Paradise Syndrome

by Louise Hall

  Cate thought about how much she missed India. India had been her therapist when she’d had panic attacks when she was pregnant with Mateo. It was India who’d taught Cate to use the smell of bacon – Cate was a vegetarian – to trick her mind into thinking about something else when she felt the start of another panic attack. If she’d been at home, at least she could have talked to India about how she was feeling.

  CHAPTER 14

  “Hi, you must be Nate?” It couldn’t be anyone else; he was like a male version of Layla. They had the same flaxen hair and pale blue eyes. He was wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans, there was a dot of red paint on the hem of his t-shirt. He noticed Cate looking at it, “sorry, occupational hazard. Maisie liked finger-painting and sometimes she actually got some of the paint on the paper.”

  Cate liked him straight away. They’d been e-mailing back and forth for the last couple of weeks and she’d checked out his references; the families he’d worked for couldn’t speak highly enough of him.

  Kian was out at training but it didn’t really matter since they’d hardly spoken to each other since she’d come back from taking Lola to soccer camp and caught him hacking into her phone. By the time she’d caught the ferry back from Seattle, it had been time to pick Lola and Luke up from camp.

  She’d worked hard ever since then to make sure that they were never alone. Every night she went to bed before Kian and when he came upstairs, she pretended to already be asleep. The only time they actually spent together was with Lola and Mats as a buffer; they couldn’t talk freely in front of the children so the tension between them had grown and festered. She’d texted Kian to let him know that she was going to hire a nanny and he’d replied with just one word: OK.

  It was strange but the desperate need to avoid Kian had forced Cate out of the comfort zone of the house and to explore more of Seattle. After dropping Lola off at school – she’d started there the previous week – Cate and Mateo would head out on that day’s adventure. When it was just her and Mateo, she felt like she could truly relax. If she had a panic attack, he wasn’t old enough yet to question why his mum had to suddenly stop and breathe into a sandwich wrapper.

  She took him to the Children’s Museum at Seattle Center and after they’d wandered through the food stalls around the Armoury, they cooled off darting in and out of the spray at the International Fountain.

  “Come through,” she showed Nate into the lounge. “Would you like something to drink?”

  “Water would be great,” Nate grinned, he had perfect American teeth.

  Lola walked into the lounge holding Mateo’s hand. “Who are you?”

  “Lola,” Cate warned, “that was rude.”

  “I’m Nate,” he got up from the sofa and offered his hand. “I’m Layla’s brother.”

  “Lola,” she reluctantly shook his hand.

  “Cool bracelet,” Nate noticed the navy-blue Manchester Rovers bracelet on her wrist, which she refused to take off even though Kian didn’t play for them anymore. “You like football?”

  “With the round ball,” Lola put her hands on her hips, challenging Nate.

  “That’s the one,” Nate wasn’t fazed at all by her attitude, “I’m a City fan myself. He rolled up his t-shirt sleeve to show her the large crest tattooed on his bicep.

  Lola smiled a little, “you definitely can’t stay.” She looked at her mum, “a City fan, really?”

  “Hey,” Nate mock-frowned, “I’m not a glory-hunter. When I first started supporting City, they were in the second division.”

  “Oh yeah,” Lola had a glint in her eye, “do you remember the goal United scored in the 88th minute of the derby last season which stopped you winning the league?”

  Nate pretended to cover his ears, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Lola giggled, “that was my uncle.”

  Nate narrowed his eyes, “Fabrizio Corelli is your uncle.”

  “Yup,” Lola nodded, “he’s married to my dad’s sister, Auntie Sinead.”

  “Ugh,” Nate pretended that he’d been wounded. “No way.”

  Satisfied that Nate and the children were getting on OK, Cate went into the kitchen to get a glass of water for Nate.

  When she came back into the lounge, Nate had Mateo on his knee and was looking at his favourite toy boat.

  “They’re great kids,” Nate said to Cate and she smiled proudly.

  Luke knocked gently on the glass; he had his football under his arm. “Hey Nate.” He turned to Lola, “do you want to play?”

  Lola looked at Cate, “can I, Mum?”

  “Sure,” Cate grinned. She was pleased that her daughter and Luke had become such good friends. It was something they’d missed back home in Manchester. Their only neighbours had been her brother, Ben and his wife, Erin, who’d lived across the courtyard from them. Otherwise, they were surrounded by fields. If Lola had wanted to play with her friends, Emily and Noah, they’d lived so far away that they had to have organised play-dates. Lola had never once complained but Cate was starting to realise that as much as they’d tried, with Kian’s celebrity, it just hadn’t been possible for Lola to have a normal life back in Manchester.

  “Hi,” Layla tapped on the glass, “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

  She ruffled Nate’s hair, “I know it’s totally not cool to have your big sister drop in on your job interview.”

  “It’s fine,” Cate said, “we’d just finished actually.”

  “So…” Layla’s pale-blue eyes sparkled, “how did he do?”

  Cate laughed. It was a no-brainer really; Lola and Mats both loved him. “The job’s yours if you want it?”

  “Yay,” Layla clapped her hands excitedly, “of course he wants it. I’m so happy.”

  “Happy,” Mateo giggled.

  “You know what?” Layla scooped Mateo up off Nate’s lap and bounced him on her hip. “We should all go out tonight to celebrate your new job?”

  Nate rolled his eyes, “Cate and her husband might already have plans, Lay.”

  Cate shook her head, “that’s a great idea.”

  Kian still wasn’t home when they were ready to leave so Cate scribbled a quick note letting him know where they were going and stuck it on the fridge door. They met up with Nate by the security post, he’d changed into a pair of chinos, a black short-sleeved shirt with no paint stains this time and a leather jacket.

  “Layla and Luke said they’d meet us at the restaurant,” Cate explained.

  “Nate, I want to show you something,” Lola giggled. She took her iPad out of its cover, tapped the screen a couple of times and then handed it to Nate. It was a video clip of Fabrizio scoring the winning goal against Manchester City last season, the goal that had effectively stopped City from winning the Premier League title. “Not watching,” Nate covered his eyes, “if I didn’t see it, it didn’t happen.”

  “Hey guys,” Heidi grinned when they got to the Taco Shack. “Here are some menus, let me show you to your table.”

  Cate folded up the pushchair and stored it by the main entrance while Nate carried Mateo over to the table. They were sat on the veranda again but it was a bit cooler this time. Eric, Luke’s dad had a night off from the hospital so was joining them. “You must be Cate,” Eric stood up and pulled out her chair, “it’s nice to finally meet you.”

  “You too,” Cate blushed a little; he had a deliciously growly voice.

  She looked at the table but there were only seven place settings, “is your wife not joining us?”

  Eric frowned, “I’m afraid not. Allison’s working tonight.”

  “Mom’s always working,” Luke grumbled.

  “Your mom saves people’s lives, Luke,” Layla ruffled his hair.

  After Heidi had taken their orders, Cate shivered a little. There was a cold breeze coming off the Sound. “Here,” Nate shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around Cate’s shoulders.

  “Thanks,” she smiled warmly at him.
“I guess I’m not used to the Seattle weather just yet.”

  As always, the food was delicious but Cate couldn’t help but notice a weird tension between Eric and Nate. She looked across at Layla but she didn’t seem to have noticed anything was wrong so Cate tried to brush it off. It was so long since she’d spent time with other grown-ups outside of her romance novels that she was probably just making something out of nothing. After all, if there was something off between them, Eric wouldn’t have joined them for dinner tonight to celebrate Nate’s new job.

  After the meal, Mateo started fussing; he was tired and cranky. “I’d better get this one home.”

  She settled Mateo on her hip and reached for her purse, “how much do I owe you?”

  “Nonsense,” Eric insisted she put her money away, “it’s a celebration, my treat.”

  Nate stood up, “I’ll get the pushchair.”

  Eric followed him towards the front of the restaurant. While they waited for the two men to come back, Cate asked Layla, “has Nate been to Seattle before?”

  “Once,” Layla took a wet wipe out of her purse and washed Luke’s hands which were covered in salsa. “He came up for a visit, a year ago maybe. He was supposed to stay for two weeks but there was a problem with the family he was working for at the time and he had to go back early.”

  Cate wanted to know more but Mateo was struggling in her arms, “I’d better get him in the pushchair before he hurts himself.”

  She walked through the busy restaurant. Nate was on the wooden deck just outside the front door holding on to the pushchair but as Cate got closer, she realised he wasn’t alone. Eric was stood to one side, half-hidden in the shadows. “You shouldn’t have come here, Nate.”

  Cate felt as though she was intruding on an intimate moment. It didn’t make any sense. Eric was married to Allison and they had Luke.

  “What’s up?” Layla nudged her elbow. “You look pale.”

  “I’m just a little tired,” Cate lied. Nate must have realised they were there because he quickly pushed through the doors and took Mateo from Cate. “Hey buddy, are you tired?” Mateo was working up to a full-blown tantrum, his arms and legs flailing. Nate strapped him into the pushchair and retrieved his favourite toy boat from the shelf underneath. “There you go.” As if Nate was the toddler whisperer, Mateo quickly settled down, his head fell back against the pushchair and his eyelids fluttered closed.

  “You’re a miracle worker,” Cate grinned. It had got much colder while they were in the restaurant. She offered to give Nate his jacket back but he insisted she keep it.

  Nate and Layla walked ahead so Cate dropped back, giving them some brother-sister time. Eric was easy to talk to; he asked which of the Seattle sights she’d seen so far and offered some recommendations. “You should definitely take Mateo to the Aquarium,” Eric wrapped an arm around his son, “I used to take this one all the time when he was Mateo’s age.”

  They’d agreed that Nate would move in with them in a couple of days so he said goodbye to Cate and the children before the security post at the end of the cul-de-sac. Cate only realised that she was still wearing his jacket as she walked up the driveway but it was too late, he’d already got a taxi back to his guesthouse.

  When she walked through the front door, the light was on in the lounge. Kian was watching TV. “Hi Dad,” Lola jumped on him, “we went to the Taco Shack.”

  Kian looked at Cate but she couldn’t read the expression in his eyes. He turned back to his daughter, “did you have fun, sweetheart?”

  “Yes. Nate’s going to be our new nanny. He’s a City fan but I like him.”

  After Cate had put the children to bed, she walked into the bedroom fully expecting it to be empty. Instead, Kian was sat on the end of the bed, his elbows on his knees, waiting for her.

  “We need to talk, Cate.”

  Cate turned her back on him, “I’ve got nothing to say to you.”

  “Cate,” Kian gritted his teeth. He’d had enough of the cold, never-ending silence between them. He just wanted his wife back. He couldn’t begin to imagine what she’d gone through in the doctor’s office when she’d thought that their baby had died. She wouldn’t talk to him. Every night, when he climbed into bed, he knew she was just pretending to be asleep. He felt her flinch if he dared to breach even an inch of the cold strip of bed that served as a no-man’s-land between them.

  He’d come home early tonight, to try and fix whatever was broken between them. He’d found an empty house and a hastily scribbled note stuck to the front of the fridge. He’d walked along the front, thinking back to the first night Cate, Lola and Mats had arrived in Seattle and he’d taken them to the Taco Shack. It seemed like a million years ago now. After being apart for five months, he’d been so excited for them to finally get here so that they could start this exciting, new chapter of their lives together as a family.

  Instead, he’d stood hidden in the shadows outside the Taco Shack, watching as a strange man wrapped his jacket around Cate’s slender shoulders. In some ways, he’d felt closer to Cate when she and the children had been back in Manchester and he’d been on his own here in Seattle. At least then they’d talked every night on Skype.

  Kian watched as Cate carefully changed into a loose t-shirt and flannel pyjama bottoms, minimising the amount of skin she showed Kian.

  She wasn’t going to talk to him tonight.

  “Can you ask Nate if he can look after the children on Friday night; it’s Trent and Lena’s engagement party?”

  Cate climbed into bed and turned her back on him, hugging the edge of the mattress. “Fine.”

  CHAPTER 15

  Cate carefully climbed out of the sleek town car in front of the Space Needle. Although she was wearing a gorgeous, red silk gown, it was difficult trying to look graceful when you were almost eight months pregnant.

  Kian was meeting her at Chihuly Garden and Glass, just behind the Space Needle. Trent and Lena had hired it for their engagement party.

  Cate walked through the crowds spilling out from the nearby monorail station. It was almost dusk and there was a long, snaking crowd outside the Space Needle.

  A gentle breeze touched the loose tendrils of inky-black hair which framed her face.

  Guarding the front door of Chihuly Glass was a huge hulk of a man in an all-black suit. Cate handed him her invitation and he pulled back the thick, velvet rope allowing her to walk through.

  Although she’d lived in the city for a couple of months now, Cate hadn’t been to Chihuly Glass before. She’d brought Lola and Mateo to Seattle Center lots of times. It was a fun place, there was always something going on. They’d eaten mini cheesecakes and listened to traditional Polish music in the Armoury; she’d taken Lola to see the roller derby at the Key Arena and they’d watched the Pacific Northwest Ballet students with their lithe bodies and neat buns bathe their tired, aching feet in the river of cool water at the side of the Marion Oliver McCaw Hall.

  When they’d walked back to the monorail, Cate had seen tantalising glimpses of the beautiful glass sculptures through the tall trees but knew that putting her young son in the vicinity of anything precious and breakable wasn’t a good idea.

  Kian nursed a bottle of beer and waited for his wife. Now that Nate was living with them, they had even less time alone.

  “Can I take your coat, madam?”

  “Um, yes,” Cate fumbled. “Thank you.” She felt a brush of cool air against her bare shoulders and worried again if her dress was OK. When she’d tried it on, Layla had insisted that it was perfect.

  Cate smoothed the silk over her bump – just once she’d like to go to one of these fancy events not heavily pregnant – and followed the rest of the guests towards the Glasshouse.

  As she walked into the Glasshouse, Cate almost stumbled on her heels. It was exquisitely beautiful. The installation was an expansive, 100-foot long sculpture in a colour palette of reds, oranges, yellows and amber. Beyond the conservatory glass, she could see the Spa
ce Needle illuminated against the night sky.

  “Cate!” Lena greeted her warmly. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

  Cate hadn’t seen any of the other WAGS since that awful day at the shelter. Now when she and the children went to Seattle F.C. home games, they sat in the regular seats. She didn’t feel comfortable leaving Mateo in the crèche.

  “It’s stunning.” Cate was in awe of the venue.

  The band started playing “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri. Cate looked around the brightly-lit space for her husband. They’d danced to this song at his sister’s wedding. The night that they’d finally got back together after she’d found out that he’d cheated on her.

  Cate felt that familiar warmth snake up her spine as Kian reached for her wrist. “Dance with me?”

  Cate acquiesced. For one song, she wanted to forget all their problems.

  His black hair was even longer now and he’d tied it up in a man-bun. He hadn’t shaved that morning and his jaw was darkened with stubble. In some ways he looked so different from the man she’d married eight years ago. He pressed a hand to the small of her back, guiding her onto the dance floor.

  Kian pressed her against him, swaying gently to the music. They were so close that when he breathed, his chest pushed against hers and vice versa. His callused thumbs stroked circles on the bare skin at the back of her dress. She looked up at him. His dark, almost-black eyes glittered.

  The song changed but they remained on the dance floor, caught in their own quiet, little world. Cate rested her head on his shoulder, breathing in his unique scent.

  “Are you OK?” Kian asked tentatively.

  “Yes,” Cate looked up at him, her black eyes were a little glassy.