Fool, Stop Trippin'

by McKinney, Tina Brooks

  He walks me to my car and holds the door open for me. I’m not sure how to end this little tell-all conversation, so I let him make the first move. He kisses me on the cheek.

  “Can I still call you?”

  “I’d like that.” I start my car and drive away. He is still standing in the parking lot when I look in my rearview mirror. His confessions leave me with no one left to hate. Imagine that.

  “I can’t wait to tell Chauncey this.”

  Jasmine

  Today is the day they are going to take my sister off the medication that has been keeping her in a coma for the past month. They removed the respirator earlier in the week and we were all surprised when she began to breathe on her own. Now she is facing the final test of whether or not she wants to wake up.

  Her brain has shown no activity for quite some time and it is anyone’s guess as to what will happen once the medication has worn off.

  Buddy and I have been taking turns staying with Sammie, each of us afraid that she would wake up alone and decide to give up the fight. He took the morning shift while I stayed with her at night. Buddy, bless his heart, has dropped at least ten pounds and his eyes have what appears to be permanent circles under them. If I had any doubts about the depth of his love for my sister, they are gone now.

  Tyson came and spent a few days with us, but he has a family that needs him, so he could not stay. He has grown into a fine young man and I am proud to call him my nephew. The look on his face when he first laid eyes on me was classic and if not for the gravity of the situation, it would have been funny. He vowed to stay in contact with me and true to his word, calls every other day to check on me and his mother.

  I started doing exercises with Sammie the day she was admitted to the hospital. The doctor said that if she regains consciousness, she will have to undergo therapy to get her body toned up. These exercises will help with her recovery so I spend about two hours a day pumping her arms and legs. Buddy doesn’t mention it, but I am sure he has been doing the same thing. Through it all, Sammie does not seem to notice.

  Sometimes the four walls get to me and during these times I sit in the waiting room. The interaction with other family members helps to alleviate some of the boredom. I have been a fixture at the hospital for so long, they have given up on trying to make me go home. In fact, I think they are beginning to like having me around. I do everything for Sammie except for administering medicine so they have more time to attend to other things. In fact, I am seriously considering going back to school for nursing.

  I am on my second cup of coffee when Buddy comes in the room.

  “What are you doing here?” This is the only time that he gets to sleep and I am worried about him.

  “I just left the club and thought I’d stop by to see if there was any change.”

  “Buddy, you should be sleeping. If those circles under your eyes get any darker, folks are going to start calling you Panda.”

  “Ha, ha. That is so funny.”

  “I’m sorry, Buddy, but you do need to start taking better care of yourself.”

  “Look who’s talking. You spend as much time in this camp as I do.”

  “Yeah, but I ain’t holding down a full-time job. At least I do go home and try to get some rest.”

  “I get rest, but I wanted to be here just in case…” I know exactly what he means. They gave Sammie the last dose of medicine at four o’clock. The doctor didn’t tell us when we could expect her to start responding, so tonight is particularly tense.

  “I’m glad you came. When she wakes up, I want her to see your face.” He smiles at me and edges his chair closer to the bed. “Do you want me to get you some coffee? I just put on a fresh pot in the nursing station.”

  “Damn, you taking over in this piece?” We laugh and it feels good.

  “Naw, it ain’t like that, but those ladies know that I’m not a nice person without my cup of java and if they have to look at my ass all night, they would want me to be nice.”

  “I know that’s right. I’d hate to see you stab somebody up in here with one of those needles.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t be that mean, but I’d run a close second.” We sit in silence for a few more minutes.

  “Are you sure you’re going to be able to handle this?” I ask him.

  “I’ll be okay. I just want her to wake up, man.”

  “It’s not going to be pretty, that’s why I asked them to do it at night. We don’t know if she is in any pain, so she may go into shock when her body starts to react to not getting the drugs.”

  “Seriously, I don’t know how I’m going to handle it. We’ll just have to see. I just know it would’ve been worse not knowing.”

  He has a point. I might have to leave the room myself, but I had to be here. The plan was to stop all medication and, if she woke, to give her just enough to mask the pain until they can find out what her capabilities are. My biggest fear is that she will be brain dead. I can deal with her not walking or talking, but it will kill me if she has to live the rest of her life as a vegetable.

  I go to get us coffee, stretching my back in the process.

  “Hey, girl, any change?” asks Alita, one of the nurses with whom I had struck up a friendship. She is a down-to-earth sista who pulls no punches and tells it like it really is. She is the one to tell me honestly what to expect if Sammie comes around.

  “Naw, not yet.” I don’t know whether to be happy or sad about it.

  “Try not to worry too much. She’s in the best hands.”

  “Hey, I hear ya. From your mouth to God’s ears.” We shoot the breeze for a few more minutes until she has to answer a flashing light.

  “Duty calls, but if you need me, holla.”

  “Thanks.” I manage to get back to Sammie’s room without spilling a drop of coffee out of either cup. I use my back to push open the door while handing off the cup to Buddy. I can tell from the look on his face there has been no change.

  We settle into a comfortable silence, born from years of knowing each other’s habits. He is lying back in his chair with his feet up on the bed, me trying to get as comfortable as I can in the other chair. Although I could have stretched out on the other bed, I want to be on the ready if something happens.

  I’m not sure at what point I fell asleep, but I can tell you with absolute certainty when I woke up. It is three forty-five in the morning and all hell is breaking loose. Sammie is bucking off the bed as if she is being fed a live electrical current. Every limb of her body is twitching and jerking. The IV bottle suspended over her bed is threatening to topple with each movement.

  Snatched from my dreams, I try to make sense out of what I am seeing. Buddy is trying his best to hold Sammie down, but she is challenging his strength. I don’t have to ask him what is happening—I know.

  “Did you ring in yet?”

  “I can’t get to it.” The buzzer has gotten tangled in the sheets and while we can see the cord, we cannot get it from underneath Sammie.

  “Fuck it.” I snatch open her door and yell as loud as I can.

  “We need some help in here, code blue.” I had heard the term enough during my days and nights at the hospital. I just never thought I would be calling it for my sister.

  Still leaning out the door, I snap commands to Buddy.

  “Talk to her, Buddy. She can hear you. Don’t let her go!”

  “I said I need help, damn it.” Nurses emerge from rooms; the crash cart is rolling as the hospital comes alive. I hold the door, open partly because I am afraid to see what is going on, but mostly to monitor their progress. They were taking too long. Tears are streaming down my face and I make no attempt to wipe them. Behind me, I can hear Buddy urging Sammie to live.

  She stops bucking and my heart skips a few beats.

  “Oh no,” I yell. Hands pull me out of the room. Blindly, I allow myself to be led down the hall to the waiting room. Buddy is there holding me. I feel so cold and empty. Even though I knew this could happen, I am not
prepared for the reality.

  “Oh, sweet Jesus, no.”

  “She’s in God’s hands now.” What the hell is he talking about? I don’t want to hear that shit. That’s my sister. I search Buddy’s face. His eyes, once shrunken and small, are now wild and fixed and his face is pale. We cling to each other, each lost in our own misery. I can’t tell which of us is shaking more.

  “It isn’t supposed to be this way. It isn’t…” I can’t finish my sentence; my cries prevent it. For the second time in my life, someone I love is ripped from my arms. It hurts so badly.

  Kentee

  Things went a lot better than I’d anticipated. I was expecting her to start clowning, especially when she realized that I’m interested in pursuing a relationship with her. I am just happy that we will be able to remain friends. This is something that I would never have imagined would be possible with Tarcia since she is an all-or-nothing type of person.

  “Maybe she had a life-altering experience in jail like I did.” The thought of some butch rolling up on Tarcia sends a shiver down my spine.

  “Naw, that didn’t happen ’cause Tarcia would have lost her damn mind and whooped a heifer’s ass.” I can see that picture a lot more clearly. In fact, Tarcia probably butched up just to endure the two weeks she was locked up. I owe her for that because if it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t have been there. Not to mention the fact that she no longer has a place she can call her own.

  This new Tarcia is an enigma. She isn’t needy, belligerent, or hostile. In fact, she didn’t even bother to tell me where she is living or offer me her new number. Could it be that she has moved on as well and isn’t telling me? Hell, Leah blindsided me, so why not Tarcia?

  Should I ask her? What if she asks to move in with me? Are you ready for that, player?”

  I shake my head, trying to clear out the unwanted voices chattering inside.

  What you need, player, is some tits and ass to get your mind off your problems.

  I don’t want to listen to that voice because it is the same voice that got me in trouble time and time again. Accepting the stupidity of my ways isn’t an easy pill to swallow. For so long I believed that I was in complete control of my life, but in reality I was a fool. My heart is heavy. I’m not sure what changes I am going to make, but something has to give because this shit isn’t working.

  Tarcia

  I sit at the kitchen table, determined to talk to Lasonji today if it kills me. Even though we share an apartment, I never get to see her and I want to make sure that she isn’t spending an inordinate amount of time away from home because of me. Since she works at night and I now work during the day doing different jobs for Chauncey, we are like two ships passing. On the weekends I usually have the place to myself and as much as I enjoy the privacy, it is starting to unnerve me. So instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour so I can be bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning, I wait up for her.

  I don’t get nervous until I hear her key in the door. I am going to tell her I am moving out and for some reason I am scared to do it. I mean, I appreciate her being there for me in my time of need, but I’m ready to stand on my own which is something I’ve never done. Wiping my moistened palms on my pants, I wait until she flips on the light before I speak.

  “Hey.”

  Lasonji practically jumps on the table.

  “Damn. Why the hell you sitting in the damn dark? You scared the shit out of me.”

  “My bad. I guess I dozed off. I was waiting up for you.”

  “No shit.” Slamming her purse on the table, she yanks open the door to the refrigerator, peering inside as if she is looking for something that just isn’t there.

  “Wow, you in a bad mood or something?”

  “No, I just don’t like to be scared at one o’clock in the morning.”

  “Dag, I said I was sorry.” I immediately regret waiting up. Pushing in my chair, I decide to wait to talk to her when she is in a better mood. She stops me as I am leaving the kitchen.

  “Wait, don’t go.” She sits down at the table, releasing a long sigh. Her intense gaze scours all words from my brain and I feel like I am standing before her naked. Stumbling to the nearest chair, I grab it for support. Her stare is draining and strangely erotic. The brown of her eyes are flecked with green and I can’t tear my own eyes away. Never before have I experienced such a magnetic pull from a woman. This scares the hell out of me because I actually want to kiss her, and not just a “hey cuz” kind of kiss either. I want a full-bodied, passionate kiss complete with tongues dancing and hands groping. I grow dizzy just thinking about it. Now my eyes are glued to her lips. They are sensuous and I want nothing more than to trace them with my own. Stunned by my reaction to her, I want to get as far away as possible before I do something stupid that I will regret later.

  “It’s okay. I can talk to you this weekend. That catnap took more out of me than I thought.” Abruptly, I spin around, needing to get the hell out of the room.

  “What’s the matter with you? You look as if you saw a ghost.”

  She isn’t even lying. How can I explain what I saw in her eyes? I can actually see us entwined on the floor and the intense desire is searing a path from my pussy up. I want her so badly, I can taste her. In my mind, I do and my body tingles…

  “Tarcia, I thought you wanted to talk.”

  Her voice jolts me back to reality. Shaking my head, trying to clear the elixir from my mind, I am baffled by the intensity of the emotions flowing through me. I struggle for something to say that would make any sense.

  “Wow, what time is it, anyway?”

  “It’s one-thirty. Perhaps you should go to bed. You’re not looking well at all.”

  Keeping my eyes on the table to avoid getting caught up in her spell once more, I grab my purse and a balled-up napkin I was fidgeting with before she came home. In my haste, I drop my purse, causing the contents to roll onto the floor.

  “Shit.” Letting go of the napkin, I gather my personal belongings.

  “What the hell is this?”

  I have no idea what she is talking about, but I don’t want to look in her direction to find out lest I be caught in her spell once more.

  “What?”

  “This.” She is shaking the napkin in my face, as it contains pornographic details of the images I’d just envisioned..

  “Oh that? I was just doodling, that’s all. Ain’t nothing to get your panties in a knot about.”

  “Where did you see this before?”

  “Huh?”

  “Damn it, Tarcia. Where did you get this?”

  “I told you I drew it.”

  Spinning on her heels, Lasonji leaves the room mumbling. Forgetting my purse, I start to follow her, but the second she clears the door I can’t remember why I would want to. In fact, I have a hard time remembering why I waited up for her in the first place. Stifling a yawn, I go to my room and am about to drift off to sleep when Lasonji switches on my overhead light.

  She is holding a small book in her hands that I do not recognize.

  “Have you been going through my things?”

  “Huh?” I feel like I have pea soup in my brain and her words are not making any sense. Squinting at the alarm clock, I try to make out the time. I’ve forgotten our previous conversation and I cannot understand why she is in my room so early in the morning.

  Lasonji punches me in the arm hard enough to scatter all the dust that has settled in my head.

  “What the hell you hit me for?”

  “I asked you a question.”

  “And I was fucking asleep.”

  “You were just in the fucking kitchen looking like a space cadet.”

  “No I wasn’t.”

  “Yes you were.”

  “Fool, you betta stop trippin’. Now would you please shut off my light so I can get to sleep?” I pull up the covers and close my eyes. I am struggling not to get an attitude with her because after all, I am living in her home, but she will not go away
. I can feel her staring at me even with my eyes shut.

  “What?” I yell, forgetting all attempts to be cool and collected.

  “Have you ever seen this before?” She pushes the book so close to my eyes that I have to rise up to see it.

  “What the hell is that?”

  “You drew it.”

  “No I didn’t.”

  “Tarcia, you told me you did.”

  She shoves a napkin with a crude replica of the drawing in my face, but I don’t recognize it either. She is starting to freak my ass out again. When it becomes clear that she is very serious I get out of bed.

  “Okay, I’m up now. What’s this all about?”

  Lasonji just stares at me without saying anything for a few minutes. The silence is getting to me.

  “You don’t remember sitting at the kitchen table talking to me?”

  “No.”

  “Or drawing this picture?”

  “No, I can’t draw a straight line.”

  “This is crazy.”

  “What?”

  “When I got home from work, you were sitting in the kitchen in the dark. When I turned on the light you were looking all weird and shit, and when I questioned you, you dropped this napkin. You told me you drew it.”

  “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  “About as serious as a heart attack.”

  “What does it mean?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “You got any of that green tea? I think it’s going to be a long night.”

  Tarcia

  If memory could be contained in a lightning bolt, one just struck me as I enter the kitchen. My purse is on the floor, my makeup and Life Savers are scattered around it. Vague images bombard my mind. While the drawing now seems familiar, I cannot remember where I’d seen it before tonight.

  As I’m picking up my stuff, I start talking.

  “I remember waiting for you. I wanted to tell you I would be moving in a few weeks and I didn’t want to just leave you a note.”