Swine Fever

by Andrew Cartmel

  They were standing on a small raised platform with a metal railing running around it. The platform overlooked a wide, open space like the interior of a giant shed with a ceiling that curved upwards. Hanging from the ceiling was a giant, luminous, pink plastic pig. The pig was depicted frozen in mid-scamper. He was smiling, licking his lips and wearing a napkin as though hurrying to a much-anticipated meal. On his sides, in bright purple lettering, were the words "Shop at Mac the Meat Man's!"

  The floor beneath it was filled with a surging mass of life: faces, bellies, tails, ears. They were all in motion, all in upheaval, all shrilling in protest at the chaos of it all. Countless little pairs of eyes glowed eerily at Zandonella in the red light.

  Zandonella stared back at them. Pigs. Thousands of them. Jammed together so close that none of them could lie down, or so much as turn around.

  "Looks like we're not in the control section," said Dredd, turning to look at her. "I guess our informant gave us a bum steer." He looked down at Porkditz who waggled his tail uncertainly. Carver and the Karst sisters came puffing up the stairs and through the airlock out onto the platform.

  "Turn around and head back down, Judges," said Dredd. "Looks like we've taken a wrong turn."

  "Not back into that gunk again," said Carver.

  "Move it, Judge," said Dredd.

  Esma lifted her hand to point at something and said, "Hey, what's th-"

  Zandonella turned to see what she was pointing at, but at that moment Esma's pointing hand exploded in a shower of blood.

  "Down!" roared Dredd, shoving Zandonella and Carver to the floor. As they hit the deck Dredd swept over them and grabbed the Karst sisters, pulling them both down, just as the air above them came alive with angry motion and the vicious pinging of ricocheting bullets hitting the steel airlock door.

  Gunfire, thought Zandonella foolishly. Someone was shooting at them. Esma's ruined hand was still spraying blood as she stared at it blankly, helplessly paralysed with shock. Her sister was equally stunned, but Judge Dredd already had a field dressing out and was slapping it over Esma's wound. As soon as this was done he drew his Lawgiver and started returning fire.

  FIVE

  Bullets sizzled overhead. Zandonella lay on the platform beside Porkditz, his bristly snout pressed firmly against her cheek, seeking shelter and comfort. The pig didn't seem to have any problem understanding what was going on, or appreciating the keen need to keep his head down. There was a rattling blast of anti-personnel rounds from a Lawgiver as Dredd returned fire.

  "Get off the platform!" he yelled. "We're sitting ducks."

  Zandonella raised her head. There was a sudden string of pale green flashes of gunfire over the mass of pigs below. She ducked again as the bullets tore through the air above her. She felt a powerful hand gripping her arm, pulling her forward, under the railing and over the side of the platform. Dredd was diving over and taking her with him. Zandonella cried out as she fell, hitting the floor so hard it knocked the wind out of her. She looked up to see Dredd crouching beside her. The gunfire was constant now. They were lying on a floor that consisted of a metal grid with openings in it big enough to allow the pig droppings to fall through. Well, most of the pig droppings, thought Zandonella as she sat up and lifted her buttocks out of a soft repugnant mound. It didn't matter. She couldn't get any dirtier after her trek through the slurry tunnel.

  Zandonella lifted her Lawgiver and turned to look at Judge Dredd for instructions. But Dredd had scrambled back onto the platform above her. There was a furious burst of gunfire in response to this move and she had to drop back down to floor level, this time landing with her chest in a soft pile of excrement.

  A moment later there was a heavy thud and Carver landed beside her, face down in the mess on the floor, evidently shoved off the platform by Dredd. He was followed by Tykrist who landed on top of him and quickly squirmed off, fumbling with her gun, just as another shape hurtled off the platform. It was Dredd, cradling the wounded Esma in his arms. He landed lightly as a cat beside Zandonella, crouching coiled and ready to move. Zandonella helped him put Esma on the floor, her back against the raised section that formed the base of the platform. It was the safest place for them to be at that moment. Esma was clutching the bandaged ruin of what had once been her right hand, the white dressing soaked through with an angry red stain. Her eyes were glazed and Zandonella knew the woman was in shock. They'd have to get her to a med-unit quickly.

  Now that her comrades were momentarily safe, Zandonella's thoughts immediately turned to Porkditz. She risked a quick look up at the platform and caught a glimpse of the little pig cowering there, out of the line of fire. Good boy, she thought, as Dredd seized her and pulled her back down.

  "Stay down Zandonella," he snarled. "We have to make a move." He studied their position and Zandonella followed his gaze, trying to second-guess his thoughts.

  In front of them was the long expanse of the shed-like room, crammed with pigs in a seemingly endless mass disappearing into the darkness beyond. The nearest pigs had backed fearfully away from the intruders, giving the Judges a little room at the base of the platform. But as frightened as the pigs were, they couldn't back up more than a tiny distance, because of the sheer number of their comrades behind them. There was commotion further back in the pig pack as another string of small pale explosions blossomed and Zandonella heard the pounding of another automatic weapon. The pigs shrieked and churned, trying to get away from the gunfire.

  "They're hiding among the livestock," said Dredd. "There are two groups of them, one by the right wall, the other by the left. They're trying to pin us down in a cross fire."

  As he spoke there was a second burst of gunfire and this time Zandonella caught sight of their assailants: a thin young man and half-naked girl, both of them covered with tattoos. The girl was feeding a bandolier of ammunition into some kind of heavy assault weapon that the young man was holding. A vicious stream of bullets ripped through the air. Dredd didn't need to tell Zandonella to duck. As soon as the tattooed couple stopped shooting, the other group of assailants opened up. They were crouching low amongst the writhing herd of pigs but Zandonella was able to see them now. There were two of them. No, three. Two men and a...

  "Robot," said Dredd. "They must have removed its Asimov inhibitor chip. Watch out for it. It can probably shoot a hell of a lot more accurately than any of those other scumbags."

  The robot was a gangly red metal skeleton with a barrel chest and a bullet-shaped head. It lurched up from among the frantic pigs and pointed a gun towards the cluster of Judges huddling by the platform. It never got a chance to fire, though. Dredd had his Lawgiver ready and squeezed off a round. There was a blast of noise and a sudden bright flare of explosion at the robot's midriff. The thing tottered and collapsed, falling apart in two distinct pieces separated at the waist.

  "Armour piercing," said Dredd with grim satisfaction. "Remember that. These old-style robots are always vulnerable in their mid-section. Now their metal friend is officially out of action."

  The pigs shrieked and churned as the two sections of the robot fell into their midst. But there was another shriek as well, a distinctly human sound. A man stood up out of the mass of pigs, screaming with rage and grief. He had blond hair and a black moustache and there was a flicker of recognition in Zandonella's mind. Where had she seen him before?

  The blond man seemed to be freaking out at the destruction of the robot. Then a second man popped up, this one with black hair and a blond moustache, and Zandonella realised where she'd seen them both. The firefight in the rooftop funfair, on the night the airship had exploded. The blond man was still freaking out, presenting an easy target. Zandonella took aim at him just as his black-haired companion pulled him down amongst the herd of pigs. Zandonella fired and missed her target.

  "They're pinned down," said Dredd. "Time to carry the fight to the enemy." He turned to the other Judges crouching under the platform. "Karst, you stay with your sister. Carver, you keep an
eye on both of them, and on the exit. Zandonella, come with me."

  The wounded sister suddenly sat up. The glazed expression had left her eyes. She raised her Lawgiver in her trembling left hand. "I've still got one good hand, Judge," said Esma in a strained, rasping voice. "I can give you covering fire."

  "Stay down and wait for the Med-Squad. Don't try to be a hero," said Judge Dredd. "Leave that to your colleague here." He signalled to Zandonella and she followed Dredd into the squealing mass of pigs.

  It was tough going. The pigs were terrified and wanted to get out of their way, but there was simply nowhere for them to move. Dredd and Zandonella pushed through the agonised tangle of shrieking, defecating life, constantly ducking and crouching as the perps fired at them. The gunfire was now only coming from one direction, near the left wall where the robot had gone down. And even that was becoming sporadic.

  "Maybe they're running out of ammo," said Zandonella.

  "Don't count on it," said Dredd. They were approaching the spot where the men and the robot had been firing and Zandonella braced herself for contact. She and Dredd were squeezing through the squirming mass of pigs, keeping low so as to present a minimum target for the perps. Zandonella's foot struck something on the floor and she looked down. A jointed length of metal glinted there in a puddle of dark liquid. The thing looked like two sections of pipe with a socket connecting them and a broad, flat suction pad was fastened on one end. There was an identical piece of metal lying strewn nearby also in a dark puddle.

  "Legs," said Dredd, and Zandonella realised it was the robot's legs, blown off by Dredd, lying in pools of machine oil. "We're getting warmer," said Dredd, raising his Lawgiver. He started forward with Zandonella close at his side.

  There was a staccato stutter of gunfire nearby, so close at hand it was deafening. Dredd and Zandonella dropped to the floor amongst the crowd of frantic pigs. A hot warm spray fell on them and Zandonella knew it was pig blood. Then the pigs themselves began tottering and collapsing on top of the Judges with high-pitched terminal squeaks and screams. Zandonella tried to slither out from under a bristly, twitching corpse but Dredd stopped her.

  "Use it for cover," he said.

  Zandonella fought with her disgust and overcame it. She crawled along the floor beside Dredd, both of them grotesquely pushing dead pigs along in front of them to use as shields against the incoming fire. Zandonella could hear bullets slamming into the pigs' corpses, flat meaty slapping sounds, and the small, still-warm body she held shuddered with each impact. The firing was very close now. They must almost be on top of their assailant. Abruptly Dredd reared up, throwing his dead pig aside as he fired his Lawgiver. Zandonella jerked out of concealment, raising her own weapon, just in time to see a bizarre shape blazing away at them with a machine gun.

  The thing looked like a truncated scarecrow made of metal, but a scarecrow cut off at the waist. It was the remains of the robot, still active and still deadly. The thing consisted of a red metal abdomen shaped like an oil drum and two spindly arms clutching the rapid-firing weapon. The thing's grotesque appearance was considerably enhanced by the fact that its head was missing. The neck section of the robot terminated in a chaotic spray of torn wires, as did its severed torso, the latter leaking a thick black sludge of machine oil onto the floor. All around it, pigs were fighting to get clear of this hellish apparition.

  Zandonella took all this in the instant before she ducked from the next burst of bullets, diving back among the panic-stricken porkers, trying to avoid their sharp little hooves as they danced in hysterical agitation on the resounding metal grid of the floor. She looked over at Judge Dredd.

  "How can it shoot at us without a head?" she shouted. "It doesn't have a brain."

  "Doesn't need one," snarled Dredd. "It's on auto, using its bootstrap operating system in its spinal area."

  Another blast of gunfire flared from the robot's weapon. The pig nearest Zandonella dropped heavily to the floor, a sound like a sigh trickling from its mouth. It lay there inert and bleeding.

  "But it doesn't have eyes," she said. "How can it see us?"

  "Motion sensor in the chest area," said Dredd. He suddenly stood up and fired his Lawgiver, a single, carefully aimed round. The robot ceased firing. There was a grinding metallic sound and then the clatter of metal collapsing on metal. Zandonella risked a glance at the robot and saw that the robot torso was lying motionless on the floor, the weapon falling from its hands.

  "Right about there," said Dredd, walking over to the robot and looking down at the neat bullet hole in the centre of its barrel chest.

  Zandonella got to her feet, fighting the trembling sensation in her knees. All around them the pigs were still squealing at an ear-splitting volume, but because the gunfire had stopped the vast room seemed almost silent.

  "Now that's what I call lucky shooting!" declared a familiar voice. Zandonella was shocked to see Judge Darrid standing behind them, knee deep in pigs, accompanied by Carver and Tykrist, both of whom were supporting the wounded Esma. Zandonella realised the four Judges must have crept up on her and Dredd when they'd been preoccupied with taking out the robot sniper. "You shot his robot ass off," said Darrid. "Must have hit it with a ricochet."

  "Judge Darrid," said Dredd with dangerous deliberation, "what are you doing here?"

  "I heard the shooting and came running. You can't keep old Darrid out of a good shoot-out. But I was too late. Looks like you've already got the situation well in hand." He beamed at Dredd, but the stoic Judge wasn't even looking at him. He was now scowling at Carver and the Karst sister.

  "I told you to stay by the entrance and wait for medical assistance," he said.

  "Leave the rookies alone," said Darrid. "I ordered them to follow me. You should thank us. We were providing valuable back-up."

  At these words, Dredd swung back to Darrid. "And I told you stay and watch the shuttle craft," he said.

  "What's the point of that?" said Darrid. At the moment he spoke, they all heard a low rumbling sound that seemed to be transmitting through the steel walls and ceiling and floor, and a moment later they felt a faint but distinct tremor that ran through the entire structure. With a sinking feeling, Zandonella recognised the signs of a shuttle craft being launched.

  Darrid's eyes twitched guiltily. He looked at Dredd then quickly looked away. "Those shuttle craft are small. Even at a squeeze you can't get more than two or three people into them. How many perps are we after?"

  "Not counting the robot, five," said Dredd. The roaring repeated itself, as did the tremor. "That will be the last of them leaving now."

  The shuttle craft was extremely cramped with Theo, Leo, and Mac the Meat Man all jammed into it. The brothers sat in the twin bucket seats in front, facing the control panels in the cockpit. Mac the Meat Man's plump little self was crammed in the space immediately behind them in one of the two acceleration couches, so that neither brother could move his seat back more than a few centimetres.

  But when Theo complained, Leo said, "You're lucky it isn't even more crowded. I would have brought all of Boyard-27 with us too, if I could."

  "And I don't blame you, my boy," said Mac. "That robot was a fine and loyal companion."

  Leo shook his head ruefully. "I know. It breaks my heart to leave his chassis behind. Poor old Boyard."

  "If you like the damned robot so much," said Theo, "why don't you kiss him?"

  "You're sick," said his brother.

  "Me? Sick? Look who's talking. Look where you've got that robot's head."

  Boyard-27's bullet-shaped red metal head, the only part of the robot that Leo had been able to salvage, was in fact on the shuttle seat nestling between Leo's thighs, jammed into his crotch.

  "It looks like he's giving you a hummer," said Theo. "Now, that really is disgusting. Man-machine oral sex. Did you have to take out his Asimov chip before he'd do that for you?"

  "Just shut your filthy mouth."

  "Now boys," said Mac in a conciliatory tone. "Shouldn't
we be keeping our eyes open for the other shuttle? Those tattooed freaks might try to ambush us or something. Our truce only lasted while we were joining forces to fight off the Judges and escape. Now we've left the farm, they could be planning to attack."

  "How?" demanded Leo. "These cheap Russian shuttles aren't even armed." Nevertheless, he switched on the stern observation screen and they all saw the giant ball and doughnut of the helium balloon with the converted space station hanging below it. To the right of the screen was a diagonal streak of jet exhaust, glistening a bright white that contrasted with the rising brown smoke of the municipal dump. This was the vapour trail from their own craft. To the left of the screen there was another sharply angled white streak. That was the trail from the second shuttle.

  "The tattooed kids are high-tailing it away from us, as fast as they can go," said Leo. "No need to worry about them."

  "What about the Judges?"

  "They can't follow us. We've taken both the shuttles. There's no vehicle they can use for pursuit."

  "That only applies to the Judges we left back at the farm," said Theo. "But there will be others. Reinforcements. They won't have sent only five Judges after us."

  "Why not?" said Leo cynically. "That's all it took to bring down our entire operation."

  "They never would have infiltrated us if we hadn't been distracted by those tattooed thugs," bleated Mac.

  "Who also infiltrated us," Leo pointed out.

  "Nonetheless, there must be other Judges coming."

  The robot suddenly spoke up, its voice muffled between Leo's powerful thighs. "Other Judges are currently arriving as reinforcements. Best estimate based on readings before we left the farm... Approximately sixty Judges."

  "Sixty Judges? Pursuing us?"