by Renee Fowler
“No, it’s up to us. I want something we can all be happy with.”
“Seeing you happy, makes me happy, so if that’s what you want, then I say go for it.”
Being with Gabe is what makes me happy. I am ridiculously happy, and I just want something that works for all of us. We walk out back to give Rose a chance to run around. There’s not much for her to do out here, but we wander into the woods a bit, along one of the trails I had the grounds keeper cut through last year. Rose skips ahead of us, and promptly finds a mud puddle to splash through.
“Rose,” Gabe says in an annoyed voice.
“Let her have her fun. That’s what baths are for, right?”
“Right.” Gabe smiles, and twines his fingers in mine. “So, how’s it going in the studio?”
“Two songs down. Nine more to go.”
“That’s it? But you’re there ten hours a day.”
“It takes longer than you’d imagine, but there’s a lot of down time too. How’s everything back at home?”
“The same. Lilly’s trying to talk me into letting her have a party at your place.”
I laugh. “I’m not sure how your sister would feel about that. How’s Leah?”
“They had to go back and do one more surgery on her leg, but I think she’ll be going to that rehab hospital next week.” He tugged my hand gently, and stopped walking as Rose continued on a few paces. “We told her about Leah losing the baby.”
“How did she take it?”
“Pretty well. I’m not sure if she really understands. Leah told her the baby was an angel watching over her, or something.” Gabe sighs. “Leah seems to be handling it all okay too, I guess.”
Gabe hasn’t only been taking Rose to see Leah. He’s been stopping by to bring her things, and help out in small ways since her fiance is busy with work and his other children.
I’m trying not to let it eat at me, but they were married, and they do have a child together. The two of them share a bond that Gabe and I may never have thanks to my weird squeamishness and general lack of interest in newborns. With all this time we’ll be spending apart… I won’t allow my mind to go there.
Gabe is a good man. That’s the only reason he’s been helping Leah out, and he’s never given me one reason to doubt him. I need to stop being so paranoid and trust him the way he trusts me. When I told him about my surprise visit from Kane earlier in the week, he wasn’t weird about it. He was only pissed at Brent for putting me in that position in the first place.
We start moving again to catch back up with Rose, who has found a long, smooth branch to drag along the ground behind her. When it’s time to head back, she wants to take it with her. “Just let her,” I say. “It’s no worse than some of the stuff Charity dragged in from the woods when she stayed here with me.”
“How’s she been?”
“Good. I’ve got someone that comes by to do some cleaning for her, but she’s staying busy at the garage, and rebuilding some old car now.” I made it a point to stop in a see her a few times a week, but now that this album is underway, I probably won’t have the time. My older sister is over there a lot though.
Gabe goes to get Rose cleaned up while I start dinner. After we eat, we both straighten up while Rose plays with a few things I bought her earlier this week, then Gabe goes out back to grab some wood so we can build a fire in the stone fireplace in the living room.
There was a time in my life I would’ve found a quiet night in like this boring, but I can’t think of a single place I’d rather be right now. Everything is so perfect, besides the fact that I’ll be saying goodbye to them again Sunday afternoon.
But things start to feel a little imperfect as we get Rose settled in for bed. Gabe seems upset, not quite himself. His shoulders are stiff. The lines of his face are sharper as the corners of his jaw jump.
“What’s wrong?” I ask as he pulls the door to her room closed.
“Nothing.”
“Something’s wrong. I can tell.”
“What makes you say that?” A faint smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. One of his dimples flashes at me momentarily.
He leads me back through to the living room as I explain. “I know you, Gabe. I can tell when something’s upsetting you. I can read you like a book.”
“Is that so?” Before I have a chance to answer, he kisses me. A real kiss. A long, lingering, heated kiss that we’ve both been holding back with Rose between us. She’s still awake, and I can faintly make out her familiar chatter from down the hall. Chances are she’ll peek back out of her room, ask for a sip of water or another story to fall asleep. It usually takes her a while to drift all the way off.
He lifts his mouth off mine, and gazes down at me. The fire light dances across his blue eyes, making them glow warmly. “I’m not upset, but maybe I am a little nervous.”
“Why?”
“I want to ask you something.”
I slide my hands up his chest, and around his neck. “You can ask me anything.”
“And you can feel free to say no.”
“I could never say no to you.”
Gabe gives a quiet laugh. Maybe I can’t quite read him as well as I thought because the look on his face is suddenly indecipherable. As long as we’ve known each other, and as well as it feels like I do know him now, I guess there are some pages in that book I haven’t come across yet.
He grabs around my wrists lightly, and pulls my hands down in his. As he comes down to one knee in front of me, the breath catches in my throat. “Last week you said it better than I ever could. You’re my one and only, Trin. My first and my last. I know it’s soon, but-”
I shake my head quickly. Soon? I’ve been waiting years for a second chance to do this right.
He groans quietly and presses his forehead against my leg.
“No! I didn’t mean no like that. I meant it wasn’t too soon. The answer is yes! You are asking me to marry you, right? Holy shit. You better be.”
Gabe gives me a radiant smile. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to do. I love you, Trin. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so if you’ll have me…”
“Yes. Oh, my god.” I cry like a little bitch as he slides the ring on my finger.
He gives me a timid smile. “It’s a little nicer than the first one I gave you, but I wish I could-”
“It’s perfect, Gabe. I love it, and I love you. This is all perfect.”
“I can’t sleep,” Rose says in a whiney voice from the doorway. “Can you read me another story?”
“Come here, baby.” Gabe holds out his hand. When Rose gets close enough, he draws her into the circle of his arm and picks her up. She peers at me curiously while I wipe my eyes and try to pull myself together. “What would you think about me and Trin getting married?”
Rose is suddenly wide awake, and her entire face lights up with a huge smile. “I’m going to be the flower girl two times!”
Chapter 34
Gabe
Early Sunday morning I’m woke up by a timid knock on the bedroom door. I have one eye cracked open when Mia lets herself in. “Trin, it’s time to wake up,” she says, cheerfully.
Trin mumbles incoherently, then sits up. “It’s Sunday, isn’t it?”
“I emailed you. You’re doing a test shoot this morning.”
“On a Sunday?”
“It’s the only day the photographer Brent wanted was available.”
“What difference does the photographer make if it’s a test shoot?” Trin asks sharply, then sucks in a deep breath. “Sorry, Mia. How long is it scheduled for?”
Mia peers down at her phone. “Four hours.” She flings open Trin’s closet and starts to flick through the hangers.
I reach over to snag up my shirt and tug it over my head, not that Mia is paying me any mind. This whole thing seems so surreal, her assistant just letting herself in the bedroom, laying clothes out for Trin to wear, and Trin doesn’t react at all like this is unusual. I guess to her maybe it’s not.
“Is there any way we can cancel?” Trin asks.
Mia gnaws on her bottom lip. “Uhm. I could call and see, but hair and makeup are already waiting. We’re scheduled to start in an hour.”
“Shi… shoot,” Trin finishes as Rose barrels into the room and climbs into bed between us. “I’m sorry, Gabe.”
“We’re not leaving until four. We’ll still have time when you get back.”
Trin gives Rose a quick cuddle, and me a quick kiss before ambling out of bed. She snatches up the clothes laid out for her and heads in the direction of the bathroom, then pauses in front of Mia to hold up her hand. “I’m engaged,” she proclaims happily.
Mia gives her a warm smile. “Congratulations.”
“And I’m going to be the flower girl,” Rose chimes in.
“That’s wonderful,” Mia says throwing a smile in our direction. When Trin disappears into the bathroom to get ready, she asks if I need anything. I quickly shake my head. I’m still reeling a bit from the weirdness of all this.
Somehow I keep forgetting that Trin is the Trin Sinclair. She has an assistant that wanders into her bedroom at seven in the morning. She has people that do her hair and makeup. The woman I’m going to call my wife one day gets stopped on the street by strangers for pictures. Even after she becomes Trin Barton, she’ll still be Trin Sinclair to most of the world.
But not for a while. Both of us are content with a long engagement. Trin doesn’t want to get married until she’s back home permanently, which may not be for a while.
I know everyone is going to think it’s crazy, that we’re moving too fast, but I needed Trin to understand that I meant it. I love her, and can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else, even if that life is going to be a bit more public than I’d care for. I can deal with it, and I can deal with the time apart.
What I can’t deal with is Mia fawning all over Rose in the kitchen, and tripping over her own words as she tries to convince me that she should be serving us breakfast.
Mia seems like a sweet girl, but I don’t want my girl growing up thinking this kind of thing is normal. Maybe it’s normal for Trin while she’s working, but it’s not going to be the norm forever, and not for Rose and me.
Before long Mia and Trin depart, and it’s just the two of us. After breakfast, I get Rose dressed, and take her outside. I chase her around a bit while she pretends to flee in terror. My phone rings, and I let out a quiet sigh when I see who’s calling. “Hey, Leah. What’s up?”
“Nothing. I was just wondering if you’d be able to bring Rose by today.”
“We’re out of town right now, but I’d be happy to swing by with her tomorrow after work.”
“Oh.” She doesn’t ask where we’re at, or who we’re with. I suppose she can guess. Rose is a chatterbox, and she’s already blurted out a few things about Trin to her mother.
I really hate to lay this on her right now with everything else she’s going through, but chances are Rose will spill the beans tomorrow or sometime soon. “Actually, I’m glad you called. There’s something I needed to talk to you about.”
My eyes track Rose’s pale purple coat through the trees as she veers off the trail a bit. I break the news to Leah as gently as possible, mindful of the fact that she’s emotionally and physically vulnerable right now.
Leah lets out a long, disgusted huff. “Is she pregnant or something?”
“No, of course not.”
“You two are moving awfully fast, aren’t you?”
I roll my eyes towards the morning sky. She’s one to talk. “We’re planning on a long engagement, but in either case, I thought you should hear it from me first.”
I hear her swallow thickly on the other end of the line. “I appreciate you telling me. Maybe this is good. It’ll give Rose something to look forward to.”
“Well, she’s still at that age. It doesn’t take much to get her excited. She still looks forward to a trip to McDonalds,” I point out, trying to keep my tone light, and steer the conversation to safer topics. “Do you want to talk to her?”
“Roger left me,” Leah sobs, and starts to wail on her end.
Shit. I was kind of afraid this might happen, but you’d think the bastard could have at least waited until she was out of the hospital. “I’m sorry to hear that, Leah. That’s awful.”
Listening to Leah lament, I watch Rose balance precariously on an overturned log with her arms flung out to either side for balance.
When we return from our jaunt out in the woods barely an hour later, it’s still early, and I’m surprised to see Trin already returned. She’s wearing the same jeans and sweatshirt she left in, but her hair is perfectly styled and falling around her face is stiff waves. Her eyes are lined in dramatic makeup, and her face looks porcelain and poreless thanks to all the stuff shellacked over her skin. The effect is a bit jarring from close up. She almost doesn’t look like herself.
“You’re back early,” I say.
“Mmhmm.”
“I’m still not able to get ahold of him,” Mia says meekly from the doorway.
“That’s okay. I’ll try him again myself later.”
“What happened?” I ask.
“Brent is what happened,” she says in a low, hateful voice. “You should’ve seen the stuff he wanted me to wear. A pink, pleather mini skirt with half of my a-... butt cheeks hanging out.”
Giggling, Rose climbs up in her lap, and presses her palms to Trin’s other cheeks. Rose’s hands come away covered in makeup, which she rubs off on Trin’s sweatshirt.
“I’m just going to need to coordinate with my own stylist. It’s obvious he’s not going to listen to me,” Trin says more calmly. “This is his last chance. His last warning. If he does something like this again, I’m done with him.”
I have to bite my tongue so damn hard. As far as I’m concerned, Brent doesn’t deserve a thing from Trin. He’s used up every chance, but if I say that, then she’ll rush right to his defense for some reason. I’ve given up even trying to comprehend the weird relationship between those two.
“Should I start making some calls about a stylist?” Mia asks.
“Not right now. It’s Sunday.”
“I can at least put out some feelers,” Mia says with her face angled towards her phone as she meanders out of the room.
“What’s wrong with you?” Trin asks, studying my face.
She really can read me, but I don’t want to get into particulars with Rose in the room.
“What?” Trin implores.
I get Rose set up with a snack and a video, then I spill.
“What a piece of shit,” Trin whispers. “Who the hell just up and abandons someone when they’re laid up in the hospital like that?”
I can only shrug. From where I’m standing, it’s all a convoluted mess, one which Leah willingly put herself in the middle of more than a year ago, but I have to agree with Trin. The timing couldn’t be any worse.
“Mia, are you busy?” Trin calls out.
Her assistant appears moments later.
“I’m going to need you to go out of town for a little bit, to help an old… friend.”
“But I’m supposed to be helping you,” Mia says in a shy voice.
“Helping her, is helping me.”
“Brent won’t like this.”
“But you work for me, Mia. Not Brent. Right?”
Mia nods slowly.
“Trin, you don’t have to do this,” I say.
“I want to.”
“Thank you,” I say earnestly. It’s such a load off. Leah may be my exwife, but she’s Rose’s mother, and I still worry about her.
“When she gets up on her feet again, she should have a place to call home, for her and Rose, and maybe a hot, male nurse to give her sponge baths while she’s still recuperating. Write that down, Mia.”
Shaking my head, I start to crack up. I’m starting to think Trin is jealous of Leah, which is utterly ridiculous. I pull her up into my
arms, as Mia wanders back out of the room to begin making arrangements.
I kiss Trin’s forehead, the tip of her nose, her mouth. She laughs when I come away with waxy makeup on my lips and face. She tries to rub it away with the pad of her thumb. “I think I’m making it worse,” she says. “I’m just making a bigger mess.”
Chapter 35
Trin
Brent flicked through the proofs with a tight lipped grimace stamped on his face. “You look beautiful, Doll, but-”
“Do you not believe in me at all?”
He lays the glossy photos on this desk, and folds his forearms together. “Of course I believe in you. I’m your biggest supporter.”
We both know that’s bullshit. Brent only thinks I can sell records or fill seats if I prance around in some slutty, leather outfit. Maybe he’s right for all I know, but I’m not doing that again. I already told him.
I stare down at my ring, missing Gabe, Rose, my family, home. The album is finished. Now we just need to decide how we’re going to market it. These last few months have been unbearably long. The driving back and forth. The visits from Gabe and Rose that were always too short. I’m already weary of it all, and we haven’t even really started yet.
“Are you listening to me?” Brent says.
Barely. My physical body may be sitting across from him, but my mind is hundreds of miles away. “I would be happy with any one of those looks.”
“What if I’m not happy with any of them?”
I shrug my shoulders.
Brent intertwined his fingers in a begging gesture. “Gimme something to work with here, Trin.”
“That’s exactly what I’m doing. I gave you a dozen different things to work with.”
Brent tilts his head to the side, and throws me a sad look. “You seem depressed.”
I laugh. “I’m the exact opposite of depressed. I just want to make a decision so I can get on the road.” I’m taking a full week off, and deciding on this early release promo shot is the final box I need to tick before I head towards home.
“You should stay for a day or two, unwind a bit. Sue wanted you to swing by for dinner tomorrow night.”