Never Forget You

by N L Ardwick

  “I saw you sitting here all alone and thought I would come and join you,” he said. “So how long have you been at Simmons & Jones?” he asked.

  “Oh, only a few months,” Harpreet answered without looking him in the eye.

  Michael perhaps sensed she was nervous and led the conversation, telling her about his plans to go to the Bar and that he would only be at the firm for three months as he had secured a Pupillage at a Chambers in the City. He told her he was living with his mother on a temporary basis whilst he looked for a new house. His mother had just had a hip operation and the timing had worked out fine for both of them as he was able to keep an eye on her. He then joked that he was too old to be living with his mother. Michael then asked her if she wanted a drink and left the table to go to the bar and buy her an orange juice. This gave Harpreet a few minutes to gather her thoughts. Her heart was beating fast now and along with the nervousness, she felt excited and after so long, alive. She felt a familiarity with him even though she did not know him.

  Michael returned to the table. He was now sitting quite close to her and had placed his arm around the back of her chair. She wanted to know more about him. She wondered if he was buying a house alone or maybe he was married. After all, he was very attractive, she could not imagine that he would be alone. Just as he was about to say some more, Pete Simmons interrupted him by tapping him on the shoulder. He barely acknowledged Harpreet and looked like he was drunk.

  “We men are heading to the bar, would you like to join us?” he asked. “No females allowed, I’m afraid,” he said looking at Harpreet. Michael looked at her and gave her a reassuring smile as if to say she should not take offence. He then leant towards her and told her he would probably see her later.

  Harpreet did not see him again until she was about to leave. She said her goodbyes and saw him heading back from the bar. He was distracted again by one of the Barrristers whom the firm had invited. She looked back as she neared the door and saw that he was looking at her. She smiled at him and then went outside into the chill of the night. She could not stop thinking about him all the way home, reinventing the scene in her head when she had turned and looked back at him and he was looking at her. His gaze almost felt as though he had touched her.

  The following morning she awoke later than usual. Her throat felt raw and she felt hot, suspecting she had a temperature. There was a noise, which came from the hallway. She thought it was a knock at the door but found it had been the sound of a letter falling through the letterbox. She bent down to pick it up. It was a large white envelope with the seal of a Solicitor’s firm on the front. Harpreet opened the envelope tentatively. She had not been expecting anything. It was a letter from a Solicitor instructed by Ajay. He had issued divorce proceedings. She felt a lump in her throat and her body came out in a cold sweat.

  She read through the papers, tears now rolling down her face. He said the marriage had broken down because she was cold and insensitive and had no regard for his feelings as a result of which he felt unloved and alone. She could not disagree with what he had written. It looked as though he had tried to be as gentle as possible and not disparaging of her. But that was the man he was. He was kind and gentle and she had not given him the love he deserved.

  The rest of the weekend passed in a daze. She did not speak to anyone save for Dave who asked if she wanted to meet up before the Christmas break as she would be away visiting her family. She told him she was not feeling up to it. She did not tell him about the divorce papers. It had not sunk in yet.

  “Can we meet in the New Year when I get back?” she asked. He sounded disappointed she thought. He was about to say something and stopped as if he thought better of it, and then wished her well and said he would call in the New Year.

  Ajay dropped Gurmeet off as arranged. She watched while waiting at the door for Gurmeet to come in. Ajay did not look at her as he so often didn’t any more and once Gurmeet was safely inside, he drove away.

  There were only a few days left at work. Not many people were in. Harpreet left early on the day before they were due to break for Christmas, saying she was not feeling well. She waited in a nearby shop before she went to see Julia. She felt as though the time had come when she needed to tell someone what had happened and how she was to blame for everything.

  CHAPTER 3

  March 1979

  Harpreet had finished her university education and was hoping to become a Solicitor. She obtained a place on the Solicitor’s finals course and worked hard on the gruelling course. She always thought it was more of an endurance test than a challenge of intellect. Luckily Harpreet had a good memory and was able to remember lots of information and managed to pass the exams.

  Harpreet spent most of her time studying or listening to music. She had developed a taste for funk music and her mother would often come into the room and ask her what she was listening to and that once she was married, she would have to change her ways or her husband would think her too westernised. Harpreet found this extremely irksome. It was if her ambition and dreams counted for nothing and everything was in preparation for the day she would find a suitable match and get married. She was hoping that once she became a successful lawyer, her parents would see there was more to her and that she would be allowed to pursue her career before she settled down.

  Harpreet was not allowed out on her own in the evening. Even on a visit to see her friends, she had to take her mother with her. The reason was that if she were to be seen out alone, then this would ruin her chances of finding a suitable match. Harpreet’s best friend was Ajooni. They had gone to the same school and their parents were friends which made it easier for them to see each other. Ajooni had not wanted to go to university. After school she had helped out in the family business and was now engaged to be married to Anupjot, the son of a wealthy businessman. The wedding would be a lavish ceremony in India. Harpreet would not be able to go and was disappointed she would not be able to see her friend get married. Thankfully, Ajooni and her husband would be back following their honeymoon and would settle in the UK.

  Harpreet was not interested in having a relationship and was far too shy to have any male friends, other than Dave whom she knew from school and was friends with both her and Ajooni. He was different. She would save herself for the husband whom her parents chose for her. She was confident that she would be able to choose from the suitors introduced to her and she would get to know her future husband and fall in love. Her mother had already bought her wedding outfit for her from India. It was lain out carefully in the trunk which her mother kept in her bedroom. It was locked as it contained all of her intricate outfits which had been carefully chosen by her mother. Harpreet remembered begging her mother as a child to unlock the “treasure chest” as she had called it so that she could see the lovely embroidery and vibrant colours.

  It was not long since Harpreet and her mother had returned from India when Harpreet suspected that something was going on. She could hear her parents talking quietly and they would go silent when she entered the room. She found out what was going on soon enough when her mother broached the subject in the kitchen one day. “Bethi,” she said affectionately. “I have some wonderful news. Do you remember Aunty Banita who we met at the wedding in Leicester last week, well she has found you a very good match. His name is Ajay and Banita tells me that he works for a major bank. His family are very wealthy. Bethi we can only dream of such a good match for you, coming from such a humble family as ours. You would never have to work again my dear.”

  Her mother cradled her in her arms and stroked her hair as she often did. “The family are very keen to see you, Aunty Ji showed them a picture of you and they are so excited as to how lovely you are and how blessed with such fair skin. I always knew when you were born and I saw how lovely you were that you would do us proud one day. Only one thing though,: her mother’s face hardened. “You will have to forget about this lawyer thing. They said they have enough money and want someone who will look after t
heir son and give them a grandson. They are not even bothered that your father is a bus diver and there won’t be much by way of a dowry.”

  Harpreet looked pleadingly at her mother but her mother had already looked away and would not make any eye contact. Harpreet knew that her protests would fall on deaf ears and she should not say anything.

  Harpreet felt a wave of panic come over her. She had seen other potential suitors but she had not seen her mother look at her like this before. Almost as if she would let everyone down if she did not agree. “Ok Mummy,” she said dutifully. Harpreet adored her parents. They had done their best for all three of their children. Her sister Baljeet was in her first year at university in London studying medicine and her brother Aaashish was doing his A Levels.

  During the week there was a flurry of activity. Anyone would think there was going to be a Royal visit. Harpreet’s mother washed all the curtains, cleaned the windows and filled the house with the aroma of spices, cooking every delicacy she could think of.

  The night before, Harpreet’s clothes were lain out neatly on the bed in the guest room and Harpreet was given a trial as to how she was to carry the tea tray into the room and who she was to serve first. She was told that she was to obey her mother in law at all times as if she earned the respect of her mother in law then her husband would love her even more. Alone in her room, the only place where she could truly be alone, Harpreet looked out of the window at the stars against the velvety black sky. She envied them. They looked so free and beautiful. She was beginning to feel worried now. What if she did not like him? How would she break this to her parents? How would she let them down when it was in her power to make them happy? As the eldest, Harpreet also felt a sense of duty to lead a good example for Baljeet and Aaashish to follow.

  *

  Harpreet woke at 7am. She had barely slept, only falling asleep when the light was creeping in through the curtains. She was woken by her mother standing near to her bed with a cup of tea. “Come on Bethi, wakey wakey. I have made you some lovely hot chai and paratha, just the way you like it.” Harpreet did love her mother’s parathas filled with potato. However, even this did not make her want to eat. She lay in bed for another half hour and drank her tea before getting up and pulling back the curtains. She had seen this view for as long as she could remember, the grey stone walls, the backs of the houses and the sound of the children laughing in the gardens behind the house where she was brought up. Today, she felt detached from it all as if she was about to lose control of her life.

  By midday, Harpreet was dressed in all her finery. She wore a simple Salwar suit which her mother had chosen for her and had been prepared specifically for this occasion. This was one of three suits for viewings by potential suitors. Three suits had been made as an overoptimistic estimate as Harpreet’s mother was confident that her daughter would be chosen by at least the second potential suitor. The fact that this was the last one of the three made this viewing even more poignant.

  Harpreet looked at herself in the mirror. The dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep had been disguised by make up. Her suit was yellow in colour with a very simple embroidery. She wore a few matching bangles and tied her hair in a plait. She pulled the matching chiffon scarf over head. She was ready. Baljeet had been excused from attending as she had said she had some very important revision to do and Aashish had gone to a football tournament.

  The doorbell rang at 12.30. Harpreet was to stay in the kitchen until she was called in with the tray of tea and sweets. She could hear her mother talking excitedly and then the door of the living room close. She waited for what seemed like an eternity for her mother , who finally came to the kitchen to help her to finish off the tea making. Once the tray was carefully laden, Harpreet was led into the living room by her mother. “This is my beautiful daughter Harpreet,” she announced as if waiting for a round of applause.

  Harpreet’s heart was beating fast now. She wondered if they noticed that her hands were shaking as she put the tea tray down on the table. She proceeded to touch the feet of her prospective parents in law as a mark of respect before she handed out the delicacies from the tray. They were samosas filled with potatoes and oninon bhajis all carefully prepared by her mother. Following this there was tea and indian sweets known as “ladoos.”

  Ajay’s mother spoke first. “How pretty your daughter is, you are truly blessed.” Ajay’s mother looked much younger than her own mother. She was dressed in a plain silk suit and had short hair. His father looked much older than her. Harpreet wondered what the age gap was between them. Maybe fifteen years she thought.

  “This is my only son Ajay. He is very clever, a high flier and works for a major bank. He is due to be promoted soon,” his mother added. Harpreet looked towards Ajay for the first time since she had entered the room and looked away again as all eyes were on her. She was then asked to go to the kitchen and wash up. She took this as her cue to leave to allow a discussion about the rest of her life to take place.

  Some thirty minutes later, her mother reappeared in the kitchen. She whispered, even though the door was firmly closed and no one would hear her even if she spoke louder.

  “Ajay wants to speak to you on his own Bethi before he can make a final decision. But the important thing is that his parents are agreeable to the match. In my day that would be enough. Now in this modern society the groom has to speak to the girls before he can decide. Make sure you agree to everything he says. You will not have any better offers and me and your father are not getting any younger.” At this point her mother paused to sigh and hold her head. “Who knows how long my heart will hold out. I may not live to see you married.”

  Her mother used this particular line whenever Harpreet’s father would not let her have her own way.

  “If I was to die tomorrow who would look after you.” Her mother was almost pleading now. Nowhere in all her comments was the question which Harpreet thought she would be asked. Did she like him?

  Her mother continued: “Don’t talk too much about your education, make sure you tell him how many dishes you can cook and how you would much rather stay at home and look after him than pursue some big career. I say this because they were just saying how they recently rejected someone for this very reason.”

  Her mother did not wait for a response but hurried back to the living room and returned with Ajay. She then left them and closed the door. There was a silence for what seemed like an hour but was probably only a few minutes. Ajay broke the silence.

  “Well that was awkward wasn’t it?” he said.

  Harpreet looked at him. He was quite short, maybe five foot six. He had short cropped hair and wore glasses. He was dressed in a pair of navy cords and a purple jumper.

  “Shall we go out into the garden?” she asked. He nodded and moved forward. Harpreet opened the door which led to the small garden behind the house. It was pleasantly warm. There was a burst of colour coming through in the garden which had been lovingly nurtured by her father.

  They both sat on the bench near the kitchen but on opposite ends. “So what do you like doing in your spare time?” Ajay asked. Harpreet remembered the pleading look on her mother’s face. She wanted to tell him that she was not ready to marry him or anyone else. She wanted to pursue her career and travel to different places. She wanted to marry someone because she loved them. But instead, Harpreet told him how she liked to cook and had graduated from university but did not have any plans at the moment.

  Ajay then went on to tell her about his job and how he had been offered a job in London but had refused it as he wanted to be near his family. It was his duty as the only son to look after his parents. He then asked her how she would feel about living with his parents. Harpreet was taken aback. She had not even thought about this. In her naivety, she had thought all she had to consider for now was whether she wanted to get to know this stranger beside her. “I haven’t really thought about it, but I am sure it will be fine,” she responded.

  She looke
d at him again. She did not feel any attraction to him, not the way she thought she would feel when she met a prospective husband. Her mother had told her that looks did not matter and they would not pay the bills. There was silence now as both of them could not think about what to say next. The silence was interrupted by Harpreet’s father coughing loudly before he even came into sight.

  “How are you children getting on?” he asked affectionately. Ajay stood up. “We are fine Uncle Ji,” he responded. They were then joined by Harpreet’s mother and Ajay’s parents. Ajay moved towards his parents. They said their goodbyes and said they would be in touch.

  Harpreet felt a huge sense of relief that it was all over. She had imagined this moment for as long as she could remember , when she would meet her future husband. She did not imagine it to be like this. She thought she would feel excited and feel a flutter in her stomach. She had not been in love before but she knew that she had felt nothing today. Maybe, she told herself these feelings did not exist and these things only happened in stories.

  Over the next few days, her brother Aaashish used every opportunity to tease her about Ajay. He found it light relief from his A Level revision.

  “Leave me alone,”she ordered him, feeling irritated now. “I will tell Mummy and Papa about your crush on Jeanie.” This seemed to do the trick. Her brother looked very embarrassed. He thought nobody had noticed the way he looked at Jeanie from next door. He sulked and returned to his room.

  Harpreet was not in the mood for jokes. She was awaiting news of her fate. She wanted to hear that Ajay had found her boring, that his parents did not feel she was suitable for the role of their future daughter in law. She was disappointed however, when the phone rang and she heard her father talking to someone whom she assumed was Ajay’s father. She heard him laughing and say, “of course, of course you are always welcome, we are at your mercy. We look forward to seeing you this evening.” He put the phone down and Harpreet heard him shouting to her mother with a sense of urgency.