "Sure." The front room was dark and I flipped on the light. I carried my school bag to the kitchen and dropped in on the table.

  "You want something?" I opened the fridge and debated over which soda to chose.

  "Whatever you're having." Rory wanted a soda. His favorite flavor was grape. I tossed him a Coke.

  "Sorry, we don't have grape," I replied. Rory looked taken back.

  "Did I tell you my favorite soda flavor is grape?" He scratched his head, searching through his memories. I kept a straight face. It was fun to mess with him. I shrugged and sat down. Rory quickly forgot about the subject of soda and his thoughts returned to the bracelet.

  "Oh right," I said jumping up. "I'll be right back ok." Rory silently nodded, still confused by my behavior. "And then you have to leave. Terrence is coming over." Rory looked annoyed but I ran upstairs to retrieve the bracelet before his thoughts about Terrence entered my head.

  When I jogged back downstairs, Rory was nervously waiting at the kitchen table. His brain couldn't move forward with homework, chores, or SAT prep until he figured out who sent him the note.

  "Here," I said as I dropped the broken bracelet on the table. I avoided looking at it. Rory studied the charm's engravings – the letters D-r-u and a faded symbol resembling some sort of crest. He touched it first with his pointer finger. Then he picked it up and examined the broken, metal links.

  "I have an idea," Rory commented.

  "What?" I sat down as Rory kept examining both sides of the charm. He pulled out his cell phone and took a picture of it.

  "I think I might be able to figure out where this bracelet came from, or at least who made it."

  "Huh? How? You can't go flashing that picture around. Are you crazy?"

  "Relax," Rory said calmly. "My cousin in LA is an expert jeweler. He has a huge database of manufacturers to look through." The overwhelming fear of being questioned by police started to return. I took deep breaths, trying not to freak myself out before Terrence showed up.

  "Rory, are you sure you can trust this guy?" My eyes were so fixated on his face, awaiting an honest response, that my eyes were watery. Rory looked at me and I felt the strong bond he shared with his cousin. Rory's family valued loyalty. He'd been taught the importance of keeping your word since birth. "Ok." I nodded approvingly before he could speak. Rory was relieved. He planned on sending the picture whether I agreed to it or not. He thought it would be careless not to. Rory uploaded the picture to an email and pressed send.

  "Well, have fun making googley eyes with Terrence." Rory stood up and walked towards the door. "And thanks for the soda."

  "Do you purposely say things to make me mad?" I followed Rory to the door and caught him grinning. "I'm glad that you think dating is so funny. Maybe one day you'll actually go on a few yourself." Rory frowned and pushed open the front door. His thoughts reminisced on last year when he used to hang out with a girl named Lindsay. She was funny and her caramel hair made him excited about geometry. Lindsay dropped him when she got her braces removed.

  "Funny," Rory
murmured. "Absolutely hilarious." He stood up straighter and held his chin up, thinking of the one thing in his life that was consistent – his grades. I folded my arms, and tilted my head towards the door.

  "Touché," I muttered.

  Chapter Six

  Choices

  My heart raced when the door bell rang. I could see Terrence's black BMW from my bedroom window. I put on a coat of lip gloss and ran downstairs, composing myself before opening the door.

  "You look lovely." Terrence reached for my hand. I was mesmerized by the bright blue color of his eyes. The warmth of his skin helped me clear my mind. I let Terrence pull me outside and decided to leave all my troubles at the door. With Terrence I was a normal girl - a girl with a gorgeous date. I didn't have to pretend at all. Not knowing his thoughts and every waking fantasy gave our relationship mystery. For once, I had to get answers on my own.

  "Thanks." I looked down at my jeans and flowing red top. It had taken me forever to choose them. "So, where are we going exactly?"

  "You like ice cream?" Terrence opened the passenger door, and waited for me to slide in.

  "Of course," I quickly replied. "Who doesn't?" Terrence slid into the driver's seat and backed down the driveway. I looked straight ahead through the perfectly clean windshield. Through the corner of my eye, I could see him glancing at me. I decided to play it cool. I let him stare.

  "Favorite flavor? Let me guess, chocolate." Terrence looked through his rearview mirror as he drove around the corner.

  "Lucky guess," I laughed. "Doesn't every girl like chocolate?" Terrence sped down the street. The sky was gray again and the temperature was slowly starting to drop. Orange and yellow leaves were beginning to fill the streets. By Halloween there would be snow on the ground.

  Terrence turned into the local shopping center. It was the closest place to stop for ice cream. The store wasn't crowded. Terrence raced over to open my door before I could open it myself. My stomach was still so full of butterflies that I was too nervous to think. Terrence kept on holding my hand as we entered the shop and walked up to the counter. I could barely concentrate on the flavors in front of me. Terrence watched me as I stared, struggling to make a decision.

  "Want me to order?" he asked. I didn't care what flavor was in my cone. I just wanted to spend as much time as I could with Terrence before nine o'clock. My mom would go ballistic if she came home from work to an empty house.

  "Chocolate fudge on a cone please," I finally said. Terrence just smiled. I glanced at the time and sat down at a small open table. Terrence paid before handing me cone and taking an open seat.

  "You have somewhere to be?"

  "I don't have a lot of time," I answered.

  "Oh, yeah. Your mum right?" Terrence nodded, letting me know he understood. I took a small lick of my chocolate fudge ice cream. I barely noticed the sugary taste on my tongue. My mind was full of too many questions. I craved information. The information I would normally get if I could hear what Terrence was thinking.

  "What's your family like?" I asked. Terrence bit into his cone and shrugged.

  "Average I guess."

  "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

  "One." Terrence took another huge bite of his cone and coughed. He wiped ice cream from his lips and blushed the same way he had at school. The two of us laughed. "Sorry, I'm not usually this clumsy."

  "Don't worry about it. I'm usually worse." My ice cream was starting to melt. I took another lick to prevent it from dripping down my hand but I wasn't in the mood to eat the entire thing. Besides, I was already chilly and the ice cream made it worse.

  "You're just being nice," Terrence responded. I shook my head.

  "Trust me, I'm not. That's why I'm no good at sports."

  "Really?" Terrence took another bite of his cone, this time the bite was smaller. I smiled and licked a melting stream of chocolate from my finger. Well, it was mostly true. I played soccer when I was little, but the crowds were just too overwhelming. And games were a nightmare. Parents would shout and all my teammates had trouble concentrating on the ball. Their thoughts were all over the place. The headaches were a pain. Since then, my mom decided sports weren't for me. I liked soccer, but I preferred my sanity.

  "Yeah, my friend Emma's in cheerleading but I'm just horrible at all that stuff. You play any sports?" I started criticizing my answers again. Do you play any sports? Of course he plays sports, I thought. You don't get bulging biceps from sitting on the couch.

  "I played a little football back home, but that's about it."

  "Our football team here isn't that good," I replied. "Hey, maybe you should try out? They could use some good players." Terrence just chuckled.

  "Sorry, I meant football as in soccer." He took another small bite of his cone. I felt my cheeks get hot.

  "Right," I muttered. I was trying really hard not to blush but it wasn't working. I took a few more licks of my chocolate ice cream. A loud beeping noise mad me stop and clear my throat. "Crap." I pulled my cell phone from my pocket. My mom had come home early. I handed Terrence my cone and turned down the volume before answering the phone. "Yeah?"

  "Bridget, why aren't you home?" My mom sounded worried. I felt myself blushing again, awaiting a good scolding.

  "I just went out for a bit but I'm on my way home now."

  "With who? Emma?" she asked. I lowered my voice. Date number two was about to be ruined, just like date number one.

  "I'll explain when I get home, ok." I could hear the disapproval in my mom's voice.

  "Hurry home." She hung up. It made me nervous that she hadn't yelled at me the way she normally did. Maybe she was waiting until I got home. I personally preferred being punished over the phone.

  "Uh, we gotta go." I wasn't sure how Terrence would take the news, but he stood up and handed me my cone. I took a few more licks and threw it in the trash.

  "I hope I didn't get you into trouble?"

  "No, my mom just came home earlier than expected," I replied. Terrence tossed his cone too and hurried to the car. Inside, I was dying. Who knew how Terrence felt about me now? I'd ruined another date. "I'm really, really sorry about this, Terrence."

  "Believe me, I understand. I have parents too." Terrence concentrated on speeding back to my house. I twirled a piece of my hair as I stared at the road. "You're a difficult girl to take out, Bridget." I quietly giggled.

  "I'll make it easier next time," I assured him. Minutes later, Terrence pulled into my driveway. The porch light was on.

  "Friday," Terrence said. "We'll try again Friday." My heart pounded. My face got hotter and Terrence studied the curves of my face. He leaned in close – so close that I could feel his breath. His neck smelled of cologne.

  "That's exactly what I was thinking," I whispered. Terrence touched my cheek and stared into my eyes before he kissed me. His lips were soft and they fit perfectly against mine. I closed my eyes and wanted nothing more than stay in his BMW all night. There was still so much we didn't know about each other. So much unexplored territory.

  Terrence pulled away. His kiss left me speechless. All I knew was that I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight. I'd be daydreaming about Terrence, wondering if he was really into me.

  "See you at school," he whispered. I loved the sound of his voice even more.

  It was too hard to get out of the car. My mind was lost in a world of perfect kissing and constant hand holding. Terrence was the star of this world. Our kiss had just fueled a week's worth of daydreams.

  My head was buzzing. I felt like I could take on anything, but reality smacked me in the face when my mom answered the door. She didn't look mad, but she was. She'd had a rough day at work. My disobedience just added to her stress migraine. Then a thought was pushed into my head, one that really brought me back to reality. Stacy's funeral services are tomorrow.

  "What's happening tomorrow?" I asked.

  "Is that the boy you went to homecoming with? When do I get to meet him?" Mom's worried expression lessene
d slightly.

  "Yeah," I replied. She smiled a little and walked back to her pot of boiling water in the kitchen. She sighed and decided that now wasn't the best time for a scolding. She was too tired. Images of Stacy started to haunt me again. The look on her face came back into my head. "So, Stacy's funeral is tomorrow?"

  "I read it in the paper. You want any spaghetti?" She stirred as I sat down at the table. My mom was tired and hoping for a full eight hours of rest.

  "Sure." I stared at my mom, waiting for her to suddenly change her mind and yell at me. Instead, her thoughts turned to Terrence. She wanted to know where we went and what we did – the typical mom questions. Was he a good student? Did he have a habit of getting into trouble? Did he have nice parents? "Geez mom, I don't even know the answers to those questions yet."

  "Any mom would want to know those things," she responded. "So how did it go? Or are you going to make me wonder all week long?"

  "It went fine, apart from your phone call." I paused. Maybe that wasn't the best thing say, considering I was already on thin ice.

  "Well, you could've prevented that by telling me were you were going." She picked up the pot of noodles and carried it to the sink. Steam hit her face as she strained the noodles.

  "It was sort of a spur of the moment thing," I slowly answered.

  "Will you get us some plates, hun?" I got up and dragged my feet to the cupboard. "So, are you going?"

  "Going to what?" I asked. My mom's thoughts answered my question. Stacy's funeral, of course. "Oh, that. I guess I'll go if Emma goes." But honestly, I felt weird about going. Half the school would be there, wondering how she really died. That would be torture to sit through.

  * * *

  Walking to my locker Tuesday morning was much easier than it had been the day before. I had Terrence to occupy my mind. He was the only positive thing I had to look forward to at the moment. Stacy's funeral announcement had been broadcasted over the school's intercom. Every friend of Stacy's was invited to pay their respects. The announcement left everyone's thoughts buzzing. Stacy was everywhere – past conversations, daydreams, old boyfriends. I couldn't escape her. I tried not to let fear overwhelm me. I feared that Stacy's killer was nearby. I feared that soon I'd be exposed.