Never Forget You

by N L Ardwick

  Harpreet noticed tat she was still subdued and now she could see that she had visibly lost weight.

  “Bal, what’s wrong?” she asked. “You don’t seem your usual self.”

  Baljeet started to cry. “I’m so sorry Harp. I didn’t listen to you.”

  “What’s happened?” Harpreet sat down next to Baljeet on the bed.

  “I think I might be pregnant. When I told James, he dumped me. He did not even want to find out if I am or not. I thought he loved me,” Baljeet was sobbing now.

  Harpreet threw her arms around her sister. “Quiet, quiet, mum will hear. You know I am going away in a few days but we need to know for sure so that we can decide what to do. You must go to the clinic tomorrow and take a test. I will tell Mum that I have sent you to get something for me.”

  Just as she had finished speaking, their mother came into the room. Baljeet got up immediately and dried her eyes.

  “Bethi, are you crying because your sister is going away? It will be your turn soon. I noted that Aunty Balwinder was taking an interest in you. Her son is a doctor you know.”

  Baljeet said she was tired and needed to get some sleep as she had some errands to run for Harpreet in the morning. She smiled at Harpreet and left the room. Her mother now sat down next to her. She was holding a small box in her hand.

  “Bethi, I was looking for an appropriate moment to give you this.” She opened the box and inside Harpreeet saw a small pair of gold earrings. They had tiny blue stones and sparkled in the light in the room.

  “Your grandmother left these for you. They were given to her by her own mother, my great grandmother. It will almost be as if she will be here.”

  Neither of them spoke but cried quietly.

  The following day was the day before the wedding. There was lots to do. Baljeet had gone out early and came back around midday. She was smiling now.

  “It was negative,” she whispered to Harpreet. Harprret breathed a huge sigh of relief. She was relieved for Harpreet and also for her parents.

  15th August 1979

  The day of the wedding had arrived. Harpreet’s wedding sari was laid out neatly on the bed. Her gold jewellery was set out in it’s boxes next to it. Ajooni had arranged for a friend of hers to come round and do Harpreet’s hair and make up. Harpreet looked at herself in the mirror. She barely recoginsed herself. Her hair had been put up into a bun. She did not wear much make up, but today she wore bright red lipstick, her eyes were lined with kohl and she had tiny red dots over her eyebrows.

  Next she put on her red sari. It was heavily embroidered in gold and felt heavy to carry. Finally, she put on her gold jewellery, the long earrings with red stones, a choker necklace and a gold chain with red stones was pinned to her hair at the front. She slipped on red and white bangles on both wrists. She was ready.

  She wondered what Ajay would be doing now. She wondered how she would feel today when she saw him .She had not had much time to think, with the passing of her grandmother and the preparations for the wedding.

  There was a bridal car outside the house. Harpreet was to travel in the car with her parents and siblings to the Gurdwara (temple). At the Gurdwara, they were met by Ajay and his family where they exchanged garlands. Ajay smiled at Harpreet. He seemed happy. He had grown a beard and wore a traditional Indian suit and a turban on his head.

  Prayers were said and Ajay led Harpreet four times around the Holy book, interspersed with blessings and hymns in between. She was married. Following the religious ceremony, everyone proceeded to a hotel nearby where food was served followed by dancing and singing.

  Harpreet and Ajay were seated together on a stage where relatives and friends gathered to congratulate them. Harpreet looked around the room. She noticed Dave who had been invited with his mother. She caught his gaze and he smiled. He knew not to go to the stage as he did not want anyone to question Harpreet as to who he was. Ajooni, who was also due to be married did not approach him. He knew both girls well and knew this was all part and parcel of the world they came from.

  It was now time to say goodbye to her parents and family before she went to her new home. Her parents both cried and hugged her tight. She knew that she would not be able to see them very often and it broke her heart.

  Harpreet took her place next to Ajay in the bridal car. She had never been this close to him before and felt nervous. He took hold of her hand and squeezed it. They did not speak.

  The car arrived at her new home. It was a large detached house with a long driveway in stark contrast to the very modest house she had been brought up in. There was a big hallway with huge chandeliers and a huge staircase which led to a galleried landing. The sweet smell of flowers filled the hair. There were bunches of roses in vases all around the hallway.

  More celebrations continued until late into the evening, this time with the friends and family of Ajay’s parents. Sakina came and sat next to her new sister in law and posed for photographs with her. She whispered to Harpreet that the bridal bedroom was nicely decorated and she had lain flowers on the bed. Harpreet blushed. She had not even addressed her mind to the fact that she would be sharing a bed with her husband that night. Her husband who she knew very little about.

  It was midnight before Sakina asked Harpreet if she would like to follow her upstairs. She led her up the stairs and across the galleried landing. She then led her into the room which Harpreet was to share with Ajay. The room was large, there was a four poser bed and a chaise lounge, along with some wardrobes. There was also an en suite bathroom with a roll top bath. Harpreet gasped. She had never stayed anywhere like this. Sakina asked her if she wanted something to drink aside from the bottle of mineral water which was on the bedside table with two glasses. After this she told her she would see her in the morning and left, closing the door behind her.

  It was another twenty minutes or so before Ajay knocked and came into the room. She was still sitting on the bed where Sakina had left her. Ajay sat beside her on the bed.

  “You look beautiful,” he whispered. He did not say any more but proceeded to remove her jewellery one by one, her earrings, necklace and the gold chain pinned to her hair. He placed each piece onto the bedside table and then started to undo her sari. Neither of them spoke. The layers of silk fabric fell to the floor. Next he undid the buttons on her sari blouse and helped her to take it off.

  “I will get changed in the bathroom,” Harpreet spoke, breaking the silence.

  Ajay looked disappointed. She picked up her nightdress and went into the bathroom. She was nervous. She breathed a sigh of relief. She did not know this man who looked at her with such desire in his eyes. She did not feel the same.

  When she came out of the bathroom, she saw that Ajay was now lying on top of the bed. His eyes were closed. As she climbed under the covers, she noticed that his breathing was heavy. He smelt of alcohol. He had fallen asleep.

  She awaoke the next morning to find Ajay lying beside her in the bed. He must have awoken and showered whilst she was asleep as he was now in his pyjamas. He was looking at her when she opened her eyes.

  “Morning,” he said kindly. “Did you sleep well?”

  “Yes thank you,” she replied.

  He now leant towards her and pulled her onto his shoulder so that her head was resting on his chest.

  “There’s no hurry,” he said. “I can wait. We can get to know each other.”

  She was relieved. She was not ready to be intimate with this stranger whom she did not know and love.

  They were not alone for very long. The house was still full of guests. Harpreet was to get dressed up again. Today she wore a blue sari. She took out the box containing her grandmother’s earrings. She would wear these today. It was tradition that they go to visit her parents the day after the wedding. Ajay had told her that they would be leaving in the morning for honeymoon in the Seychelles for ten days and therefore it was better for them to return home rather than stay the night at her parents.

  Harpreet had
never been abroad apart from her trip to India. She had read about such exotic places in magazines. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that she would get to go to one of these places. She would also be able to be alone with Ajay and get to know him better.

  Her parents hugged her tightly. They both had tears in their eyes. But they were happy tears. They had lost their daughter but she had married into a good family and they did not need to worry about her any more. Baljeet was still at home. Once they were alone, she thanked her sister and said she should not worry about her. It was time to leave soon enough. Harpreet promised her parents that she would call them when she came back from honeymoon.

  They took an early morning flight. Ajay’s parents, his paternal uncle and aunt and Sakina came to the airport to see them off. The flight was over ten hours. They both slept for most of it, exhausted from the mayhem of the wedding.

  Ajay had booked them into a five star hotel. Harpreet was blown away by the beauty of the island. She had not seen anything like this before, the clean sandy beaches, the crystal blue water. The hotel suite was equally as breathtaking. Ajay had made sure that they had a room overlooking the beach, where they sat outside every morning and had breakfast. By night they strolled hand in hand along the beach.

  Harpreet felt at ease now. Ajay was gentle and kind and attentive. They kissed on their second evening there. His lips felt warm and soft. That night they made love for the first time.

  CHAPTER 6

  May 1987

  Harpreet stood by the window in her bedroom. She had awoken to hear the tapping of the rain on the window which had now turned into a pitter patter. The pitiless rain fell all morning without a break. She had dropped off her son Gurmeet to school first thing and was now back at home with her mother in law. The day would follow the same pattern as it did every day. She would spend the day with her mother in law, taking her shopping or getting dressed up to go to lunches or charity events. Sakina had married a boy she met at university a couple of years previously and had moved to Canada. Her family had not been happy, as although he was Sikh, he came from a lower caste.

  Ajay was away a lot with work. He would be away for weeks on end and when he returned, he would be tired and did not want to hear her complain that she had no life of her own. Against the wishes of her in laws, she had gone on to qualify as a Solicitor. Ajay had supported her in this. But he had now made it perfectly clear that his parents would not tolerate her pursuing her career any further. She was a mother now and had responsibilities. Also, if she went to work, this would bring shame on his parents in the community where they were respected.

  Gurmeet was her world. There was no doubt about that. In fact, it was he who held her marriage together. She felt lonely. Ajay tried his best. He would take her out when he was home and made sure they had time alone, but she was not happy. She had never been happy. But there was no one she could tell. She didn’t see her friends any more. She had been expected to cut her ties with her previous life when she married.

  The only person who had remained in contact was Dave. She would speak to him occasionally when no one was around.

  “Harp, you have got to tell Ajay how you feel”, he said to her one day. “It’s almost like you are a prisoner. Why don’t you just leave?”

  “You don’t understand Dave, that is not possible. Noone would speak to me again. My family would disown me. I am a wife and a mother now.”

  Dave did not say anymore. She was right. He did not understand. He did not understand how she could be so unhappy and live a lie. He told her that he had been offered a job in Dubai for a year and would be leaving the following week. She felt a panic. Even he was going. She would go out of her mind.

  Things came to a head a few weeks later when Ajay came back from a trip to Hong Kong. She did not even look forward to him returning any more. Not like she used to when she used to wait as the hours passed when he would return and take her in his arms. It was the day after his return when he came up to the bedroom. Harpreet was already in bed. She had gone up an a couple of hours earlier, leaving Ajay catching up with his mother in the kitchen.

  She had read Gurmeet a story and once he was asleep, she had gone to her room on the opposite end of the landing. She did not feel like waiting up for Ajay to come and talk to her as to how she had been. He had barely called her whilst he was away.

  Her back was to him now as he climbed into bed. He had been drinking. She smelt the alcohol on him. He moved up close behind her and put his arm around her. He now moved his hands up her thigh. She could hear him breathing deeper. He was aroused.

  “Hey, beautiful, I’ve missed you,” he whispered.

  She turned around and kissed him.

  “Darling, I was trying to find the right moment to talk to you. Don’t you think it is the right time for us to start trying for another baby? It would be nice for Gurmeet to have a little brother or sister. To be honest, Mum keeps asking and she was wondering if there is a problem.”

  She knew it. Every detail of their married life was discussed with his parents. She pushed him away now, but she said nothing. She did not have the energy.

  “Harp, what’s wrong? What have I said? Come on speak to me. Don’t you think we have waited long enough? Sometimes, I wonder if you even love me. You barely make any conversation any more and we hardly ever make love.”

  Tears were rolling down her face now. It was as if the rivers had burst. She had kept her true feelings suppressed for so long. Once she started to cry, she could not stop. Ajay reached out to her again. He held her close to him. She could feel his despair at not knowing what was wrong because she had never been able to tell him. It was as if a part of her had died.

  She did not feel much better in the morning, hardly having the energy to climb out of bed. Ajay had taken Gurmeet to school and when he came back, he went straight up to their bedroom and closed the door.

  “Harpreet, we need to talk,” he started. “To be honest, I am worried about you. I am even considering going to speak to your mother. Maybe, she will be able to talk to you and find out what is wrong.”

  She got out of bed now, the anger overflowing, bursting to get out.

  “You mean you don’t know? What kind of a husband are you? It’s alright for you, travelling all around the world and even when you do come back, it is all about you. You are not interested in me, in what I want, in what I want to do.”

  He looked shocked at her outburst, but she did not stop.

  “I am virtually a prisoner in this house, I have lost contact with my friends, I am not allowed to see my family. I spend more time with your mother then I do with you. And now you are telling me that your mother wants us to have another child. Gumreet is my world, but I am not ready to have another child. If I spend another day in this house, I am going to go mad.”

  There was a knock at the door. It was Ajay’s mother. She did not wait for a reply but opened the door and stood in the doorway. She did not make any eye contact with Harpreet but looked, towards Ajay, searching for answers as to what was going on.

  “Mum, can we have some privacy,” Ajay almost shouted at her. “I will come and speak to you in a minute.”

  She had never heard Ajay raise his voice to his mother before. She looked startled but moved out of the doorway and closed the door.

  “Harpreet” he continued, turning back to her. “Tell me what you want, I’ll do it. I love you, you and Gurmeet mean everything to me.”

  His voice quavered and when she looked at him, she now saw tears in his eyes. He sat down on the bed, his head in his hands now. She sat down next to him and placed her hand gently on his shoulder.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. She felt sorry for him now. “I am not saying I don’t want another child with you. I just want to have a life of my own. I need to be happy. It is not as if you are here all the time. I could work part time whilst Gurmeet is at school and I would be back in time to pick him up and give him his tea.”

  Ajay held
her close to him. They sat in silence for a while before he stood up and moved towards the door.

  “I am going to speak to Mum,” he said and left the room.

  There were raised voices coming from downstairs. Harpreet opened the door of the bedroom, thinking whether she should go downstairs. But she decided against it. It would only make matters worse, because she knew they were arguing about her. Her father in law had gone to India and therefore noone else was in.

  The voices became louder now. She could hear her mother in law complaining to Ajay that Harpreet should know her place as their daughter in law. She could not expect to be going out and about now that she was married. She always knew Harpreet’s family were not good enough for them. What else could they expect, she was the daughter of a bus driver, not educated like them.

  “Harpreet and Gurmeet are my family now,” she heard Ajay almost shout. “I won’t have you insulting my wife.” She could hear her mother in law crying now. Harpreet had heard what she knew all along. That Ajay’s mother did not think she was good enough for her son.

  Ajay retuned to the bedroom now.

  “That’s it, we are moving out,” he said. His face was red with anger. “I have a house a couple of miles away. The tenants have moved out, so luckily it is vacant. We can move in straight away.”

  They moved out a couple of days later. Her mother in law did not speak to her but pleaded with Ajay to change his mind as it would bring shame in the community. He promised to visit his parents regularly but said he had to put his own family first. She knew she would not be welcome to visit with him.

  The house was sparsley furnished and was not on the grandiose scale of the family home. But it was her home and she loved it. Ajay bought new furniture and the house was painted and now looked clean and fresh. Ajay would be home for a few weeks before he had to go to Japan and for the first time since thy had married, they spent lots of time together. They took days trips out, in the week on their own and at the weekends with Gurmeet. Ajay did everything he could to make her happy.