He had no answers for any of that.
He’d grown up with a great father. And from what he’d seen of Edward, Cara had, too. The man was ready to pop the cork on a bottle of champagne because his granddaughter had looked at him. Because she hadn’t run screaming in the other direction. He’d put his whole life on hold to be there for them.
Cara had turned her back on that. Rejected a decent man for an abusive one.
And Hunter?
“I’m not good at this.” He couldn’t keep pretending. Not with Edward. “My father should’ve warned you. I don’t know what you need. How to help.”
Truth was, he couldn’t believe he was still there. Sacrificing his party for a man he barely knew.
And at the same time, he couldn’t believe there was nothing he’d rather be doing.
“You’re doing just fine,” Edward said, glancing at him. “This is family. I appreciate you welcoming me in.”
Was that what he’d done?
“I owe my dad a lot.”
“Not to hear him tell it.”
Of course not. Dr. John Rafferty was too classy to trash-talk his own son. Even to family. Especially to family.
“He’s proud of you.”
That bounced off him. But it reminded him of Julie telling Joy she was proud of her. For a second there, he’d been jealous of the little girl. He’d wondered how it would feel to have Julie’s personal admiration.
“There was a time when that wasn’t the case. My dad being proud of me, I mean.” What was he doing?
“You’re talking about high school.”
And afterward. When his father had needed him and he hadn’t been able to testify, under oath, to save him.
“He blames himself, you know.”
Stopped at a light, Hunter turned to the other man. His father had confided in Edward? About him?
“Blames himself for what?” He didn’t want this conversation. He was just truly perplexed. His old man had been far more patient than Hunter deserved. He’d guided him in a quest to find his own talents. And then he’d challenged Hunter to use them. Supporting his choices when they were far less worthy than medical school.
“Being gone all the time. And when he was home, he and your mother... All the fighting...”
Hunter shrugged. “They weren’t well suited.”
“He said they both turned to you for their happiness. Putting too much pressure on you.”
He’d felt the pressure. And their failure, too. It had ended up in court with his father facing the possible loss of his medical license and maybe even time in jail.
“He doesn’t have your gift...”
He shook his head, made a turn, and shook his head again. “My father doesn’t doubt his own abilities.”
“No, he doesn’t. He knows what he’s good at. You’re like him in that.”
Hunter agreed. Thankful that his father had forced him to face the truth, to accept who he was. And who he wasn’t.
To know his own weaknesses, to be accountable for them. And to build on his strengths.
“Your father is a great doctor. Medicine, science, the human body—he’s mastered all of that. But it all came at a cost. Same with me...”
Sirens went off in his mind. Was Edward blaming himself for Cara’s leaving Florida? For his daughter’s captivity? The danger she was in? For the abuse she’d suffered? For what had happened to Joy?
“My father is not to blame for my choices,” he said, hoping Edward would get at least a hint of the point he was making. See the truth. That Edward was absolutely not to blame for the pain in their lives.
“When I was younger, when Cara’s mom was alive, I had different priorities than I do now. Everything took second place to medical school and then, later, to my career. It’s not that I didn’t love my wife—and Cara—more than anything on earth. It’s just that I took their presence for granted. I expected them to take my love for granted, too. And I chose actions that made them feel as though they didn’t matter as much to me as being a doctor did.”
“I never doubted my father’s affection. Or my importance in his life.”
“Maybe not. But apparently your mother did. My wife was very different from your mother. Beth was independent and wanted a life outside of house and home. Your mom’s happiness lay in being a wife and mother. Your father knew that going in.”
Screamed words came to mind. I needed you. You weren’t here. Where were you? I called but you didn’t answer. Over and over through the years. Different renditions of the same message.
He’d hear the words and know that the emotions driving them were real. And that they were true. He could sympathize with them. Could feel his mother’s pain. But he also understood that his father was saving lives. That he loved his family, was thankful they were healthy, and that he’d give every cent he had to keeping them safe and secure. At the same time, his calling was to save lives.
“They weren’t right for each other,” he said now. His mother’s emotional neediness, her expectations regarding the role of a husband in her life, hadn’t suited his father’s more pragmatic outlook on life.
“The thing is, your father and I—whether it’s because of the generation we grew up in, because of the emotional distance necessary to practice medicine...or just because, we don’t have your ability, Hunter. We fix bodies, but...you have a way of lightening emotional trauma. Having you with me this week—and I hope in the days to come... Well, thank you.”
“Just don’t count on me too much. My father might not have told you, but in the end, I bail.”
The look Edward gave him was piercing.
But he didn’t say a word.
* * *
LILA HAD DISAPPEARED into her office to call the police as soon as they’d come from the picnic. Sara took Joy back to her house mother. Hunter took Edward home.
And Julie decided she’d earned a few hours in her studio. Colin and Chantel were spending the night at her little apartment in town, as they did on occasion when Chantel needed some downtime, so Julie planned to spend a leisurely evening once she got home. She thought about making an omelet and was staring into the refrigerator when her cell phone rang.
Hunter.
“Hi.” She didn’t hesitate to pick up. Not even for a second. “I’m glad you called.”
“You are?”
His astonishment put a halt to her pleasure, but only for a second. “Yeah. We didn’t get a chance to say hello earlier. And I’ve been thinking about Edward. I hoped you’d call after you dropped him off.”
“You could’ve called me.”
But she wouldn’t. He probably knew that.
“How is he?”
“Surprisingly upbeat.”
“I thought it went well, too. Telling her he’s her grandfather, I mean.”
“You did?”
“You didn’t?”
“It seemed...uneventful to me.”
“That’s because you were prepared for drama.”
When he was silent she was afraid she’d overstepped the bounds. Or that she was assuming she knew him better than she really did.
“Have dinner with me.”
“What?” They were back to that again?
“You didn’t eat. You must be hungry.”
“I figured you’d be going to your event.”
Edward had mentioned, as they were all gathering for their picnic, that Hunter had had to make arrangements for his absence from work that evening.
“Kyle wants to try and run things on his own. This was a chance to see how he does.”
His faith in his employee, his willingness to let someone try, made her smile.
“So, can I pick you up for dinner?”
Her eye landed on a bo
wl of fruit. There was Havarti in the bottom drawer of the fridge. And her favorite crackers in the pantry.
“I don’t date.”
“So you’ve said—more than once. I’m offering to take you to dinner because I know for a fact that you didn’t eat. I’m not offering to pay. Or expecting to kiss you good-night when we’re through.”
She could invite him over.
Colin and Chantel were gone.
“I’ve... I haven’t...ridden alone in a car with a man since...”
Maybe he’d ask to come over.
And if he did?
Colin and Chantel were gone.
“I guess I don’t have an answer to that one, Julie. Either you trust me or you don’t. I’d like to come by and pick you up, go to some restaurant, talk for a while, unwind a bit about what we went through tonight, and then drop you off at your front door.”
He didn’t know Colin and Chantel weren’t home.
And the fact that she’d even paused before saying no meant her entire life was changing. She was changing. Growing stronger. Learning to have courage. Refusing to settle for less. Refusing to be locked inside her own hell.
Except there was one thing that wouldn’t change.
“As long as you understand it’s not a date.”
Like Lila, she’d been through too much to be a healthy partner in an intimate relationship.
“You’re serious?”
“Yes.” Being wrong was better than being afraid.
“Then head on out. I’m already here.”
“Give me a minute.”
“Take as long as you need. But keep in mind I’m still in my beach clothes.”
So was she. And she wasn’t going to change.
It wasn’t a date.
Ending the call, she pushed another button on her phone. Chantel’s speed dial. And told her sister-in-law what she was doing, and with whom, arranging for Chantel to text her regularly, and to come looking for her if she didn’t respond.
She was finding her courage.
But she wasn’t stupid. She was a woman who had to know she had a safety plan, a backup plan.
No exceptions. Ever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
HUNTER HAD ALWAYS been a go-with-the-flow type of guy. And he’d grown into a guy who controlled the flow so that he could more easily, seamlessly and painlessly go with it.
That week, he’d scheduled time for Edward. For Joy. For a meeting with Kyle to talk about the transference of one event a week to his complete care. And time for Julie, too. There was no getting her out of his mind while they were both involved with Joy.
So he went with the flow. He didn’t fight how often she was on his mind. Or how compelled he was to at least touch base with her every day. He just put it in his schedule. Monday night’s dinner aside, of course. That one had been impromptu because he’d wanted to give Kyle his chance.
Because he’d been...dissatisfied when he’d dropped Edward off.
Because he hadn’t had a chance to talk to her earlier that day.
Dinner had been...nice. Nothing more than food and conversation. About Joy. Edward. About surfing.
And then, exactly as he’d said, he’d driven her home, walked her to her front door and waited on the step until he heard the lock turn.
Tuesday and Wednesday she went to the Stand to work with Joy. She saw her counselor in town, a Dr. Bloom Larson. Someone she thought he should meet at some point.
He wasn’t sure why. She’d just said, when she mentioned it on the phone Tuesday night, that he might like to meet her sometime. He figured Julie saw the woman as a potential donor for his list. She drove a Jaguar; he’d gleaned that much from a story she’d told him about the therapist packing her belongings in it when she’d had to go into a safe house the previous summer.
He’d had meetings and functions—a total of six over those same two days. One breakfast, two golf dates, a lunch and two dinners. He’d made it to all of them, at least long enough to greet everyone at the door, or on the first tee, for one golf event, and in the clubhouse at the eighteenth green for the other.
Every night, on his way home, he called Julie.
Edward had told him earlier that day that the police had located “Dan.” In jail. On narcotics charges. He’d been there for almost a month.
His house had been lived in more recently than that. The trash had indicated as much. But it looked like that had been a week ago.
They’d also discovered his van was missing.
An APB was out, but so far nothing had turned up.
Joy was talking more. A sentence or two to Julie. Single-word answers to her house mother. To Sara. And Lila.
Joy had seen Edward each day. For a few minutes, with Lila there. She hadn’t said a word in his presence.
On Wednesday night, Hunter was pulling into his driveway, still on the phone with Julie. His house was a lot more ordinary. But nice. With an immaculate yard, trees and a view of the ocean.
“Joy asked about you today,” she said. He stopped the car on the drive, the automatic door to his two-car garage open and waiting.
He didn’t know what to say at first. He stared into the garage at the ’72 Jag that had been his father’s pride and joy when Hunter was growing up. The old man had given it to him when his mother had dropped the abuse charges and he’d left for Florida.
“She wants to see you.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. It’s not like I’m part of her caregiving, like the rest of you. She shouldn’t get too attached...” He hated the words even as he recognized them as the right ones to say. He shouldn’t want to see Joy.
“She’s your cousin, Hunter.”
He had to see this through.
“Second cousin.” He’d done the math. And added, “By marriage. Which makes her a second stepcousin.” In other words, he had no business getting attached. Or allowing her to get attached. “I’ve never even met her mother.”
His first stepcousin. By marriage.
“She’s still family.”
He sat there, fingers drumming on the steering wheel, looking at the Jag. He’d earned a car because he’d had one conversation with his mother about how much more fun she and Hunter could have together if she dropped her charges against his father. He might’ve said a little more than that, but he honestly couldn’t remember any details. She’d apparently admitted then, to her attorney, who’d told his father’s attorney, that she’d only pressed charges because she was panicked that he was leaving her. She’d been trying to keep him in California. After talking to Hunter, she’d realized that he was going to leave her anyway and she was hurting her relationship with her son. He might have pointed out that his father would be more likely to be cooperative with settlement matters if she didn’t ruin his life, but mostly he’d just talked about how much more he and his mother could enjoy their time together if she wasn’t fighting with his father.
Yeah, he was always about the good time.
“You think Joy would like a ride in a convertible?”
“What? Probably. Most kids do. But what convertible?”
He just went on talking. “If Lila and Sara approve, of course,” he said. “And Edward. He’s her grandfather.” He was merely thinking out loud, he told himself. Not babbling like an idiot.
“Would you like me to make the necessary arrangements?”
“That would be fine.” He knew better. It wouldn’t be fine until he was through with all of them. “You’ll need to be there. I don’t want to do this without you there.” Julie understood how to handle the fragile little girl.
“Okay.”
Wow. He’d arranged a get-together for the two of them without having to beg. What a far way they’d come.
&nbs
p; She wasn’t really a friend. Although she was closer than any friend he’d ever had. She wasn’t a girlfriend. They’d never even kissed.
She wasn’t a permanent part of his life.
And yet...for now, he was addicted to her.
“You still haven’t told me where we’re going to get the convertible. And when can you go?”
They had the gala the next night. He had yet to ask his question about that.
One thing at a time.
“From my garage. And Friday afternoon?” He’d given Kyle Friday night’s event—a fashion show to raise funds for a junior dance company. He was taking both Saturday gigs.
“You have a convertible.”
“It’s my dad’s, actually. I just have the keys to it. And it lives in my garage.” Plus, the title was in his name. But it didn’t feel like his. He didn’t believe he’d earned it.
Now, the Escalade... That he’d worked damned hard to afford. He took complete ownership of that one. Happily. Proudly.
“I have a meeting in LA Friday afternoon, but I could be back by three,” she said, giving another easy acquiescence, a minor miracle, while he was busily preening over his SUV.
She said she’d talk to Lila. He was going to mention the drive to Edward, whom he’d met for lunch that day. And who’d invited Lila to Thursday night’s gala as his guest.
Since it was Julie’s event, the director had told him she’d be happy to attend.
“I’m guessing you’re home by now,” Julie said. That was when they’d hung up the night before.
He considered pulling back out of his drive so he could tell her no.
“I’d like you to agree to let me pick you up and take you to the gala tomorrow night.” He’d been thinking about it all day. Been working up to asking her.
And he felt like a teenager. Worse than he’d ever felt when he was in his teens. Nothing like the thirty-three-year-old man he was now.
“Before you say no, it doesn’t make sense for Colin to drive out so early, when I’m going that way at the same time you are.” And no reason for her brother and his wife to have to wait around afterward, either.
“What makes you think I’m not planning to drive myself?”
For Joy's Sake Page 18