Return to Me (Breaking Free Book 2)

by Renee Fowler

  Ketamine is no joke, that’s all I can say. I suppose I may have bonked my head on the way down that hill too, contributing to my spotty memory around that time.

  The best thing to come from the whole ordeal was, Arista let me out of my contract without a big hassle. I guess they didn’t have much choice after Brent confessed that I may not have been completely lucid when I signed it in the first place. Of course he only confessed after I agreed to drop the other charges against him on the condition that he go ahead and retire early. I hate the thought of him doing the crap he did to me to anyone else.

  I still have a hard time believing that Brent was really the eyeball eater, and that Mia was the eyeball eater’s helper.

  Maybe I wasn’t so paranoid after all.

  They went ahead and released Sinsation, which has far out sold Sinful. I’d like to say it’s because Sinsation is utterly sensational, but I think it has as much to do with the news about my abduction hitting shortly before its release than anything else. So much for a quiet, private life. It’s going to be a long while before I can wander around out in public without being recognized again.

  Construction on our new, more cozy and home-like home has been complete for a while, but we’ve yet to move in. I don’t feel safe there like I do here. Maybe eventually I will, but for right now we’re happy to hunker down in my mountain top house.

  I still venture out with Gabe plenty. I have a new disguise, dark curls and red glasses that I’ve named Tiffany. He’s back to work, and I stay busy songwriting and doing things behind the scenes for the bakery.

  I’m masquerading as Tiffany the day I go dress shopping with Leah. Is it weird that we’re friends again? Maybe it’s a little weird. I know Gabe thinks it’s weird, but he mostly keeps that to himself, and we mostly hang out when he’s not around.

  “I can’t believe I’m getting married before you,” Leah says, adjusting the bodice of the dress as she inspects her reflection. She’s getting hitched in a few months to a physical therapist who helped her back last year. “Are you two ever going to get married, or do you just plan on living in sin forever?”

  “Living in sin suits us just fine.” I laugh and stare down at my ring. I don’t really care about the wedding as long as I get to come home to Gabe. He doesn’t really care about it all that much either. “Maybe we can just go to the court house.”

  Leah scoffs. “You can’t do that. It’s your big day when you get to dress up like a princess, and be the center of attention.”

  I’ve been the center of attention enough to last a lifetime, and I’ve worn plenty of dresses fit for a princess. “I’m sure we’ll get around to it eventually.”

  Leah turns around and does a twirl. “What do you think?”

  “I think if you’re wanting to look like a princess, it should be more poofy.” I stand up and go to pull a more poofy dress off the rack for her to try on, and my stomach quivers. “I also think you should drop me off before we go to pick up Rose. I might be getting sick or something.”

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  “I just feel gross.”

  “That’s not very descriptive.”

  She takes the dress from me. I plop back down on the padded bench, and lay a palm over my belly. “I feel barfy, like I might hurl. I probably should’ve stayed home. I don’t want to get you sick. I’ve been like this for days, but I felt fine this morning.”

  Leah freezes inside the doorway to the dressing room. “Are you pregnant?”

  “No way. I never forget to take my pill. I have an alarm set on my phone.”

  “Nothing’s one hundred percent, Trin.”

  “Stop trying to freak me out.”

  “I’m not. I’m just saying.”

  “Besides it’s almost noon. It’s called morning sickness, not noon sickness.”

  “I got sick all around the clock. It doesn’t have to only be in the morning. So did you, remember?”

  “Barely. That was like nine years ago.”

  Leah’s face broke out into a wide smile. “It looks like Rose might be having a brother or sister after all.”

  I shake my head quickly.

  Her mouth falls open. “You really wouldn’t have this baby?”

  “I can’t. I’m not a mom. I’m not a motherly type.”

  “Yes you are. You’re like a second mom to Rose.”

  “That’s different. She’s older. I didn’t meet her until she was past the teeny, tiny baby stage.”

  “That’s the best stage. I miss when Rose was a teeny, tiny baby.”

  “That’s the difference between you and me I guess.”

  “Let me change back into my clothes, and we can go get a test.”

  “I’m not pregnant, Leah.”

  “What if you are?”

  “I’m not,” I say firmly.

  Forty minutes later we are at Leah’s place, huddled together in her downstairs bathroom. “I can’t look,” I say, feeling another quell of nausea, and a strong sense of deja vu.

  This is exactly how it happened last time. Leah was there with me when I found out I was pregnant just two weeks shy of my eighteenth birthday.

  I’m almost twenty seven now, and my entire life is different. It’s different in ways I would’ve never dreamed possible back then, but at the core I guess I’m still the same. I still don’t think I would make much of a mother.

  “Aww. I guess you were right afterall,” Leah says in a sad, whiny voice. “I thought I was finally going to be an auntie.”

  I open my eyes to see the test with only one line instead of two. “That’s a relief,” I say quickly, and I am relieved, but I think I’m also… disappointed? I guess I’m not sure exactly how I feel about it, which says plenty in itself. If I was ready to be a mom, I would know, so that must mean I’m not ready. It’s just as well. “I guess I’m just coming down with a stomach bug, like I said.”

  When I tell Gabe about it later that night, he pulls me back against his chest and wraps his arms around my shoulders. I love sitting with him like this, curled up with my back to his front. His chin rests lightly on my shoulder and against my neck. “Why do you think you wouldn’t make a good mom?”

  “Lots of reasons.”

  “Like what?”

  “I would get fat.”

  “Good. There would be more of you to love.”

  I snort a laugh under my breath.

  “But that has nothing to do with being a mom,” he adds.

  “I’ve just fucked up a lot of things, you know? I’m not doing that to a kid. It’s not fair.”

  “Everyone makes mistakes. You think I haven’t screwed things up. I was clueless when I first had Rose.”

  “Leah said you were always good with her.”

  “Do you two just sit around and talk about me all the time?”

  “Nah, but she did say you were a dick.”

  “Oh, I was. We were awful together.”

  “You’re not a dick to me.”

  “Nope, because you don’t annoy the shit out of me. You and me work together. We were made for each other.” He presses a little kiss to the side of my neck. “See, I’ve made my mistakes too, and everyone that has a kid makes mistakes. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. They don’t exist.”

  “I think I’m just afraid… My mom was hateful. I know I’m not supposed to say that now that she’s dead, but she was. What if I turn out like that?”

  “You’re not her, Trin. You’re nothing like her, and you’ve always been sweet with Rose.”

  Suddenly I’m glad to be facing away from him. “It doesn’t feel right. Why did we get rid of that baby if we were just going to turn around and have another one?”

  “Trin, that was years ago, and we were just kids. We weren’t ready.”

  “I’m the one-”

  “No. We were both there. We talked about it, and decided together. I hate that you’re still holding on to that.”

  “I’m not really,” I say truthfull
y. I guess there will always be a small part of me that wonders what if, but I don’t torment myself with it like I used to. “Maybe we could adopt. Would you even want to do that? It might be weird though, having one biological child, and one adopted.”

  “I don’t think it would be weird. You love Rose, and she’s not your biological child, right?”

  “Right. Maybe we could just start with a dog, and see how we feel.”

  Gabe laughs quietly. “We could do that.”

  “Well, what do you want? I feel like you always agree with me just to agree with me.”

  “I don’t always agree with you.”

  “We never fight. It’s weird.”

  “We used to fight about Brent all the time,” he reminds me.

  I grumble under my breath. Just hearing that assholes name still pisses me off.

  “Trin, I would love to have a baby with you, but that’s something we both need to want. If not, I would love to adopt a baby with you, and no matter what we decide, I think we should go get a dog, but no cats. I hate cats.”

  “Hate is such a strong word,” I tease. He already knows I’m not a big cat person either. “And you’re really okay if we don’t have a wedding?”

  “I’ve already done it once, remember? Not standing around all day in a monkey suit sounds fine to me.”

  “You’re gonna have to wear one for Leah’s wedding.”

  Gabe groans. “Are you seriously making me go to that?”

  “I can’t go by myself.”

  “I guess it’ll be nice for Rose to see us all getting along,” he says reluctantly.

  “Exactly.”

  “Well, if you’re really, really sure that you’re ready to take that next big step, I say we go pick us out a puppy dog tomorrow.”

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