by Liz Lawler
‘Do you think you’re getting forgetful, Martha?’ the doctor asked.
Martha damned the man beside her. She’d be stuck in this chair another while now. She thought about the question, considering how to best answer it. Stop all the questions to come.
‘I remembered the type of shoes you like wearing, Doctor,’ she answered smugly.
The doctor smiled. ‘What about day to day? How’s your memory then? Today’s Monday, do you remember what you did yesterday?’
Martha nodded. ‘Stuck at home until I saw you. Banned from going out.’
‘OK, what about Saturday?’
Saturday? Martha concentrated. Saturday, Saturday, Saturday. She’d done something that day, but what? Was it a trick question? The only place she went to was the house and before that, the cemetery, which she hadn’t been to since he moved in with a new wife. The wife? What was she called? She had his new name. She’d been running in her blue exercise clothes. Jumping on the spot. Looking out of a window? Began with a B? No, not a B? She concentrated hard to hear her say it, and with blessed relief she did. Tess Myers! ‘I went to see Tess Myers,’ Martha said in a rush.
‘That wasn’t this Saturday, Martha, it was the Saturday before,’ Jim corrected her. ‘You’ve stayed home all week getting better.’
‘You seem to have been struggling a little bit, Martha, to remember this,’ the doctor now said.
‘Well, so would you if you were stuck home a week!’ she replied defensively.
‘OK,’ the woman said calmly, nodding as if she agreed. ‘So what happened on the Saturday you can remember?’
Martha’s eyes turned worried. ‘I saw her at the window. She’s new living there in that house. Living where it happened. Living with the man who did it! She’s in danger and she doesn’t even know it. Jim says it isn’t him, but I know it is. Just as I know your face looking at me. Once you know someone you don’t forget their face!’
A short silence followed. Jim and her doctor looked at one another, and Martha in a temper now picked up her shopping bag and stood up from her seat.
‘Come on, Jim. It’ll be Christmas by the time we get out of here. We’ve taken up enough of the doctor’s time.’
‘Martha, please sit down,’ her doctor asked. ‘I’m sorry if this has upset you. Please?’
Martha sat with the shopping bag on her lap. The doctor looked like she was struggling a bit with what to say, reminding her of Jim when he got awkward and cleared his throat to say something. The doctor’s eyes were frank. She was looking at Martha very sincerely. Alarming her a little. When she reached to hold one of her hands, Martha knew she was going to hear something bad.
‘Martha, it seems to me you are having some difficulty with your memory, something we shouldn’t ignore. Having your memory at its best is very important, and can be helped if we know the cause. I’d like to get your memory assessed.’
‘But why?’ asked Martha in a voice robbed of vitality, leaving it to sound old and shaky. ‘I know you. I know where I am.’
The doctor looked at her kindly. ‘This is the first time we’ve met, Martha. Your old doctor, Doctor Gracie, she retired. This is the first time you’ve seen me.’
Chapter Thirteen
Tess couldn’t have been more surprised or more relieved as Daniel stared at her with sympathy. She’d been on tenterhooks waiting for him to come home, rehearsing her apology over and over. That he should walk in and be instantly understanding of what she was going through made her love him more, vowing never to deceive him again. She felt her eyes water.
‘You have got yourself in such a pickle, Miss Morris,’ he said softly, holding out his arms to her. ‘Come here, you silly thing.’
She properly cried in his arms, wetting the lapels of his suit jacket until he gave her his hankie. She was hiccupping by the time she stopped, and stared up at him as he laughed. But he was laughing with kindness at hearing her annoyance at making the sounds.
‘You need some water,’ he said, gently untangling her hold on him. Then, handing her a full glass, said dryly, ‘It should probably be a drip with all the fluid you’ve lost.’
This set her off again, only this time she was half laughing between the hiccups.
‘Go and have a long soak in the bath, it will make you feel better,’ he suggested.
Tess didn’t want to leave him. She wanted to stay by his side all night and hide away from the embarrassments. The conversations with Stella wouldn’t let up in her head, making her squirm each time she heard them. The sad thing was she’d not only spoiled her own job, she’d probably spoiled some of Daniel’s too. She’d seen how he was treated by his colleagues today. He’d only been there a short while yet she saw they genuinely liked him.
‘He’s a very nice man,’ Stella remarked, when he’d walked away from them in the corridor. ‘And he’s a brilliant surgeon. So I’m pleased you’ll now get a chance to work with him.’
Tess, of course, already knew this – it was one of the many reasons she fell in love with him. He was a very nice man. It was wonderful, though, to hear others say so too. If earlier hadn’t happened, Tess could now be enjoying this turn in their relationship and put a lid on that brief unhappiness for always. The very nice man she woke up to this morning was the same nice man she first met, and he didn’t deserve this happening. He’d been passionate about this move, and was always passionate about his work. She just hoped she hadn’t spoiled it by making him have to mislead Stella. Tess would, of course, take all the blame if or when Stella found out, and Stella would at least remember Mr Myers giving his wife a chance to come clean.
Reminded of how much she cared about him did something to soothe away her worry, and made her think less about what she wanted. She had a husband who wanted to have a large family with her if she let him. She could be a full-time mother bringing up their children and making this home a more solid foundation. She was nearly thirty. She could have a ten-year-old by the time she was forty. It was definitely not too soon to start trying.
Closing the bathroom door and locking it, she put the plug in the bath and turned the taps on full. Her eyes were drawn to the bathroom cabinet, compelled to check how many were left. She opened the mirrored door, took out a large box of tampons and hurriedly emptied the contents into the dry sink. Along with the tampons were the contraceptive pills she had been hiding. She had a few left yet before needing a new prescription. Twenty-one tablets in one blister pack and eleven remaining of the one started. She stared at the tablets intently before putting them away again, having made a decision. She’d finish the started pack so as not to mess up her cycle, then ditch the unopened one and stop taking them all together. In the mirror she stared at her face, ignoring the red blotchiness, concentrating instead on her eyes. They looked more determined to her now. They were eyes she recognised because they were honest again. Happier for having no more lies hidden in them.
Daniel further surprised her when they sat down to eat. Far from telling her to leave her new job, he said the opposite. ‘Why don’t you see how it goes? Give yourself the rest of the week to think about it. You’re not in the department for the next two days as you’re on an induction course.’
‘But, Daniel, we could only carry on like this for the short-term. We won’t get away with it for long.’
He sighed as if a bit baffled, and she felt guilty for putting this on him. ‘I’m really sorry,’ she said. ‘I’ve put you in an awkward situation.’
He shrugged his shoulders as if it were nothing. ‘I’m sure I’ve faced far worse. And what’s the very worst that can happen? We get found out? I don’t think being married will get us hanged, drawn and quartered. Especially not me,’ he added, with a little smirk on his face. ‘They might hang you! But not their brilliant new surgeon!’
She laughed at him as she threw her napkin at him across the table. ‘Oh, so you heard what they said?’
A smug look was on his face as he touched hands lightly to his chest, befo
re he spread his arms wide. Then she felt a delicious shiver down her back as he spoke in an arrogant sexy voice. ‘What can I say? If you’ve got it, flaunt it.’
His signature kisses came back. Tess felt the warmth of them to the point where she thought she’d combust. Lying beside him in the dark she could honestly say that being unhappy for that short period was almost worth it, if that’s what it took to be feeling this complete happiness. She might not have experienced this otherwise. Losing him for those few days and then finding this wonderfulness made her never want to know him any other way.
They’d had some shaky moments, there was no denying it, which they might not have had if they’d stayed in London. Nothing would have changed for them, apart from them being legally bound as man and wife. Though she did wonder what that would be like for them now if they were still there. Perhaps it wouldn’t make her feel as married with everything still the same, with nothing to mark it as a new beginning. Apart, that is, from having to find space to hang her clothes, which she was beginning to see as less appealing now she was getting used to all this space around them.
Working again was the right thing to do. She’d be busy and feeling useful. Being a mother probably gave that same feeling. She’d heard many mothers say time wasn’t their own anymore. She would be like that one day and look back at this time and not even remember it. She’d be busy raising a family. But that was the future and this was the now and still their time.
They should get out more and explore their surroundings. They’d not had a single day of sightseeing yet, which was deplorable considering where they lived. They should take some evening walks together down Milsom Street to the Abbey, cross Pulteney Bridge and stare down at the weir. Bath was supposedly one of the most romantic cities in the world. They needed some romance in their lives. Seeing him like that at the table tonight, looking carefree for the first time in ages, it was hard to imagine him any other way. She wanted to keep him like that always.
She snuggled into his back contentedly. She felt relieved in some ways that today happened as it did, because it got them to where they were tonight. There was no telling if moving here was the cause of his random behaviour changes, and right now it no longer mattered. Everything was as perfect as it could be. There was nothing now she would want to change.
Chapter Fourteen
Coming to the end of the second week in her new job, Tess was relieved she hadn’t quit after that first day. She attended the induction course and reported back to the department for the two-day orientation. The Thursday and Friday had passed without any awkward situations arising. No one asked about her personal life. Mostly everyone was too busy to notice her, which suited Tess as they weren’t being unfriendly, just busy.
She’d been buddied up with a genial Filipino nurse named Peter who’d thrown a fair few questions to help build her knowledge. Did she know how to work the service lift to bring clean instrument trays up to the department? Did she know there was a second service lift near the sluice for the dirty instruments to go back in? Was she aware Sterile Services – the place where all surgical instruments were washed then sterilised and put into sterile tray packs ready for operations – was on the floor below them? Though she wasn’t to think the tray packs were all the same, as some types of surgery required different or additional tools. So she would see obs and gynae, orthopaedic, laparoscopic, vascular, ENT and so forth, as well as major general. Peter was being so helpful Tess didn’t like to tell him she already knew all of this.
When he saw her on the Monday she was in full theatre gear. Gown tied up at the back over her blues, mask on face, cap on head and double gloved to assist as scrub nurse in a major case. He’d looked askance, ready to intervene until Stella told him Tess used to be a band 6. Tess wished she had told him herself as he was embarrassed and she’d apologised afterwards.
Her first time at the table had been observed by a few of her new colleagues, and there was an element of relief when it was over that she’d passed. The urologist had given her a quiet well done, satisfied the removal of his patient’s kidney had gone smoothly. She didn’t get quite the clap Daniel got, it was more of an air clap, but it was enough to tell her they were confident of having her in their team. She was one of them now. Cameron had watched her too and given her a big thumbs-up. In the staff room afterwards he’d made her a cup of tea, and Stella had stared at him pointedly, probably wondering why he hadn’t made her one. At some point Tess was going to have to let him know he was wasting his time. She didn’t want it to get to the stage of him asking her out.
As for Daniel, she’d barely seen him in the department. Even though she was now assisting as a scrub nurse every day, she had yet to work with him. They occasionally passed one another in the corridor, but she avoided looking at him, keeping her eyes firmly fixed ahead or down at the ground. Mindful to preserve her job. She already loved being there, not only for the work but feeling she was with him again and seeing the difference this made to them when at home. Their evenings were now more convivial. Sharing the cooking and the chores and decisions together.
Despite the deception she was happy. Her colleagues were getting to know her and she was feeling a part of the group now, having their mobile numbers and sharing in the hospital chats, and while she wouldn’t phone or text them she enjoyed relaying the chats back to Daniel in the evenings. His eyes showed he didn’t mind her talking about colleagues and he seemed happy to let her carry on.
She now wanted to do something nice for him and let this happiness continue. So after her shift she was going to set up memberships for the hospital gym and tennis courts. The outdoor pool had closed two days earlier for winter, which was a shame as the first week of October was predicted to be hot, and it would have been nice to swim in the open air. Still, she shouldn’t grumble; the outdoor tennis courts were open, and there was a badminton and squash court for indoors if it rained. It would be good for them, doing some new things together. Learn something more about each other. The thought was making her gleeful. He’d shown her how skilful a golf player he was the one time he’d taken her. Well, now it was her turn to show him how good she was at tennis. It was going to be lovely to thrash him in a game.
Tess was in a reverie about her plans as she restocked the shelves after the morning’s four operations so as to be ready for the afternoon gynae list.
‘Tess, would you mind taking your lunch break now so that you can assist Mr Myers this afternoon? I’ve had to send Peter home with toothache. I can have someone else do the gynae list if you don’t mind?’
Tess had her back to Stella and was able to mask her alarm. It would be her first time working with Daniel.
‘Of course, not a problem. What time does Mr Myers’ list start?’
‘Two o’clock. So you’ve got plenty of time to get something to eat first.’
Tess sat in the atrium for her lunch break, having a coffee and sandwich, preparing herself mentally for the afternoon. Before leaving the department she’d looked through the surgeons’ requirements book. Though it wasn’t a book but index cards in a plastic box in alphabetical order of the surgeons who worked there, it was called The Surgeons’ Bible. Each surgeon had their surgical preferences listed, such as which sutures they liked to use, which retractors they preferred – useful to know when there were half a dozen different types. Mr Myers’ list was relatively short: Ligaclips and the complex major surgery tray – basically the kitchen sink of major surgery instruments.
She had taken a peek at his afternoon theatre list and saw nothing on it to be alarmed about. She’d worked as a theatre nurse for eight years now and knew most procedures, particularly in vascular surgery. She had scrubbed for dozens of emergency operations, where the patients were Cat 1 cases and classed ASA 4 – life-saving and immediate surgery, where the patient is in an extremely poor physical state. If a patient was ASA 5 it meant he or she was moribund, not expected to survive the next twenty-four hours with or without surgery. Tess had been
scrub nurse for these patients too.
What was harder to know was how the surgeon worked. A new rhythm and pace and personality had to be learned. Knowing Daniel as a husband didn’t mean she knew him as a surgeon. She was blind to his ways the same as any person working with him for the first time. Absorbed in her thoughts, she hardly noticed the chair being pulled out beside her until Cameron spoke.
‘You looked miles away. Can I join you?’
She nodded in surprise and watched as he sat down, placing a baguette and a can of Diet Coke on the table.
‘Nice to get out of theatre and see the sky for a bit,’ he said, looking up at the glass ceiling.
‘It is,’ she agreed, before carrying on eating.
He sat quietly next to her eating his food, occasionally checking his phone and tapping a quick response to something seen on the screen. He was nice-looking, and not much taller than her, and she wondered if he had a girlfriend or wife, though hoped not if he was a flirt outside of that relationship.
Halfway through the baguette he paused eating to speak again. ‘You seem to be settled in?’
‘I am.’ She smiled. ‘I’m loving it here.’
He smiled back, his eyes lingering too long on her face, making her look away.
‘So what about your days off? Have you done all the touristy things in Bath yet? Taken a ride on the open-top bus around the city, or had tea in the Pump Rooms? I know a good guide if you’re looking for one?’
She didn’t wish to offend him, he seemed like a nice man, but now was the time to tell him it could never be him, as a guide or a boyfriend.
‘I’m with someone,’ she said.
His face fell. ‘Oh, I see.’ He quickly smiled again to cover any awkwardness. ‘Well, as a friend then, if you need any?’
She reached across and lightly patted the back of his hand, looking right at him, chuckling a little. ‘Nice try, Blondie, but that won’t work as, like I say, I’m with someone.’