Roomies

by Lynn Stevens

  “Val, I know this is hard on you, but you need to tell me what’s going on.” His lips were so close to my ear that his breath pushed my hair away. “I can’t protect you if I don’t know what I’m protecting you from.”

  The sobs wracked my body harder. Josh pressed his cheek against mine and waited until I could catch my breath.

  “Please tell me,” he whispered.

  I shook my head. If I told him the truth, he’d never understand. Josh couldn’t protect me. Nobody could.

  Chapter Five

  The next morning, there was a new cell phone by the coffee pot with a note:

  The number is 555-2121. Take it. We can talk about it later if you want, but get rid of the other phone.

  I didn’t. It wasn’t that his offer wasn’t appreciated, but it wasn’t right. I wasn’t his charity case.

  The café’s steady stream of customers kept my mind occupied with lattes, macchiatos, and chai teas. One customer even requested I prove that the Arabica beans were in fact free trade. And the label on the bag wasn’t good enough. When he finally took his cup (one-hundred percent recyclable, I assured him), exhaustion weakened me to the point I think I actually fell asleep. Shawna nudged me awake a few times until she went on break.

  “Ahem.”

  My eyes jerked open as the deep voice slapped me back into reality.

  Josh smiled with his eyebrows seeking his hairline. “You okay?”

  “Long day,” I said through a yawn. “Sorry. Did you want something?”

  “Sure.” Josh perused the menu while I tried to keep my eyes open. “Can I get a chai latte?”

  I turned without ringing it up. It seemed silly to charge him for a five-dollar drink when I wasn’t paying a dime in rent. As I gave Josh his drink, a mop of pink hair bursted into the café. A quick glance at the clock and I realized it was already ten minutes after I should’ve clocked out.

  “Sorry, I’m late. Shawna still here?” Dani said as she rushed behind the counter. She glanced at Josh. “Hey.”

  Josh lifted his paper cup in salute.

  “Dani.” She held out her hand, each nail painted a different color.

  “Josh.” He studied her for a moment. “Val, I’ll be by the door.”

  “Um, okay.” I turned toward the swinging doors that lead to the back room when multi-colored nails dug into the flesh of my arm. “Ow.”

  “Shit, sorry.” Dani released me, but she didn’t let me out of her sight. “Who’s the hottie? And why’s he waiting for you?”

  “My roommate and I don’t know.” I grabbed my time card and punched out. A bruise formed where she’d grabbed me, swirling unpleasant memories. “Shawna’s in the back on break.”

  “Damn, I’ll trade you. My roommate’s a thirty-five-year-old party girl. I’m lucky I get rent from her half the time.” Dani followed me back to the front. “I only keep her around because she knows a lot of hot guys.”

  I laughed and grabbed my purse from under the counter. “See you later, Dani. Hopefully your shift isn’t as crazy as mine was.”

  “Oh great,” she muttered as the front door dinged and three guys stalked in wearing berets and carrying notebooks.

  I giggled at the wannabe beatniks. Some people were always striving for a past they didn’t understand while the rest of us just wanted to move forward.

  “I thought I’d walk you home,” Josh said as we stepped out into the warm evening air. I loved the smell of the city, heat and asphalt mixed with the fresh cut grass from a nearby community park.

  “Thanks,” I whispered. For some reason, shyness overcame any other instinct. And that made me feel all the more foolish. I kept my eyes on the brick sidewalk as we strolled toward the apartment.

  “You didn’t take the phone.” Josh stopped and I did the same. “Any reason why?”

  I didn’t say anything right away. How could I explain this to him? He didn’t know Sam. He didn’t know what would happen if Sam found me. He didn’t know that keeping his distance was the best thing for everyone.

  His finger slid under my chin and lifted my face until our gazes met. Our breaths mingled in the space between us. “I don’t want to see anything bad happen to you, Val.”

  “I can take care of myself.” I fought the shivers his touch caused, and the underlying fear beneath the spark of desire.

  Josh’s finger fell away, but he didn’t move. We were so close, I could almost imagine the distance disappearing between us. It was a dangerous thought and the reality of it caused me to step back.

  I forced a smile. With a nod, Josh started walking toward the apartment again.

  “What did the doctor say to the patient with bird flu?”

  A real smile broke on my lips. Just like Josh, cut the tension with a joke. “What?”

  “Don’t worry, it’s tweetable.”

  I didn’t try to stop the laugh. It felt good, and with Josh, that was always a possibility. Even the bad ones made me smile, which were most of his gags. We walked the rest of the way home like that, laughing at jokes most late night comedians would deem beneath them.

  He didn’t ask me to take the phone again, but that lone call hung between us like a tightrope. Every time my cell rang, the rope tightened.

  “You didn’t change your number?” Lena asked when I finally told her what happened. “God, Val, he could trace it here.”

  I shook my head. “No. It’s a minute phone remember. No bill.” The memory of his voice sent shivers down my spine. “I just can’t figure out how he got it.”

  Lena twisted her gorgeous chestnut hair around her finger, the diamond on her left hand flashing in the morning sun. We sat at a table outside Café Bristol before my shift started, sipping on iced coffee.

  “I’m surprised Josh even gave it back to you. How’d you pay for the phone?” she finally asked. Her hair fell over her forehead, and a pain of jealousy hit me again. Lena had it all: a career, a great guy, and model looks. My best attribute was my inability to gain weight. At least for now. Judging by my mother, that wouldn’t last forever.

  It hit me as her words sank though my tough skull. I closed my eyes and answered. “Credit card.” I slapped my forehead before letting my head fall onto the top of the heavy plastic table. “I can’t believe I was so careless.”

  Lena patted my hand. “Don’t worry, honey. He may know you’re in Chicago, but he won’t find you. There isn’t any way to trace you but me and I doubt your mom would think of me.” I lifted my head just as she raised her eyebrow. “Right?”

  “Yeah,” I said, sitting up a little. “Right.”

  “Okay then.” Lena’s smile grew, and I knew she was about to bring up the wedding. “I’m going to see Markus later to discuss styles for the wedding, and I want you to come with. It’ll be fun. We’ll get mani-pedis and –”

  “You know I can’t afford Markus. It’s A Cut Above all the way for me.” I deflated at how much Markus would charge for a trim. More than I’d make in tips in a single day.

  “It’s on me.” Lena reached out and patted my arm again. “Val, let me do this for you. You’ve been through a lot and don’t ask anyone for help –”

  “I asked you,” I threw in.

  “Yes, for one tiny thing.” She squeezed my arm. “Seriously, let’s have a girlie day. Please? Maddie’s never around anymore. And Jeannette works for me. Other than that, all the other women I know are clients.”

  Lena was lonely? That didn’t seem right. Not at all. “Okay, I guess.”

  “Great.” She sat back and a twinkle lit her eye. “So, Josh said you were his wife? Wonder why he said that instead of something like sister or cousin?”

  “He also said my maiden name was Ryder.” I pointed my cup at her. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

  Lena nodded. “Uh-huh. Sure.”

  I glanced at my watch. “Oh, look. Time to get to work.”

  “Chicken.” Lena tossed her empty cup in a nearby trashcan. “Meet me at the apartment at three. Marku
s is going to love getting his hands on your dirty blonde hair.” Lena sighed and tugged at her own locks. “God, your hair is gorgeous.”

  Shock stopped me before I went inside. My perfect cousin was envious of the nasty mop on my head. How was that even possible? Lena didn’t seem to notice my disbelief or even how I stared at her as she climbed into her ugly red hatchback.

  My shift flew by for a Wednesday. Artie, the manager, demanded the entire café get a deep clean, so I took apart everything and scrubbed it until it gleamed. Thankfully there was a big enough lull in the afternoon coffee consumption. By the time I made it back to the apartment, it was almost three-thirty. Lena didn’t give me a chance to change as she ushered me into her car and sped off toward the salon.

  Markus greeted us at the door with a smile and a laugh. “Right on time, as always, Lena.”

  “Oh, you know me.” Lena leaned in and air-kissed his cheeks. Without glancing back at me, she added, “This is Valerie. Give her the works on me, okay?”

  The works? What’s that supposed to mean? Before I could voice my protest, one of Markus’s shampoo girls ushered me toward a sink and pushed me into the chair.

  “Relax, Val,” Lena said somewhere nearby. “Just try to forget about everything for a few hours.”

  I sighed. Loudly. But I tried to do what she said. It wasn’t easy. Strange people circled around me like vultures. They soaked my hands and feet. My nails were clipped, filed, and painted. Whoever waxed my eyebrows took great pleasure in causing me pain. Someone slathered goo over my face and put cucumbers on my eyes. It wasn’t as relaxing as it sounded. I sat back and let it happen.

  Even though I kept telling myself I was suffering through this for Lena, the truth was the same it always was: fear prevented me from opening my mouth. Fear that I’d disappoint my cousin. Fear that I’d offend the staff working so hard to make me their idea of beautiful. Fear that I’d hate whatever it was they were doing to me. Fear that I wouldn’t. There wasn’t a single thing that didn’t scare me. I was so tired of feeling this way. It was why I ran. I’d let fear control my life for so long, I didn’t know how to live without it. And I desperately wanted to.

  “Okay,” Markus said as he stood before me, a smug expression on his face. His head bobbed like he agreed with the new me. “Reveal time.”

  He spun the chair around, stopping it before the mirror. I stared at the reflection and groaned. My blonde hair had sun-streaked highlights. The soft curls were gone, flat-ironed into submission. My eyes were covered in kohl, brightening the light blue of my irises to the point I couldn’t even look at them. It was different to be sure.

  “Well?” Lena asked, bouncing on her feet. “How do you like the cut?”

  The new cut was cute but styled to the point that my hair looked like a helmet. I nodded anyway, hoping tomorrow it would be somewhat normal.

  “C’est magnifique,” Markus added with a terrible French accent. “The boys won’t know what hit them.”

  I raised my eyebrows at him and turned toward the mirror. It wasn’t bad. Not really, but it wasn’t me. I liked my hair curly, my makeup natural. As much as I appreciated Lena’s efforts, it would be gone tomorrow. I just wouldn’t tell her that.

  After she settled the bill, we drove back to the apartment. Lena carried both ends of the conversation. There wasn’t a reason for me to talk with her around. Best part, she didn’t even notice. At least I didn’t think she did until we got to our doors.

  “Val, I know you don’t like the –” she waved her hand around my face. “But thanks for going with me.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I want to like it, but –”

  “But you don’t.” Lena put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed me into a half hug. “You look great, but you don’t look like Val. I get it.” She squeezed me again and let go. “Anyway, I’ll see you later. I’ve got to discuss another possible location for the wedding with Ryder. One he’ll probably flip his shit over, but still.”

  “Lena,” I said when she turned toward her door. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.” Lena’s smile was almost shy. I kind of liked seeing my cousin this way. Like she was normal and not superwoman.

  The door opened, yanking the knob from my hand, and Stephanie stepped out. Josh’s little sister was gorgeous with her long legs and thin frame. Her confidence added to her beauty. I’d only met her one other time in passing, but I knew the type. She wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want to do. I envied her.

  “Wow, Val, you look great.” She kissed my cheeks as she held my shoulders. I tried to hide by shudder and failed. “Josh isn’t going to know what to make of you like this?”

  My face burned hotter than the stove. “Um, thanks.”

  “I wish I could stay and chat.” Stephanie’s hazel eyes twinkled. “We really need to get to know each other.”

  Before I could answer, she was halfway down the steps and shouting “bye” over her shoulder. How that girl moved so quick in three-inch heels was beyond me.

  I opened the door, ducking my head to hide my face from Josh.

  “What happened?” he asked, panic filling his soft tenor. His feet hit the ground and strode toward me. I didn’t get a chance to protest when his finger slid under my chin and lifted my face. His eyes widened.

  Tears threatened to ruin the expensive makeup. I didn’t want him to see me like this. The makeover made me feel worse, not better. Like being Val wasn’t good enough. I was so tired of not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. The last thing I needed was Josh to agree.

  “God, I thought… The way you had your head down.” He shook his head and sighed. “I’m glad you’re okay.” He tilted his head to the right then the left. “You look … different. Not like you.”

  “I don’t feel like me,” I whispered.

  His hand slid up my jaw, cupping my cheek as his fingers teased along the hairline. “Why’d you change then?”

  “Lena wanted a girl’s day.” I leaned into his touch. His skin was softer than I’d expected or maybe the facial had made mine more sensitive. Either way, I didn’t want him to let go. I closed my eyes, reveling in him. His thumb slipped over my lips.

  “Doesn’t she see how beautiful you already are?”

  Me? Beautiful?

  “Val,” he whispered, “I really want to kiss you right now.”

  That snapped me out of whatever this was. I stumbled back, thudding against the door. It wasn’t just what he said or how he said it, but I wanted him to kiss me. Hell, I wanted him to do more than kiss me. The trembling started in my fingers, surging up my arms and down my legs. My entire body shook as if it would split apart.

  “I’m sorry.” Josh held up his hands in surrender and backed away. “That was …”

  I wanted to throw up and scream at the same time. Instead, I ran down the hall to my room. Leaning against the closed door, I touched my lips were his thumb had been. I couldn’t let him kiss me, no matter how much I wanted to. Not until I sent the ring back. Not until I found my footing and could stand on my own. Maybe not even then.

  Chapter Six

  Josh insisted I did the shopping with him, even though he paid for the food. Our comfort level around one another had been strained, but we were back to our casual banter. I only wished I could look at him again without hearing those words and feeling how much I regretted not letting him follow through.

  “Did you hear about the magical tractor?” Josh asked. He climbed the steps in front of me with two bags in each hand.

  “Magical tractor?” I shook my head.

  Josh stopped at the top of the stairs and glanced down. The grin on his face warned me there was a punchline coming. “It drove down the country road, then turned into a field.”

  I groaned and suppressed the laugh.

  “Admit it, that’s funny.” He chuckled and moved out of the way. “You love my jokes.”

  This time I did laugh. He was right, I loved the stupid one-liners he
threw around without caring whether other people laughed. It was one of his charms.

  Lena trapped us in the hallway, forcing us into her apartment.

  “Sit,” Lena ordered, pointing to the couch.

  I glanced up at Josh who only shrugged before settling into the middle with his bags at his feet. Shaking my head, I sat on the arm of the overstuffed monstrosity and waited.

  “As you guys know, Ryder and I are getting married.” Lena clasped her hands together, left hand and respectable diamond on top of course.

  “And you’ve been fighting like cats and dogs over every little detail.” Josh sighed and put his feet up on the glass coffee table. I suppressed a giggle at the expression on Lena’s face.

  “Off, Josh.” Ryder slapped Josh’s feet. “It hasn’t been that bad.”

  “We can hear you,” Josh admonished. “I’ve seriously thought about calling the manager to complain.”

  “We aren’t that loud.” Lena stared at me. “Are we?”

  I raised my eyebrows and shrugged. No answer was better than one that would bring on more questions.

  “Anyway,” Ryder said, drawing Lena’s attention toward him. “We’ve got a way to solve all our problems at once.”

  As they stared at one another, I saw something I’d never seen before. Two people who truly loved. My heart ached. That was what I wanted. Nothing fancy. No big house, or sports cars, or million dollar engagement rings. I wanted someone to look at me the way Ryder looked at Lena.

  “What’s that, loverboy?” Josh kicked Ryder’s prosthetic leg. “You gonna marry me, instead. I’m a better cook, you know.”

  Ryder smiled at his buddy. “But you snore.”

  I had to cover my mouth to stop from laughing out loud.

  Josh leaned closer to me. “I don’t snore.”

  “Yes, you do,” I whispered. “You wake me up.”

  “That’s not …” Whatever retort he had up his sleeve, Josh shut his lips faster than a bear trap. He closed his eyes, tightening his jaw to the point I thought his teeth might shatter.