The Secret Life of Daydreams

by Whitney, Lucinda

  He’d failed Sofia. If he’d been worthy to bless her, he’d be with her right now. How could he even think of a relationship with her, knowing how much she wanted to marry in the temple? Not to mention the lack of priesthood blessings. Someone else would be doing those, just like now.

  And when had he started thinking of marrying her?

  He loved her. He could admit that to himself now. He loved her and he’d marry her tomorrow if she’d take him. But love wasn’t enough, was it? Even the kind of love that burned so brightly at his core. Not when eternity was at stake. He’d played that game before, with disastrous consequences. So much so that he was still paying for them.

  No, there would be no confessions of love and no proposals of marriage. Sofia needed someone who could give her the fairytale dream and everything else she wanted and all that she deserved. Someone worthy, and who could take her to the temple. Someone who was not him.

  A hand fell on his shoulder and Josh startled.

  “It’s me, man. Relax.” Paulo said. He took a seat next to him.

  Josh straightened and rubbed his face, trying to wipe the tiredness. “How is she? Did you give her a blessing?” He glanced at the clock on the wall. Paulo had been gone for almost forty-five minutes.

  “She’s going to be okay and yes, we gave her a blessing. She regained consciousness in the ambulance but was disoriented. They did an MRI and she’s got a concussion.”

  “How serious?” Josh rolled his head from side to side, sore from his earlier position.

  “They want to keep her for a few hours for observation and she has to rest for a week. But the good news is there’s no internal damage. Just a massive headache.”

  Josh closed his eyes and let out a sigh. Thank the Lord she was all right. The emotion of the previous hours got to him at last. He leaned his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands, gratitude and relief and a heavy dose of shame swirling in his chest.

  “Josh, did you hear what I just said?” Paulo asked. “Sofia’s going to be all right.” He cleared his throat. “What were you doing at Sofia’s apartment, if you don’t mind my asking?”

  Josh closed his eyes. He had that coming, didn’t he? Paulo was her bishop after all. “I woke up with a feeling she needed me.” More like a slap from the Spirit than a feeling. He knew that well enough.

  “Some powerful feeling,” Paulo said. “Good thing you got there so quickly and called the ambulance.”

  “I didn’t do anything,” Josh replied in a low voice.

  “What?”

  “The neighbor called the ambulance. I didn’t do a thing,” Josh repeated. “I busted the door open and held her hand, and that’s all I did.” He paused. “I couldn’t even give her a blessing.” He raised his head. “For all I knew when I got there, she could’ve been dying and I wasn’t able to give her a blessing.”

  Paulo settled a hand on Josh’s shoulder. “Well, only you can change that.”

  How? How could he start to change that? The words wedged in his throat.

  Paulo stood and looked at this watch. “I have to be at work in an hour. I better go.”

  Josh walked with him to the parking lot. “Thanks so much for coming. I mean it.” He shook Paulo’s hand and they hugged briefly.

  “Of course. Don’t even mention it.” Paulo reached into his pocket and handed a business card to Josh. “Almost forgot. This is the name of the social worker who’s in charge of her mother’s case.”

  Josh took it and stepped away from the car as Paulo backed out of the parking spot.

  He braked suddenly and leaned out the window. “I forgot to tell you. They were moving her upstairs to the second floor when I left. You can go see her when the nurses get her settled.”

  Josh’s heart rose in his throat. “You mean that?”

  Paulo laughed. “You really got it bad for her, don’t you? Yes, I mean it. I told them you’re the one who found her on the floor. You’re the hero of the hour.” He put the car back in gear and left with a wink.

  Josh jogged back to the ER entrance, all signs of fatigue and sleepiness gone. He wasn’t a hero or anything close, but he didn’t care what the nurses believed as long as he could see Sofia.

  He really did have it bad for her, no use denying that.

  Every time she tried to sit up in bed, a wave of dizziness overtook Sofia. Her head still hurt and she had a knot the size of a golf ball and almost as hard. A severe concussion, they had told her. The nurses and doctors said she had to rest but then kept interrupting her sleep with coordination tests and questions to evaluate her memory and concentration. Yes, she knew her name, the date, and who the president was. No, she couldn’t remember all the details of her injury. But that was normal, wasn’t it? She’d had a traumatic brain injury, as they told her repeatedly.

  Sofia remembered getting out of bed to find out about the loud noise. And she had a memory of finding Mother in the foyer, trying to open the front door. They told her she had regained consciousness in the ambulance but she only had some vague images of that. It wasn’t until Paulo and Irmão da Costa gave her a blessing when she was still in the ER that her awareness fully returned. She was anxious to go home and find out where they’d taken Mother.

  A visitor had come to see her when she was sleeping, the shift nurse said. A tall, dark-haired, blue-eyed guy with a cute accent. Josh. Sofia was sorry she’d missed his visit and hoped he’d come back later. Paulo had told her that Josh had been there in the apartment, had waited until the ambulance came and been at the hospital until she was transferred to his room, but she didn’t remember any of it.

  “Sofia.” Paulo entered the room and approached the bed, then dropped a backpack on the nearby chair.

  “Please, sit down.” Sofia closed her eyes momentarily. “I’m still too dizzy to follow you around with my eyes.”

  Paulo scooted the chair closer to Sofia’s bed. “And a headache?”

  “A really bad one.” Sofia smiled a little. “But they gave me some good meds.”

  “I’m sorry Margarida couldn’t come.” He reached in his pocket and set Sofia’s phone on the bedside tray. “She’ll tell you why when you call her. When are they letting you leave?”

  “The doctor said later this afternoon.” Sofia reached for the bed controls and raised the bed. “I need to find out where they took Mother.” She gestured at the bedside table. “Josh was here earlier and left that card, but I was sleeping.”

  Paulo picked it up. “They gave me this earlier and I passed it on to Josh. It’s the name of the social worker. They didn’t tell you anything yet?”

  Sofia shook her head slowly. That was not a good idea.

  “Do you want me to call her?”

  “You will have to do that outside. No phones allowed in here.” The shift nurse entered the room.

  If it didn’t hurt so much, Sofia would have rolled her eyes. More of those silly questions to see if she was coherent.

  “I’ll be right back.” Paulo put the chair back against the wall.

  Sofia must have dozed off after the nurse left. It was hard to keep track of time. Someone was in the room, asking her questions again. “What?” She struggled to open her eyes.

  “I asked if you’re still feeling tired, but I can tell you are,” Paulo said, sitting down next to the bed.

  “They wake me every hour. I might actually feel better if they let me sleep straight.” Sofia reached for the water cup and sipped. “Did you find anything?”

  Paulo set down a paper. “They took your mother to the psychiatric hospital for an evaluation, and she’ll have to be there for some time. This has all the information.”

  Mother in the psychiatric ward. That was not good. She hated doctors and hospitals. But there was nothing Sofia could do about it until the headache subsided and the dizziness went away. A few more days, the doctor had said.

  He stood up. “Did you talk to Margarida yet?”

  “As soon as you leave.”

 
Paulo gestured at the backpack. “I brought some things from your apartment, and Josh will be over to take you home later.”

  Sofia’s forehead wrinkled and she winced. “Josh?”

  “Talk to Margarida. She’ll explain.”

  After Paulo left, Sofia reached for her phone and dialed Margarida’s number. Hopefully the nurse wouldn’t come in for a while.

  “Sofia!” Margarida started crying. “I’m such a bad friend.”

  “What happened, Margarida?” Sofia took a breath. She didn’t want to set off the alarms and have the nurse catch her on the phone. “Is everything all right?”

  Margarida sniffled and sighed. “I really wanted to come see you and bring you home with us, but I can’t.” Her voice broke. “I’m so sick.”

  “You’re freaking me out, Margarida.”

  “Não, não.” She said quickly. “It’s nothing to worry about. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” She paused. “I’m pregnant.”

  Sofia’s eyes went wide and she smiled. “You are? How far along?”

  “About nine weeks.”

  “Are you okay with it?” Sofia asked, not being able to gauge Margarida’s feelings.

  “Sim, I’m okay. Oh you thought I was crying because I was upset over the pregnancy.” Her voice quivered for a moment and she breathed in. “It’s the stupid hormones.”

  Sofia chuckled. “I’m so happy for you, Margarida.”

  “I know; I am too.” She hiccupped. “But I’ve been so sick the past few days. The queasy stage hit me without any warning and I can barely do anything for Amélia.”

  “I’ll come help.”

  Margarida made a sound between a hiccup and a chuckle. “Aren’t you so sweet. And I’ll take your offer when you’re better, but you need to rest for a while until you recover from your concussion.” She sniffled again. “I wish you could come stay with us, but I’m no use.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll manage.”

  “Josh is coming to get you home and he’ll watch you.”

  Sofia sat up and her head screamed in protest. She fell back down against the pillows. “I must have not heard you right.”

  “Yes, you did. Josh will be watching you for a few days.”

  “I don’t need anyone to babysit me.” Least of all Josh. “I’ll be all right on my own.”

  “Sofia.” Margarida had her mother-voice on. “You suffered a severe concussion. Paulo talked to the doctor as your ecclesiastical leader. The doctor is only releasing you because someone will be with you.” She paused. “We figured you’d prefer to be at home, but if you don’t, I guess you can talk to the doctor again.”

  Sofia let out a long sigh. Of course Margarida was right. “No, I want to go home.”

  “Don’t say it like that. It’s not the end of the world if Josh comes to help you. I thought you liked him.”

  “Too much.”

  “Oh.”

  “Are you sure there’s no one else who can come watch me?”

  “We tried, but on such short notice, we couldn’t find anyone available,” Margarida said.

  A movement outside her door alerted Sofia to someone coming. She lowered her voice. “I’ve got to go. I’m not supposed to use the phone in here.”

  “You little rebel. Call me when you’re feeling better.”

  As the nurse entered the room, Sofia hid the phone under the sheet.

  “Can you tell me your full name?”

  “Ana Sofia Marques Monteiro.”

  “Do you know where you are?”

  “I’m at the district hospital of Braga.”

  Sofia glanced at the clock on the wall. Two more hours and she’d be home.

  *

  Josh paused at Sofia’s front door after unlocking it and then stepped into to the foyer. Should he knock or just go in? Just to be safe, he knocked loudly on it before pushing it closed. “I’m back, Sofia.”

  She was only supposed to get up to go to the bathroom and he didn’t want to catch her in an awkward situation.

  “You don’t have to knock, Josh.” Her voice came from the living room sofa, where he’d left her.

  He dropped the take-out food bags on the kitchen counter and stopped at the doorway. “Do you need a drink?”

  Sofia lay on the couch, wearing red pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt, and her hair in a very loose ponytail. She gestured toward the coffee table where her glass sat untouched. “I’m okay.”

  “Are you ready for dinner?”

  “I’m not hungry.”

  Josh walked in and sat on the stuffed chair. “You’ll have to eat when you take your medicine.”

  Her eyes remained closed. “I know.”

  Josh didn’t know what to do. Sofia didn’t want him there but he couldn’t leave her alone; she wasn’t well enough for that. She hadn’t said much when he had picked her up at the hospital. While the nurse read all the instructions, Sofia just sat in the wheelchair with a blank expression. Her head would hurt for a while, and she was most likely in pain. Josh kept the release papers where he could read them, to check on the instructions as needed.

  Once they had arrived at the apartment, she’d insisted on walking, when it would have been so much easier for him to carry her. He’d helped Sofia get settled on the couch before he went out to get dinner, but she’d changed clothes and had pulled her hair back in a ponytail. She wasn’t supposed to. What if she’d fallen? Stubborn, independent girl.

  He shuffled his feet against the floor tiles. “Okay. We’ll wait.” He walked back to the kitchen, looking for something to do.

  “Josh?”

  “Yes?”

  “Come here and sit for a minute.” She grabbed a pillow and propped herself up.

  Josh complied. “Do you need anything?” He waited to help her with the pillows but she waved him off.

  “I need to thank you.”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “For being here.” She swallowed. “I know this is an awkward situation, but I am grateful for your help.”

  He shook his head. “You don’t need to thank me. I’m glad I can help.” Josh shifted in his seat. “I know you’d prefer to have Margarida, but it didn’t work out.”

  Her lips quirked upwards. “Paulo told you?”

  “He did.”

  “Poor Margarida. She’s a mess. The beginnings of her pregnancies are hard.”

  Josh nodded. In his opinion, women were amazing for carrying a baby for nine months and for everything they put up with in the duration.

  Sofia was quiet for a minute, then turned to him. “Paulo said you were here when the ambulance came.”

  “I was.”

  “How did that happen?”

  How could he explain it? He himself didn’t understand what had happened.

  No, that wasn’t true.

  Josh knew. He just wasn’t ready to admit to himself, let alone tell Sofia that the Holy Ghost had sent a warning powerful enough to wake him up.

  Sofia waited.

  “I woke up and had a feeling you needed help.” That was all he could manage for now.

  “Do you know what happened?”

  “What do you remember?”

  Sofia brought her legs up onto the couch and crossed them, her movements slow and measured. “I woke to a loud noise and found Mother in the foyer, but I can’t remember much after that.”

  “I think you whacked your head on the wall behind the door. What are these interior walls made of anyway?”

  “Pre-fabricated cement brick panels with a plaster coating.”

  No wonder she’d passed out. “This morning when I was fixing the door I noticed a small indentation on the wall. Do you know if it was there before?”

  She started shaking her head, then winced and stopped. “No, I don’t think so.”

  “That must be the spot where you hit, then.”

  “Why were you fixing the door?”

  Of course. She didn’t know. “Uh.” Josh rubbed the back of his neck. “
I had to bust the door open. The chain was still on. It broke the wood where the screws ripped off. But I fixed it well; you can’t even tell see where the damage was.”

  “Thank you. I’m sure you did a great job.” Two fat tears streamed down her cheek and she turned her head away from him, wiping her face with the back of her hand.

  Josh moved from his seat and sat by her. “Hey.” He raised an arm and brought her closer to his side. “It’ll be okay. I’ll install a new chain.”

  At first she resisted but then she snuggled up to him and smiled. “It’s not that, silly.” She poked him in the ribs and he twitched.

  The only tickle spot and she’d found it already. “What is it?” Josh asked.

  Her warm body molded next to his and her breath fell against his chest. “It’s Mother.” She sighed. “I’m worried about her.”

  “I’ll take you to see her when you’re feeling better.”

  Sofia rested a hand on his chest. “You will?”

  “Of course.” Josh dropped a kiss on her head. He’d do anything for her and he’d stay for as long as she needed him. So much for his plan to leave soon and his resolution to stay away from her.

  She was quiet for a while and started relaxing against him. He could stay like this all night, with her in his arms, but just because it felt right and natural, it didn’t mean it was a good idea. She was emotionally vulnerable and his attraction for her was too strong. It would be better to stay vigilant of both their feelings.

  Josh indulged a few more minutes. But her pain medicine was due soon and she needed dinner with it.

  He touched her arm. “Sofia. It’s time for your medicine. I’m going to warm up your dinner. Do you want it here or in the kitchen?”

  She straightened away from him, then found the pillow on the other side and fell against it. “Can I just stay here? My head hurts.”

  Josh stood and turned on the lights in the kitchen. Sofia covered her eyes. He got the container with the vegetable soup from the refrigerator, filled a bowl, and stuck it in the microwave. He returned to the living room a few minutes later with the soup, a small roll, and a glass of water on a tray, along with her medicine.