Just Can't Let Go

by Mary B. Morrison

  Devereaux asked, Where are you now?

  Alexis responded, I’m happy for you!

  Sandara sent lots of those Emoji characters followed by, I’ll be there tomorrow. Have a runway show.

  I was proud of each of them. They’d continued to be one another’s support. Whatever was happening in their relationships, I did not want the details for at least another two weeks, especially Alexis’s.

  Having basic information was great. I stared out the window.

  Mercedes and Benjamin were working on their marriage. Devereaux had put Phoenix out, or should I say hadn’t let him back in. I didn’t know why and that was okay. Alexis had collected lots of money and material possessions. That should make her ecstatic. Lunch in London with Sandara would be lovely.

  I was proud of them all. My girls were grown. I’d done my best.

  “The world can wait.”

  I froze. Slowly, I turned to face him.

  Bing repeated, “The world can wait.” Then he kissed me.

  Those were the exact words Spencer had spoken to me on our first date. I was in a better space with Bing.

  I held the side of my man’s cheek, pressed my lips to his. “You’re right. This is our time, not my time.”

  Champagne, caviar, jumbo shrimp, and scallops. I appreciated this meal more than I looked forward to the foie gras Bing raved about in Paris.

  Descending from the clouds into Heathrow, I knew I shouldn’t have asked, “Why me?”

  “Blake, I have more money than I can spend in my lifetime. I want to create memories with you because you make me happy. I love you too.”

  I felt as though my heart stopped beating. Could I allow myself to be vulnerable?

  If ever there was a moment for me to fall in love, this was it. I had no reason to give myself to any other man.

  I looked into Bing’s eyes and told him the truth.

  “I am in love with you.”

  CHAPTER 60

  Devereaux

  Nothing Phoenix could say would change my mind. Why was it so damn hard to have it all?

  I opted to meet him in a public place. I didn’t think he’d get physical. We’d never dealt with that type of abuse.

  The host seated me at the table I’d requested off in the corner.

  “Please have the waiter bring a bottle of cabernet.”

  “Certainly, ma’am.”

  Phoenix approached me looking the best he had in . . . years. He was always presentable, well-groomed. Now that I saw him, I honestly missed him. Wasn’t like we weren’t together for four years. Wasn’t as though Nya was ever missing.

  “Hey, Dev,” he said, sitting in the chair to my right. Across from me would’ve been better.

  The wine arrived in time for me to redirect my attention to the waiter.

  “Sir,” he said, gesturing to fill the second glass.

  “Please,” Phoenix said.

  Sipping my liquid red velvet, this was not the time for me to speak. I stared at him. Tears clouded the love I still had for this man. I remained quiet. I had every reason to hate him, but I didn’t. Disgust with what he’d done. That’s what I felt.

  He was silent. He propped his elbows on the white tablecloth, interlocked his fingers.

  “What are we going to do?” Phoenix asked.

  Softly, I said, “What would you like to do, Phoenix? Better yet, tell me what you would do if I were in your position and you were in mine?”

  “Humph.” He bit his knuckle. Exhaled.

  He actually went from alluring to pathetic in one blink of my eyes. “Exactly. Until you figure it out, let me know where you’d like to have your belongings delivered.”

  If I were to forgive him now, he’d never respect me.

  “I was put in an uncompromising position when I discovered you cut off all of my credit cards.”

  “So your coming here is about you? Not me? Not Nya?” My eyes scrolled in disgust toward the ceiling, then shifted to the corners at him. I took a gulp of my wine, wanting to throw the rest in his face. I placed my glass on the table, circled the rim with my fingertip.

  “How long?” I asked.

  “How long what?”

  I screamed, “How long have you been fucking her? That’s what?” If he wanted to play games, I could go there!

  His eyelids stretched north and south. Agitated, I resumed tracing the rim of my glass with my fingertip. Started twirling a lock of my hair. I was angered on the inside. Doing all I could to suppress my slapping Phoenix’s face.

  “It doesn’t matter. It’s over between Goldie and I. I choose my family.”

  Just like that. “It’s over, huh? So now what, Phoenix? Maybe I should ask your dick.” I leaned my face in his lap. The tip of my nose touched his zipper. “How long have you been easing your way into Goldie Jackson’s pussy?” My teeth clenched his shaft.

  I hadn’t planned on doing that. I wasn’t sure what my intent was.

  “Ow!” He pushed back from the table, snatched my hair. “Let go!”

  The waiter rushed to us.

  I sat up straight, opened my purse, looked into my compact mirror. I touched up my hair, refreshed my chocolate lipstick.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “I’d like to have the snapper. Grilled. With asparagus. Please.” I turned to Phoenix, then seductively asked, “What would you like, babe?”

  “I’m good,” he said.

  I retorted, “No, you’re not. But that’s a separate discussion.” I whispered, “Call me a bitch.”

  The waiter said, “Excuse me?”

  I told him, “That’ll be all for now. Thanks.”

  Phoenix became quiet.

  Slightly below room tone, I hissed, “You took our daughter to her house. What were you thinking?”

  “Can we talk about this when we get home?” he pleaded.

  “Am I embarrassing you? Because I have to deal with your bitch being in my face every day. But I don’t have to accept what you’ve done to our family.”

  He made a fist. Covered his mouth. My food arrived. I pushed the plate in front of him. “I ordered this for you.”

  “Dev, don’t,” he said, sliding the plate back to me.

  At the same time I said, “Phoenix, tell me what you want,” I balled a piece of the filet into my palm, then shoved it in his mouth, smeared it over his lips. “You like eating fish?”

  He spat it out. “Babe—”

  I interrupted him. “You don’t have the right to call me that anymore.” My voice escalated. “Just tell me what you want from me!”

  Suddenly, meeting publicly was a bad idea. More than half of my wine was in the glass. I was done drinking. I was tempted to douse the rest in his face. Sadly, I told my fiancé, “I hate you.”

  My mind raced, remembering hearing Ebony’s voice, with having to take my little girl out of her house, with having to work with a woman who had probably fucked my fiancé more than I had.

  “This isn’t all my fault,” he said.

  So now he was the victim. “Perhaps you’re right. I could’ve done some things differently. I could’ve sucked your dick more. Rode your dick more. Woke you up every morning sucking your dick? Is that it? My holding us, us, us, down didn’t mean anything to you. I’m going to go now. It’s too late for us, but I want you to have a healthy relationship with Nya. When the time is right. Give me time to process all of this.”

  I pushed back my chair. Phoenix grabbed my wrist.

  “But, Dev,” he said, then whispered, “I’ll sleep in the guest room until we work this out. Don’t abandon me the way my mother did. I have no place to go.”

  I placed Ebony’s key in front of Phoenix.

  “Yes, you do. Yes, you do.”

  CHAPTER 61

  Devereaux

  The scent of snapper was heavy on my hand. My steering wheel was coated with seasonings. I parked in a visitor’s space at Alexis’s building.

  Alexis greeted me at the security entrance on her
floor. “You okay?”

  “I’m good,” I said, leading the way to her apartment.

  “No, you’re not. Ew, what’s that smell?”

  Ignoring my sister, I asked, “How was Nya?”

  “My Princess Diva is all dolled up. Wait until you see her. I’m excited about my role in the series. You’ll be proud to know, I enrolled in acting classes with Dwayne Boyd. What am I going to be doing?”

  Entering the living room, James and Chanel were on the sofa. Nya was putting eye shadow on Chanel. I was still heated from meeting with Phoenix. I honestly didn’t care where he laid his head or stuck his dick tonight.

  “Told you she was a Princess Diva,” Alexis said.

  My family wasn’t perfect. Far from it. But I did not know where I’d be without them.

  Nya dropped the brush, ran to me. “Mommy!”

  I held my arms away from her, gave her a kiss. “Get your things, Nya.”

  I washed my hands in the kitchen sink. “James. Chanel. How are you guys doing?”

  They both answered, “Good,” at the same time.

  Not wanting to reveal my plan to have Alexis replace Ebony, I had to think things through. Maybe I overreacted by offering my sister a part. Ebony was up to six million followers on social media. Her husband, Buster, told me if I worked it out with Goldie, he’d finance the entire next series. Maybe Ebony had done me a favor. Being honest with myself, Ebony was not my problem. Phoenix was.

  “Devereaux Crystal. Snap out of it,” Alexis said, popping her finger.

  “Yeah, smart decision,” I agreed. “Dwayne is one of the best. You’ll be a perfect fit for Sophisticated Side Chicks ATL.”

  With proper coaching, Alexis was going to do well wherever I placed her. It would be interesting to see how money would change Alexis. I knew my sister well. Both James and Chanel, their morals would be compromised by Alexis now.

  “Gurl, go home and get some rest,” Alexis said, ushering us out the door.

  Leaving Alexis’s, I didn’t want to go home. I texted Mercedes, Cool to stop by? I need to talk.

  She replied right away, Sure come by. I was putting the kids to bed.

  Nya cheered, “Yay!” from her car seat soon as I parked in Mercedes’s driveway.

  Welcoming us in, Mercedes said, “Have a seat. I’m going to give this one a quick bath and put her in the bed with Brandy.”

  “No,” Nya protested. “I’m not sleepy.”

  I had to vent with someone who could relate. Alexis with her perfect trio wouldn’t understand my concerns. Sandara was in London on the runway. My mom was traveling the world with Bing.

  Happy people were sounding boards with no echo.

  I kissed my baby good night. We both knew Nya would be knocked out as soon as Mercedes cleaned her up and tucked her in. I thanked my sister.

  “No problem. Help yourself and pour me one, too.”

  A setup of two wineglasses and my favorite bottle was on the coffee table. I helped myself. Filled Mercedes’s glass.

  My sister sat close to me. I told her, “After meeting with Phoenix tonight, I can’t take him back.”

  Mercedes asked, “What makes you so sure?”

  “There was no love in his eyes for me. He wasn’t remorseful. All Phoenix needs is someplace to lay his head. I’m done. What are you going to do?” I asked my sister.

  “I can’t do to my kids what Mother did to us. Benjamin still picks up the twins every morning. Takes them to school. Brings them home.”

  “And his other woman. Is he still in love with her?” I asked.

  Mercedes looked at me. “What matters most is I’m still in love with my husband. And for my family that love is worth fighting for.”

  A READING GROUP GUIDE

  JUST CAN’T LET GO

  Mary B. Morrison

  ABOUT THIS GUIDE

  The suggested questions that follow are included to enhance your group’s reading of this book.

  Discussion Questions

  1. Which character is your most favorite and least favorite? Why?

  2. How would you feel if your father was listed as “unknown” on your birth certificate?

  3. Which sex scene is the freakiest? Which one would you want to try? Which character would you sex and why?

  4. Who’s to blame for the problems in Devereaux and Phoenix’s relationship? What about James and Alexis? Mercedes and Benjamin? Blake and Spencer?

  5. Do you think inheriting 2.5 million dollars will change Alexis? If you received that amount of money, would it change you? If so, how?

  6. Do you like Bing Sterling? Do you think he’s a good partner for Blake? How long do you believe their relationship will last?

  7. Would you like me to write a television series for Sophisticated Side Chicks ATL? If I do, it’ll be scripted. Who do you think the four leading ladies should be?

  8. Do you agree or disagree with Mercedes influencing her sister Devereaux to hire a private investigator to spy on Phoenix? Would you have done the same? Why or why not?

  9. Do you believe every woman can squirt? Have you squirted before? Is the squirt watch that Bing had on real?

  10. Why do you think Conner Rogers left everything to Alexis Crystal and nothing to Spencer Domino?

  11. Will Alexis ever stop lying? Do you feel she’s a good fit for her sister’s show, Sophisticated Side Chicks ATL? Why or why not?

  12. Is Ebony Waterhouse, aka Goldie Jackson, wise for marrying a seventy-one-year-old man for his money and for American citizenship? If Goldie has to legally marry someone else to prevent being deported to Colombia, should she marry Phoenix?

  13. If you could squeeze in between the pages of Just Can’t Let Go, where would it be and why?

  DON’T MISS Mary B. Morrison’s If I Can’t Have You Series

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  Available wherever books and ebooks are sold.