Life Support: Escape to the Country

by Nicki Edwards

  Liam chuckled and she lifted her head to stare over his shoulder.

  Unbeknownst to her, Tom had entered the café and was standing at their table.

  “Tom.”

  “Hi Emma.” He wore a strange look on his face.

  Her face felt flushed. Had he heard what she’d just said? He was glaring at Liam and she suddenly realized what he must be thinking.

  “Tom, this is Liam, my brother. Liam, Tom. I don’t think you guys have ever met.”

  Instantly the lines in Tom’s face eased and a smile lit his face. “G’day mate.” He shook Liam’s hand.

  “Feel free to join us,” Liam said, indicating the spare seat.

  “Cheers. I’ll place my order.”

  Moments later, he was back at the table. Shortly after, their coffees and food arrived and the three of them spent the next twenty minutes catching up. Emma was surprised how well Liam got along with Tom. Finally Tom checked his watch, stood and placed a hand on Emma’s shoulder.

  “I’d better keep going, but I’m glad I bumped into you Emma. This Saturday is Ruby’s sixth birthday. I was wondering if you would like to come.”

  “Sure. When and where?”

  He grimaced. “I’m sorry Emma. I probably should have asked you first, but we’re holding it out at Lexton Downs on Saturday at three. In the orchard near the stables.”

  “That sounds like fun.”

  “You’re sure you don’t mind?”

  “Why would I mind?”

  “It’s your home.”

  “It’s your home too.”

  “Thanks. See you then.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze and leaned down and kissed her cheek and then he was gone.

  “Totally smitten,” Liam said, when Tom was out of earshot.

  “Me or him?”

  “Both of you.”

  Emma rolled her eyes. “And when did you become Mr. Romantic.”

  He tapped the side of his nose. “Trust me, sis, he’s a goner for you. I don’t know what’s stopping him, but give him time and I promise you’ll get what you want.”

  “La la la.” Emma stuck her fingers in her ears. “This is not the conversation I want to be having with my brother.”

  Liam ruffled her hair and she stuck out her tongue.

  “Trust me Emma. He might not realize it yet, but he’s in love with you.”

  Chapter 25

  “Do you have any children dear?”

  Emma shook her head.

  “Not to worry, I’m sure you’ve still got time.” The woman, a petite, well-groomed lady in her sixties, stared at Emma’s left hand. The age lines in her forehead scrunched together. “Oh, no, but you’re not married yet.”

  Emma plastered a smile on her face and gripped her drink so tight she was in danger of crushing the can. In the orchard next to the stables, a dozen screaming children bounced on a giant jumping castle, causing her headache to worsen. She’d barely seen Tom or Ruby since she’d arrived and now she stood surrounded by mothers and fathers playing happy families, feeling out of place.

  “I’m divorced.”

  The woman’s look conveyed more than words.

  Inwardly Emma cursed. Why hadn’t she said she was a widow? Not wanting to give her any more fuel to add to her fire, Emma gulped a large mouthful of Coke. The carbonated bubbles fizzed up her nose, making her sneeze and splutter.

  “Bless you dear.”

  Emma smiled politely and tried to move away.

  “I hope you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?”

  Emma stifled a sigh. Clearly the one-sided conversation was far from over.

  “Twenty-eight.”

  She looked around for someone to rescue her.

  The woman tut-tutted. “Your clock must be ticking.”

  Is she serious?

  “Pardon my impertinence,” the woman continued, not sounding apologetic in the least, “but you are aware that a woman’s best childbearing years are between the ages of twenty and thirty?”

  Emma bit her lip. She wanted to correct the woman and tell her the best ages were between twenty and thirty-five. In which case she had heaps of time.

  “Of course I know because I didn’t have my first child until I was thirty and it took a few tries.” The woman blushed. “I married my first love at nineteen and he died three years later. Car accident. Wasn’t his fault. It took me ten years to get over his death but then I married his younger brother and we had four children. I was forty-two when I had my last child and it wasn’t an easy pregnancy, I can tell you.”

  The woman’s face crinkled as she disappeared into the past.

  Emma was planning her escape when the old woman’s eyes snapped open and she gripped Emma’s arm. For the next five minutes Emma was trapped. She tuned in and out while the woman gave her the Richmond family history.

  Emma felt a hand drop on her shoulder and she twisted around, hoping it was Tom.

  “There you are, Emma.”

  Christine.

  “Hello Mum, you’re not giving Emma a hard time are you?”

  “Not at all darling,” the woman crooned as she leaned her cheek toward her daughter for an air-kiss. She placed her hands on Christine’s belly and rubbed circles. Her diamond encrusted fingers sparkled and glittered in the sunlight. “How are you feeling? Surely you must be exhausted. Any day now.”

  Christine gently removed her mother’s hands. “I’m doing well. And so is the baby. I promise I’ll let you know the moment I have the first contraction.” She turned to Emma, winked and mouthed, “Not.”

  “Emma, this is my mum, Leanne. As you have most likely worked out by now, she’s not afraid of sharing her opinions.”

  Emma smiled politely. “Yes, and she’s filled me in on every branch of your family tree.”

  Christine groaned. “I’m so sorry,” she murmured.

  “It’s fine,” Emma said. “But thanks for saving me,” she whispered.

  “Now Chrissie darling, I was saying to your friend here that she shouldn’t leave it too long to have children. After thirty it gets difficult to have children.”

  Christine rolled her eyes. “At your age you should know it’s impolite to talk about that. And besides, Emma’s got plenty of time.”

  Leanne leaned over and grabbed Emma’s left hand, holding it aloft. “But she doesn’t even have a husband.”

  At that moment, there was a lull in the children’s laughter and Leanne’s voice carried above the din of conversations.

  “Mum!”

  Emma felt her face flush.

  Christine placed one hand across her mother’s shoulder and leaned in. “Mum, you do know these days you don’t need a man to make babies?”

  At the look on Leanne’s face, Emma almost erupted in uncontrollable laughter.

  “That’s right. If Emma wanted to, she could find a suitable sperm donor. In fact, look, there’s a potential one right there.”

  Emma looked to where Christine was pointing and her stomach flipped. Tom was leading a small pony around in circles, giving rides to Ruby and her friends.

  Leanne’s face crumbled. “Darling, that’s not very funny.”

  Christine threw back her head and laughed. “Yes it is.”

  As Christine tugged Emma away, Emma felt Leanne’s and Tom’s eyes on them.

  “I can’t believe you said that,” Emma said. “Your mum must be horrified.”

  Christine shrugged. “I’ll apologize later. Lucky Tom didn’t hear me though,” she added. “He’s a bit sensitive on the subject.”

  Emma laughed. “I can’t imagine why. Most men are proud of their sperm.”

  A strange look crossed Christine’s face.

  “Can I ask you a question?” Emma asked. She still wasn’t sure whether to trust Christine, but she could think of no one better to ask.

  “Sure, anything.”

  “This might be weird, but it’s about Tom and me.”

  They found a spot away from the noise and excitement
of the party and sat.

  “Ask away.”

  “I feel like he’s holding something back from me.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well that’s just it. I have no idea. I get that he wants to take things slowly with me around Ruby, so whenever she’s around, he keeps his distance, but surely by now she’s old enough to see her dad with another woman.”

  Christine was silent, staring out across the paddock. She licked her lips. “I think you need to ask him about that.”

  “Ask him what? Why he won’t kiss me around your daughter? Why he won’t tell your daughter we’re together? Even Ruby keeps asking when I’m going to have a sleepover.”

  “He has his reasons.”

  Emma’s heart stilled. “What reasons?”

  Christine stood. “You know, you’re right. It is weird having this conversation. I think you should talk to Tom. I’d better go and make sure the kids are okay. Rick’s good, but that’s a lot of kids for him to supervise alone.”

  Christine left, leaving Emma baffled. She sat, enjoying the relative peace and quiet when Tom pulled the little white pony to a halt beside her. He rolled his eyes. “Is it time to go yet?”

  Emma laughed. “It’s your daughter’s birthday party. I think you’re supposed to stay until the last balloon has popped. Also, you live here, so you won’t get far from the crowd.”

  “Well this little fella and I have had enough. Want to help me brush him down and put him back in the paddock?”

  Emma looked around. “You’ll be missed.”

  Tom laughed. “I won’t be missed at all.” He gave the little Shetland’s mane a tug. “It’s this little guy they’ll miss.”

  Their feet and the pony’s hooves crunched over the gravel as they walked the short distance toward the stable block.

  “What were you and Christine talking about?” he asked. His tone was casual, but she sensed a hidden undercurrent. Maybe she’d done the wrong thing by confiding in Christine.

  She gave a little laugh. “Just girl stuff. You know … You, me, Ruby, sperm donation.”

  Tom stopped short and pulled on the pony’s lead. The horse ground to a halt beside him.

  “You want me to be your sperm donor?”

  His usually bright blue eyes had turned navy.

  Emma laughed. “No, silly. It was a joke. Christine’s mum said I needed to hurry up and have kids. I told her I have plenty of time. Chris then pointed to you and told her mother that if my biological clock ticks over, I can always use you as a sperm donor.” She giggled again. “You should have seen the look on Leanne’s face.”

  “I don’t see the humor in that.” His words were like flat rocks landing at her feet.

  “It was a joke.”

  “At my expense,” he bit out.

  Emma scowled at him. Where had this flash flood of anger come from? “No. It was at my expense,” she replied slowly. “Apparently I’m the one coming up to my use by date.”

  “Do you want kids?”

  The hand not holding the lead rope was balled into a fist by his side and his entire body was taut, reminding her of a wild brumby, ready to bolt.

  “Tom, what a stupid question. Of course I want kids. You’ve seen how much I care for Ruby. I’m the one trying to get to know her, but you’re the one who doesn’t seem to want me to get close to her. That’s what I was talking to Christine about, if you must know.”

  “But you want kids of your own too?” he asked.

  She wasn’t going to lie. She’d spent plenty of nights dreaming of lying in Tom’s arms, pretending it was forever, imagining the beautiful babies they’d made together. “Yes, I do. Ruby will always be your child, but I want my own children.”

  He jerked twice on the lead rope and the pony lifted its head. Tom took off again, long strides, covering the distance to the stables quickly. By the stiff way he moved, something was eating him up. The pony trotted obediently at his side.

  Emma had to jog to catch up. “Tom, what’s wrong?”

  He blew out a long breath and dragged his hand through his hair. “Nothing.”

  “Yeah, and I believe that. You’ve completely lost it with me about something we’ve never had a conversation about. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “I can’t.”

  “I see.”

  When he sighed irritation bubbled up within her. “I’ve told you everything about my life, Tom. Everything. Why can’t you trust me enough to tell me what’s going on in yours?”

  He stopped again and stared at her. “Why are you with me Emma?”

  Emma stared back. “I beg your pardon?” What was going on here?

  It felt like a whole minute passed before he answered. “You heard me.” He looked at her blankly, as if all the fight was gone. “Why are you with me?”

  “Because I …” She nearly said I love you, but paused for a fraction too long.

  He interrupted her. “Because what? You see me as a potential sperm donor? What if I told you I couldn’t have kids anymore? What if you knew you had to share Ruby with Christine and you never got to have a child of your own? Would that be enough, or would you leave me too?”

  This time she didn’t waver. “What on earth are you talking about?”

  He shook his head and his mouth twisted into an unpleasant sneer. “You don’t need me.” He swore savagely. “You don’t love me. You want me for what you think I can provide you. A child of your own!”

  “Tom how can you think that? Let alone say it aloud? That’s the most hateful, hurtful thing I’ve ever heard!” Tears welled up and over and she brushed them aside. “We’ve never had a conversation about this. You’re assuming what I want and don’t want. You’re putting words in my mouth.”

  “No I’m not,” he scoffed. “I asked you. You said you want kids of your own.”

  “And I do. But your question was out of context.”

  “What if I can’t provide them for you?”

  Emma went quiet.

  A nerve twitched in his cheek. “See,” he bit out. “You’re the same as every other woman.”

  He stomped off, leaving her reeling in shock yet again, staring blankly into the smoky shadows of dusk.

  Once more, she ran to catch up to him. They had almost reached the stables. “If you can’t have kids, that’s okay. We have Ruby.”

  He stubbed at the ground with his foot and gravel sprayed everywhere. The Shetland jerked its head up in fright.

  “You shouldn’t have to share my daughter with another woman. It’s not fair. You deserve kids of your own. You’ve been through enough already with Lleyton, without me adding to your problems.”

  “Tom stop it. You’re not adding to my problems.”

  “Open your eyes Emma and look around. All of this? It might be gone after Christmas. You’ve got a big enough battle on your hands without having to deal with me as well.”

  “So share it with me Tom. You help me and I’ll help you. I’m asking you to let me in. Surely that’s how a relationship is supposed to work. I don’t know how much more obvious I need to make it for you to understand. I want to be included in every part of your life, Tom, the same as I want you to be a part of mine. The good, the bad. I don’t want to be left on the sidelines anymore. Dammit Tom, I want a life with you and Ruby but you keep pushing me away and not telling me why. I want marriage and I want kids. Yes. But more than that I want you. Jeez, I’ve shown you I’m prepared to be on good terms with your ex-wife, as much as that still freaks me out.” She threw her hands in the air. “But you have to want me.”

  Her voice had risen, along with her temper, but the moment the words were out, she felt incredible relief. This was clearly a conversation they should have had months earlier. His words and the look on his face should have had her running for cover, but they had the opposite effect. She couldn’t run. She loved him.

  Tom said nothing and they stared at one another like two fencers, facing off, masks down, arms raised, swords pointed and rea
dy. Sweat had beaded on his brow and she wanted to touch it, to touch him, to bring him back to her.

  “What if I don’t want you?” he said, his voice gravelly.

  She gasped as if he had slapped her, which in some ways, verbally, he had. The words ripped through her like a knife. Cold, steely and designed to hurt. Each syllable trickling down her spine like a shard of ice.

  “What are you saying?” she asked finally when she could breathe.

  “Just go Emma,” he said with a heavy sigh.

  “What?” she whispered.

  “You heard me. Go.”

  His cold indifference was worse than his frightening fury. Her own annoyance at his behavior had simmered and stewed, bubbled and boiled for so long and now it turned into an anger which swept through her like an out of control grass fire. He was being a jerk.

  “In case you’ve forgotten, Lexton Downs is my home. Where am I supposed to go? Back to my parents?”

  “Then I’ll leave,” he snapped.

  “Don’t be stupid.”

  As quickly as the fire built, the tears which formed extinguished the flames and ran down Emma’s face.

  “Tom, I don’t understand. What are you talking about? I love you. From the time I was sixteen, I wanted to be yours. Wanted to be with you. I want to have a family with you, even if that means—” She was crying in earnest now.

  “NO.”

  She stepped back in shock. She’d never heard him raise his voice like that. Another tear slipped down her cheek and she brushed it away.

  “Are you going to tell me why? Tell me what this is all about? Is this because I was joking with your ex-wife about something stupid? Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

  “Don’t talk to me about overreacting. I know all about that. I know exactly what would happen if you found out you couldn’t have kids of your own. I’ve seen it happen before.”

  He made a clicking sound in his mouth and yanked at the lead rope. He dragged the poor pony into the stables without a backward glance.

  “You jerk,” she called after him, before spinning on her heel and running in the opposite direction.