Up & Out

by Ariella Papa

  “Oh.” He jerks his head back. “Did you break up recently?”

  “No, about a year ago. I left, then I moved back in for financial reasons.”

  “Sounds complicated.”

  “It was, but I guess it isn’t. Or it doesn’t have to be.”

  “Nothing has to be. It’s all what you make it.”

  “I know.” I look up at the sky, expecting to see stars, but this is still New York—bright lights, no stars—no matter how unreal this seems. “I can’t believe tonight. I was supposed to meet my girlfriends and they all dissed me.”

  “Well, lucky for me you are such a loser.” He is still rubbing my forearm and then he wraps his hand around my elbow. He reaches his other hand up to push back my hair. Then he kisses me.

  I haven’t had a memorable first kiss in a long time, but this one is incredible. I put my hand up to the back of his neck and my own neck tingles. He smiles as he kisses me. It doesn’t last very long. It doesn’t have to.

  “You smell like French fries,” I say. “That’s vegetarian just like you.”

  “You just smell amazing.” He takes my hand and we start walking again. “I’ll walk you home.”

  “Thank you.” I know that we aren’t going to sleep together tonight, but we will….

  “Where do you live again?”

  “Hell’s Kitchen.” We’re still in Chinatown. It’s going to be a long walk.

  “Oh, good. I was afraid it would be the East Village and it would have to end.”

  “Where do you live?”

  “Morningside Heights.”

  “Wow! I should walk you home. That’s barely Manhattan it’s so far north.”

  “I know, sometimes you can see stars there,” he says, pointing our clasped hands to the sky. I’m not surprised he knew that I was looking for them.

  “I hope I get to see that sometime.”

  “You will,” he says, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it. “You will….”

  21

  Full-Fledged Strangers

  Lauryn is sleeping in my bed when I get into it. I forgot she was coming and that she has a key. It’s almost five in the morning. We walked slowly. I’m glad she’s there. It makes the bed cozier. I can’t tell if Tommy is home from his date. I don’t see any sign of him. I want to talk to him. I would tell him that everything is going to be okay between us, that no matter what we will still be there for each other. I feel so happy and almost high. I’m finally feeling summer. I hope I can hold on to this.

  “What’s up, sleepyhead?” Lauryn is awake and peering down at me. She looks like she has already been up for a while.

  “Hey. Did you go for a run?”

  “And took a shower and got bagels. You forget I get up at five most days on the Vineyard. I’ll crash for a nap around three. Speaking of time, what time did you get in last night?”

  “Almost five.”

  “Kathy stayed out that late?”

  “No, she cancelled.”

  “You were out with Beth? Were you being bad?”

  “No.” I lie on my back on the bed. With a new day comes reality. “Is Tommy home?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I got in at midnight and watched TV until one-thirtyish. Nothing was here except dishes. He had that date, huh?” She sits on the bed and rubs my leg over the sheet. “Are you okay?”

  “I am. I think. I met someone last night. Not that that has anything to do with it, but it might.”

  “Who?”

  “Just some guy—Ben.” I sigh and think about his eyes. “Ben.”

  “Where did you meet this Ben?”

  “He works at a bar.”

  “Oh, I’ve had those.” She rolls her eyes and gets up. I sit up in bed.

  “It’s different.”

  “You did it with him?”

  “No, it isn’t all about that. We kissed.” I lie back in bed. Lauryn stops what she’s doing and comes and stands over me.

  “What the hell happened to you?”

  “He smelled like French fries,” I say, and curl into my pillow.

  “You’re a freak. How much did you talk to this guy?”

  “We talked all night.”

  “Did you exchange numbers?”

  “No.”

  “Jesus, Re, how are you going to see him again?”

  “He told me to come see him tonight.”

  “We’re supposed to go out with Kathy tonight.” I sit up in bed.

  “I was supposed to go out with her last night.”

  “It’s our bachelorette night.”

  “Beth is going to cancel, why can’t I?”

  “Rebecca!”

  “Honestly, I think this could be big.”

  “You’ve known him for a minute.”

  “Well, I talked to him like I’ve never talked to anyone. He walked me home from Chinatown.”

  “I can’t believe you let some strange man see your apartment.”

  “You’re not getting this. It was a big deal. It wasn’t some stupid hookup with a random stranger in a bar I frequented but will never go to again.” Now, why did I say that? If I were shooting this like a soap opera, that would be the last scene on a Friday, then the audience would have all weekend for the impact to dull. This is not a soap opera, but real life. And so I have to suffer the long, hurt look Lauryn gives me.

  “I’m not going to listen to Kathy turn into a basket case again about this wedding. You need to go tonight. We planned this—you planned this! Now I have to go see my ex-husband.” She slams the door.

  We are twenty minutes late to the Royalton. There is no sign of Kathy or any of her family members on the swanky couches or lounge chairs. Lauryn claims there was a transit delay from her meeting with Jordan. I’m not sure if I believe her, but I had no time to question it because we needed to get here by eight. That’s all she says about the meeting. I don’t ask for details—I’ve learned not to—but Lauryn is a constant surprise.

  “Look, Rebecca, I just want to apologize for my behavior this morning and for not being responsible enough to get home on time to get ready. Of course I couldn’t have anticipated a subway delay, but I should have had the sense to leave earlier than I did.”

  “Okay,” I say.

  “To tell the truth, I was stressed out about Jordan and I am really feeling anxious about seeing Beth and Kathy.”

  “So am I,” I say. I’m relieved that I’m not alone in that.

  “I was hoping I would have last night to catch up with them because I don’t see how we can do it all tonight.” I understand that. I think I’m scared of my friends. I’m scared that it’s all going to come out and we won’t care about one another anymore. I’m scared that they are as annoyed with me as I have been getting with them. I’m slightly bitter that I feel obligated to put on a happy face for Kathy who dissed me last night. I’d rather go see Ben than pretend. I start to say this to Lauryn, but we are interrupted by two women who have been sitting with two other women at a table nearby.

  “Are you two friends of Kathy’s?” one of the women asks. She is here with Kathy’s friends from work. She introduces herself but I forget her name as soon as she says it because I am feeling guilty that she might have heard what we were talking about.

  We join them at one of the long glass tables full of candles and big-girl drinks. I order a metropolitan from the waiter; it’s practically the cost of a plate of rock shrimp tempura. But I will celebrate the fact that my severance ends today. Yippee.

  “How long have you known Kathy?” one of the women (Jessica?) asks us.

  “For about five years,” I say.

  “Since I got to New York,” Lauryn says.

  “She’s a hoot,” one of the other older women says. I think her name is Brooke.

  “Oh, my goodness, my kids love her. They always try to get her to come over,” a woman whose name I’m certain is Hope says.

  “She’s going to be great with her own kids,” the one w
hose name completely escapes me says.

  I wonder what Kathy is like to all of her work friends. I’m not sure if she could be the same way she is to us. I’m jealous that they get to see her all the time. They aren’t in her wedding party, but they probably have a better idea of all her day-to-day issues. They are more there for her than we are. I look over at Lauryn. She lights a cigarette and holds it out to me. I have a puff.

  “Should we call her?” I ask. It’s a quarter of nine. I don’t know how long Blue Fin will hold our reservation if we’re late.

  “I’m sure she’ll be here,” says the one I’m pretty sure is Jill. “You know how it is when your family comes in for something. Everyone always runs late. I know she’ll be here.”

  These women are a lot more like Kathy as far as career and ambitions than I could ever be. Lauryn elbows me, gesturing over to the door where Kathy has come in with an entourage of people who look like Kathy but are a lot chubbier, less blond and without glasses. Kathy is wearing a small wedding veil.

  She comes over to our table, kissing the work friends before us. Their stools are closer to her. I have to stop being sensitive about this. Lauryn stubs out her cigarette. Her mouth is tense. Is it seeing all these people or being around wedding events that is stressing her out so much?

  “Thank you, guys,” Kathy says, taking us both into a big hug. She whispers. “Can you believe my sister is making me wear this awful veil?”

  “Why don’t you let me get you a drink,” I ask, but Hope is already getting her one. One of her cousins has ordered a round of lemon-drop shots. I think of Ben’s face when we clinked shot glasses last night.

  I look at my watch. It’s five after nine. I don’t know why I made the reservations so early. I thought it would be too late for everyone, but now we need more time. There are also three less people than I was expecting. Each had family emergencies regarding children. Who put me in charge of this, anyway? And where the hell is Beth?

  “Maybe you should call,” Lauryn says, leaning into me.

  “Beth?” I ask as I raise my glass and do the shot with the group.

  “No,” Lauryn says, making a face after her swig. “Ugh, that was strong. The restaurant.”

  “Right,” I say. It seems like everyone at our table is screaming. I grab my cell and start to go outside.

  “Where are you going?” Kathy asks, reaching both arms out to me. She pulls me into another hug. She must have been drinking all day. I’m sure I would, too, if my family was visiting.

  “I’m just going to call the restaurant and tell them we might be a little late.”

  “Oh, is that okay?” Her eyes are big. I want this to go smoothly for her so bad.

  “Don’t worry,” I say. I kiss her cheek. Another one of her cousins puts another drink in front of her. “Just enjoy your night.”

  I am briefly thwarted by Kathy’s sister, Dina, who wants the scoop on the rest of the night. I tell her the plan. She wants to go to the top of the Marriott bar at the end of the night. She wants her cousins to see the view of the city.

  “Okay, we can play it by ear,” I say, trying to extricate myself to make the call. “Let’s see what Kathy is up for.”

  The hostess tells me that because I have such a large party she will hold the reservation until ten. This buys us a little more time. I thank her profusely.

  “You don’t know how hard it is to get all these people to motivate.” I hope that by befriending and appreciating her she will remember me fondly if we show up slightly after ten.

  Next I call Beth. I’m shocked when she answers.

  “I’m going to be late,” she says as a greeting.

  “You are already late,” I say.

  “Where are you? The restaurant?”

  “No, we will be there at ten. You know where it is?” She grunts affirmatively, but without commitment. “Look, Beth, I need you to be there, and if you can’t for whatever reason, I need you to tell me now. I want this to be a great night for Kathy. She deserves it. She would do this for you.”

  “I’ll be there. Enough with the guilt.” I sigh through my nose.

  “Okay, I’ll see you there.”

  I go back into the bar. Someone at another table ordered an appetizer of crab cakes. Ben could not eat that, because he doesn’t eat fish. I can’t stop thinking about him. If I can I will try to get to his bar before it closes, but already I doubt that is going to happen. It’s impossible that I could have felt that way about someone I just met. I think I was just swept up in the moment. If I really liked him so much it wouldn’t have bothered me that Tommy didn’t come home at all today. It will go down as a great New York night that didn’t amount to anything, but will be still wonderful in its blending of alcohol, sexual tension and food.

  That can be enough for me, right? I wouldn’t be surprised if he has a different girl every night. He’s just friendly.

  I slide into the stool next to Lauryn. She is halfway through her pack of smokes. I take one, hoping to relax a little.

  “Is she coming?” Lauryn asks. I wonder what she knows about Beth or what she expects me to tell her.

  “She says she is. The restaurant will hold our reservation until ten.” Kathy is laughing loudly across the Royalton lobby bar.

  “I got you a drink.”

  “Thanks.”

  At ten after ten we get to the restaurant. I am three drinks and fifty-five dollars down and ready to plead with the hostess if she won’t seat us. I wasn’t expecting Kathy’s family and two of her work friends to primp for twelve minutes in the bathroom or for it to take fifteen minutes for a group of eleven to walk three blocks and an avenue.

  “Hi,” I say to the hostess. Dina is hovering dangerously close to me, waiting to tell me I fucked this whole thing up. “We had a nine-thirty reservation for fifteen. I spoke to someone who said she would hold it until ten.”

  The woman looks at her watch and shakes her head. Please, great god of food consumption, please let us still have our table.

  “I know we’re a little late, but you can’t have already filled our table. Can you?”

  “I have ten-fifteen.”

  “My cell has ten-ten. And that’s world time.” This makes Dina laugh, which I feel helps my cause. I can see the hostess fighting a smile.

  “You’re not all here,” she says. “I count eleven.”

  “Actually we are going to be twelve. We have one person on her way.” The hostess sighs. She is really milking this, but I’m no stranger to the New York restaurant scene. I know how to stand firm, with just the right amount of give. I look her in the eye and raise my eyebrows, a classic cajole.

  “Why don’t you have a drink at the bar and someone will come get your party shortly.” It’s all such a money-making racket. They’ll squeeze us for drinks at the bar, but I don’t mind. I can compromise. “Would you like to check anything?”

  “No, thanks.” It’s summer and none of us has anything to check. I wish Kathy would take off the veil, but perhaps it helps our cause. Bachelorettes spend money. At least they aren’t making us wait until Beth gets here.

  At ten-thirty, we are seated. I’m still anxious about Beth not being here, but the drinks are relaxing me a little bit. I have Lauryn on one side of me and Jill on the other side.

  I am not the only anxious person. Dina is trying to get everyone to agree on appetizers and she is annoyed with me because of the empty seat.

  “She’s quite a handful, isn’t she?” Jill whispers, referring to Dina. “Kathy’s told me all about her.”

  “Yeah, I think she thinks it’s her wedding.”

  “You’re the one that works in TV, right?” I nod.

  “Yeah, I used to work for Explore! Family. I’m currently unemployed.”

  “I love the Explore! Network. I loved that show on the science of sex. Oh, and I love that guy who runs around and teaches pets new tricks. You know him?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Do you think I could get my kid
an autograph?”

  “Well, I don’t work there anymore and all the adult stuff is produced in L.A.” She looks upset. I can understand that, what’s the point of having a connection in the industry if they can’t help you? “But I’ll see what I can do.”

  “I think we should order,” Dina says to me.

  “Why don’t you see if Kathy is ready?” Lauryn says. I appreciate help. Kathy looks up at the sound of her name. I can see her trying to focus, unsure if she is reading tension.

  “Isn’t Beth coming?” Kathy asks.

  “She’ll be here,” I say, not looking at Dina. “She’s just running late.”

  “As usual,” Lauryn says. Then she looks across the table to Kathy. “I can’t believe they made her wear that thing on her head.”

  We order appetizers and dinner. I get shiso-scented tuna tartar and sautéed black bass. Moments after the server leaves, Beth arrives. She looks way more put together than any of us, including Kathy’s cousins, who probably spent hours getting ready. She looks beautiful, but aloof. She circles the table, kissing the people she knows and being introduced to those she doesn’t. There is a lot of air between her cheek and Lauryn’s when they kiss. When she bends down to me I think I can feel her nervous energy. I can’t bring myself to give her an attitude about being late. Things are weird between all of us; I just handle it differently.

  “Are you okay?” I whisper into her hair. She nods at me and smiles a bit vacantly, then she circles back around the table. She sits in the empty seat between Dina and Hope. Dina looks her up and down. Dina had a baby three weeks ago and, according to Kathy, gained eighty pounds. She hasn’t lost any of it and Beth’s thinness seems to make her angrier.

  “You’re lucky they let us sit down,” Dina says, narrowing her eyes. I can only imagine what kind of mother she is.

  “Well, they did,” Lauryn says loudly. I didn’t even think she was paying attention, but tonight she is jumping to everyone’s defense. I smile at her and she turns back to Jill.