Surrender

by K. M. Scott

  He hugged me tightly and said, “I can’t believe that. You don’t believe that either. Tell me you don’t and that you believe in us.”

  “I love you so much I don’t know what to do. Every instinct in me says to walk away, but my heart keeps saying stay.”

  Stefan tilted my head back and smiled. “Then listen to your heart.”

  “I’ve never listened to my heart. I’m a scientist. I listen to my head. But my head says to run away because you’re that person I met that first day at Club X.”

  “That guy wanted you from the moment he met you. Maybe not for the right reasons, but he did. And then when he got to know you, he saw a million more reasons why he’d want to be with you. What does your heart say?”

  “That being without you hurts so much all I wanted to do was lie in bed and cry. That being without you left a hole in my life nobody could fill.”

  “You know what my heart says? That whatever it takes I’ll do it because I love you, Shay. Please. I’m begging you. Give me another chance.”

  “I want to, but it hurts so much to think of what you did.”

  “Then don’t think of it. Give us the chance to create a million other memories so that one gets pushed out of your mind. I love you, Shay, and I swear I won’t screw up again.”

  Every logical part of me said no, but for the first time, I listened to my heart and how much it hurt to go on without him. Taking me in his arms, he held me close to him and I let myself feel how incredible it was to be next to him again.

  “I love you, Stefan.”

  “I won’t let you down, Shay. I promise to be that man I became because of you. I promise.”

  * * *

  FOR THREE weeks, Shay and I had spent every minute we could together. Lola quit when she realized I wouldn’t keep doing her and Shank’s bidding, so Shay and I ran the bar and then went home together to my condo every night. I didn’t want to think about it, but every morning when I woke up, I knew we were another day closer to her leaving me again, this time for a whole year.

  And then that day was here.

  Shay rested her chin on my chest and stared up at me. “You look a million miles away. Where are you?”

  I ran my hand over her soft hair that fell across my stomach. “Right here where I should be.”

  “It’s only for a year, Stefan. I know it seems like a long time, but it’s not. We can Skype every night before you go out into the club, and it will be over before we know it.”

  “I guess.”

  She slid up to kiss me. “Think of it as the last year you get to do whatever you want before settling down.”

  “I don’t need a year to do anything. I’d rather be with you.”

  Shay remained quiet for a minute as the thought of seeing her get on that plane in a few hours made me feel like I was losing my entire world. I didn’t want to let go, but I had to and it was tearing me up.

  “What are you worried about, baby?”

  Finally, I admitted the fear that terrified me most about her leaving me for a year. “That you’ll meet some scientist who can understand what you mean when you talk about your work and you’ll realize he’s what you really want. One night you’ll send me an email saying you can’t talk that night, that you’re busy, and then before I know what happened, I’ll have lost you to someone smart like you.”

  “Oh, Stefan, that won’t happen. I promise.”

  “Why wouldn’t it happen? You’re going to be surrounded by all those science guys who know exactly what you’re talking about and one thing will lead to another and…”

  She chuckled at me. “Have you ever seen any science guys? They’re notoriously not hot. I’ve never met one that turned my head in the least.”

  “That’s not helping.”

  Holding my face in her hands, she stopped teasing me and said quietly, “Stefan, I’m madly, crazy, out of my mind in love with you. That’s why it won’t happen.”

  “And what happens after the year is up?” I asked, knowing even after a year in Copenhagen that her work might keep her away from Tampa.

  “I don’t know. I’ve worked a long time to get where I am in my work, but there might not be any way I can stay here and still do my research.”

  “I’ve never lived anywhere else, you know that? I have all this money and I never even go on vacation to other places. Maybe it’s time I should.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Maybe it’s time I think about leaving Tampa.”

  Shay knitted her brows. “Leaving? Where would you go?”

  I looked down at her and smiled. “Wherever you go.”

  “Could you do that? Would you?”

  Nodding, I said, “Yeah, I would.”

  Her smile lit up her face, and she hugged me. “That means so much to me that you’d be willing to go where I could do my work.”

  “I already lost my house and my bike over you. Why not completely change my life up?”

  Shay sat up next to me and poked me in the side. “That was your fault you made that bet. You and Kane are bad. By the way, when does he move in?”

  “He doesn’t want to collect on the bet. I think he likes his rooms at the club. Maybe I’ll tell him if he’s willing to wait a year, he can have this place when you get back since we’ll either be moving to our own place here or moving to a new city.”

  “I like that idea.” Her smiled slowly faded away. Running her fingers along my jaw, she touched my cheek. “I need to start getting ready. My flight leaves at 1:30.”

  Swallowing hard, I nodded. “I know.” I’d thought about that flight and when she’d leave me every day since we got back together. I knew.

  She leaned down and kissed me softly and whispered, “I love you, no matter where we are. Don’t forget that.”

  We stopped at the security checkpoint for Shay’s flight, and I felt the same ache in my chest as when I’d lost her just a few weeks before. I wanted to believe this wasn’t goodbye, but deep down I wasn’t sure, even if she seemed to be.

  Shay bit her lip and wiped her tears from her eyes that had taken on a watery green look. “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but I can’t help it. Promise me every night, Stefan. Every night we’ll talk, right?”

  Pulling her to me, I held her close and kissed the top of her head. “Every night. I promise. I’ll bore you with stories about the club and you can tell me all about your day. It will be just like we’re sitting next to one another.”

  Stepping back, she looked up at me. “Promise me one other thing.”

  “Anything.”

  I saw the worry in her eyes and knew what she wanted to say. “If at any time you decide you can’t wait for me, promise me you’ll at least be honest with me. That’s all I ask. Honesty.”

  “I can’t promise that because I don’t want anyone else and I won’t. There’s only you, Shay.”

  “A year’s a long time, Stefan. What if…?” She didn’t finish her sentence but I knew what she meant.

  “I have hands,” I said with a smile. “And I can always fly over to you if I just can’t wait anymore.”

  Wiping her cheek, she smiled through her tears. “Only you would say that. Okay. We can do this, right?”

  “Yeah, we can do this,” I said, trying to control my emotions as I felt my last moments with her slipping away. “Go show those science nerds how smart you are, princess. I’ll be here when you get back.”

  Shay wrapped her arms around my neck and clung to me. “I love you, Stefan. Part of me doesn’t want to go, but the other part knows I have to. I have to do this.”

  I kissed her and wished I’d never have to let her go. “I love you. No more tears. I’ll see you tomorrow night when we talk.”

  Watching her walk away into that security line, I wasn’t sure I could take a breath my chest hurt so much. She turned to blow me a kiss and I smiled, and then she disappeared in the crowd of people like her heading to their gates to take off on planes and leave behind the people who loved
them. Two hours later, I stood watching through the airport windows as Flight 3279 finally lifted off the ground taking the woman I loved with it.

  I just hoped it wasn’t forever.

  Sitting in Cash’s office for the weekly meeting I still didn’t see the point to, my brother and I waited for Kane, who’d kept us hanging for the last twenty minutes. He strolled in like we had all the time in the world. Cash and he might, but I had a standing date with the woman I loved to video chat, and Shay would be calling in less than an hour.

  Kane sat down in the chair next to mine and shrugged, like his wasting our time meant nothing to him. “Sorry. It couldn’t be avoided.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Let’s get this meeting going. I have to be out of here in a couple.”

  Both of them stared at me like I’d said something bizarre. Cash smiled and shook his head. “Anything important, Stef?”

  “Yeah, it’s important. I’m going to talk to Shay like I do every day, so let’s get going.”

  “I still can’t get used to you as a committed man, little brother,” Kane teased. “And that you got that woman still amazes me.”

  I rolled my eyes at the same jabs he always made. “You need some new material, Kane. Maybe if you ever spent any time with women you wouldn’t be fixated on my love life.”

  “Okay, okay. Let’s get going with this. Olivia and I have to finalize the plans for the wedding at four today,” Cash said as he typed his password into his laptop. “We’ve got to discuss what we’re going to do now that Shank isn’t going to be around to help us anymore. We’ve been lucky for much longer than I thought we’d be, but luck runs out.”

  I looked at both my brothers for any sense that they blamed me. The whole Lola situation hadn’t been my finest hour, and in truth, Shank gunning for us now was my fault. That Cash and Kane had forgiven me made me feel a little better about things, but the truth was that the club was in danger as long as we didn’t have someone to protect us from nightly raids.

  “Any progress with that councilman?” Kane asked. “He could help. He’s already a member of the club. I’m sure he wants it open again.”

  Cash solemnly shook his head. “Maybe. I have a meeting set up with him in a few days.” I saw the look of worry in my brother’s eyes, but he quickly forced a smile. “He’s got deep pockets and seems to be interested in adding to them, so he might be willing to. I think he might be able to help with the police if we can convince him.”

  I hated seeing him so stressed out. More than Kane or me, Cash bore the responsibility for the club’s security and the concern he had about it was written all over his face.

  “What if we kept it legal for a while?” I asked, knowing how much of Club X was outside the bounds of what was legal. Virtually everything in Kane’s area could be something we’d get shut down for on any given night.

  “That’s going to cut into profits, Stefan. This comes as a bad time for Cash especially.”

  I looked at Kane and nodded. “I know, but it’s got to be better than being shut down.” Turning toward Cash, I said, “I’m sorry this is happening just around your big day. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

  “I know, Stef. Don’t worry. We’ll get through this. We handled things before we found Shank, and we’ll handle it now. It’s nice to hear you say you’re sorry, though.”

  Kane elbowed me and I saw him smile. “Who would have thought you’d finally grow up on a bet between the two of us?”

  “Does your girlfriend know you made a bet on her?” Cash asked.

  “Yes, she does know. I told her. I’m a changed man, gentlemen. Being with Shay has transformed me.”

  The two of them sat staring at me as if I’d announced I planned to travel to Mars, but it didn’t matter if they believed me or not. I believed in Shay and me. That’s all that counted.

  “Now, if I can please be excused, Mr. March, I have a date with my girlfriend I’d like to get ready for.”

  Cash rolled his eyes and smiled. “Go. You’re no use to us when you’re acting like a lovesick puppy. If you need to know anything about the week ahead, Kane or I will tell you.”

  I stood to leave and Kane smacked me on the arm. “Tell Shay we miss her here. The bar isn’t the same without her. I miss seeing her on the fourth floor.”

  “Watch it, big brother. That’s the woman I love you’re talking about.”

  Positioned in front of my laptop, I sat waiting for Shay’s call, nervously running my hands through my hair as I readied myself to see her again. Every night of the week we did this together, and every time it made me miss her even more than the time before. I never told her that because what would be the point? She was thousands of miles and a continent away in Copenhagen for another eight months, and there was nothing that could change that.

  Sometimes late at night as I lay in bed missing her more than I thought it was possible to miss someone I thought about telling Cash and Kane I couldn’t do this anymore and I had to leave. I had more than enough money to pay for a few months of living in Copenhagen, no matter how much it cost. But I couldn’t do that to them after how much I’d fucked things up at the club, and Shay needed to do her work. She didn’t need me hanging around her neck. We’d endured four months apart. We could handle eight more.

  My laptop made that chiming noise that signaled she was calling me, and I turned to see her beautiful face in front of me again and that smile that never failed to make my day.

  “Hey, baby! What’s going on?” she asked as she always did at the beginning of our chat.

  “Not much. How’s my girl today? Doing lots of research?”

  Chuckling, she shook her head. “I love that you ask me about my research, but you don’t have to, Stefan. I know it’s not your thing.”

  “It’s my thing because it’s your thing, Shay.”

  “Well, I could bore you with all the details, but I’d rather talk about other things. What have you been up to?”

  “Just the club and home. Counting the days until you’re back,” I said, trying to sound upbeat.

  “What’s new at the club? I miss that place. I never thought I’d say that about a bartending job, but I do.”

  “It’s always the same. You know how it is.”

  Her smile faded just a touch, and she asked in a quiet voice, “Is something wrong, Stefan? You seem different tonight.”

  I forced myself to smile and shook my head. “No. Just tired.”

  She leaned in toward where the camera was on her laptop and blew me a kiss. “I miss you, baby. It’s lonely without you.”

  “Me too. It’s just eight months, though, right?”

  Nodding, she said, “Right. We’ll be seeing each other soon. Those months will go by like it’s just a few minutes.”

  My cell phone rang and I looked over to see it was Cash calling. Silencing it, I ignored it, pissed off that he didn’t remember how important these calls from Shay were to me.

  “Do you have to go? I heard the phone ring.”

  “No, that’s just Cash. I’ll talk to him later.”

  Just then, my phone rang again. I looked over and saw it was Cash for a second time. What the fuck? Irritated, I silenced my phone again and turned back to Shay as she said, “I’ll let you go. We can talk later.”

  “No, no. I don’t need to go yet. I want to spend more time with you. Whatever Cash wants can wait, Shay.”

  “Are you sure? Maybe you should go see what he wants.”

  I leaned forward toward my laptop screen and touched my fingertip to it, wishing I was touching her. “I don’t want to talk about my brother or the club anymore. I want to hear you tell me about your day, even if I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. I want to close my eyes and pretend you’re here instead of what feels like a million miles away.”

  “Oh, Stefan. Honey, you look so sad. I hate that we can’t be together, but I had to do this. I couldn’t just be some girl who mooched off you. You understand that, don’t you?” />
  I hung my head. “Yeah. I understand. I just wish you were here.”

  A knock on my office door set me off, and I jumped out of my chair to find out who the hell couldn’t figure out I was fucking busy. Throwing the door open, I saw Cash standing there with his phone in his hand.

  “What do you want? You know I’m busy talking to Shay in here.”

  “I need you to come into my office. We’ve got something we need to handle right now.”

  “No! I’m talking to Shay now. When I’m done, I’ll come back. Now get the fuck out of my face.”

  “Stefan, this is club business. I know you want to talk to her, but this takes priority.”

  From behind me, I heard Shay’s voice come from my laptop. “Stefan, I can call back in a little while, if that would be better.”

  Storming back to my desk, I sat down. “No. We don’t get much time together, so whatever my goddamned brothers want from me will have to wait.”

  Shay’s green eyes stared out at me with a look that told me she understood. I didn’t, but she did. “It’s okay, baby. Remember, we can talk again tonight, and we’ll see each other really soon, right? How about I give you a half hour?”

  I looked up over the laptop and glared at Cash. “You have thirty minutes. Any more, and you and Kane will have to figure whatever it is out by yourselves.”

  “Thirty minutes. Fine.”

  Turning my attention back to where it belonged, I forced a smile. “I’ll talk to you in a half hour, okay? We’ll pick up right where we left off.”

  “Okay. I love you, Stefan.”

  “I love you too, Shay.”

  My laptop screen returned to my screensaver of a picture of Shay and me at the beach, and I slammed the top closed. “Cash, what the fuck could be this important? This better be big. I mean, fucking huge.”

  “It is.”

  “Well, it better be,” I grumbled as I followed him out into the club. “So what’s the problem?”

  “I think you’ll get a better handle on the situation when we get to my office. Relax. She said she’d speak to you in a few minutes. It’ll be fine.”