As Good as Dead

by Ben Westerham

“Seems like I never do in these situations. Go on.”

  “Things have moved on since your bird’s run in with her uninvited guest. Word is, and take it from me, it’s reliable, there’s a reward on offer for anyone who lifts her and shifts her back to London. Hot off the press from a mate of a mate in London. Someone’s serious about wanting to get their hands on her.”

  That caught me on the hop. Groves must have been running proper scared to make an offer like that. I’d been sure he’d prefer to keep things under wraps as best he could, rather than share his discomfort with his fellow crooks. It looked like his relationship with Alex was well and truly down the pan, which probably wasn’t a bad thing as far as she was concerned, but I suspected she wouldn’t be so happy at being told there was a reward on her pretty little head.

  “Strewth, that’s a bit drastic. And you’re sure? No chance someone’s got carried away with themselves?”

  “It’s solid, Dave. My mate’s mate reckons the grapevine is buzzing with this one already. I told you earlier, you should get yourself out of there pronto, before someone decides you’re getting in their way and puts a permanent end to your days as a snoop.”

  “Don’t worry, I like my kneecaps just the way they are, all knobbly but fully functional. Do you reckon any of the locals will be interested in this one?”

  “I don’t see why not. If you weren’t a mate, I’d have a serious think about having a go myself. Ten grand is a lot of money.”

  I sucked in air.

  “That much. That’s going to make her everyone’s favourite new friend, at least for as long as it takes to shove her in a motor and drive her up to London. I’d best let the Old Bill know before it’s too late. I can’t see much chance of them knowing about this reward. You’ve done me proud, mate. When this is all wrapped up I’ll buy you a couple of beers down the Duke.”

  “I’ll bring Sharon along. I reckon she fancies you, the stupid bird.”

  Ant thought that was hilarious and he was still laughing when he put the phone down, which was a bit rich coming from him, the cheeky sod.

  Chapter Nine

  I wasn’t wrong about Durham and Wills. I phoned them straight after my call with Ant and they’d not heard so much as a whisper about the wanted posters that were going up all over London town. Mind you, give Durham his dues, he didn’t waste any time getting his backside into gear and checking things out with his contacts in the Met. Half an hour later, he was back on the phone to me confirming what I’d told him.

  During those thirty minutes, not only had Durham got the confirmation he needed, he’d also set wheels in motion to do something about it. With the risk to Alex having gone through the roof, he wanted to move her to a safe house for the time being, while he tried to persuade his friends in the Met to take her off his hands. They were a lot better equipped for such babysitting jobs than he was and it was them she’d been haggling with, so it seemed only fair they should look after her.

  He didn’t say so, but I suspected his boss was already complaining about the cost of the over-time and the safe house, blah, blah. I’d heard that one more than once from my mates on the force. Well, that was his problem. At least, for now, it looked like we were ahead of the game and Alex could be moved out of harm’s way before it was too late.

  Durham had already spoken to Alex, to let her know the good news and to tell her to pack her bags again. She’d kept her cool, he said, which had been a relief. Trying to move her without attracting attention was going to be hard enough, but it would be ten times more difficult if she’d succumbed to a dose of hysterics.

  Once Durham was off the phone, I trotted upstairs to see Alex before she shipped out. Chances were, I wouldn’t see her again.

  “Oh, hello David,” she said, looking pleased to see me as she stood there with her police guard holding the door open. “I do hope you’re staying, because I’m absolutely desperate for someone to talk to. It’s been so boring cooped up in here.”

  She stepped to one side and ushered me into the room, as if she was a teacher and I was a kid late for a lesson.

  “Well, I suppose I can spare a minute or two.”

  The second the door closed, she got to the point; the important one, that was all about her.

  “Have you heard the news?”

  There was an edge of excitement in her voice that suggested she wasn’t exactly scared stiff at finding out there was a reward on offer for her capture and return to one distressed former lover; a man who probably wasn’t too bothered if she showed up a bit knocked about and scuffed at the edges, just so long as she was still breathing. I wondered if she’d thought about that.

  “You don’t seem too upset about it,” I ventured, as I sat down on a small, green, fake leather settee.

  She followed and dropped down on the settee next to me.

  “Well, I’ve already moved once because there was a dead man in my room, so having to move again because my former boyfriend can’t seem to do without me doesn’t seem so bad, by comparison. Funny how your perspective can change so dramatically in such a short space of time.”

  “Good on you. A lot of people would be running around screaming by now.”

  She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

  “The truth is, I would be rather more concerned if the police weren’t going to move me somewhere safe. It does make it considerably easier to remain calm when you know you are being properly looked after.”

  “That’s very true. You ought to be safe and sound once they’ve got you all tucked up in some little hovel in the back of beyond, with a leaky roof, rodents and no heating. No one would think of looking for you in a place like that,” I quipped, giving her the old raised eyebrow routine.

  She jabbed a finger in my arm and made a face.

  “You should know by now that I’m the kind of woman for whom only the best will do. It’s luxury all the way for me, or else I’ll drive myself back to London.”

  I rubbed my arm. It hurt.

  “That finger of yours is a dangerous weapon,” I scolded.

  “I’ll remember that. It might prove to be helpful.”

  “What about the police you’ve been dealing with in London? Are they looking any more keen to do a deal with you now they know an attempt has been made to grab you?”

  “Inspector Durham said he believes there will be developments soon, but I think they simply want to get me out of harm’s way first, which is absolutely fine by me. We can sort out the rest later on, as far as I’m concerned.”

  “Fair enough. You heard from Scoular? He nearly had kittens when I spoke to him earlier. I tried touching him up for some extra money, claiming this little number has been a lot more dangerous to my well-being than advertised, but all he could do was panic, worried you might not be around long enough to pay his big fat fee.”

  Alex laughed out loud and her head tipped back, exposing her elegant neck. What Tony Groves wouldn’t give to get his hands on that right now, I thought to myself.

  “I’ve already paid him half the fee upfront,” replied Alex, once she’d managed to stop laughing. “He insisted. I don’t think he’s the sort to leave himself entirely exposed to the dangers of a client not settling their bill.”

  “They’re like that, briefs. Accountants too, if mine is anything to go by.”

  “Do I take it you don’t get your money upfront?”

  I wasn’t sure if it was sympathy or stupidity she was considering, but there was some sort of feeling in her words and the fingers of one hand did a little dance on the arm of the settee. I tried to convince myself it was sympathy, but quickly gave up the struggle and changed the subject.

  “Don’t suppose Durham’s given you any clues where they’re going to take you?”

  She shook her head. “I’m not sure they had actually worked that out when he spoke to me earlier. I got the impression they’ve been caught a little on the hop, which isn’t altogether surprising, as they didn’t have any reason to think it might b
e necessary.”

  “Don’t know about that. If you ask me, your former boyfriend was odds on going to try again. The trouble is, it costs the law an arm and a leg to put someone up in a safe house. Wouldn’t surprise me if they’ve only got the one in a place like this. I’m picturing a thirty-year old, second-hand caravan in the middle of a shitty field, surrounded by cows and sheep. One dirty light-bulb, a broken fridge and a toilet with no fresh chemicals.”

  “You missed out the bits about the flea infested bed and the broken window with no curtains,” she smiled.

  “Well, best not to go getting your hopes up. I can’t see them sticking you in a place as plush as this.”

  “I don’t really mind for a few days, so long as it’s safe, if that’s all they’ve got on offer.”

  I was going to say something about how things could be worse, but changed my mind when I remembered the bloke Alex had left dead on her bedroom floor. Under the circumstances, that sort of comment didn’t seem right.

  “Well, I’m glad to see you’re doing OK, Alex. I really am. Plenty of people would be scared stiff in your position. You make sure you stick to your guns and do your worst for that tosser, Groves. With any luck, they’ll lock him up and flush away the key. Then you can get on with your life and not have to worry about him any more.”

  “I don’t feel as if I really have much choice, not now. If I don’t see things through, I suppose I’ll end up dead and buried somewhere no one will ever be able to find me and I can’t bear the thought of that.”

  She shuddered. Or was it shivered? Not a lot of difference maybe. But those eyes of hers told me she would be OK. They were filled with confidence and determination, not wishy-washy little things that couldn’t hold a stare. It was a good job she had plenty of backbone, because she’d need every last bit of it before her life got back to something like normal.

  We fell into silence and I realised we didn’t really have anything else to say to each other. It wasn’t like we were life-long mates. And I’d done what I’d wanted to do; I’d confirmed my suspicion that she was doing fine and had the wotsits to survive. So long as she got the protection she needed, there ought to be a happy ending. All that was left to do now was say a fond farewell and promise to send each other Christmas cards, which we’d never do, of course.

  I stood up. “Well then, I suppose I should leave you to tidy the place up and pay off the hotel before Durham and his mates show up to whisk you away in their limo. You take care of yourself, Alex.”

  I smiled, genuine and heartfelt, putting to one side the irritation I’d felt at having been taken for a ride by Alex. That all seemed a bit inconsequential given the latest threat to her safety.

  “I can’t thank you enough, David,” she replied, taking hold of my hand and giving it a firm squeeze. “You’ve more than earned your fee looking after me and I really appreciate what you’ve done. I suspect many others in your position would have left as soon as they found out the real reason I came down here, let alone that I’d been careless enough to leave a man dead on the floor of my room.”

  “I can’t help it. I’m just a big softie, really.”

  She gave me a little peck on the cheek and told me to take care of myself. Me, take care of myself? That’s not something I’ve ever been all that good at doing.

  *

  After saying goodbye to Alex, I made my way back to my room, had a jimmy riddle, then sprawled out on the settee with a cup of coffee and began to contemplate how I might spend the afternoon while I waited for Angela to finish work.

  There was, of course, the little matter of the in-house thief to sort out. He, or she, had not had any of my attention since things had kicked off after breakfast and I decided I’d pick up the scent after a spot of lunch. It couldn’t be that difficult to work out who it was, I told myself, so long as I was prepared to put in the leg work. And, now I had nothing else to distract me, I had as much time as I needed for that.

  However, I hadn’t even got halfway through my coffee when the phone rang. It was reception. There was a Sergeant Hoskins to see me. Pronto, if I didn’t mind. I couldn’t imagine what else I could do for Durham and his mates, but I also couldn’t think of any good reason to ignore them, so I polished off my coffee then hot-footed it down to reception, having decided Hoskins must be part of the crew Durham had sent to pick up Alex.

  Hoskins was a short bloke with a solid build and a face that did a good impression of a bulldog, a bit flabby round the cheeks, with a big open mouth and eyes that were too big and round. I suppose I ought to say that it was my years of hard won professional expertise that told me who he was as soon as I saw him in the foyer, but the truth is there were only three other people hanging around and they were all old women. In any case, he started walking towards me as soon as I stepped out of the lift.

  “Good?”

  He eyed me up and down, then scratched behind an ear as if he half-expected to find a couple of tons of building rubble had built up there. Mind you, his ears were a bit on the large side; big enough to reckon he’d been called nasty names as a kid.

  “Yeah, that would be me. You must be Hoskins. Durham sent you and some mates to pick up Alex, has he?”

  Hoskins looked left then right. “Best not talk here. Never know who might be listening. Let’s go out to the motor. No one will hear us there.”

  He didn’t wait for an answer, just turned and started shuffling towards the exit, his big head tilting left then right, like one of them there metronomes. Personally I couldn’t see the three old birds loitering in reception having the necessaries to jump us. In fact, if there was anyone hiding behind the furniture, by the time they got anywhere near us, we might have died of old age, there’d be so much ground to cover. Still, better safe than sorry, as my mum likes to say whenever she gets the chance.

  The wind greeted us like it was an old mate; one who’d not seen us in ages, getting all up close and personal. Despite the sun, I was cold and wished I’d picked up my jacket. We went left at the bottom of the steps, walked along to the first junction and turned in there.

  “That’s us,” coughed Hoskins, nodding towards a red Ford Capri parked up on our side of the road. At least we’d be warm enough in there, I thought, the wind having already found just about every nook and cranny in my clothes.

  “Here we go,” said Hoskins as he opened the door for me. “He’s Turner, the ugly one behind the wheel, and him there on the back seat is Tosh.”

  The car reeked of Old Spice. Alex was going to need a gas mask if she was going to be moved in the Capri. The engine fired up as soon as we were both in.

  “Going somewhere?” I asked.

  “I’m not happy hanging around in one spot for long,” replied Hoskins, opening up a pack of fags that he’d left on top of the dashboard. “It’s too dangerous. I like to keep them villains guessing. Makes it hard for their little brains to work out what’s going on.”

  Knowing chuckles all round from Hoskins and his mates. The car started to fill with cigarette fumes as we pulled away from the kerb.

  At the bottom of the road we took a right, motored on a way before turning on to an industrial estate where most of the units looked unloved and empty. It was the kind of place you’d watch the Sweeney chasing the villains on the TV, with plenty of wheel spins and hand-break turns to ramp up the action quota.

  “You’re not planning on keeping Alex here, are you? She’s the sort of woman who likes a bit of luxury and plenty of mod cons. Or is this just for show and it’s all plush on the inside?”

  “You can have a look for yourself, if you like,” answered Hoskins, as he wound down the window and threw out the fag he’d only lit up a couple of minutes before.

  We drove straight in through the open entrance to a knackered old red brick unit and pulled up sharpish. I looked around for signs of somewhere fit for Alex to spend the next day or two, but the whole place looked derelict. Surely they had something better in mind by way of a safe house?

/>   “Out we get,” ordered Hoskins as he and his mates climbed out on to a concrete floor. “Lock up, Tosh. Don’t want no one sticking their nose in where it ain’t wanted.

  I don’t know what it was, but something in Hoskins’s attitude left a bad feeling in my stomach. Something definitely wasn’t right.

  “You never did say what it was you wanted to speak to me about,” I prodded, keeping a close eye on Turner, who was only a few yards from me, as Tosh trotted over to the open doors and started to pull them closed.

  “Oh, that’s easy,” replied Hoskins, pushing open the door to a small office that jutted out from the wall in front of us. “We need some advice and, as it happens, you’re the only bloke wot can give it to us.”

  Hoskins waved me in through the open office door. I hesitated. Hoskins nodded once in the direction of Turner and before I had a chance to look round to see what was coming my way, he’d closed on me, had my right arm shoved half-way up my back and was pushing me towards the doorway at a fair old pace, my face instantly scrunched up in pain.

  I tried protesting, just the once, but shut up pretty sharp when Turner upped the pain level by pushing my arm even further up my back. He was a big bloke and there was no way I was going to get myself free of his grip, so I decided to lose this battle and aim for an overall victory in whatever war it was I’d unexpectedly been signed up for.

  “Here we are,” said Hoskins, taking hold of a battered steel-framed chair that had been left in the middle of the room. “Get your arse on there.”

  He grinned as Turner forced me down on to the chair and held me there while Hoskins picked up a length of rope and tied my arms and legs to the framework. I guessed he’d done that sort of thing before, because he was quick and the knots were solid; too tight for comfort, already biting into my wrists and shins.

  “Let me guess,” I hissed. “You’re with that twat Tony Groves...”

  I didn’t get to finish my sentence. The first punch of the day, thrown by Turner, landed plumb in the centre of my stomach, almost causing me to throw up. Christ, it hurt. I would have doubled over but that wasn’t an option, what with the ropes and all.