Fool, Stop Trippin'

by McKinney, Tina Brooks

  I spot a honey in pink at twelve o’clock before she can enter the rink. She’s holding hands with a child who I assume is at least two. I speed up so I can meet her at the first turn. She is clearly anxious and I put on my best smile so she will feel comfortable. Without thinking, I shake loose my sister’s children and focus on my prey. I learned later that if I had looked back, I would have seen my niece and nephew sprawled out on the floor.

  “Hey there.” I glide by as if I’m a pro and don’t even bother to wait to hear her response. I ain’t trying to let her know I’m sweating her. She’ll need me before I need her, judging by the way she is flailing her arms.

  When we go around the bend, Keira and Sean reach for me again and I steady them, but set them free as we get on a straight path. Speed skating, I catch up with the lady in pink again.

  “First time, huh?”

  “Am I that obvious?”

  “I was speaking about your child. You look like a pro,” I lied. I sail past her as if she is standing still and allow my praise to sink in. I can actually feel her checking out my ass and I clench it to give her a better look. I don’t care what those ladies’ magazines say; women check out men the same way we look at them.

  She’s young, much younger than I like, but she is fine as hell. So I can make an exception to my old rule of keeping my dates over the age of twenty-five. I quickly skate back to her because I don’t want anyone else to scoop her up before I make my move. She is still flailing about, but this doesn’t deter me from pursuing her.

  “Is this your little girl?” I ask as I circle around for the fourth time. I don’t wait for an answer and keep going. The next time, I don’t say anything. On the sixth circuit, she yells to me.

  “I don’t have any kids. This is my goddaughter.”

  Bingo, she took the bait. The picture I was playing in my mind has gotten clearer. The last thing I need in my life is another woman with a child. But I have to face reality. In Atlanta, finding a woman without a child is rare and if you do, she has an “ugly” stamp on her forehead. Despite the warning signals flashing in my head, I decide to push the envelope.

  I circle behind her several times debating on how to make my move and when I’m comfortable, I approach her. To aid her in her decision, I have Kayla with me.

  “Forgive me for being so presumptuous, but we old folks can’t teach our young ones. First of all, the kids don’t trust us ’cause we’re liable to fall at the drop of a hat. The only way to teach the young ones is to let another young one do it. They can afford to break a bone. Do you feel me?”

  The lady in pink is looking at me as if I am smoking bat shit pretending it’s crack, but she’s thinking about it.

  “Sure you right.”

  I want her to proceed into the no-skating zone before I fall but she keeps right on skating. So I have no choice but to follow her if I want to continue the conversation. This scares the shit out of me because I can only handle myself on skates in the best of circumstances. The good Lawd knows I can’t handle another person in the mix, especially someone with limited skills. We will both wind up looking like Boo-Boo the fool.

  Acting more brazen than I feel, I grab her elbow and lead her off the floor. She doesn’t resist, despite the fact that she don’t know me from Adam. I tear my eyes away from the floor long enough to see if she’s going to hit me, but since she’s smiling, I take this as a good sign. She ain’t even concerned about where her god daughter went when Kayla took her hand. This is my first warning sign, but as usual, I ignore the shit and think with my other head. In my mind we are already buck naked and getting it on.

  “Are you always this aggressive?”

  “Only when I see something I want.”

  “And what do you see?” She’s fishing for a compliment that I’m not going to give.

  “I don’t want you to get hurt, and if I leave you alone much longer, you’re cruising for a bruising.”

  “I suck, don’t I?”

  “I wouldn’t put it like that.” Laughing, we proceed into the no-skating zone and find a table. I wipe the table, clearing it of crumbs left on it from a previous snack.

  “You want a Coke or something?”

  “Yeah, that would be nice. Thank you.” I order the drinks and some fries. Dag, I’m moving so fast even for me, I don’t even know the lady’s name. To keep the gold diggers in line, I usually don’t like to set the precedent that I’m paying for shit. I drop off the drinks first, while the fries are cooking.

  “Dang, baby, I don’t even know your name.” She takes a sip before she answers.

  “It’s Meeka.”

  “Wow, that’s different. Kinda makes you want to purr after you say it.” The thought is so intense. I have a mini commercial playing in my head, and all of it is X-rated.

  “Are you always so easily amused?” She’s laughing too, but I don’t know if she’s laughing with me or at me. If she’s laughing at me, I’m playing this all wrong. After getting the fries, I return to the table.

  “So are you going to tell me your name or do I need to guess?”

  “Guess, naw, I don’t think so. You would never get it anyway. My mother was as creative as yours when it came to naming her children.”

  “Kentee.”

  “How the hell did you know?” Suddenly, I feel afraid. The last thing that I need in my life right now is a stupid bitch stalker or a straight-up nut. Nervously, I pluck at my collarless shirt. I begin to run through a list of folks who stalk me. Tarcia’s my number one suspect. That heifer is crazy and I’m trying to distance myself from her. But I am not ready to cut her off yet because the girl has some mad skills in the bedroom and is always willing to come through when my finances get shaky.

  “Earth to you,” Meeka said.

  “I’m sorry, baby, I did zone out on you, I guess. So how do you know my name?”

  “Your daughter told me.” Whew, what a relief. I thought I was going to have to excuse myself to the bathroom and make a run for it.

  “Tell me about yourself. I know you fine, so you can skip that part.” Her face immediately lights up like a Christmas tree right before the holiday.

  “I’m single, and looking for love.” If I were thinking with my right mind, I would leave her ass right here. I ain’t looking for love from anyone other than Leah, but my dumb ass stays.

  “Uh…damn, baby, you don’t mince your words, do you?”

  “Why, we both adults. Why should I pretend? That’s just wasting time.”

  “I know that’s right. So tell me more about you. Is that really your goddaughter?”

  “Yeah, she is my friend’s baby. When she gets tired of being a mom, I step in so she can have some downtime.”

  “Wow. That’s what I call a friend.” She smiles at me. But something in her eyes does not look right. She left the child without blinking an eye and she hasn’t once looked to see if she is okay. All of a sudden I don’t want to be around this chick anymore. I keep getting flashbacks of Tarcia’s crazy ass and I don’t need no mo’ drama in my life.

  “Look, I ain’t trying to block you in your search for love, so I’m gonna leave you now.”

  “So you running scared?” She folds her arms across her pert chest, clearing a path for attitude.

  “Naw, I ain’t running scared. But to be honest, I ain’t looking for love right about now. I wouldn’t mind a friend with benefits, but that is as far as I want to go.”

  “Humph, you sound scared to me.” Her voice is rising and I feel the beginnings of a scene. I don’t need this with my kids around. All I need is for Kayla to go back and tell her mother some other woman started acting an ass on me, especially since she warned me not to take the kids around any women.

  “Look, Meeka, it was really nice meeting you, but I got to get back with the kids.”

  “So you don’t want my number or something?”

  “Uh, sure. Put it on this.” I pull a worn business card from my wallet and give it to her.


  “I’m not writing my number on the back of that shit. It looks like something you need to throw away anyway.” She pulls a new card out of her wallet and hands it to me.

  “Use it when you grow some balls.” She jumps up and skates away like she was born with blades under her feet. Gone is the clumsiness that attracted me to her in the first place.

  “That bitch just played me.” Stunned, I can’t believe the game she ran. Thankfully, I saw through her. But I still wondered how she knew my name. She didn’t have time to talk to Kayla. Needless to say, I know this won’t be the last that I hear from Meeka.

  It’s way past time to go. I skate back out on the rink and snatch up my children. I have a deep burning need to get far away from this rink as fast as possible. I all but drag both kids to the booth to trade in their skates for shoes, and then hustle them to the car.

  “Daddy, why we got to leave now?” Kayla asks.

  “I don’t want to leave Mya alone for so long.” In the backseat, Malik is silently crying.

  “What you crying for, boy?”

  “You left Kiera and Sean. How are they going to get home?” Shit, I had forgotten all about them. I turn the car around in the middle of the street. My sister would have my ass if she found out I left her children, but that’s how shaken up I am.

  “I’m just testing ya’ll to see if you care about your cousins.” I turn to look at my children. If they bought my lie, their faces do not reveal it. They know, like I do, that I’d forgotten them. All I can do now is pray Kiera didn’t see us leave.

  I stop in front of two cars since I’m going to run in and out and I jump out of the car, leaving Kayla and Malik inside. If I was thinking about anybody but myself, I wouldn’t have left the car running, but as it is, my mind is still focused on getting away from Meeka. Something about that chick was not right and only time and space would make me feel better about the entire encounter. I didn’t anticipate the problems I would have finding my niece and nephew or the long lines at the skate rental window. I also didn’t anticipate anyone else coming to the rink in the middle of an open session or leaving at the same time as I am. But luck has never been one of my friends. Someone wanted to get out, so Kayla decides to move the car for him. But instead of putting the car in drive, she puts it in reverse and slams into the car of a woman who is just arriving at the rink. I witness this as I exit the skating rink and my heart sinks into my shoes.

  The lady’s pissed as she jumps out of her car to inspect the damage. Her intentions of snatching my daughter out of the car and beating the shit out of her is written all over her face. I’m distracted from my daughter’s precarious situation by the woman’s beauty, and I allow my dick to consider this until she reaches the driver’s side of my car. Shoving my niece and nephew forward, I try to diffuse the situation.

  “Whoa, hold up. I saw the whole thing.” I open up the back door so my sister’s kids can get in. I can’t close my mouth as I gaze at her. She’s about five feet four inches tall and may weigh about 130, give or take a pound. Her waist is tiny but her breasts are huge, probably a 34DD. Her hair or lack thereof, is what causes my heart to skip a beat. Normally, I prefer a woman with long hair but this woman’s head is shaven clean and it has my dick’s attention. She looks like an African goddess, so regal and majestic. I just want to massage her head and lay my face between her breasts. I wonder how she even stands up without tipping over. Her eyes burn me with their concentration. Dayum, this bitch is fine. The fact that she’s red-hot mad doesn’t take away from her beauty, even when she starts spewing obscenities at me.

  “Don’t just stand there gaping like a blithering idiot. Do you see what she did? Is this your child?” Do I lie and say they are my sister’s kids, so she will think I’m unattached and available? Or do I fess up and take my chances? I mentally flip through the Player’s Handbook and decide to tell the truth. Normally a no-no in the book, but I hope a maternal instinct will make her considerate of my children’s feelings, especially if I tell her that they just lost their mother last week.

  While she is pacing back and forth in front of her car and cussing up a blue streak, she whips out her cell phone from her hip. She spins around and glares at me. It’s moments like this that make me hate the asshole who invented this tattle-tale device. It has its good points, but this is one of the bad ones. A cell phone means police, child welfare authorities, increased insurance payments, and the wrath of Leah. And I really cannot afford to deal with any of these issues.

  “Aren’t you going to say anything? Cat got your fucking tongue?” My feet begin to move in her direction. I try a smooth playa move to get her to put away her cell but she’s clearly not in the mood. Meanwhile, a crowd is beginning to form. I look around for Meeka, but thankfully I don’t see her.

  “Hey, hey, hold up, shorty. Can we talk?”

  “This child just backed right into my car.”

  “Baby, hold on. I saw the whole thing and I agree with you.” I have my hands raised to ward off a sudden attack because girlfriend looks like she’s about to beat my head in.

  “‘Baby,’ my ass, look at my car.”

  “Look, it was a mistake. She didn’t mean it.”

  “I don’t give a rat’s ass if she meant it or not. That ain’t gonna get my car fixed.”

  “Wait. Come on now, sis, we can handle this without bringing in the po-po.”

  “The who?”

  “Po-po, five-O, the police.” It’s obvious she’s not familiar with street slang.

  “First of all, I ain’t your baby and I damn sure ain’t your sis. I’m a pissed-off woman with a banged-up fender and I want to know what you are going to do about it.” Her finger is poised over the send button. Kayla chooses this moment to start crying and Malik, not to be outdone, joins her.

  My head turns back and forth, not sure which situation demands my attention first. It’s obvious my attempt to woo the woman isn’t working, so I cut the bullshit. With my hands still up in the air, I give her my full attention.

  “Please bear with me a second.” I scoop Kayla up in my arms and give her a big kiss on her plump cheeks. “Baby, hush. It’s going to be alright, but Daddy needs you to be a big girl right now so I can handle this. Can you do this for Daddy?”

  “Yes…sir.” She is blowing snot bubbles and her lips are quivering with the effort not to cry anymore. I place her back into the car and fasten her seatbelt.

  “It’s okay, big guy, stop cryin’. Okay?” Malik nods his head while wiping his face.

  “Are you guys hurt?”

  “No,” they chorus. Relieved, I shut the door and give the lady my attention. She still has her finger poised over the send button. I turn to the crowd. “It’s all over folks. There is nothing left to see.” The crowd starts to disperse, but they don’t leave. They go inside the skating rink and gawk at us through the glass doors.

  “Nosy bastards.” I shake my head in disgust. Taking a deep breath, I approach the lady, pulling out my wallet as I do.

  “My name is Kentee Simmons and I really do apologize. I only meant to run in and out, and I swear to God I don’t know what possessed my daughter to move the car. She has never done anything remotely like this before.”

  “That doesn’t change a thing, Mr. Simmons. The fact remains I got a jacked-up car.”

  “I know this and I accept full responsibility.”

  “You damn right, you do.”

  “Hey, you don’t have to cuss at me. I already said that I was sorry and I understand you are pissed. Hell, you have every right to be, but this attitude isn’t helping.”

  She taps her foot against the ground in irritation, but she lowers the arm holding the phone. She doesn’t flip it shut but at least she hasn’t hit send. Once you dial 9-1-1 it doesn’t matter whether you hang up or not; they are calling you back to find out what the problem is. I speak quickly before she can change her mind about listening to what I am saying to her.

  “My cousin owns a body shop a few mil
es from here. It’s fully certified and I would like to take your car there to have it assessed, and if you approve of his operation, let my cousin make the repairs.”

  “If you think that I’m going to take my 2006 Lexus LE to some backyard punk, clearly you have bumped your head.”

  “Damn, baby…he’s not some backyard punk. He has been in the body business for over twenty years and is highly respected in his trade.” Her eyebrow shoots up as she considers my request.

  “I have already told you that I am not your baby, so please stop calling me that.”

  “Uh…my bad. Sorry, but I don’t know what else to call you. You didn’t give me your name.”

  “Amber.”

  “Amber, you don’t have to do this as a favor to me, but I would appreciate it if you do. If you call the police, the insurance companies will get involved and not only will my rates increase, yours will too. Just because it’s my fault don’t you believe for a minute that your insurance company won’t find a way to increase your premium as well.” She doesn’t say anything, so I continue.

  “Plus, if you call the cops, I could lose my kids and that would be the worst tragedy of this whole unfortunate incident. I’m a single father trying to do the right thing.” I walk toward Amber, trying to turn her around so the kids can’t hear what I am saying. She allows me to turn her.

  “Their mother is dead. I’m all they got. If they cite me for neglect for leaving the kids in the car, they’ll wind up in foster care. Do you want that on your conscience?” She still doesn’t say anything and I’m unsure whether she is thinking about it or playing with me. I can’t read the expression on her face. I’m pouring it on thick and the sista is doing her best to be a hard ass. I hand her my license. She looks from me to the four children who have their faces pushed up against the window looking pitiful. They all deserve ice cream cones for this!