by West, Sinden
“Do we come here often?” I asked as we exited the car and I followed him through the doors.
“No.” He slid into a booth and I sat on the opposite side from him. A bored looking waitress came over with menus, passing one to me first without cracking any kind of smile. Then she turned to Aaron, and a complete change came over her. She mustn’t have spotted him as he came in, because a wide smile spread over her face and her shoulders were pulled back to show off her cleavage in a more spectacular fashion. She was pretty enough, I supposed, but she was aging and even the thick make-up she had slathered on didn’t disguise that.
“Hi, can I get you some coffee?” she asked Aaron, her voice sweet like she wanted to be asking if he wanted something else. I wondered if I should be jealous. Was that what I was like? I hoped not. I never wanted to be one of those. I never wanted to be the kind of girl trapped by such insecurity over a guy that she couldn’t help the insanity that spewed forth from her in response.
He smiled back at her. It was a nice smile that showed even white teeth, and it made him look even more handsome. “Yes, please…Mandy.” He read her name tag that sat on a plump breast encased in the yellow polyester of her uniform. She beamed that he used her name, and shifted so he had the opportunity to admire her chest from another angle. I wondered what would happen if she removed her bra — those breasts would probably plummet as two sagging, heavy bags; fit for feeding but past their use by date for sex. I shivered at the thought. I had never liked milk.
“I’ll be back in a minute to take your order.” She showed her own teeth now, they were crooked and nicotine stained. Any beauty I had thought she may have possessed earlier now evaporated.
“I’ll have a coffee as well,” I said pointedly before she walked away. Her eyes darted to me quickly, as if only remembering that I were there.
“Sure.”
I switched my gaze to Aaron, sure that he would be staring at her ass, but he wasn’t. His eyes were on me. “Do you have that effect on all women?”
There was the merest twitch of his lips, but not so much that it could be called a smile. “Sometimes.”
I began to play with the salt shaker, I didn’t know why I found it so hard to look at him. “Did you have that effect on me when we first met?”
“No.”
I shifted in my seat, and the vinyl squeaked. I was tempted to pour the salt out onto the table and create a pile that would continually ebb away. Who turned to salt in the bible as punishment? Lot’s wife? It was something to do with sodomy anyway. My mouth twisted slightly as I thought of him and the pain, but I managed to push that memory away.
“What then? What did I think of you?” I still couldn’t lift my eyes to meet his, but I knew that he was staring at me.
“You’ll remember all of that soon enough, Rachel.”
I sighed, gripping the salt shaker. “I hate mysteries. When I was a kid I used to always read the last page of a book first because I couldn’t stand the suspense. Did you do that?”
“I was never much of a reader.”
“What did you like doing when you were a kid?”
Moments of silence passed, before he finally said, “Hunting.”
I raised my eyes then. “You liked killing things?”
As predicted, his hard stare was on me and it gave me that deer in headlights feeling, but I did my best not to let it show.
He was silent for a moment, as if he were thinking. “I like the tracking, the finding and predicting what move they would make next.”
The squeak of the waitress’s sneakers interrupted, she had more bounce in her step now as she placed down our coffees. “Ready to order?” she asked Aaron, still revealing those awful teeth. I rolled my eyes.
“I’ll have the hotcakes,” I said loudly. I got given a slight nod of acknowledgement before her attention was on Aaron again. He flashed her another beautiful smile.
“I’ll have the pancetta omelette. Thanks, Mandy.”
“You’re welcome,” she giggled before bouncing off, sneakers squeaking across the vinyl. It was my turn to stare at him.
“Why are you so friendly to her?”
Amusement crossed his face. “I didn’t want to be rude. She might spit in our food.”
“I think you’ll be okay, but she’s probably out the back right now poisoning mine…” I said grimly.
His lips flicked up into a proper smile this time and he gave a slight laugh. “Nah. I don’t think she’s the underhanded type. She’d probably come after you openly with a kitchen knife, or scissors maybe.”
I snorted. “You like reading people? What kind of killer would I be?”
A serious look came over his face, as if he were giving it considerable thought. “I think,” he began, “that you’d screw with someone. That you’d manipulate and twist whoever the poor guy was until he didn’t know which way was up and he felt his only choice was to take his own life. He would think that he loved you, but that love wouldn’t be real. It would just be a game to you.” He leaned back in his seat, casually like he hadn’t just delivered an insult.
I blinked, stunned, while my heart beat harder because this guy had just hit on the truth. “I’m going to use the bathroom,” I muttered, sliding out of the booth and careful not to meet his eyes again. As I walked past her, I saw the waitress start again in Aaron’s direction. She was probably going to give him her number. If so, she was welcome to him.
Once in the bathroom, I locked myself in a cubicle and rested my head against the wall, taking deep breaths to get myself under control. That guy didn’t know anything, why was I getting so worked up? I moved my head from the wall and pulled my shoulders back. The urge to cry was still in me, so I just concentrated on reading the graffiti on the walls instead. Someone called Bella declared her love for Vince in bold, black pen. Someone else thought Lizzie was a slut who did anyone for money, and had made a crude drawing of poor Lizzie down on her knees with a cock in her mouth and dollar signs dancing around her. Life could be worse, I reasoned, I could be Lizzie. But then I thought about it more and figured in some ways I was Lizzie. My head hurt all of a sudden, and I didn’t think that it was because of my injury.
Minutes passed before I managed to pull myself out of the bathroom. I forced a smile at myself in the mirror, but it didn’t even convince me. In the booth near the door sat a group of teenagers. They were laughing and flirting with each other and all looked so fresh faced that suddenly I felt old. I stared at them as I walked past, before dragging my eyes to where Aaron sat, looking beautiful yet so cold.
In my absence, Mandy the waitress had brought our food. It smelled great but I wasn’t that hungry anymore.
“Are you okay?” Aaron asked as I slid into my seat.
“Yeah.” I picked up my fork. “Just a headache.” I dug the fork into my food, spearing a tiny amount onto it and bringing it to my mouth. It tasted dry like it was premade and had just been reheated. We ate in silence, but the laughter of the teenagers drifted over and I wished that I were with them instead. I darted several looks at Aaron, his attention was on his food. He didn’t shovel it in like a lot of guys; he was graceful in his movements like an animal, a cat maybe, or a wolf.
I put my utensils down on the plate and he looked up at the small sound that I made. “You don’t like your food?”
“I’m not that hungry anymore.” I pushed the plate away from me as his eyes went back to his own plate, spearing the remainder of his omelette with his fork. I waited until he had swallowed before I spoke. “When did you fall in love with me?”
He didn’t pause in his movement; there was no indication that what I had asked evoked any memory, good or bad. His fork went down on his now empty plate and he leaned back. “What do you mean?”
I took a breath. “I mean, that you’re supposed to be my boyfriend, aren’t you? That means that you’re supposed to love me…so, when did you fall in love with me?” I forced myself to keep my eyes on his. I didn’t want to miss
anything.
But Mandy the waitress screamed and a plate smashed. My earlier irritation rose again at this bitch stealing my moment. But that died when I saw the guy waving the gun. He looked ridiculous with floppy blond hair falling across his forehead while the rest was trapped by a baseball cap, and his pants loose on his hips. One hand tugged up his jeans as if he weren’t completely comfortable with that style, while the other flung the gun from side to side like it were a toy. All his power was in that hand — it gave him confidence, it gave him meaning, maybe for the first time in his young life.
He let go of his pants, and put his finger to his lips. “Shush, hush, shut the fuck up, bitch!” he laughed in a sing song voice, making some kind of hip hop dance move. Then his laugh grew louder, rhythmic and annoying like a hyena; especially designed to irritate. My nails curled into the table as I thought about getting under it. I stole a look at Aaron, and to my surprise he had a slight smile on his face as if this whole frightening ordeal amused him.
“Hey! You shut up and get her to open the till,” another young man yelled from the far end of the diner. He stood by the teenagers from whom whimpering sobs could be heard. “Shut up!” he snarled at them, brandishing his own weapon openly now. “Hand over your phones, wallets and jewelry.”
I looked back at Aaron in alarm, he had one elbow resting on the back of his seat so he could turn to watch the goings on uninterrupted. I fingered the necklace I wore. It was the one that the nurse had pointed out to me when I had woken up. It felt heavy and expensive, and I was loath to let it go to these dickheads with the guns. Mandy managed to open the till between sobs and the younger guy poured it into the waiting backpack before ordering her down on the floor. She didn’t need to be told twice, diving down behind the counter. Then he started on the rest of the booths.
Aaron didn’t look nervous at all as he approached. His gun went straight to point at Aaron while his eyes rested on me. “Hi, pretty bitch. Hand over the sparkly piece of metal you’ve got around that skinny neck of yours.”
I couldn’t move, although I desperately willed my fingers to go to the clasp and release it. “Didn’t you hear me, bitch? Take it off!” He bared his teeth, and finally my shaking hands unfroze.
“Don’t touch it, Rachel,” Aaron said smoothly, his eyes never moving from the would-be thief.
“The fuck did you say?” he spat.
“I said—” Aaron moved before I could suck in a shaky breath. The palm of his hand rammed into the nose of the young guy, blood spurted as he stumbled back, dropping the gun. Aaron stood calmly, and delivered a swift kick to his throat. The guy dropped, clutching at his throat. The final kick was to his face. Just one, and that was all that was needed to cause teeth to fly.
“Hey!” The other guy ran towards us, fumbling with his own gun, but it escaped from his hands and clattered across the floor, sliding to a stop at Aaron’s feet. I expected Aaron to scoop it up, but instead he sat down, leaving the menacing item lying on the dirty floor between him and the clumsy thief.
The boy’s eyes were wide as he looked on in horror and confusion, his limbs frozen to the spot. Aaron shrugged. “Go on, get your weapon.”
The boy blinked at him, shifting now on his feet, unsure if this was a trick. Aaron just tilted his head, smiling like he was enjoying the show. Other people enjoyed movies and books for entertainment; my so-called boyfriend enjoyed chaos and terror. “Go on now,” Aaron said in a coaxing voice. “It’s only fair that you have a gun, after all.”
The boy gulped and then, with shaking hands, grabbed the gun, lifting it and pointing it at Aaron, or maybe me. It was hard to tell because it jerked with the boy’s nerves, and surely his sweating hands couldn’t have any kind of good grip on it. He took great gulping breaths, his skinny chest shuddering under his oversized t-shirt. His eyes were still wide-open like he couldn’t blink now if he wanted too. We waited, fear coursing through me, and Aaron casual as ever without any movement to indicate that he was even moving. His eyes were glued to the boy, and I knew all too well which of them were the prey.
Finally, the boy moved. He dropped the gun, and someone screamed in anticipation of it going off, but it didn’t. He ran, skidding on the floor before bursting through the glass doors and was soon out of sight. I moved my eyes to Aaron, speechless. He casually pulled out his wallet and extracted some cash, throwing the notes on the table.
“The food here sucks,” he said. “Let’s go.”
I still couldn’t speak, but managed to get to my feet, following him out. Everything in me shook, but something else went through me as I slid into the passenger seat of the car — exhilaration. Aaron drove out of the diner’s parking lot at no great speed while I stared at him.
“What?” he asked finally, not taking his eyes from the road.
“That was awesome,” I blurted out. “How did you do that?”
His eyes darted to me quickly before returning to the road ahead, his brow furrowing slightly as if he were surprised by my words. “Practice.”
I collapsed back in my seat. “That was amazing. Could you teach me how to do that?”
He paused for a moment, before saying, “Sure. If you want to.”
For some reason, I felt unexpected pleasure at him paying attention to me after all of his coldness. “Great. What should we do now?”
“I’ll take you back home so you can get some rest.”
“No! I feel like I’ve been stuck there forever. I want to do something else. Please?”
“Okay. What then?” he asked.
“Let’s go shopping. I need to buy some more underwear.”
He frowned at me. “You’ve got tons of underwear.”
“Yeah. But it’s all boring and white and cotton. I like color. Even my clothes are all pale. I want vibrant reds and purples.” I want tacky, I want slutty, I want you under my spell…
He ended up taking me to an upmarket lingerie store. It was manned by a model-beautiful assistant who had just the right level of snootiness to pull it off. She cooed over Aaron, offering him champagne as he settled himself in a comfortable chair in the private waiting room. However, she didn’t really irritate me like Mandy did. I didn’t care though. My attention was taken by the stunning lingerie in electrifying colors and expensive fabrics. I ran my hand along them childishly before selecting the ones I wanted to try on. I swept into the changing room as the assistant held the door open for me.
“I won’t need your help,” I told her with the well-practiced tone that I had learned from my mother; the one she saved for women who were just as, if not more so, attractive as her. It was the tone that put them in their place and told them to back off from her man of the moment. The woman merely raised an eyebrow at me and wisely said nothing. No doubt she had come across the worst of the mistresses and wives whose men brought them here to harness them into pretty things and ensure that they were eternally whores, wife or not.
The first one I tried on was satin and lace, and red, red, red, as close to blood as you could get. I adjusted my breasts in the cups that held them high and accentuated the valley between them, promising heaven hidden by satin. The panties were cut high in the leg and garnished with rosettes. I gave a smug smile at myself before I put on the single red garter — and frowned. My thigh was slimmer than I remembered. I took in the view of my entire body; all of me was slimmer, except for the breasts, they had stayed the same. But otherwise I could see my hip bones jutting out. I touched them, before sliding the flat of my hand up to my ribs that were in plain view. What had happened to me? I was still toned so I didn’t look like a complete skeleton, but I had always had more meat on me than this.
I studied myself a while longer before taking a breath and forcing a smile. Skinny freak or not, I had a job to do. I pushed the door open, exposing myself to Aaron. To my disappointment, his eyes were on his phone and not on me. I suppressed a sigh and walked closer so that I stood before him, hands on hips and beauty queen smile on my lips.
“What do you think?” I asked.
“It’s fine.” He didn’t bother to raise his eyes from his phone.
“You’re not looking.”
“I’ve seen you naked a thousand times. Putting you in a pretty package doesn’t change anything.” He finished typing his text before finally looking at me. “What are you trying to do, Rachel? Manipulate me? All you succeed in doing is annoying me.”
I felt like I’d been slapped. That was exactly what I was trying to do, but annoying? That motherfucker, he should be on his knees at my fucking feet. I didn’t let my own annoyance show. I kept that trying smile on as if it were glued there. I stepped between his open legs so I was right against the edge of the chair, my bare legs rubbing against the denim covering his.
“I don’t want to manipulate you,” I said in a low, calm voice. “Or annoy you. What I want to do is fuck you. I want you to find me desirable. You’ve given me no indication that you even seem to think that I’m a…” girl “…woman.” That was what I was now, wasn’t it? A woman? I had always been cursed with the body of one, but now I really was one, out on my own, playing my own games…
He gave a slight noise, one of amusement maybe, but I couldn’t be sure. “How would you like me to fuck you, then?”
I kept my eyes on his. Could this guy ever say anything nice? Finally, I caught his hand and pulled him to his feet. He offered no resistance, coming up easily and letting his phone fall onto the cushion of the chair. I dragged him over to the floor to ceiling mirrors that dominated an entire wall, my hands going to his belt, pulling the leather free before delving in to feel his hardening cock. At least his body worked like a normal, red blooded male’s. That was good. That told me that there would always be something to manipulate somehow.
In a sudden, swift action he pushed me up against the mirrored wall, his mouth coming down on mine. But I managed to swerve my head so his lips met my cheek. “No kissing. I didn’t say I wanted to make love. I said I wanted you to fuck me.” I pushed him back from me and turned so I faced the mirror. Hooking my fingers into the satin of the panties, I lowered them so they sat tantalizingly just below my bottom. I caught sight of myself, before closing my eyes. There was nothing about this that I wanted to watch. I pressed myself flat against the mirror, feeling the cold of it even through the bra and it turned my nipples rock hard. I waited like that until I felt the hardness of his penis press against me and steeled myself for it to enter me and rip at my dry flesh. But instead his hand crept up between my legs to gently stroke and tease. That was surprising; I had expected selfishness.