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by Alyssa Turner

  I look the same, sound the same, but those who know me would tell the difference. I guess I’ve been avoiding Sonya for just that reason – I didn’t even bother to find out if she was working when we went to pick up Noemi. But her feelings really sounded hurt in her last message and though I dial her back, it’s with trepidation.

  ‘Where the hell have you been?’ she answers the phone, recognising my number.

  ‘I’ve been busy, that’s all,’ I say, preparing myself for her inquisition.

  ‘Too busy to return my calls? Whatever, girl.’ She pauses a minute before continuing. ‘I guess you were too busy for the Sorority Luncheon yesterday too.’

  ‘Oh shit, was that yesterday?’ I’d been so wrapped up in my adventures with Jimmy, it completely skipped my mind.

  ‘Everybody kept asking me where you were. Even I expected to see you there . We haven’t missed the annual luncheon since we got made.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Sonya. I totally forgot.’ Now I know why she’d left me so many messages, wondering where I was. It’s not like me to blow off my friends and I feel terrible. ‘Let’s grab a bite to eat tonight. I want to hear all the latest gossip I missed.’

  ‘Oh now you have some time for me?’ she jokes, rubbing it in.

  ‘Give me a break, OK. I’ll call you when I’m leaving work.’

  Though we’ve spent almost every night together, Jimmy and I make a point to always arrive in separate cars. My normal duties don’t put us on the same floor often, let alone the same room, and it’s all I can do to keep myself from fabricating excuses to run up to marketing. We’ve agreed that it wouldn’t be wise to let our involvement become common knowledge. Just like any large corporation, rumours run rampant at IGB and left to fester can reap havoc on a career. For both of our sakes, we try to steer clear of each other; for fear that neither of us will be able to resist keeping our hands to ourselves. We do, however, keep quite in touch through email, all day long. I’m sure to be soaked and aching for him by quitting time. Jimmy says he’s happy he sits at a large desk and when we are finally able to be alone, the wait has only sweetened the reward.

  But tonight I’ve promised to meet up with Sonya, and the wait will be even longer. In the elevator, I dig my phone out of my purse to tell her I’m on my way. Two voicemails are waiting for me and I decide to retrieve them first. The first message is from Jimmy.

  ‘I’m stopping for those double-fudge brownies you love, call me when you’re on your way from the restaurant ... and leave room for dessert.’ God, how he makes me glow.

  The next message is a complete shock. Jared. His voice seems foreign to me now, though of course I recognise his deep rolling tone. Hearing from him is like an assault on my psyche.

  ‘Tina, I’m hoping you’re available for dinner sometime this week. I really want to talk. I know I’ve been an asshole. I love you, baby.’ I’m still reeling when I exit the building.

  On the way to the restaurant, I let Sonya know about the message.

  ‘That’s typical Jared,’ she says, shaking her head. ‘A whole month goes by and you’re supposed to just let him back in your life?’

  ‘He can keep thinking that I’m waiting around hoping he’ll come back to me. He doesn’t have a fucking clue.’

  ‘And this guy Jimmy does?’ she asks with scepticism. ‘I know he’s the reason you’ve been MIA for the past few weeks.’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Sonya, I don’t want to hear it.’

  ‘I’m just worried about you, Tina. You only broke up with Jared last month and already you are throwing yourself into something different with Jimmy.’ She sucks her teeth. ‘And it’s different all right.’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I scoff, pulling into a parking space.

  ‘Well, it’s just ... you know, he’s how much older than you? Not to mention White. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but I’ve never known you to swim those waters.’

  She’s my best friend but I’m defensive anyway. ‘You don’t know everything about me, OK? Anyway, you wouldn’t even understand the way he makes me feel. He’s wild and unpredictable and being with him is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.’ I throw the key into my purse and head for the frosted glass doors of our favourite sushi spot near the mall. Sonya quickens her steps to join me.

  ‘It’s just new to me, that’s all,’ she says.

  ‘I know, I thought the whole thing was crazy too. But wait until you meet him. You’ll love him. He has that effect on women, believe me.’

  The hostess tells us it will be a few minutes before we can be seated, so I excuse myself for the ladies’ room. On the way back, a familiar uniform has caught my attention at the sushi bar. The man wearing it spots me on my approach and boldly reaches out to grab my hand.

  My stomach rolls for a moment, but I quickly regain my composure. ‘Rodriguez ...’ A naughty grin curls my lips as I coo, ‘Do you like my dress? I paid for this one, I promise.’

  His jaw tightens while leaning in, trying to throw his weight around. ‘If I ever catch you again–’ he mutters through cinched lips while his muscles bulge in his company-issue polo shirt.

  Tasty as he looks, I can’t resist the bait. ‘You’ll do what?’ I challenge, and stealthily run my hand up his inner thigh, remembering the vision of his cock sliding in my fist. I am inches from him now and can sense his elevated heartbeat. On the contrary, the rhythm inside my chest is relaxing by the second. My hand creeps slowly up and into his crotch as I hold his eyes with mine.

  ‘Tina, our table is ready.’ Sonya is calling from a few feet away.

  I give him a gentle tug and shake my head. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not interested in any more freebies. But it was nice seeing you.’ I turn in dismissal and walk over to join Sonya while he sits there dumb-founded, again.

  ‘What the hell was that about?’ she asks, nodding over in the security guard’s direction.

  ‘Ohthat was nothing,’ I shrug, looking at the menu.

  ‘It didn’t look like nothing. I thought you were going to kiss him.’ Her brow is wrung with confusion.

  ‘He’s just this guy I met the other day. Stop being so ... so ...’

  ‘So what?’ she asks with her hand on her hip.

  ‘So nosey! He’s just some random guy who I flirted with. No big deal.’ I am really getting fed up with explaining myself. ‘I’m a grown woman you know.’

  ‘Whatever,’ Sonya mutters and changes the subject. ‘Do you want to get the sampler platter?’

  ‘Sure,’ I resolve and signal for the waitress to take our order.

  Conversation is tense between us after that. And when I drop her back at the hospital, I wonder how Sonya even fits into my life any more. Ironically, it’s the person I always thought knew me best, with whom I no longer feel like I can be myself.

  Turning into Jimmy’s condo complex, I can already feel my dismay over Sonya melting away. Just as instructed, I’d called him from the road and told him I was on my way. And just as he promised, my double-fudge brownies are warm and waiting for me, with a bubble bath as an unexpected bonus.

  When we are finally alone, Jimmy spoils me with attention and I celebrate every lavish detail with my own. Our nights together, whether spent at his place or mine are memorable every time. Sometimes he’s charming, yet always sexy and on occasion blatantly sinful, like last night with Pamela. Tonight, the evening promises to be as sweet as the chocolate treats he’s feeding me with bubbles tickling me in the warm water.

  A half-hour soaking there has me relaxed, with all thoughts of anything except his fingers massaging my neck, vacating my mind. I haven’t mentioned that I ran into Rodriguez, or Jared’s message for that matter. I’ve been rather quiet actually, just enjoying the tranquillity that he’s offered me for the evening.

  ‘Let’s get you out before youshrivel into a prune,’ he says and holds a towel for me to step into. ‘Are you ready for your next surprise?’

  I nod with anticipation.


  He brings me to the bedroom and produces a shopping bag. Inside is a shoebox and I instantly recognise the signature pink and black before reading the designer name on the satin ribbon that adorns it. My towel slipping, I open it excitedly to find a gorgeous pair of black satin ankle strap stilettos.

  ‘I love them!’

  ‘Put them on,’ he instructs. ‘I want to see how you look in them.’

  So do I. Standing up, I reflexively secure my towel and slide my feet into them. He bends down and fastens the straps. Then releases my towel from the fold I’ve made and removes it. I stand in front of him nude with my hair piled on my head from the bath. He’s still, just looking at me, slowly taking it all in. The shoes are the last to get his attention, though they’ve added five inches and serve to accentuate the contours of my legs.

  ‘You are perfect,’ he says finally.

  ‘No, I’m not.’

  ‘Oh no? Is there something I don’t know?’

  ‘There’s plenty you don’t know,’ I tease.

  He’s started to suck on my neck. ‘Like the name of the high school you graduated from?’

  ‘Jefferson,’ I whisper.

  ‘Or your birthday?’ A sweep of his hand travels over my ass.

  ‘November 30th.’

  He licks my shoulder and nibbles my collarbone. ‘Or why you were so quiet in the tub?’

  ‘I wasn’t particularly quiet, was I?’

  ‘You were. Have a lot on your mind?’

  ‘You’re all that’s on my mind right now.’

  ‘I couldn’t wait for you to get here. You’re like my new drug. An addict’s dream.’

  ‘Drugs are bad for you.’

  He smiles and winks. ‘But they make you feel so good.’ He’s on his knees again, gently guiding my legs apart. ‘Let me get my fix.’

  His tongue knows me well by now and I can depend on my knees buckling from the pleasure. When I falter, he holds me firm – his mouth determined not to be separated. Jimmy has a way of making me weak for him and it’s never long before I ask him to take more of me.

  When he presses me to the bed to slide into my wetness, the embrace from his entire body captures a piece of my heart. I wonder if this is becoming so much more than a reckless adventure. Tonight, in the slow caress of his cock, I know that it’s love we are making ... love that we are finding with one another.

  In the corner of my eye, a tear is gathering. How have I gone so long without knowing this feeling? I thought I loved Jared, but it was more the idea of being involved with such a well-qualified mate that I’d been enamoured with.

  Jared was everything a woman could want in a man if she were looking to screen his resume. Strength, intelligence, a great career and excellent taste – all made for the perfect match, on the surface. But as Jimmy delivers himself into my depths and I feel his body clench around mine from the sheer joy of my essence, I know that this is quite different. This is truth. We reveal ourselves to one another, freely. We may not know every detail of each other’s lives, but there are no secrets between us. There is no reason for them, no hiding. The beauty of it all has guided that tear down my cheek and prompted another.

  When he notices the trails left by them, I start to explain, for fear they will be misinterpreted. But there’s no need. He’s smiling, his eyes creased and diving into me again with the sentiment returned. The words aren’t spoken, not yet. It’s too soon. Not for lack of sincerity, but out of respect for the weight they carry. In my mind however, the loop plays over and over, I love you.

  If I could freeze time, I would. But neither of us can resist the power of release, relentless in its pursuit. He is first this time, and doesn’t leave me behind. Through his shuddering spasms, he churns his cock forward with increasing force, escorting me into the grip of climax.

  ‘MyGod,’ I say simply as he collapses next to me.

  ‘Indeed.’

  Chapter Eleven – Pamela

  WITH EACH MILE MY car puts behind it, I am becoming more anxious about what’s waiting for me at my destination. Or should I say who. Already, I’ve backed out once, feigning sudden illness, and retreating to my client files for the safety of work. Jimmy tore me wide open that night, shedding any pretence for what brings me pleasure. And now, without apology, I know how to ask for it. I’m just not sure if I’m ready to find it. I left that room trembling, feeling like I’d been lit on fire and left to burn out of control. Weeks later, the sensation still lingers and with the exit for downtown Miami looming, I can feel the heat lapping at my skin once again.

  It was a bold move, but I was desperate. I’ve never been one for blind dates, but several chats in response to my ad for: A man who can make me want to beg has transcended into a meeting with a confident, young, self-proclaimed rebel who thinks he has the right stuff. To the point, I need to find someone who can possibly bring me to the brink of desire the way Jimmy had, and subtlety is not going to cut it.

  It’s Thursday and I’ve already taken tomorrow off, in case tonight proves to require some time to recuperate. 10 o’clock usually finds me in my yoga pants and watching TV, with a glass of red Bordeaux. We’re to meet at 10.30 p.m. and he’s requested that I be on time.

  ‘Archer?’ I’m not certain if that’s his first or his last name. Perhaps it’s neither. He’s already sliding onto the sofa next to me in a custom tailored shirt and slacks and I’m thinking that he doesn’t look like such a rebel. He looks like an investment banker.

  ‘I watched you walk in – early. I approve.’ An English accent surprises me, having only exchanged emails. It’s an instant turn on, for no good reason. He’s placed his hands on the table and I notice a small group of rings tattooed at the base of his thumb. It’s the only inkling that there might be more to this package.

  ‘Well, I’m a conscientious kind of girl.’

  ‘If that were true, you wouldn’t be here ... with me.’ He smiles faintly. ‘What do you think of this place?’

  I look around in the purple light bathing the scattered sofas and tables amid the several platforms featuring stark wood chairs in a focused spotlight. ‘It’s not my usual cup of tea,’ I answer.

  ‘Of course it isn’t. That’s why I know you’ll enjoy yourself so much.’ He licks his thin lips. ‘What would you like to drink?’

  ‘Cognac, please.’

  He smiles wider now. ‘Are you always so polite?’

  ‘No. I can be quite a bitch at times.’

  ‘I’m certain that won’t be a problem for me.’ His comment rolls easily as he calls for the attention of one of the cocktail waitresses.

  ‘My name is Noemi, what can I get you?’

  ‘Bring us a bottle of the 2007 Barolo,’ he says and I’m incredulous about his request.

  ‘I drink red wine, but tonight I’m in the mood for a cognac.’

  ‘It’s far too early for you to be getting what you want, Pamela.’

  I smirk at this response and worry that I might be in over my head. I spent the past few weeks sorting through the respondents to my online posting. The man who now sits next to me had caught my attention right away. I’m happy to see that the deep brooding eyes and strong angular features I found so fetching in his photo are true to life. His hair looks newly trimmed; short and spiky with careful attention to appear effortless.

  ‘So why did you pick this spot to meet?’ I ask.

  ‘Some friends of mine will be performing tonight.’

  ‘Performing what?

  ‘Just wait and see. I think you’ll like it.’

  With that, a very tall, meticulously quaffed drag queen steps onto the largest platform. She’s wearing a leather corset and a black tutu. Her pale skin glows in the light through fishnet stockings. ‘Welcome perverts and purveyors of pleasure, to our weekly showcase event.’

  The announcement has taken me aback. Perverts and purveyors of pleasure? What the hell am I doing here? But then I remember that I’m here to shed all pretences. The way Jimmy had so m
ercilessly stripped me of them weeks earlier.

  The music has started with a tribal drumming and cloaked figures have stepped onto each platform, taking a seat in simultaneous motion. When they remove their hoods, I realise that only some of the figures are female. All are rail thin, looking like they haven’t eaten a piece of cake in years. One final smack of the conga drum and they rip off their cloaks to reveal leather straps wound round their gaunt frames. They are naked otherwise, save for a very thin leather thong providing the minimum of coverage. Each looks delicate in the cool light against the primitive bindings. Silver rings glint in the spotlights, promising an intended purpose. The largest ring hangs from the back of the thick leather collars adorning each of their necks.

  A slow strumming of an electric guitar guides another group of performers to the platforms. They are sturdier looking, in both frame and attire. Statuesque women are covered from head to toe in red latex and muscular men are shirtless in black leather pants. Their first order of business is to clip their partners behind the neck, to a long tether and attach it to the floor. Heads back, those seated look like sacrificial lambs. Four more tethers are secured to clips around their bodies, until it is clear that they are restricted to the wooden chairs and at the mercy of their captors.

  Archer reacts curiously to my tight lips and rigid posture. He laughs. ‘If I knew you were such a fair lady, I’d have brought a blindfold to protect those innocent eyes.’

  I grimace, not relishing my part as the butt of his jokes. ‘You know, I think this was a mistake.’

  That tempers his giggle, but not his smile. ‘If you walk away, you’ll never find out if I have the answer for what you seek.’

  ‘I’m sure I don’t want to.’

  He looks directly at me. ‘Pamela, I don’t presume to know what’s brought you here, but what I see is a woman who can’t seem to get out of her own way.’

  I narrow my vision in the condescending way I use to put someone in their place, but he isn’t discouraged in the slightest.

  ‘I’m not asking you to open your legs, Pamela – not yet at least. I just think you should stop listening to shit society insists is what you should want and open yourself to the voice inside you.’