Shadows to Ashes

by Tori de Clare

  She checked her phone. 3:41 a.m.. She flicked the light on at the side of her bed, got up and found a jumper which she put on over her nightshirt. She unlocked her bedroom door and followed the noise. It was coming from downstairs. From the top of the stairs, she could see that the lounge door was open. Just inside the door, she could see a steam cleaner and a bucket with an assortment of cleaning products, kitchen roll, a duster. The humming was the vacuum cleaner. At this hour?

  She went back to her room and locked it. She always left the key in the door so he couldn’t open it from the other side.

  If he was trying to draw her into a conflict, she wasn’t taking the bait. She lay on her bed, one hand over her forehead, unwilling to confront him. Dinner the previous evening had been challenging enough. Excellent food, but just holding her own during the conversation had left her exhausted. He’d effortlessly been in control of everything.

  She needed to approach him differently, but hadn’t worked out how. He’d barely even noticed the effort she’d made to look good. He’d conceded she’d chosen well and that was it. Still, it was a good thing that things hadn’t become too personal. Wasn’t it?

  He’d grilled her about the guy who’d abducted her. And the house with the cellar. Then he’d given her a contract to sign. She’d been stunned when a sheet of paper appeared on the table between them with ten commandments on it. OK, he’d called them terms, but still. She lifted it now from the cabinet at the side of her bed and looked over it.

  1. No leaving the house unless there’s mutual agreement. Like all the others on the list, it might as well have said, Thou shalt not leave the house.

  2. No contact with Dan Stone.

  3. No visitors.

  4. No cheating at chess. One game, to completion. One move per day.

  5. No mess.

  6. No feeding animals that wander into the garden.

  7. No answering the door unless you’re asked.

  8. No talking to neighbours.

  9. No giving my address to anyone, which includes ordering things over the internet.

  10. No untidiness or dirt in your room. Inspection every Sunday.

  At the bottom it said:

  No exceptions. No second chances.

  I hereby accept these conditions for the duration of our agreement. Failing to comply will mean an immediate termination of the agreement and leaving the house.

  Signed:

  She’d carefully looked over everything, told him that there was no record of what the agreement actually was. He’d told her that she wasn’t having it in writing that he had evidence regarding Dan Stone’s case, but that he’d honour his promise if she won the game. And if she lost the game, there was no promise of anything. He’d told her that that was the deal, take it or leave it. Sign up, or leave now.

  She’d looked over everything again, then lifted the pen and read the wording carefully, and signed. He’d copied it, given her a copy and continued with the evening, every topic of conversation on his terms, at his pace, at his table as he pinned her to her seat with that stare of his. At 9:30, he’d stood up, told her he had business to attend to but that he’d make his chess move first. He told her to leave the dress over the bannister outside the room so that he could have it dry-cleaned, and any she might wear in future. That was the last she’d seen of him until the vacuum cleaner had hummed its way into her dream.

  34

  A week had passed since Naomi had left home at a strange hour without a word of explanation apart from a vague note which she’d dropped on the table. It had seemed bizarre to Annabel at the time, but her mum had been so furious and the tension so palpable that she hadn’t inflamed the situation by saying very much.

  Annabel might have been more anxious to quiz Naomi about the whole thing if she hadn’t been consumed with the growing panic that she was losing Joel. And quite honestly, she was hacked off that Naomi was too caught up with her freaking Irish friend to notice. What problem of Siobhan’s could have driven her out of the house like that?

  To be fair, Naomi had had a bad time, so . . . whatever! No doubt she was doing what she had to do to survive. People did. Annabel was too tired and hormonal to chase her. Plus her back ached and her chest burned with acid and it was Joel she really needed. Anyone else felt like a really poor substitute.

  She was waiting for him now and he was late and she couldn’t do a thing but sit in her room, legs up, rehearsing the lines she was preparing to say to him, her unease growing as the minutes fell away and her backside hurt from sitting.

  He was travelling by train from Newcastle to Alderley Edge. A tedious three-and-a-half-hour journey with two changes, but he’d insisted on taking the train and walking from the station to her house. He was forty minutes late now, and no word from him.

  She tried to ring him. Answering service. She left a message then grabbed the chair arms and hauled herself up and padded anxiously to the window to look out. Chances were the train was delayed. The service was notoriously unreliable. His phone was probably dead or struggling for a signal. Both possibilities irritated her. Trains had powerpoints. Signals came as well as went. He could have kept her informed. Could have spared her this awful, dragging feeling.

  Another thirty minutes crawled on and by now her mind was too full of catastrophic scenarios for logical thought. Joel couldn’t be reached. Squashed in her chest, her heart was jumping wildly. Her armpits were damp. The path outside remained stubbornly empty. No Shadow darting around the garden either. Just new leaves testing the spring sunshine and a few bloated clouds hovering above the trees.

  She found some shoes. She had to do something. Her parents were in the kitchen, deep in talks about house moves. Camilla was determined to make changes. Henry was resisting. Annabel snatched her keys from the hall table and drove to the train station. No sign of Joel. She hurried inside the station and discovered that the trains had been on time that day. Only one delay, unrelated to Joel’s connections. Either he never got on the train in the first place, or he’d got off at one of the stops.

  She jumped back in the car and, in desperation, drove to the shops just around the corner. She turned onto London road, and, head swivelling left and right, caught sight of Joel in a place called Railway. It sold food, had a bar. Huge window on the front with a counter and high chairs to look out. Bizarrely, Joel was sitting on one of them, not looking out onto the street, but looking into his pint, which was half gone. His fist propped up his chin.

  The sight of him comforted and terrified her. A toxic blend of feelings. This wasn’t the Joel she knew, but he was here at least. Safe. She found the nearest place to stop the car and got out and trotted across the road towards the bar. Joel was side-on and didn’t see her approaching.

  ‘Annabel?’ A voice behind her. She turned. Oh no, not her! The ex-neighbour was getting out of a nearby car and bounding over, energetically, chest bouncing. In the confusion, Annabel couldn’t think of her name.

  ‘You remember me? Amber. You used to –’

  ‘I remember,’ Annabel cut in, in no mood for a woman who’d come between her parents. What was she doing in Alderley Edge anyway?

  ‘You’re pregnant,’ she said. ‘When are you due?’

  ‘A few weeks.’

  ‘Not long now,’ she smiled. ‘Girl or boy?’

  ‘One of those,’ Annabel said, not caring how rude she sounded. None of her business.

  ‘You know, I’d love a baby,’ she said, undeterred, peeling her hair off her face by hooking the loose strands around her little finger. Her nails shone in bright red. ‘Just never found the right fella,’ she giggled. ‘I’d ideally like a baby boy with big blue eyes and fair hair.’

  Annabel stared at her. This was too weird. They didn’t even know each other. She couldn’t understand why they were having this conversation or why she was feeling so horribly defensive.

  ‘Can I ask you something?’

  ‘Sure.’ A manicured hand brushed her hair away again.
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br />   ‘How did you know my dad?’

  ‘I picked up Lorie’s things from your house and we sat and chatted over coffee. I read men pretty well and I knew that he was one lost and lonely guy. He needed to talk. He more or less admitted to me that him and your mum don’t really . . . you know, anymore.’

  ‘He said that?’

  ‘He said a lot. So anyway, I told him to look after himself and get to the gym, build his self-esteem, lose a few pounds. So he did and we met up there and chatted a lot more. It was your dad who told me about the house for sale in Bramhall. He knew I was house-hunting. I saw the house and loved it. Never told me he lived next door though, did he?’ she laughed.

  Annabel’s expression had frozen. She wanted to get away now. Enough of this stupid woman and all she was insinuating. She needed to get to Joel.

  ‘Anyway –’

  ‘Listen, nothing much happened between me and your dad. It was just a bit of harmless flirting, you know?’

  Nothing much? ‘No I don’t.’ Annabel snapped. ‘Flirting isn’t harmless.’

  ‘Well, that’s what he said,’ she said, sliding a glance toward the bar window where Joel was in profile, oblivious to the conversation. ‘You two are an item aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes, he’s my boyfriend,’ Annabel said, in a stay-away-from-him tone. ‘What d’you mean “that’s what he said”?’

  ‘He saw me and your dad in my back garden once. We were only hugging and stuff because your mum had left and he was upset. Men can’t live without affection, you know.’ Annabel was too stunned to reply. Outrage was knotting her tongue. ‘So your guy had a go at us and your dad assured him there was nothing going on and begged him not to say anything to anyone. Your guy said he wouldn’t make any promises.’

  ‘Sorry – why are you telling me this?’

  ‘No reason. I’m told I’ve got a big mouth, which is probably why your dad moved out, pronto,’ she smiled. ‘I kind of miss him.’

  ‘He moved out because he wanted to be with his wife and family. He’s never mentioned you since.’

  ‘Really?’ she smirked, as if she knew some dark and murky secret. Annabel was itching to slap her. ‘Look, no hard feelings. Say hi to your dad and your boyfriend from me.’

  ‘I don’t think so.’

  To Annabel’s astonishment, Amber bounded back to her car, fired the engine, drove away. The audacity of the woman! Annabel watched her disappear down the street.

  Inside the bar, Joel had finished his drink and was slowly getting up. He turned.

  ‘Annabel?’ His face brightened. He took her in his arms. Whispered in her ear how much he loved her, how beautiful she looked. She was stiff and unresponsive and he was probably too drunk to notice.

  ‘I’m furious with you,’ she said, relieved to be in his arms. ‘When you’ve sobered up, we’re going to have a serious talk.’

  ***

  Henry met them in the hall. His reception of Joel was cool, smile-less. Things were beginning to add up in Annabel’s mind. So Joel had caught her dad in some intimate embrace with Amber, which explained why Henry felt threatened by Joel. It infuriated her that it had affected her relationship with Joel for months. How dare he? Maybe her dad wasn’t the person she thought he was. With Naomi gone, she was desperate to get out of this place.

  On the hall table, on a pile of mail, she noticed a hand-written letter addressed to her. Annabel put her keys down and swept it up. Then she brushed past Henry and took Joel upstairs.

  ‘Everything alright?’ Henry called suspiciously.

  ‘Stay out of things, Dad.’

  She threw him a warning glare and didn’t care that he looked wounded. Annabel led Joel to her room and sat him on a chair. He wasn’t drunk, thankfully.

  ‘Why didn’t you tell me about Amber and my dad?’

  Alarm registered on Joel’s face. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Remember our glamourous next door neighbour? I’ve just bumped into her outside the bar and she told me about that encounter in her back garden.’

  Joel shrugged. Confusion glazed his eyes.

  ‘Don’t pretend you don’t know. No need to shield my dad. He doesn’t deserve it.’

  Joel shifted a bit in his seat. Looked down at his hands.

  ‘Look,’ Annabel said, ‘this isn’t your fault. You don’t owe my dad or that vile witch anything. I’m sure she was deliberately stirring things today. I know it isn’t easy for you that my dad is offhand and rude. Hardly makes you feel welcome. But we can get our own place now. This is about us, no one else. Not my parents. Not your mum. Just you and me and the baby. Nothing else matters now, OK? When you’re distant, it makes me feel abandoned.’

  Annabel’s eyes swam. So did Joel’s. He didn’t speak.

  ‘Say something.’

  He paused. ‘I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Tell me you love me, that you want us to be together. You do want us – me and the baby?’

  ‘Of course I do, but . . .’ Annabel waited in silence, barely breathing. Joel was looking at the floor. ‘I don’t deserve you, either of you.’

  She resumed breathing. ‘What are you talking about?’

  He sealed his lips and wouldn’t go on.

  ‘Do you feel trapped, tied down?’

  He shook his head, continued a close examination of the carpet.

  ‘Do you have commitment issues?’

  ‘No, I don’t.’ he breathed.

  ‘I don’t understand. If this is about money, stop being so macho. I’ll buy us a flat, just please, let’s move in together. My mum has cut Naomi off and won’t contact her. I know how that feels and it’s so depressing being here with my parents this close to having a baby. We can’t let the past drag us down anymore. My parents will have to sort out their own problems. And I can’t help Naomi anymore, Joel. She seems to be doing fine without me.’

  A tear escaped Joel’s eye. He brushed it away. Annabel watched him and continued, ‘There’s nothing to be afraid of, OK? Sure, it’s scary becoming parents, but we can do this. We’re financially secure and we love each other. What could possibly be the problem?’

  It took a long time for him to manage, ‘I just want to do the right thing.’

  ‘Good. Moving in with me is the right thing.’ Annabel stood up and walked over to him. ‘Will it give you permanent damage if I sit on your knee?’

  For the first time, he half smiled. ‘Maybe, but it’ll be worth it.’

  He opened his arms and she let herself down and wrapped herself around him. He put a hand to her belly. ‘I want to give him the best possible chance in life,’ he said in her ear, stroking her hair. ‘I really do love you, never forget that.’

  ‘Since when did you become so sentimental? Come on, let’s look for a flat. I’ll come to Newcastle until we can move in. Sounds like my parents are planning a move too. It’s all change.’

  ‘Yeah.’ He continued to stroke her hair with one hand, hold her close with the other. ‘Did you report what happened with Shadow to the police?’

  ‘No. My mum’s started to question herself. We have chickens, which always attracts rats. She sometimes uses poison around the bins.’

  ‘Could be that?’

  ‘Who knows? Even in the garden, he’s on a long lead, which doesn’t reach the bins. Doesn’t explain the meat he ate either. Wondering isn’t going to bring him back though is it? I just need to get out of here now, same as Naomi.’

  A pause. ‘How is Naomi?’

  ‘Missing Dan. Feeling guilty. You know how she is. At least she’s heard nothing from that psycho, Solomon.’

  Joel went quiet. He dropped a number of kisses on her head. ‘Listen, Annabel, I’m going to go and speak to your dad. See if I can reassure him a bit.’

  She sat up and looked at him. His eyes were troubled. ‘I’ll come with you.’

  ‘No. I need to do this by myself. It’s important.’

  ‘I’ll pack some stuff then?’

&nbs
p; Joel nodded. ‘Yeah.’ He pulled her to him and kissed her on the lips, touching her face with the tips of his fingers. His heart was beating frantically against her. He was unwilling to let her go.

  She pulled back. ‘Look, I’m sure it’ll be OK. You’re both reasonable people.’

  He kissed her again and squeezed her to him. Then he stood up and smiled before turning and heading out of the room on heavy legs.

  When the door had closed, Annabel turned her attention to the letter and examined the writing. Who wrote letters anymore? She sat in a chair and sliced a gash in the crease of the envelope at the top. Inside was a single sheet of A4 paper, folded in half, then halved again. It began, Dear Annabel. She turned the sheet over to find Dan’s name halfway down the next page. Dan? Why was Dan writing to her and not to Naomi? She eagerly flipped the paper over and began reading from the beginning again.

  Dear Annabel,

  I hope you’re well, that you’re managing your pregnancy and looking after yourself. I have some important things to say that I don’t want to say directly to Naomi. She dominates my thoughts, of course. Every minute of every day she’s with me, but here’s the thing – I don’t want her to share this prison sentence with me. Please understand. Out of everyone, you’re the one she looks up to and admires, so I need a favour. Please talk to her and explain that I can’t write to her or keep in touch. Help her to understand that it’s best for her to stop wasting her time writing to me. Her letters cause me pain when I’m trying to stay positive. In the short term, my lack of response will be painful for her too, but I want her to move on and forget about me. She’s best moving out of the area altogether and starting out somewhere else. We both know why! Thoughts of me in prison in Manchester will only hold her back and tie her to the area and it’s dangerous for her to be here.